August 8, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Crabs, Connections, and Colton

8/08/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 1

Bachelor in Paradise is back! The self-referential opening credits are of course back but the pacing seems off? Anyways, 9 women who dated Arie or Nick and 10 men who probably dated Becca (with a smidge of Rachel) arrive at Playa Escondida to find their new soulmate in about three weeks. The women have the elimination power this week and one man will go home at the first Rose Ceremony.

Grocery Store Joe is a hot commodity and he stakes his claim with taxidermy enthusiast Kendall, who is totally on-brand when she reveals she loves to picnic at cemetaries. Hey, they have great parking! Krystal, the villain of Arie's season, has a whole new voice that isn't sexy whispers and turns her sights to Kevin the Canadian Bachelor, who we met during The Bachelor: Winter Games and dated Ashley I until she left him for Jared. Jordan the model is smitten with Annaliese, but she seems to be coupling up with Venmo John. Meanwhile, his rival David is back and don't worry, he isn't on the top bunk. Some blond dude Nick tries to make a connection with single mom and "snack" Chelsea, but she would prefer to go to bed than be around him which shocks him since he thinks he'd be a wonderful role model for a child. And in a world of fan favorites, Wills meets bartender Wells 

and it's wonderful.

Tia spends the entire first day in Paradise hoping Colton will walk down the steps; he's does not. Tia mopes there's no Colton and gets upset at receiving a date card, which a lot of these people might kill for (literally). She ends up taking Chris on a date because she likes his energy (over-styled Ben Stiller is an energy?) and they shared a passion for bold prints. Once Tia lets her walls down and puts Colton sort of out of her head, she has a good connection on the date with Chris and they kiss in front of a water show. Now smitten with Chris, it's the perfect time for Colton to enter mid-episode with a date card ready to rock the resort. After blowing off Tia and talking to other prospects first, everyone thinks Colton is shady and using Tia. Colton ends up taking Tia on his yachting and jetskiing date and they confront their "issues." The connection is back and they're smoochin'. But the guys back at the resort aren't ready to let Colton steamroll Tia and it. is. on. But like, on next week.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 6, 2018

The Bachelorette: Let's End the Damn Thing

8/06/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
Week 11 - Finale

Becca and her final 2 are off to the Maldives for their final destination because it's the perfect place to declare your love for one and shatter the soul of another. Her family gets a free vacation to meet the two met and give their opinions on two guys they have like an hour to meet. First up is Garrett who shares the Kufrin love of fishing, explains his divorce to a new crowd, gets emotional over his family, and is extremely teary-eye talking about his love for Becca. The family loves him because he loves Becca so much. Blake's coming in from behind and the family seems to put him on the defense, as he tries to explain his love for Becca and "strong, independent women" and gets deflated when Becca's mom tells him if he gets dumped he'll be OK. When Becca is a little weird with Blake when he leaves, he's getting some bad vibes that remind him of his ex. Becca is extremely torn because her heart initially was all-in on Blake (who will balance and challenge her) but her feelings for Garrett (who they think would be a good dad) have intensified over time.

Becca has her final dates with both men, trying to suss out where her heart lies. Becca and Garrett take to the sea to ogle majestic dolphins, then get verklempt about Becca's deceased dad, who would like Garrett because of fly-fishing. Garrett just wants Becca to be happy at the end, but especially if she wants to have a family with him because dude wants kids real bad. Becca and Blake ride bikes and paddle board, then talk about that downer of a family visit which apparently went better than portrayed to Blake's face. Blake busts out a craft project of love: a time capsule of their time together. Hmmm, no craft from Garrett - way to care. But will a craft project be a deciding factor? I mean it should, but I love crafts.

It's proposal day! Neil Lane brings his briefcase of diamonds all the way to the Maldives and he only has one button undone on his shirt, so he's really grown over the years.  Becca puts on one last horrible dress that looks like a macrame swan mermaid. It's off to the proposal dock beautifully constructed for the picture-perfect proposal... and ultimate heartbreak.

Speaking of, Blake is up first so that's pretty bad news. Blake begins his speech about all their happy moments but Becca's suppressed smiles should show something is off, and his extreme sweating is definitely an indicator of the nerves. Becca compliments Blake on giving her proof she could love again, except it's with someone else. Blake can't believe it, wonders what he did wrong, sweats a hell of a lot more, says I love you, and leaves to cry into a towel. And cut to the After the Final Rose where Chris Harrison questions Blake about this devastating day of his life. Blake has no hard feelings and can't be angry with her for doing what makes her happy. Becca and Blake are reunited and he still wonders what triggered her decision (answer: nothing, she needed to choose who was the better fit for her future). But this heartbreak won't bring Blake down and he'll learn and grow. It's him using his poetic words for his Bachelor campaign. 

