September 18, 2018

Survivor David Vs. Goliath Pre-Show Winner Prediction

While many people believe Pumpkin Spice Lattes are the beginning of fall, I believe that fall begins when Survivor premieres. In its 37th outing, it's a battle of adversity vs. basically privilege in Survivor: David Vs. Goliath. Twenty new castaways will be dropped in Fiji yet again to battle for the million dollar prize.

I've done my usual research of reading player bios, watching the sparse amount of cast videos available, and a little bit of podcasting listening to figure out my latest prediction of who will be the Sole Survivor.


Nick will win Survivor: David Vs. Goliath

Alright, here we go again and I'm following a gut instinct this time - mostly because the research material is lacking. My immediate reactions upon reading and seeing Nick is a combo of previous winners JT and Adam. A sweet southern accent will get you far in this game (shout-out to Donathan!). Nick touts himself as a redneck lawyer and despite choosing a similar sounding stereotype previously, this time I think my pick is better suited. He seems to be there to play the game to win and have the adventure of a lifetime. So instead of overthinking this, I'm pulling a Kellyn and trusting my gut. Will this finally be my season to get a winner prediction right?

Now it's your turn! Time for YOU to cast your pre-show winner prediction. Who do you think will be the winner of Survivor: David Vs. Goliath? VOTE BELOW - voting closes right when the east coast premiere begins!

[All images credited  CBS]

September 13, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Yes, Bitch, Yes

9/13/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Jordan and Jenna receive the most perfect date imaginable: an engagement photoshoot. When the shoot escalates to actual wedding attire, Jenna is uncomfortable at first but Jordan's positivity about their relationship and feelings sets her at ease. Robby Hayes arrives, literally there to hype his Instagram, and seems like he was introduced to be a heel to Jordan and Jenna, but instead he gets a date with Shushanna by default. They hit it off, but Shu is totally unaware of Robby's shady past of dating Amanda on Paradise last season and cheating on her. Olivia loops Shu in so that her friend doesn't get hurt by this desperate influencer. Shu doesn't really care.

Grocery Store Joe is totally smitten with Kendall, but he's worried she doesn't want to be committed. Kendall feels pressured with this show and feels love but isn't sure if she's in love, and Joe is in love with her but bottled up a lot of resentment because she was open to other guys too. And so Grocery Store Joe decides to leave Paradise knowing that their relationship wasn't as strong as he thought/hoped. Kendall also follows suit and departs Paradise in tears right before the Rose Ceremony. Speaking of Rose Ceremony, one of those happens and there's no suspense except will Olivia give her rose to Diggy or Venmo John? It's Venmo John and Diggy gets a ride home with a hired trumpet player.

Chris Harrison rolls up to be the party pooper that ends Paradise. At this point, committed couples only, so see you later casuals. Venmo John tells Olivia he's super into her but they're not Fantasy Suite ready, so they leave together to pursue their relationship outside of Paradise. Cassandra and Kiwi Jordan briefly departed the Friendzone, but in the real world Jordan is quick to say nah, it was fun while it lasted. Shu and Robby, in his Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct tank top, agree to go on a date back home. But the most shocking departure is our beloved Kevin and Astrid. Kevin has the realization that he's 80% into this and breaks up with a mind-boggled Astrid, who specifically asked him not to blindside her. Kevin and Astrid leave Paradise separately and our hearts break.

So three couples head to the Fantasy Suite to express their blooming love for each other, make another Polish sausage dick joke, and likely have sex off-camera. I mean talk! But who cares about the Bone Zone, let's see who gets engaged after three weeks! First up, Annaliese gives an impassioned speech to Kamil and then he gives yet another speech where he sounds like 20% interested in her, but their ending is they're still dating but not at the point of engagement. Second, Jenna and Jordan declare their love for each other and get engaged. Finally, Chris and Krystal. Imagine getting proposed to while the love of your life wears ripped white jeans. Chris does the old fake out saying he doesn't want to leave holding her hand, but holding her heart; they get engaged.

Onto the reunion!

Venmo John and Olivia did Facetime and have a weekend together, but he ended things as it was a long distance relationship - but maybe started pursuing things with Chelsea? Eric keeps insisting him and Angela were just friends, but she isn't allowing this narrative considering she was very open. Benoit and Jordan get into it about Jenna, but there's shockingly amends between Jordan and David. Tia is happy her and Colton gave their relationship a shot and they have resolution as friends.

