August 26, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise: Clare's Raccoon Returns But Clare Leaves Paradise

8/26/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 4 - Night 2

Now as you may recall, on night one of the two-part Bachelor in Paradise event, Graham hauled ass out of the rose ceremony when AshLee tries to offer him a rose. It's a mild panic attack as he begins to stress and sweat, so the medic helps him out. Oh and AshLee in this situation? Just standing still, holding her rose, waiting for the cameras to be back on her. Graham returns to the rose ceremony, AshLee gives a phony speech, and he accepts the rose. LAME! Then Lacy runs off the set sick and is escorted away by ambulance, either because she's disgusted by AshLee or she drank the water in Mexico (it's inflamed intestines). But the rose ceremony must go on. Michelle gives her rose to Cody, Sarah to Robert, and lastly Jackie who gives her rose to Jesse, not Marquel. Room service for Marquel and Kalon!

Zack kind of regrets turning down a date with new arrival Christy because she's fun and Clare's a wee bit intense. He brings up how the relationship got serious fast and Clare starts raising her eyebrows in confusion. Clare gets up and walks away from the conversation, which isn't the outcoming he was hoping for. She escapes to the jungle and talks to herself/a producer while her spirit raccoon listens in. And she's fully aware she's a crying fool. Spirit Raccoon, comfort Clare in her time of need. Clare hates the stress, drama, and this weird situation of wondering if you're just second best to a future option. She wakes Zack up to confront/talk to him with the "rambling crazy girl" music playing as she explains she'd rather have no regrets and not look like a ding dong, so she's going home. Zack gives her a lame breakup speech about wishing it could all be perfect and she's like "Yeah, no. Bye." She gets into her white van, cries a little, and tells us, "This is why I wanted to do Dancing with the Stars." Yeah but they don't have free booze!

Sarah and Robert share a romantic dinner and swim, he calls this experience "Sarah-dise" (cringe), and it takes him forever to go in for a kiss. Graham and AshLee drive some speedy Audis at a racetrack in Cancun and act like nothing has ever happened. Cody and Michelle are moving really fast after like a day together, so their engagement/wedding photo date (complete with a wedding dress) sends Michelle into a Graham-esque panic attack. There's no better way to enjoy a date than one person constantly shouting, "This is fake! It's not real!" Speaking of moving too fast, Marcus tells Lacy he loves her.

Christy the rando, who doesn't want to date a douchebag again, ends up taking Jesse on her date so, good luck with that. At least he admits to us he's here for the free vacay and booze. Lucy the free spirit arrives and quickly gets down to what she's known for: getting naked. She takes Jesse on her exploration of the ruins date because he's hot, but her friend Christy makes it known they've already made out. Lucy and Jesse totally makeout too and she begs him not to tell. Cut to sad Christy, alone by the bonfire, surrounded by couples, and open bar not being devoured. Christy is jealous and talks to drunk Jesse, who full on player status pretends this was the worst time ever. Christy and Jesse start smooching under the sheets, infrared camera on, and Lucy hops right in with them! Did a threesome happen in paradise?
At the rose ceremony cocktail party, we remember that Zack is still on this show and now a free agent who has some interest in Jackie. That leaves the real rose battle between friends Lucy and Christy, who both have hooked up with Jesse and both crushing on him. Plus no one wants to leave Mexico after 24 hours. Lucy really wants to stay and plays the game: she tells Jesse that originally Christy didn't even realize it was Jesse who climbed into the bed. All's fair in love and hookups in Paradise. The men hand out their roses to their obvious picks (Marcus and Lacy are so boring the entire group rolls their eyes and yawns during their declaration), so it's only Jesse who is of any interest this week. Jesse gives his rose to Christy, which is a relief to this show's editor who wasn't looking forward to putting black censored bars over a nude Lucy all the time.




August 25, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise: AshLee Learns It's A Camera, Not a Lamp

8/25/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 4 - Night 1

Cody arrives in Paradise, shockingly not wearing a deep V, and invites Clare on his date right off the bat because he came here hoping to meet her. Clare's gut instinct is to say no until Zack open's his boring mouth to say he's still open to dating others which is the wrong answer. Zack is definitely into Clare, but not sure if he's ready to make it Bachelor in Paradise offish. Despite Cody's persistence and 100% Team Clare-ness, she declines the date to keep trying with Zack. It works: they become Paradise-exclusive. A "heartbroken" Cody decides he doesn't want to date anyone but Clare, so he gives Marcus his date card. But his Clare-exclusivity doesn't last too long as he bonds with Michelle over backrubs.