Oh but remember there's supposed to be a happy ending on this show, so back to the proposin'! Garrett heads to the proposal spot and this time when he shares the happy stories and reasons he loves Becca she's actually smiling. And she shares feelings back and if you recall Garrett got the first impression rose, much like most Bachelorette winners. Garrett gets down on one knee with the giant three stone engagement ring to represent his divorced past, present and future with Becca. Last rose for Becca!

The happy couple come onstage to After the Final Rose and are excited to finally be public with their relationship and the hideous ring. Becca's felt Garrett was the one at hometown dates, which is the same time it sealed the deal for him. Garrett stands by his apology, which is important phrasing, and says he's trying to grow but also doesn't say what he liked was wrong. Becca stands by Garrett in all of this. They look foward to doing normal things like going to Costco, getting a free trip to Thailand, and the minvan from night one.

Well another season over and all I can say is: bring on Paradise!! Thank you all for reading my recaps each week and tweeting along. To quote the second worst Bachelor ever: I LOVE THAT.

[All images credited to ABC]

July 30, 2018

The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All and Shout Loudly

7/30/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 10 - The Men Tell All

Becca's rejected men take the stage to yell at each other for one last bit of airtime (until half the cast is on Bachelor in Paradise in two weeks). Instead of paragraphs, I'm giving you bullet points because recapping the Men Tell All special is always a mess and I consider it a chore but I still love you readers, so I still recap.

  • Jordan is the center of anything and everything, bickering with everyone (except his man Grocery Joe) and using fantastical phrases to boast about himself, which are next level clever. There's also fighting over the level of model David is compared to the other guys who are models too. Jordan is quick on the comeback and since he's overly confident and funny he realizes this rubbed the guys the wrong way.
  • Jordan is wearing the gold hot pants.
  • The guys thought Jordan's main antagonist David was much more focused on hating Jordan than giving Becca attention.
  • Jean Blanc claims he was falling for Becca, but Colton and the other men think it was all BS and ruined the L-word for the other men by cheapening it for attention. He later apologizes to Becca for pulling this move and gifts her a new fragrance that he's not going to take back.
  • Grocery Joe was eliminated night one but gets to sit in the hot seat because he captured our hearts. He's so popular I'm still holding on to the hope he'll be the next Bachelor should Bachelor in Paradise not pan out for him.
  • Wills lives his stylish life to the fullest in a dark green plaid suit.
  • Colton is very morose about being dumped by Becca, partially because of Tia. A very hard part of this experience also was revealing his virginity on TV after lying to cover up his shame, so when Jean Blanc insulted him during the reunion about this it was still painful.
  • Jason cries seeing himself get dumped again.
  • Jason's mom sends the vomit emoji every time Becca says he's a good kisser.
  • Becca was going to dump Colton regardless of Tia's revelation of feelings.
  • Chris apologizes to Becca and brings out a gospel choir to sing his apologies.
  • People love bloopers and there are some pretty great ones that actually made me laugh out loud.

Well, we survived the Men Tell All and we're one week away from finding out who Becca will choose. See you then!

[All images credited to ABC]

July 23, 2018

The Bachelorette: Thailand or Bust

7/23/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9 - Fantasy Suites

Becca and her final three hop on long flights for their Fantasy Suite dates in Thailand. Becca is apparently in love with two men and falling in love with a third, which is fairly easy to guess the third place guy. But two hearts shall be broken in time - whose will they be?

First date of the week is with Blake, where they go on an affection-free hike until they reach a sacred temple and get to ring a bell to spread their love. While these overnight dates are meant to be exciting and fun, Blake is completely in his head about the other guys and fears Becca might love them and heartbreak might come his way again. Becca helps comfort Blake and relates to his feelings since she went through this experience a year ago. But Blake's a self-described guy who's here to stay, not go. And go they do to the extremely ornate decorated Fantasy Suite AKA Bone Zone! Lying in bed the next morning, Blake reassures Becca he loves her but he's back to being insecure which will last until he gets the chance to propose.

Next up on the date roster is Jason, who Becca takes on a date to the market to eat crickets and take in the sights. Becca has a great time with Jason, but feelings-wise she's still only starting to fall in love with him while the other two guys are full blown love feelings. Her lack of feelings puts her into a major guilt trip after making a passive comment about the future to Jason, since she knows a future ain't happening. Yet the date continues on, randomly jumping ahead in time to the night portion of the date. Becca can't even seem to fake being happy around Jason any more, looking completely stoic as Jason talks about his strong feelings for her and the hometown visit. Once Jason stops blabbing, he checks in on how Becca is feeling and she can't hide it anymore: she's just not that into him and isn't going to put him through an overnight date when she doesn't reciprocate the feelings. He keeps trying to plead his case but she can't keep up the charade eventhough she feels terrible. Eventually Jason accepts it and takes a very glum limo ride to the airport.