But onto some great news! Paradise tragedies turn into success at the reunion. Astrid hoped watching the finale would give her closure with Kevin, but it didn't help and she needs a conversation. Bring him onstage, then! Kevin admits the phrase "Fantasy Suite" shattered him due to Winter Games and through therapy has worked through the baggage he brought to Paradise. Kevin still loves Astrid and she still loves him. Hope is alive! Kendall realizes she regretted pushing Joe so as soon as her plane landed she hopped onto a flight to Chicago, with cameras in tow of course. Kendall tells Joe she's in love with him, but he's shut part of his feelings down for her after getting his heart smushed on the beaches of Mexico. But good news: Kendall and Joe are back on track! Wait, great news: Grocery Store Joe is going to be on Dancing with the Stars!

Now onto the Fantasy Suite crew updates. Annaliese is still projecting that all is OK with her relationship, but Kamil isn't ready for a relationship at this level and breaks up with her on national television. Annaliese is furious because she tried to dump him two weeks ago because she was putting in "90" and he was putting in "10." Basically, at the end of all of this, it was scummy for him to do this breakup on TV. Jordan says him and Jenna have had some tough times with the distance, but they have overcome any issues they've encountered. Jordan is all smiles around Jenna but her smiles seem forced, even after asking Chris Harrison to order their wedding on June 9, 2019. But that probably isn't happening. Chris and Krystal wrap up the couples, and he's in tears over their love and he got to meet her dogs. Chris Harrison gifts them with a crystal goose and I don't think they understood the joke.

And with one last blooper reel we say goodbye to Paradise until next summer. It's been great recapping it and thanks for bearing with my delays. This show is a LOT of hours.

[All images credited to ABC]

September 9, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Not Here to F Spiders

9/09/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

Five hours of this show. Five hours. Help us all.

After weeks of enduring the will-they-won't-they story of Tia and Colton we discover this entire ruse is a won't they story. Yes, Colton tearfully ends things with Tia when he realizes he's not that into her and trying to make everyone but himself happy. It's the kind of speech that you make if you're trying be the The Bachelor. Waaaaaait a minute! The whole cast is shook, except Venmo John who slept through the whole thing.

Speaking of will-they-won't-theys on Paradise, Ashley I and Jared finally decided to be a will they. Jared proposes to Ashley on the glorious beaches of Playa Escondida Sayulita as her heels sink into the sand. Girl, you were on this show two times - you should know to wear wedges. Also, Ashley's ex Kevin has to watch this and while he's a class act and congratulates her, it hurts.

In dating news, Eric continues with his date with new arrival Cassandra by being crowed king and queen of a Cabellero Festival. But there's more women arriving in Paradise. Shushana sets her sights on Kamil, while Christen AKA Scallop Fingers chooses John, and they four go on a double date riding on a banana raft or something. Kamil reassures Annaliese their connection is strong and not to freak out, so of course Annaliese plays it cool then freaks out. People think Annaliese is exaggerating her connection with Kamil, but it's in fact real: Kamil gives Annaliese his rose. Shushanna is the perfect level of reality TV crazy that's needed, so thankfully former New Zealand Bachelor (and Winter Games participant) Jordan M arrives and gives her a rose and teach me my new favorite phrase "Not here to f--- spiders." Venmo John gives his rose to Olivia, eliminating single mom Chelsea, Christen, and probably others but I forget who they are.