Kalon arrives and if everyone in the house didn't know him already, gossip quickly swirls about his history of calling Emily's daughter baggage. Michelle has been moping around paradise about having no one and being rejected, so it's her desperation to survive in paradise that drives her to accept a date with new arrival Kalon. But then she remembers he's an ahole who hurt her friend, so she declines the next morning. He asks Jackie; she says no. He asks Sarah; she says no. And so Kalon goes rappelling alone with no date because it's too good of an adventure to pass up. Kalon falls deeper in love with himself, bro'ing out in the cave and having a Gollum-esque conversation with himself. Not even kidding, this is one of my favorite moments in the history of the entire franchise. If only the date ended in a lonely, romantic couple's massage. But seriously, Kalon is the one person who truly understands YOPO: You Only Paradise Once.


Here's what goes down for other dates this week. Robert and Sarah, whose Michelle-done braid looks shitty (sabotage!) go sailing and leap into the water together. Marcus and Lacy go to a restaurant in the village, but instead of eating with the pleebs they have a private dinner in the back. He accidentally slips and says "love" and none of us are surprised because Marcus is quick to fall (but Lacy loves him back). New arrival Jesse Kovacs strolls onto the beach and asks Jackie out on a date with him where they have a dinner and private concert in a cave. You ain't lived until you hear stalactite acoustics.

But here's where shit gets fun. Hidden cameras catch AshLee talking to Zack, encouraging him to meet other people if he's not fully into her. "She f***** a guy in the ocean," AshLee also calling Clare cuckoo. Realizing the camera caught her, AshLee begins to slowly freakout because she's a different person on and off camera. Umm you're on a television show - did you not expect cameras everywhere? Lacy pulls Clare aside and tells her what AshLee said, and now Clare is over being friendly and courteous to her. Clare wishes Zack stuck up for her, but he doesn't want to be part of girl drama. AshLee and Clare talks, and AshLee plays dumb about it all. Clare isn't taking AshLee's BS, but accepts the apology (and declines hugging it out).

Jesse, Marquel, and Cody are duking it out for roses (we all know Kalon's out at this picture). Jackie's had a choice between Marquel and Jesse, who is hardcore playing the competition aspect of the game despite claiming it's all legit.  Cody tells Michelle he realizes he enjoys being with her, even more than his previous dream with Clare. Now that Michelle is happy with herself, she wants to make sure her best friend Graham doesn't make a terrible decision with AshLee. Turns out, AshLee didn't even tell Graham what went down in the house and Michelle tells him. Graham is taken aback by it all, especially knowing that if a camera catches you saying something that is the true you - not the person you're pretending to be.

The rose ceremony begins. The "power couples" hand out their roses: Lacy to Marcus, Clare to Zack. But Graham is full about doubts now so when AshLee calls his name to accept the rose, he walks off the set. "What just happened?" everyone whispers. Michelle chases after him to talk and we get TO. BE. CONTINUED. But tomorrow, because it's a two-night even in paradise!



August 21, 2014

Big Brother 16: Props, Zings, and a Juror Returns

8/21/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8

Derrick and Frankie are the new Heads of Household and I let out a loud exhale of annoyance for Frankie being in power again. I mean, he's a great player but ugh. Due to the sheer number of players left in the game, some Detonators will have to be nominated. The idea is to only nominate one of the targets initially (Donny), that way Donny/Victoria can't save each other with the veto. But Donny is suspicious of a deeper Derrick/Frankie alliance when they tell him the plans but say "we" a lot, not to mention offended that it was basically candy choosing his fate (yup, that happens). As for the Detonators, no one is raising their hand to volunteer because no one is totally willing to throw the Battle of the Block. There's no real safety in this game, especially in this house of rats. The group resorts to drawing Skittles to pick nominations. It's like the infamous Survivor purple rock! But won't break your teeth if you bite into it. Christine is nominated alongside Donny and thus given the task of throwing the BOB. Frankie nominates Cody and Caleb, who would love to backdoor Zach this week (and others are liking the idea too).

