7/21/2014 / Comments (1) / by Mel Got Served
The Bachelorette - Andi
Week 9 - The Men Tell All
While tonight is about Andi and her fellas, the Men Tell All stars with former stars Ashley and JP's latest success story. Ashley is mucho pregnant and due in October. While the big news they tease seems like it's their move to Miami, it's not. It's a live sonogram on-air to reveal the sex of the baby! And so out comes the ultrasound technician Greg, they unzip the belly to Ashley's maxi dress, and slop on some of that goo. There is a shocking reveal: it's a mini Chris Harrison. JK, it's a boy! JP's glad to have a son and Ashley totally knew it. Also, her boobs are looking great thanks to pregnancy. Perks, everyone!
There's a preview for the upcoming in Bachelor in Paradise, which I can't wait for. It's the epitome of hook up or go home. No competitions, no prisoner's dilemma. Just making out and dates with a constantly revolving cast. Romance, tears, ambulances, handcuffs of the non-sexy persuasion. It's getting real, guys! Some of the castmembers are in the audience to barely promote it, but will remind you they are ridiculously attractive and you'll want to see them maybe find love again.
Finally we get to see the men and they are all scarved out because it's what's got you guys. And if you look behind the guys, it's me woo'ing and cat calling. The first night everyone was of course taken with Andi. I'm taken by Marquel's cookie button (he's so hot). The biggest topic of the men's group sesh is the "blackie" comment that Andrew allegedly made. Andrew insists it didn't happen and claims he said something else to JJ during that first rose ceremony. There's video proof that he whispered something, but sadly no audio to confirm it. The controversy with JJ is that why did he wait so long to stir the pot? Marquel wants to know why Andrew has never personally apologized to him, more concerned with it affecting his personal life. Marquel does believe JJ because he is his true friend. After break, JJ comes back in to defend himself and the guys being pissed at him. JJ stands by what he said, though acknowledges his timing and way of delivering the news was off. The guys don't care and assume it's for TV.
First on the hot seat is Marquel, because he is everything. While admired for his passion for cookies, Marquel was stuck in the friendzone. It's a little bit of his fault, and a little bit of hers since she was clearly vibing with a lot of other dudes. Thankfully we'll get to see his hotness during Bachelor in Paradise. He wraps his time by throwing cookies into the audience and yes I lept VERY high to try and get one. I failed and it was caught on camera. Sometimes you forget you're being filmed when you're blinded by your Marquel love. Marquel is followed by Marcus who is handsome in person but still a little bland for me. Marcus lives back the heartbreak through his video package, but Andi taught him about true love again. But there's no regrets, even after saying "I love you" early and a lot. Good news is Marcus, too, will head to Paradise to bang around.
Farmer Chris of course is called to hot seat because everyone loves him and he's newly eliminated. Fresh heartbreak in the house! Chris appreciates that Andi gave him a chance despite his farmer lifestyle, but it was always going to be an obstacle. As Chris gives some boring talk, a beautiful girl in the audience raises her hand with a question. Chris Harrison calls her down to the stage and she introduces herself to Chris. See, she knows what it's like being from a small town (in Canada!) and wanted to meet Chris, asking if he thinks he'll meet that person in Iowa. But given the opportunity, she gets a speed date with Chris during the break. And yes, Chris gets the digits.