The happy couples bask in the banality of life (Kevin makes his own salad dressing), but are interrupted by Chris Harrison for some special guests: success stories Jade and Tanner, and Carly and Evan. And their babies. After "winning" the interviews, Kendall and Grocery Store Joe are tasked with babysitting two children (one of which loves to cry) so the two couples can have an amazing date. Kendall and Joe are rewarded with a date on the beach and things are getting more real for the couple.
In other couple stuff, Jenna and Jordan get a bout of baby fever and it's pretty comical, especially with a difference of opinion on the name "Tucker." Krystal and Chris AKA Goose finally get to move on to the next level of dating: leaving the resort! They exchange "I love yous" after being interrupted by a raccoon, then have a private concert date while dancing on water. Eric is friendzoning Cassandra and she calls him out as he doesn't seem ready for a relationship while being on a dating show, which makes him have this moment of clarity that he can't give himself to Cassandra at only 50%, and maybe part of him left when Angela left. Eric decides Paradise isn't the right place for him at this time and says his goodbyes.
The main drama of the enter week is Shushanna's obessesion with Kami, who replies in Truth or Dare that he's in a committed relationship at this point (with Annaliese). Shu declines a date with Jordan M and new arrival Diggy (what a delightful surprise!) because she's got it in her head that Kamil is into her, but he's adamant that it's a no. Annaliese eventually confronts Shu and tells her to back off her man. Shu's attention turns to Jordan M, who is off on his date having a blast with Cassandra, because Shu is attracted to what she can't have; he rebuffs her, but comforts her when she cries. What begins as a joke about her constant staring turns into maybe she's doing witchcraft, which I'd say is 20% serious, 80% joke.

Olivia brings Diggy on her date and they have dinner together and learn the origins of his nickname (his teacher said she "digs" his stylish clothes). It goes well and they kiss. Perhaps a late love connection?

[All images credited to ABC]

September 3, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Go All In

9/03/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4

Love triangles are all the rage in Paradise this week! Also, semi-non-linear recaps because man is this show hard to cover.

Connor arrives with his perfect hair and sweaty neck and wants to pursue Krystal, and she's torn because coming into this show she wanted to meet Connor but has strong feelings for Chris the Goose. But Krystal decides to accept Connor's date invitation and things get steamy after the two get buried in the ground for a ritual. Chris the Goose sets up a yoga date to try to win Krystal back (and her rose); it's a success.

Jenna can't decide if she wants to be with fun Jordan and Quebecois Benoit, the safer choice. After professing his feelings yet again and an ultimatum (and some bad continuity editing), Jenna chooses Jordan and cuts Benoit loose. He rage throws a football into the ocean and then gets pissy with Jenna. Jordan confronts Benoit for yelling at Jenna, but gets confirmation from Wells the Bartender than Benoit didn't yell, only made her cry. With all his anger out, Benoit moves on quickly Chelsea and they smooch in a hammock.

Then there's Kendall, Grocery Store Joe, and Leo. After last week's romance novel photoshoot, Kendall feels more drawn to Leo until she finds out he kissed Chelsea but failed to her tell. Leo is mad he got ratted out and points the finger at Grocery Store Joe, but Kevin comes clean that he said it accidentally as he assumed everyone knew. Kevin stands his ground with his Canadian spirit and Leo fumes to everyone else hoping to gain allies (nope) and shames Kendall (nope again). Grocery Store Joe comes to Kendall's rescue because he's wonderful. Triangle over, right? W
rong! Into the equation comes Venmo John, who still is interested in Kendall, and they kiss - but she freaks out because she realizes she's actually falling for Joe. And Joe is falling for her.

Kevin is this week's hero of Paradise, willing to take the blame for accidentally revealing the kiss to Kendall but politely stand his ground as he's confronted. He's also extremely emotionally vulnerable with his now-girlfriend Astrid, as he's had relationships two times from this franchise and both tanked in the real world, so he fears that without having their bond tested (by dating others), the same will happen. Then he plans a date on the beach for Astrid for them to grow their connection even more. Everyone swoons for the Canadian firefighter.

There's a Rose Ceremony coming, but departures are happening even earlier this week. Jubilee rolls her luggage down the cobblestone steps after Venmo John places her in the Friendzone. Kenny decides being a good dad is more important than reality TV dating, so he leaves to make it home for his daughter's recital. Annaliese is distraught (but not distraught enough to leave Paradise to follow her feelings for Kenny), and quickly rebounds when new guy Kamil takes her dune buggying. Suddenly she considers them "one of the strongest couples". Meanwhile, Eric and Angela go on a date at a lavish hotel with gold everywhere, including a gold plated toilet, and what has to be one of the largest ice cream sundaes on Earth. They toast to being all-in on their relationship (of course a day later hot Christina arrives and Eric basically hits the undo button on that declaration).