The backyard isn't decorated all snazzy for the Battle of the Block: there is the big black box. Inside, there's no light and just crawling, sticky madness. The two teams have to find bones hidden in the room, placing five bones into their scoreboard to secure victory and safety. There's goo and packing peanuts all over, plus some obstacles. The dark makes it easier for Christine to attempt to throw the competition (not shown but mentioned on feeds: Christine intentionally handing bones to the other team), except Donny is an awesome challenge beast who can tell when a person is obviously throwing a challenge. You can try to throw the Battle of the Block, but it ain't always a one-sided thing. Donny saves himself and that dingus Christine, overthrowing Derrick as HOH. Frankie remains in charge while Cody and Caleb stay on the block. The Detonators are in troubleeee.

Donny is pained by Christine's throwing of the competition, figuring that the whole house was behind it. Derrick tries to cover his ass with Donny, but Derrick can tell Donny doesn't trust him. Duh, you've basically been being nice to him to win money. Realizing he's actually in a game, Donny tries to reach out and make some headway with Zach, who then begins to panic at the possibility of being backdoored for being the house lunatic. And he's not picked for the veto competition so there's a very good chance he's screwed. The intended target is Victoria, but she's 100% in Derrick's pocket and Derrick is running everything and not being caught so, yeah, things aren't looking good for Zach. But it's all hypothetical until the veto is used because if the veto isn't used, a Detonator is 100% going home.

The Storage Room door creaks open and out walks the greatest creature on Earth: ZINGBOT! At first, something is very awry as he's telling compliments, tagged with "Props!" Thankfully comedian Kathy Griffin arrives for a "Zingervention" and warms up the house with her own zings. Zach gets read the absolute best by Kathy, "What do you call someone who's not afraid to cry, wears pink, and cuddles with men? You call them Zach." Also the best, "Victoria, I would zing you but I'm only supposed to zing people that are actually playing the game." Kathy's great, but Zingbot's got a glitch and the Veto comp will fix it. The players connect cords to set off the lights to reboot Zingbot and it's HOH Frankie that wins the veto and talks about winning it "for the gays" to show off for Kathy Griffin. The good news is Zingbot is cured and back to being the snarky asshole I love. My favorite (because I can't stand Frankie anymore), "Frankie, that's a nice tan but I'm surprised you get any sun at all considering how much time you spend in your sister's shadow. GRANDE ZING!" More zings? PEEP BEAMLY, YO!

After the veto competition, Zach is begging Frankie to spare him, while Frankie assures Caleb he'll take him off the block. Evicting Victoria is really a waste of a week since she barely wins anything, which makes Frankie consider a big move. The house, well mostly Zach, gets into a real shitstorm this week thanks to the Team America task which is to steal personal items from all their houseguests, then create a neighborhood watch the patrol the house for 24 hours straight. Lots of "Saboteur!" screams as the house forms their watch to protect their items. What this eventually leads to is Team America framing Zach as the saboteur, which makes it the perfect time to turn him into the target. Zach's nightmare comes true as Frankie uses the veto to save Caleb and chooses Zach as the replacement nominee with a real shitty, lame rap. Yeah Frankie, you were really broken up about it.

Zach puts himself to bed after his nomination, pretty devastated to be backdoored out of the game and knowing it's a longshot to convert three houseguests to his side. Apparently if Zach just volunteered to go on the block and throw the competition he'd be safe. Victoria is relieved to lose her summer torturer and as a final farewell, she steals back her pink hat (which Zach has worn all summer) and murders it with a knife. "This is the most satisfying thing I've done all summer," Victoria says, which proves just how little she's played the game. Donny promises to vote to keep Zach, so that's one. The others? Not so much swayed. Donny tries to talk some common sense into Christine that she's the odd one out her group and would be targeted right after Donny, pointing out he's alone, Zach's alone... they could be a powerful group. Christine takes it in, but sadly isn't aired that she immediately dimed Donny out. And Frankie? He ain't listenin' to Zach anymore.

In a bowtie he probably snagged from Frankie, Zach tells his fellow houseguests he doesn't hate them. He only hates one of them and strongly dislikes the others. He is shortly after evicted from the Big Brother house in a unanimous vote, scattering Froot Loops all over the houseguests as he runs out. Julie acts surprised, but isn't really, that Zach made such elaborate elimination preparations. He fully admits he failed at the game for running his mouth, including the breakup of Zankie (ugh, gross). Zach explains his strategy was to be hated but it didn't work out in the end. Victoria's goodbye speech reveals the murdered pink hat, the saddest he's looked tonight. But is quickly baffled that he might have a chance to re-enter the game.