Andi is brought onstage in a shimmering navy mini dress, looking stunning. She is that gorgeous in person. And she's not pregnant, you guyzzz. STAAAAHP! It's the initial daunting task of facing over a dozen exes, and moreso awkward since she has to answer questions. Andi explains to Farmer Chris that Iowa wasn't what killed them; she just didn't see a real relationship blooming to get that far. For Marcus, Andi felt his feelings were way ahead of hers and she wasn't catching up. Cody thinks Andi didn't know the real him, which I can't take seriously in his multi-shades-of-blue denim. Andi didn't feel a romantic vibe with Marquel, but he jokes that he didn't know she was smooching so much. Chris Bukowski, who tried to crash the first ceremony, gets a formal introduction to Andi but who cares - Bachelor in Paradise bangin'! More importantly: Chris Harrison has the lie detector test results! And creepily calls himself "daddy" in the process. Brian, JJ, and Farmer Chris told no lies. Marcus lied that he slept with less than 20 women (WHOA), Dylan lied about preferring brunettes and being ready to get married, and Josh? Well we don't get that answer sadly, eventhough Chris Harrison thinsk they're important lies to know. But don't worry, there's BLOOPERS! Nasal spray, childhood memories destroyed, flushing toilets, drink spillage. LOLZ ALL AROUND!
So next week is the big finale where Andi will choose between Nick and Josh. Will either propose? Who will be heartbroken? Will there be helicopters?? See you next week for the season finale and After the Final Rose!
To wrap up this Men Tell All recap, I wanted to extend the biggest thank you in the world to ProFlowers. I entered a sweepstakes on their Facebook page, never expecting to win because I never win anything. At first I won a bouquet and got it delivered to work and we all laughed at my secret admirer, The Bachelorette. But then I was contacted and won the trip of a reality TV lover's lifetime to go to LA with a friend and attend the Men Tell All taping. I had a blast, I made new audience friends, made goofy reaction faces, was caught failing to catch a cookie on camera, and even met Bachelor Burn Book in person (though we didn't learn that until the episode aired and it's the greatest coincidence ever). I can't even begin to express my gratitude to ProFlowers and it was truly an amazing 48 hours in LA with my friend.
7/17/2014 / Comments (0) / by Mel Got Served
Derrick is stoked to be HOH, but Nicole isn't as happy since she won on pure luck and had no intentions of being HOH. Devin is the obvious target this week because he played everyone and it appeases the whole house. Devin requests being nominated straight out, like Derrick is dumb enough to allow Devin two chances to save himself. He may be down, but Devin's still fighting, diming the Bomb Squad out to others to try and acquire new allies. Christine has to come clear to ally Nicole about the Bomb Squad to cover herself, but their deal is still solid. Nicole is forced to come out of her low key position to play the game, which starts with strategizing about nominees with Derrick.
Derrick and Nicole think nominating Jocasta, Caleb, and Amber is a smart move, but struggle with who to fill that fourth slot since Pao Pao is back at home DJing and dressing like Donna Martin's sidekick. Derrick lets Caleb is on his plan, but knows that Caleb would be OK being nominated alongside Amber to save his gal and throw the Battle of the Block. Dude is desperate for a hero complex to earn some points. He tells his queen about this move which leads to yet another uncomfortable moment between the pair. Nicole decides to talk game with Donny, which seems safe enough, until Donny tells Brittany and Jocasta about the plan for Caleb to throw the Battle. Good ol' boy Donny is now on everyone's radar for being a rat. Call it punishment for his big mouth, Donny is nominated alongside Amber by Nicole (who instantly regrets betraying Donny), and Derrick nominates Jocasta and Caleb. But Devin knows none of this matters because he's obviously getting backdoored, throwing on that big grin of his and kissing ass to try and save face.
In house fun, Hayden keeps attempting to woo Nicole since the show is craving a showmance. Frankie has to brush off questions about his family as Victoria demands to know every single physical aspect of his sister (who he has yet to reveal is pop singer Ariana Grande). Team America is tasked with their first mission: get three other houseguests to spread a rumor that a current houseguest is related to a past one. Frankie's excited to gossip for a chance at money because he's good at it. The three decide to claim Zach confided to Pao Pao that his cousin was Amanda (of the cringeworthy McCranda of BB15), and Pao Pao told them this as her parting words.