It's time for a Rose Ceremony, or if you're Leo the possibility to "burn Paradise to the ground" to start fresh. Annaliese gives a cheerful speech, then Leo follows it up with a scathing burn against Kendall. Leo gets up with a parting, "Good luck with Grocery Store Bitch" so Joe follows and requests Leo say it to his face and they get into an off-camera kerfluffle. Anyways, the night moves on with yet another couple Lady and the Tramping food (this time Colton, Tia, and a hot dog) and Chelsea being a hot commodity all of a sudden. All the main couples give their roses to each other (BTW, Annliese and Kamil are apparently officially a couple? We'll see if that lasts). The only rose that matters tonight is Chelsea's since she's the only single woman and there are four single men: Benoit, Connor, David, or Venmo John. Chelsea chooses to give her rose to Venmo John and he's all smiles. Especially because as the only non-couple-up-guy, Venmo John basically is top choice for all inbound women so he gets to crash a QuinceaƱera with new arrival Olivia.

Next week: will Eric and Angela's all-in be all over?

[All images credited to ABC]

August 21, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Stuffed Dogs and a Cooked Goose

8/21/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Picking up from last week, Tia confronts Chris AKA Goose and breaks things off with him since he was claiming to be into her but smooching Krystal. Of course Goose claims he made this decision first because he can't let anyone else be in control and sucks. Krystal's excited that Chris is free but also doesn't want to be the villain of the show again. Well the feelings are reciprocated so yay for them and Chris' horrible ripped jeans that he thinks are stylish. New arrival Jacqueline gets declined by Colton, so she takes Kenny on her date and they hit it off and kiss in front of fireworks. Annaliese is bummed because she likes Kenny or is just really trying to manifest a paradise relationship into existence. She tells Kenny her feelings and then they kiss, so maybe it all worked. Jubilee and Caroline both continue to compete for the affections of Venmo John, the King of Paradise. And in the latest Tia and Colton saga, Colton wonders if he should leave and Tia is upset he's not reciprocating feelings. Poor Bibiana has to be the one fighting for their relationship to happen, so finally Colton decides to choose Tia. FINALLY. MAKE IT STOP.

It's Rose Ceremony night and a storm's a brewin, and I'm not talking about the vomit-inducing moment of Astrid and Kevin eating a sausage Lady and the Tramp style. Other guys still have roses up for grabs. Venmo John is pulled between Caroline and Jubilee, while Kenny has three choices now: Jacqueline, Annaliese, and Bibiana, who throws her metaphorical hat into the ring. But these stories are a blip on the night's radar. First, Jordan arrives lookin' like a vacation baller in two-thirds of a three-piece Hawaiian-print suit (vest and pants). He's completely smitten with everything Jenna and she reciprocates the feelings but is a little torn with feelings for David, who gifts her with a giant dog likely stolen from a child at a nearby carnival. Jordan grabs the giant dog and throws it in the ocean, then gets real pissy and rude to everyone; he eventually apologizes. Despite the doggy drama, Jenna accepts Jordan's rose. David gives his rose to Chelsea because well, he has no one. Then there are the obvious roses: Kevin/Astrid, Chris the Goose/Krystal, Colton/Tia, Grocery Store Joe/Kendall, Eric/Angela. The only question marks of the night are Venmo John, who picks Jubilee, and Kenny, who gives his rose to Annaliese. Leaving Paradise are Nysha, Caroline, Bibiana, and birthday girl Jacqueline.

Leo arrives in Paradise with his curls on point and in a pineapple shirt because it's frickin' Paradise and takes Kendall on his date, a dagger to Grocery Store Joe's heart. Kendall and Leo pose and smooch in a photoshoot for the cover of Jorge the former Bartender's romance novel. People go on and on about the love stories of this show but the evolution of Jorge and the success he's achieved is personally my favorite Bachelor franchise story. Kendall returns and is extremely torn over having to possibly dump Joe because she's digging Leo, but then Leo is off flirting with Chelsea who has the hots for him and living his double standard best. Grocery Store Joe just hopes for a date card to woo Kendall back....