The remaining houseguests get the big news that the four jurors (Jocasta, Hayden, Nicole, Zach) will be competing to return to the house. Decked out in shorts clearly stolen from Mike Tyson's bureau, the four jurors play a game that's like shuffleboard meets air hockey. For a hot second it seems that Jocasta is going to re-enter the game which is SO disappointing but it's a tie and Nicole's got the closest disc to the middle. Nicole wins! Nicole re-enters the game!





August 18, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise: The Grinch Who Saved Paradise

8/18/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 3

It's a very busy week in paradise for Marquel! New arrival Danielle from Juan Pablo's sets her sights on Marquel, taking him along for her date in Campeche. They take a plane ride (which apparently all the dates do this week), and chit chat in a pool where she confesses she was hoping he'd be there. The date is quickly ruined by a lightning nearly striking them dead. The pair arrive back at the house after their great date, and Marquel is asked on a second date right away by other new arrival Jackie, Danielle's friend from Sean's season, who has no idea he just came back from a date. Danielle is totally bummed he'd still consider other girls, and he's just living it up on his other date. Jackie and Marquel explore some Mayan ruins, taking funny pictures, talking, and genuinely having good chemistry together (kiss alert eventhough they're not usually a first date kissers - ooh scandalous!)

Elise is ready to stalk her prey for another soulmate and now it's Chris, who pops his knee before their date and walks around all limpy. But nothing will get in Chris's way of some hotel sexin' - nothing! And the whole house prays Elise won't sleep with Chris given his track record, but they all know she will. After some weird yapping about being "blessed," the two slip away to a suite with a private pool. They fool around in a pool before probably getting down and dirty in the suite. How's the knee feeling now Chris? Apparently shitty because the date ends at the hospital and Chris isn't supposed to stand up - which to me sounds like a big Bachelor in Paradise selling point. But nutty Elise is stoked to play nurse and take care of her man. Sarah gives some friend advice to overeager Elise, but Elise is so sure this is real.

Michelle decides she's over Marquel and super into Robert, planning a romantic campfire double date with Claire just to show that she's fully into him. Except Sarah is into Robert too and ends up sad and lone at the house, comparing herself to Michelle and getting mopey. Clare is having a sad time because it's the anniversary of her father's passing, but Zack is there to comfort her. And a spirit animal turtle. Graham is kinda bummed that his Paradise options are low since AshLee has staked her claim, and is already planning the future before they've even had a date. Well they finally get a damn date outside the compound. Graham just wants AshLee to chill, but it's hard for his Instagram stalker to simmer down. She decides to seduce Graham with terrible dancing in front of a mariachi band, which leads to a kiss.  Oh, and Marcus/Lacy continue their boring lovefest by practicing the Dirty Dancing lift in the tiny pool.

Chris B. moans all the way to the cocktail party as the guys carry him there because I guess making him a large tiki shrine for his entrance isn't something they considered. He's pretty miserable with pain, considering leaving Paradise to I guess chill in bed at home instead of bed in Mexico. Marquel and Robert are the only two guys not in legit couples, so they're hot commodities to hit on before the rose ceremony. Michelle and Sarah are both smitten with Robert who is nice and dreamy, but that's all I'm seeing but the options are limited in paradise. He doesn't want to hurt any feelings. Marquel also has two women to choose from, with both hoping he'll give them a rose. And an exploration of his suitcase because his neon print shirt this week is ridic.

Rose ceremony time and a storm's a brewin' - or at least fast winds that whip Chris Harrison's three piece tan suit around. They begin with three obvious roses: Graham to AshLee, Zack to Clare, Marcus to Lacy. Marquel and his bold neon print gives his rose to Jackie. Danielle is crushed. Robert and his red sad eyes make the choice "that's best for me" which at this moment is Sarah. Michelle cries. Chris calls up Elise, who is beaming, but does not give her the rose because he's quitting to rest his bum knee. Instead he asks Elise to leave Paradise with him and she's like "YES! Let's be together forever!" as the clown music plays. But Chris does give his rose to Michelle, who he believes deserves to be here to find true love - and she cries more. This is the most Grinch That Stole Christmas moment in Bachelor franchise history. Look at how big Chris's heart has grown!




August 14, 2014

Big Brother 16: Mean Penguin Otev Is Here to Cuss You Out

8/14/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

The house is in shambles after the Double Eviction. Nicole cries because the house is a bunch of liars claiming that she's the biggest liar, especially sneaks Frankie and Christine. Flashbacks prove that Frankie did make an alliance with Nicole and Hayden, and even Zach and Caleb are starting to buy what she's whining. Still fighting hard, Nicole wins the eye-chart trivia Tourn-EYE-ment HOH competition along with Christine. A Frankie hater and Frankie ally in power? This should be good!