The backyard is a poor man's Hogwarts; like really poor. The castle is called "Frogwarts," for real. The nominees get to wear sweet wizard's hats and capes while one nominee retrieves puzzle pieces and the other nominee "flies" up to assemble the puzzle on a magnetic wall. Caleb is supposed to throw this competition, so Jocasta is nervous about the possible outcome of this Battle of the Block. I know Caleb is allegedly throwing it, but he's just retrieving pieces while Jocasta is struggling badly at solving the puzzle. Amber hates puzzles but Donny loves them, helping them secure a victory and saving themselves from elimination. A transfiguration charm turns dethroned Nicole into a frog all week, forcing her to endure a goofy frog costume until next week. Ribbet!
Nicole's frog suit is so adorable and I'd much rather rock that than stupid unitard. After the Battle of the Block, Jocasta gets really sick and therefore we see get screentime for like the first time ever. Caleb gets really creepy with some chime stalker music as he gets upset Amber isn't swooning over him throwing the Battle of the Block for her. Derrick reminds Caleb to stop saying he threw the Battle so people don't side with Jocasta should the worst case scenario happen. Caleb's probably only half-concerned because his holding back jealously as Cody and Amber bond. Team America succeeds in spreading the rumor than Zach is related to BB15's Amanda. So successful that Zach embraces the rumor and claims it's true.
Derrick, Caleb, Devin, Christine, and Donny (who plays on behalf of bedridden Jocasta) put on their game faces and head into the backyard for the veto competition. The backyard is a big casino with a roulette table and Cody hosts dressed as the most adorable croupier ever. The competition is for two players to battle head-to-head to by rolling in a giant dice cage to the correct number on their platform. Gambling hamster cubes! It's pretty easy to try to eliminate Devin since you get to challenge the fellow competitor you'd like to take out, except he's really good at it - especially when he gets a few rounds in. Thing is, the real challenge beast this season is Donny who defeats Devin, then Caleb to win yet another veto.
Donny would prefer for everyone to not know how he plans to play the game, but Derrick hopes Donny will use that veto to make the assist in backdooring Devin. Donny surprises Jocasta in bed with her veto and she loudly cries from joy. Or because she's so bound up. Cody gives a quick strip tease to commemorate the win and I think I speak for many where I say, MORE! Devin gets weepy that he's let his daughter down as he's named the replacement nominee in sobbing Jocasta's place. Looks like the end of the Devin Drinking Game is near.
This week's HOH competition forces the remaining 12 houseguests into pairs and their fate relies on this partnership. The randomly created pairs are Christine/Victoria, Caleb/Nicole, Brittany/Jocasta, Amber/Zach, Donny/Hayden, and Cody/Frankie. The backyard has been transformed into hell for "Deviled Eggs," where the teams have to maneuver their eggs through a chicken wire course to achieve victory. As I have to say every season, watching people navigate fragile eggs through chicken wire is beyond dull. The only interesting part is that Derrick gets to be Satan and everyone else is wearing devil horns and at one point the show cuts to "fish," which is what happens when live feeds cut out.
7/14/2014 / Comments (0) / by Mel Got Served
The Bachelorette - Andi
Week 8 - Overnight Dates
Andi and her final three head to the Dominican Republic for their exotic fantasy suite dates because one man's spring break location is another's reality show overnight date dream. Andi's claim to fame is her Juan Pablo tell-off at this point in the process, so she's hoping things go better this time around. How can they not, there's a heart shaped patch island in the ocean!
Andi's first overnight date is with Nick and he is #blessed with the opportunity for a helicopter date. FINALLY. Why has this show been slacking on helicopters? Anyways the helicopter drops Andi and Nick off at a private island so they can get all sexy with each other in the ocean and I can yell, "Get a room!" at the TV. Oh and snorkeling. Andi's main worry is that at Nick's hometown date his family told him his past breakups were worse than she thought, but he explains it all away as Andi chows down on pita chips or something. Nick fumbles in a rambling daytime attempt to say "I love you," but thankfully there's still dinner, not to mention a fantasy suite awaiting. Dinner is on the beach and apparently "having time" on this show means having access to a computer, printer, and a poor illustrator to write a corny fairy tale for Andi. There's lots of blank pages at the end of the book, perfect to fill in with more horrible drawings of the pair kissing around the world. Nick escorts Andi aside to the trees (and hopefully a PA burns that fairy tale) to make his big declaration. Leaning against a tree, Nick tells Andi about all the things he loves about her and says "I love you," and then they really makeout against a tree again. Then head to their fantasy suite to makeout more (and probably head to the bone zone).