... Except Colton and Tia get a second date while most have never left that compound. They head to town and join a dance group run by my main man Jorge again, but are more surprised to see Raven and Adam, Tia's BFF and last season's success story. Raven does not approve of Colton and his intentions, so hooray another way to drag their Tia/Colton drama on. They resolve it and become an official couple, I stopped paying attention. After the dog doll slaughter, Jenna is very open to a new suitor. In walks Benoit from Bachelor Winter Games, former fiance of Clare from Juan Pablos' season, who asks his Canadian buddy Kevin for advice. Kevin recommends Krystal, but Benoit literally grabs Jenna and runs (it's consensual). Benoit brings Jenna on his date to an empty Italian restaurant and they makeout. Her red lipstick is smeared all over Benoit so he looks like an off-duty clown, and they Lady and the Tramp a churro all the way to sucking face status. Can't people just eat food on this show?!?

Jenna returns from her date to Jordan's giant "I'M SORRY" carved in the sand and he apologizes for his behaior and admits the strong feelings he has. But Jenna is confused with her feelings. What will she do?

[All images credited to ABC]

August 19, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Jordans Aren't Phased by Davids

8/19/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

The true star of Bachelor Winter Games and my angel Yuki joins Wells behind the bar, the perfect way to bring her onto the franchise. Oh yeah, people are dating so I guess I should get into that.

Kenny gets a date card and brings Krystal on his Mexican luchador wrestling date where he gets to hop into the ring and showoff his skills. The pair bond over their true selves and even share a kiss. While Krystal is gone, Kevin moves on and tests the waters with Astrid, leading to a kiss by the beach. Male model/passionate Capricorn Jordan sets up a romantic dinner of champagne-only with Annaliese, but Jordan's rival David has planted seeds of doubt in her mind about Jordan's intentions. But Jordan's sweetness and sincerity wins her over and they kiss. And grudgingly I report on the saga of Tia and Colton, which never ends as the guys question if his feelings for Tia are real considering he "loved" Becca, and Tia is tired of being dragged around.

It's time for the Rose Ceremony at long last, so the guys start to hustle to secure themselves a rose. Jordan gives Annaliese a giant stuffed animal, and she confirms he'll receive her rose. Nick thinks his connection with Chelsea is strong, but she looks like she hates every second around him. Kendall and Grocery Store Joe laugh together and then he opens up that he came here hoping to understand why he never found love, but then she heads over and smooches Venmo John. Tia confronts Colton about being led and TL;DR - Colton wants to stay open with Tia but also see other people and she's not hanging around to be second choice. In flies the Goose to sweep Tia away. The women finally hand of their roses; here are the pairings: Krystal/Kenny, Astrid/Kevin, Tia/Chris the Goose, Kendall/Grocery Store Joe, Annaliese/Jordan, Nysha/Eric, Chelsea/David, Angela/Venmo John, and Bibiana/Colton. Wait whaaaat?! Someone came to bring the drama. And with that we say goodbye to Nick (fine) and Wills (nooooooo).

More women are en route to Paradise, but no one expected one of them to be Bachelorette Becca to drag out the Tia and Colton BS. Deja vu, Becca and Tia talk 1-on-1 about Colton, who is sitting on a rock crying about seeing the woman he loved again and also not being ready for this. So what better time to have Becca go see a sobbing Colton who's a mess? Colton and Becca talk and he gets the closure he needs, while Chris AKA Goose is still annoying about it.

Some other people finally get airtime on this show. Eric and Angela (who?) have a connection and kiss. Jenna, another of Arie's rejects, arrives at Paradise on her birthday. With her pink hair and pink outfit, she makes Jordan smile and they go horseback riding on the beach. It's love at first sight for him and they smooch all day long at the beach, then he returns back to the resort and has to break things off with his earlier connection, Annaliese. Because his nemesis David has literally nothing better to do (and likely production told him), he surprises Jenna with a birthday cake and awkwardly removes his shirt around her. Jordan isn't phased (but kinda is). While Jordan vs. David is very predictible, Venmo John being Paradise's hot commodity is not and he goes on fantastic dates with newcombers Caroline and Jubilee. What's a successful app developer to do?

Wrapping up the overloaded week, Kenny expresses interest in moving forward with Krystal but she's just not that into him. Who she is into is Chris, who is supposedly into Tia, and the pair kiss. He hasn't kissed a blonde before. Well Tia ain't taking this garbage and heads to confront ol' Goose... but not until next week.

[All images credited to ABC]