Nicole still isn't sure if Christine is a worthwhile ally, but they're co-HOHs so she needs to make amends only so she doesn't get screwed later. But then, SURPRISE! Frankie comes to interrupt and say he was working with the other side of the house too, suggests nominating Zach, Caleb, Cody, and Derrick, and offers to flip the house with Christine. Except Christine is like whooooa stop ruining my shizz. Zach reveals to Nicole that the Detonators were formed two weeks ago, but also learns that Frankie threw them all under the bus. The other Detonators are pissed at news and are finally realizing Frankie is playing them all. Derrick's masterplan is to nominate Frankie and Zach, and have the Zach throw the Battle of the Block to ensure Frankie is nominated. But Caleb volunteers to be the pawn since Frankie was the mastermind behind the shitshow with Amber. Christine nominates Donny and Zach for eviction; Zach calls Christine and Frankie "fucking liars" since he's nominated, done with their betrayals. Nicole nominates Caleb and Frankie and is very open that Frankie is her target.

Frankie is pretty confident he and Caleb can win the Battle of the Block since they're strong competitors, blissfully unaware of the plan for Caleb to throw the comp. The Thursday Night Football BoB competition is to raise balls up through a course, working together to pull the chains together to navigate the balls. When Frankie tries to talk to Caleb, Caleb can't make eye contact and it becomes totally clear he's throwing the competition. Frankie begs him not to do it but Caleb doesn't believe Frankie. "Amber is gone because of you. You lied." Caleb then takes the classic elementary school protest approach: sits on the sidelines. The competition finally starts and Zach/Donny take an early lead. But once Frankie gets a groove going (and he can do the navigating alone), he surpasses them. Frankie wins the Battle of the Block alone, but Caleb and HOH Christine still get to enjoy the additional victory perks: a trip outside the house to a NFL field trup and a tailgating party. Everyone's pissed, especially Zach, but Frankie decides he needs to gain trust with everyone. He's going to reveal his big secret: he's the big brother to popstar Ariana Grande.

Zach is livid that Frankie survives another week, betrayed by his lies and throwing him under the bus. "It's Big Brother. Everyone's a liar," Frankie reminds Zach. Frankie comes clean to the guys that yes, he did tell the women to nominate them this week. Also, he's lied the entire time because he's actually a YouTube personality, social media "mogul," and pop singer Ariana Grande's brother (or Amanda Grande, if you're Derrick). Frankie tells all the girls too because they'll be excited, especially Victoria who is a superfan. Most see through this move as Frankie's strategic ploy, or as Victoria so wisely explains is a "escape goat" to survive longer. Frankie insists he's not a millionaire but he's playing the game for charity, and now it's like how the hell do you vote against charity? Many have deduced that they're fighting a losing battle for fan favorite since Ariana's fans will vote Frankie. Zach's driven to angry tears in the Diary Room so you know it's getting real.

Christine, Zach, Donny, Nicole, Caleb, and Derrick put on Hawaiian shirts for the veto competition and head into the backyard. Sitting atop a waterfall ramp is a badass Gilbert Gottfried voiced penguin: it's Otev! Otev the Pissed Off Penguin will request a drink named after an evicted "idiot" (YES, I love you Otev) and they houseguests will find the name and bring it back to bitter penguin Otev. Last to arrive is eliminated until there's one POV victor. Unlike the jaunty songs of Otev past, this Otev is kind of a dick and I LOVE IT. He swears! F-bombs! Zach ends up winning the veto after calling Otev a froot loop dingus, a sigh of relief from a guy who knew he could be f'd over again by the house.

Zach and Frankie kind of make amends, though it's mostly Zach putting on a happy face because that's the game. Zach can never shut up, so he tells Victoria about his final two with Frankie and about the Detonators. But see, Victoria supposedly has a final two with Derrick and she's shattered, humiliated, and cries more. Zach realizes he royally messed up again and confesses to Derrick by blaming Nicole, who confronts both women. It becomes a house meeting, Zach admits he lied because everyone knows he lies about everything. So in the end, Derrick outs Zach as a liar, gets Nicole out of trouble, and Victoria whines again.