Josh is the second date of the week, able to lap up the sloppy seconds of Nick. It's yet another date where Andi and her date walk around a town and bother the locals. But Josh makes Andi feel young and vibrant, especially when he speaks Spanish at a mediocre level and forces us to watch more of Andi's poor dancing skills. Since Josh has literally nothing else about him except being a former baseball player, Andi takes him to watch and play ball with a bunch of kids that'll probably lost longer in the pros some day than Josh did. But Josh's way with kids makes Andi happy since it means he'll be a good dad. Josh tells Andi how much he loves her as a bunch of disgusting pigeons fly by their heads. Nothing more romantic than flying rats! Dinner is at a beautiful resort with lots of cobblestones and, how surprising, the food is never touched. Andi's goal of the night is making sure Josh is serious and wants to be married and have a family. Once again Josh requests Andi not make snap judgements about his being a former athlete to which I roll my eyes, but he tells Andi he loves her. Josh accepts the fantasy suite card and they get into their swimsuits and get down in the pool.
Chris is the final date of the week as his position in the line-up as third only confirms his standing in Andi's eyes. Right away she voiceovers that she's not sure if she's ready for an overnight date with Chris, so that's a bad sign. For a hot second I thought we never left Iowa, but it turns out the Dominican Republic has impressive farmland too. Picking the obvious choice for the country boy, Chris and Andi goes horseback riding and she's not too into it. Turns out Andi would prefer to not leave her life in the hands of a horse (but is cool leaving her love life up to a casting director trying to get ratings). Thankfully the horse portion of the date ends and Andi can talk to Chris without fear of being reared off a horse. She tells him how much she loved his family, and his family support him regardless of the fact that he might get his heart stomped upon. Because Ghosts in the Graveyards was so fun in Iowa, Chris tries to make that magic happen again and we learn something about Chris: he's the worst hider of all time.
Chris meets Andi for the night portion of their date for a little grub before potentially a fantasy suite evening. It's not even a meal but snacks on a tray on a loungechair. Chris brings up Iowa, wanting to know Andi's thoughts because it's a big deal given that farming is his life. Andi had fun, but life is so different there even if there are law jobs all over. Things start to go downhill and since Andi's face is the easier read ever, it's clear this date is not going to end well. Chris loves Andi, but Andi doesn't have those feelings back. Andi gets weepy and wishes she could blame Iowa as the easy reason (but it's partly a reason), but she just doesn't see her and Chris moving forward in life together. While it's a crushing blow, Andi doesn't think it's fair to make him wait around for the corny rose ceremony or lead him on more. "My head and my heart don't match up," she says after listing all the things that make Chris great. Andi's been in this situation and knows it's easier to not have time wasted. Chris is bummed but appreciates Andi's honesty, ending with a goodbye hug. Here's Chris's audition reel for next Bachelor.
Given her emotional evening, it's the perfect time for Chris Harrison to offer Andi his advice as an unlicensed therapist. Andi doesn't regret any of her choices and thinks Josh and Nick are the right picks for her. When asked about dumping Chris, Andi explains there was no foundation for a relationship and even a quick bone in the fantasy suite wasn't going to help. Andi still wants to have a rose ceremony because this is a two-way street and not her just commanding her guys to accept roses and love her. But it is also like a hint that hey I want a ring a next week. At the rose ceremony, Andi gives the 411 on the Chris situation, gives roses, they accept, and then toast to meeting Andi's family.
Next week: the best Men Tell All ever - I'll tell you why next week!