Team America's mission is another failure this week because Donny's on the block and they trio can't get another person put as a pawn because that means Donny would go home. Derrick, Caleb, and Cody scheme to get Nicole as a replacement nominee. Nicole knows about the Detonators and other secrets, so it's good to dump her. Caleb and Zach tell the house assume Christine/Nicole are a duo and Christine tells secrets to her, which Nicole relays to others. Oh and that the plan was for Caleb to throw the Battle of the Block to help backdoor Christine. Christine is a situation that she pretty much has to nominate her house bestie to stay in with the Detonators. So at the veto ceremony, of course Zach saves himself but Christine decides to "take the knife out of her back" and return it by nominating Nicole. Christine picked a side - let's see if it's the right one (oh it's not at all the right move in the slightest).

Nicole is hurt by Christine's a-hole speech, but Christine insists it was alliance pressure. Nicole's imminent eviction is all the proof needed that the guys are picking off the girls, so Nicole tries her hardest to campaign. She tells the guys Donny would target them, Cody in particular and the only person harming Cody in this house is himself (because he punched himself in the face while asleep). Meanwhile Donny cries a little bit because he's a lone bearded wolf, with no alliance and really no friends in the house. But the game pauses for a day when Caleb, Christine, and Frankie get to escape the house for Dallas Cowboys training camp. It's like Hard Knocks!! They eat, poorly play catch, meet Jerry Jones, Tony Romo, and other Cowboys, and get to ride in an RV. What a day and I think the NFL surely is happy that Big Brother was able to give them the promotion they so greatly need.

In no surprise whatsoever, Nicole is unanimously evicted from the Big Brother house. I was hoping Julie Chen would tell Nicole to change her outfit because red is Julie's signature shade and now it's like two bridesmaids gabbing about a reality show. Nicole is the example given week one of being HOH and evicted in the same week thank to the Battle of the Block. Nicole thinks she's being overestimated as a power player. Nicole apologizes to Ariana Grande fans for targeting Frankie and I'm like, gurl don't. But despite it all, superfan Nicole loved every minute of it.

A zombie apocalypse has struck the Big Brother backyard, include a zombie mannequin popping out of a grave that kinda looks like he's trying to get to the Jack Shack if you catch my drift. Apparently last night, zombies popped up behind all the mirrors, sending the houseguests into laughter screams for hours. The rest of the night, the TV plays emergency alerts on the TV with factoids for the latest competition. "Dead of Household" is trivia based on the fake alerts, but as soon as Donny and Victoria get eliminated we know a real stir-up won't happen. Derrick and Frankie are the new Heads of Household and I seriously groaned at the idea of yet another Frankie power trip. The only positive is that Derrick and Cody have to nominate some Detonators.



August 11, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise: YOPO - You Only Paradise Once

8/11/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Week 2

Before watching the cast hookup more, we learn why Michelle K. left the show in last week's premiere. Michelle apparently bonded by talking to the stranger in the room next to her, prison-style, then eventually they unlocked the adjoining room doors. Scandalous! Michelle refuses to tell Chris Harrison her story but it's soon uncovered. Turns out she fell for a crew member named Ryan, who brought her floss and hand-cut flowers. Here's where it gets nucking futs: Michelle and Ryan were in her room and a crew member knocked. He made a mad dash to hide to save his job and decided the best option was to jump off the balcony. And break his legs. And his last name is Putz. This is epic.

The first new guy to arrive in paradise is Chris Bukowski from Emily's season, being a Bachelor Pad douche, and recently gate-crashing Andi's season but was denied. Everyone is wary of Chris B. due to his shady past of being a womanizer. He arrives with a date card in hand and he chooses Clare for a couples massage date where he opens up about being a skeeze and Clare warms up to him. That sentiment quickly disappears when Chris and Elise hookup in the ocean, after Dylan wants his freedom to bang around and encourages Elise to get to know other people too. Elise regrets it all and confesses to Dylan, who gets all passive-aggressive that she kissed someone else (apparently he meant get to know people without frenching them). Elise still thinks they can turn it around, so is shocked when Dylan invites Sarah on his dinner date. Elise says it's OK, brushes it off, then won't STFU about it to a single person she talks to.
Marcus and Lacy go on their first official date together, even if they've smooched all day - much to Robert's chagrin. Robert thinks it's not a "classy move" for them to be kissing and holding hands. Dude, there's nothing classy about this show. Marcus and Lacy get paddled in a canoe to a romantic dinner and some candle cave, and Marcus is open to love even though he's still nursing his Andi wounds. Later, Zack from Desiree's season arrives and I have no idea who he is but he takes Clare on a date since they've met before. She is racking up the Mexican adventures, isn't she? She needs it though since she's been concerned she'll find no love in Mexico, only awesome excursions that sound like they're been copy and pasted from a cruise ship add-on list. They do corny tourist stuff and makeout in the ocean, and Clare makes a boner comment. I like Clare.

Ben is hoping Bachelor in Paradise will be his chance at redemption, but that'll be hard since Marcus and Marquel discover a note from Ben's girlfriend back home. They confront Ben privately like gentlemen, because they think he might just be there for TV. Other people are there for love and very single. Clare gets the dirt, tells the house, and they all join the confrontation. Ben promises to leave, but Michelle is very offended that everyone is there honestly trying to find love and he's wasting a space. Everyone is in agreement that Ben shouldn't have come at all. Looks like Ben isn't here for the right reasons, guys! "Goodbye Hollywood, I'm done with TV," Ben says. Until Bachelor Pad is renewed, that is.

The ladies are in power this week, with the six women giving out roses to the seven remaining guys (later Ben!) Chris Harrison is wearing a button-up shirt and jacket, but no tie, and gives a little pep talk before some extra save-yourself-cocktail time. You can be formal in Mexico but just cut a liiiiittle loose. Before the rose ceremony, Michelle is so excited to give her rose to Marquel, until he tells her one thing he doesn't care for is that Michelle "likes to drink". In swoops Robert to make Michelle and her headpiece feel better about herself. Sarah definitely likes Dylan, but is concerned about Elise. Dylan pulls Elise aside and friendzones her, telling her he'd decline a rose for her.

It's rose ceremony time! Lacy gives her rose to Marcus and AshLee to Graham because, DUH to both! Zack gets a rose from Clare since they hit it off this week. Michelle still gives her rose to Marquel, even if he was a little too blunt earlier. Elise tries to give Dylan her rose, but he declines and tells her she has other options here. Elise gives yet another speech about looking for a man that will give her 100%, and the show gives her CLOWN MUSIC, until she finishes said goofy speech to give Chris a rose. Sarah gives the final rose of the night to Dylan, who actually accepts this time. Sarah gives her rose to Robert, not Dylan as we expected. Love wasn't in the cards for Dylan, but he does leave with a decent tan.

Next week: Chris is still a dick.



August 7, 2014

Big Brother 16: Double Eviction Fun Times

8/07/2014 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6
 
A new week of Big Brother picks up with the trivia cliffhanger from the HOH competition. The remaining five houseguests have to guess the number of seconds of the entire "Giddy Up" veto competition (a number surely we all know). Nicole and Donny both come closest to the answer and become the Heads of Household. Zach fakes a hissy fit that he lost (he's cool with it), while Jocasta really cries since she'd like a letter from home.

Nicole and Donny decide to collaborate on nominations to shake up the house a little. Donny decides to nominate Caleb as a "tit for tat, you nominated me" move alongside Victoria, an attempt to sandbag in the Battle of the Block to hopefully make it a little easier to send him out. Muahaha - my how the mighty have fallen with Caleb! It's fun to see him kissing ass and regretting his earlier nomination from his one week of power. Nicole can't nominate two strong guys outright so nominates eternal pawn Jocasta and Zach (who stupidly volunteered, claiming reverse psychology, then backtracks his offer). Zach is only offended that Nicole doesn't think he's a super-villain in her speech. But her dream move is the backdoor Frankie if the veto is used, which is alarming to Derrick (less so Donny) since Frankie is the third in their Team America cash cow.

Christine is dressed up like Pee Wee Herman to host the Battle of the Block, which is a backyard filled with giant versions of kid's toys (like a broke-ass version of Toy Story Mania). The pairs have to work together to create a chain of dominoes and knock them over. But within the plain dominoes, each pair also has to knock down three domino punishments. The punishments include shaved head, slop, manure bath, and other delightful treats. Self-described "challenge beast" challenge really gets Victoria to step up her game, and they overthrow Donny as HOH. However, the now-safe pair have to endure three punishments: two weeks of slop, a shaved head, and tethered together for 48 hours as Adam and Eve in fig leaf swimsuits. I think Victoria is regretting her earlier statement hoping they'll get closer in the game.

Now that they're safe, Caleb and Victoria are given their punishments. All then Caleb moans about how he's in a worst situation than the nominees because he's going to have to shave his head. Caleb may be irritating, but you couldn't have picked a better body in the house to rock a fig leaf Adam costume (ok, maybe Cody - so top two). Then "Princess Eve" shaves off the beautiful locks "Beastmode Adam" and it's not that bad. It's a buzz cut, not Mr. Clean. This all turns Frankie on. What wouldn't turn Frankie on? Knowing that HOH Nicole's plan is to backdoor Frankie.

Nicole, Hayden, Derrick, and Cody form a new alliance together, The Rationale, and all seem down to backdoor Frankie, saying Zach will be a "lost puppy" with him in the house. Christine would prefer Zach goes home, so she tells a lie that Zach claims to have seen Victoria and Hayden kissing. She also suggests Derrick and Cody as replacement nominees, which means she's betraying the Detonators and being Frankie's loyal minion. Christine thinks this will bond her and Nicole closer as besties, but instead Nicole sees through Christine's poor attempt to manipulate her and Cody/Derrick no longer trust their fellow Detonator. Zach still trusts The Detonators and this may just be his downfall since this alliance is crumbling fast.

Nicole, Jocasta, Zach, Caleb, Christine, and Victoria play in this week's awesome Veto Competition. They players have to zipline to peer through the windows of the BB Comic Studio and memorize the comic book collection order and details, then fly back, find the matching cover, and place them on a shelf. It's like Photohunt you play at the bar where you need to see what's right/wrong in the picture (like big weiner vs. small weiner). Or Highlights if you're 11. The zip line is fun, but the comics are pretty hysterical. Cody is the Zefronator because he loves Zac Efron, Donny is The Beard, and I have no idea what Frankie is but it's insane. Zach goes nuts during the competition because his posters aren't in the right order, screaming about all the details, etc; he knows he blew it. The veto winner is Christine, who is hellbent on leaving nominations the same and getting Zach out of the house. Christine doesn't end up using the veto, fearing another Detonator could go on the block, but is still hoping to send Zach home. And it seems others would like that too.

Julie Chen is in royal blue, a turquoise necklace, and a sassy high pony because it's Double Eviction night! And both evictees join the jury! And just because they're out of the house doesn't mean they're out of the game! And Ariana Grande is in the live audience! BUT FIRST, let's wrap up what happened in the house after the veto. The Rational decide to switch their target to Zach, but Derrick and Cody are caught whispering by Detonator Frankie who considers it a lack of trust. Master player Derrick plays peacemaker between both sides to the point of convincing Frankie to vote out Zach, who is playing them. Then they have to convince Caleb and it's hard to seriously do this since he's wrapped in a teal blanket, wearing a turquoise scarf, and blue underneath. He's ride or die or whatever, but this goofus is the only person who points out Zach is a number on their side and they will never sway Jocasta. So the plan quickly changes to keep Zach, turning Christine/Frankie against Nicole/Hayden by telling them the original plan was to backdoor Frankie. I love scrambling!

After Julie gives the houseguests the scoop on the Double Eviction, Jocasta gives her usual shoutout speech and Zach does the poem he's been practicing for an entire week. The house is quiet when it's Jocasta, not Zach, evicted in a 6-2 vote. Jocasta's totally fine getting evicted. Instead of playing hard or evil, she decided to "be cool" and be her true self. But Julie informs Jocasta there's a chance she could re-enter the game and while I love those bowties... no thanks.


Now comes the exciting rush of Double Eviction adrenaline. The Head of Household competition is answering math questions based on events that have happened in the house. Who would've thunk the winner of a math challenge would be Caleb and his dumb scarf, who Hulks out upon victory. With minutes to decide (and days worth of pondering anyways), because of "he say, she say" Donny and Hayden are nominated. The Power of Veto competition is to search a ballpit for three rubber duckies, which we all know better as the iconic Clown shoe moment of Jeff Schroeder. Donny wins the veto to the relief of the internet and takes himself off the block; Nicole is picked as the replacement nominee to "sit next to her boyfriend." Hayden's goodbye speech throws Frankie and Christine under the bus, while Nicole re-iterates that Frankie/Christine are the ones who pushed to get Zach out. Hayden is evicted from the house. "I got boned!" Hayden says to Julie, who thought he was smooth sailing until Jocasta got evicted. When asked about his showmance, Hayden's basically like ehhh, maybe and maybe more excited to possibly return to the game.