Last but not least (well for Becca, definitely last for me), Becca and Garrett go rafting where they see an elephant and a bunch of Thai people partying it up for a holiday. Garrett tells Becca he's getting better at communicating now that he's falling in love with her, which is what she needs to hear. Their night portion of the date is at an elaborately laid out campsite where Becca is wearing the most hideous lace outfit I have seen. Garrett admits right before coming to the show, he considered backing out because he wasn't sure about being in a relationship or married again, but turns out it all worked out. Becca is all smiles as Garrett is very open to moving in the future (or meeting in the middle) to help pursue Becca's goals. Garrett says he loves Becca and he hopes she's the last woman he has to say it to, and of course they head to their Fantasy Suite treehouse mere feet away for their night together.

Just when you think this episode should be over and things are OK, Jason rolls up to Becca's hotel and knocks on the door. He needs to keep telling Becca how much he cares about her and she has to reiterate it wasn't easy to dump him, but it had to be done. Jason gives Becca a scrapbook he made for her throughout their reality TV dating voyage and leaves. Thanks for the time-filler, Jason.

There are two men left now and both love Becca, and she loves them both. Both men get their roses, but they're kind of default roses since Jason isn't there. The question is, which man does Becca see being by her side by the rest of her life - or near future? To be continued until after we suffer through The Men Tell All.

[All images credited to ABC]

July 16, 2018

The Bachelorette: Hittin' Up Hometowns with Becca

7/16/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
The Bachelorette - Week 8 - Hometown Dates

Becca begins her hometown visits with Garrett, getting a tour around his California farm on the old John Deere. This is a big visit for Garrett because the last woman the family met was his ex-wife, so it gives him another opportunity to explain why she was terrible. His family doesn't want a crappy new girlfriend so they plan to drop the hammer if needed. Everyone sits down to dinner, toasts, then immediately gets up from the table for interrogation. Mom is the most protective and it seems to go well with Becca, but she's moreso concerned about how Garrett will take it if he isn't picked. Surprise, surprise the family comes around and approves of Becca, who is also very happy around snooze-worthy Garrett.

Next up: a buffalo wing eating competition and some ice skating in Buffalo, New York with unexpected final four member Jason. Again, dinner is omitted to get right down to business and Jason's mom can't get a good read on Becca's true feelings for him. While Jason knows he's been playing from behind, he feels like their connection is surpassing the other guys (ehhh). Despite the whole family seeing the complete obvious outcome, they are supportive of their son. Before Becca leaves, Jason professes to Becca that he's in love with her to which she says, "That means the world to me." Romance!

Across the country Becca travels for her hometown date with Blake in Colorado and she's in love with him but still hasn't told him. His hometown can't compare to the buffalo wing capital of the world, so Blake brings Becca to his high school to tour his alma mater. In a shocking reveal, Blake reveals that his high school was part of a school shooting and man, it's intense to hear. But there's still a surprise to come: a whole hometown crowd and a musical performance by Betty Who to surprise Becca in the auditorium. It's then off to meet Blake's family and yet again, mom is concerned about possible heartbreak seeing how hard he's fallen for Becca. Becca gets lightly grilled but overall everyone approves and Becca really likes Blake's family.

Finally, it's the last stop of hometowns! Still in Colorado, Becca meets up with Colton and they surprise two kids in the hospital with toys and gifts - the softer side of Colton. Colton's got a pretty giant family lined up to meet Becca considering he doesn't introduce his girlfriends (18 people!). Colton brings up the Tia situation with his dad, and lets his mom know he had the virginity talk with Becca. Deep talks! Colton's dad tells Becca if she's not going to choose Colton to please dump him now to save him heartbreak later. Colton tells his mom he loves Becca and he thinks he could be engaged at the end of this. Becca likes Colton's family and it's a successful hometown visit ending with Colton telling Becca he loves her.

Back to homebase of LA for Becca to choose which three men move along to the Fantasy Suite dates. But Becca needs a second opinion so she asks her gal pals from Arie's season to come listen to her vaguely recap her hometown dates and give their opinions. It's as if all of this is an elaborately staged plotline just to have Tia tell Becca extremely far in the process that Tia, in fact, does have feelings for Colton. Becca is shaken up because she supports her friend but also is supposedly falling for Colton. What's a girl to do? Colton asks Chris Harrison for Fantasy Suite advice for truly no good reason, then gets cut by Becca at the Rose Ceremony. Enjoy getting back together with Tia in Paradise, Colton!

[All images credited to ABC]

July 9, 2018

The Bachelorette: Bahama Mama

7/09/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

Becca and her men depart the exotic state of Virginia for the pretty blah Bahamas with it's crystal clear water, smooth sand, and bottomless daiquiris. But first, Becca has to have a conversation with Chris Harrison about all her feelings and whatnot. Also big news: no Rose Ceremony, only dates! Wahoo, save an evening gown.

Colton joins Becca for the first 1-on-1 date in the Bahamas, sailing and smooching on a catamaran. Then a dude rolls up to get them to catch and eat conch, which is an aphrodisiac. This is, of course, a wonderfully elaborate setup to make Colton uncomfortable because he's preparing to reveal to tell Becca he's a virgin. They ditch their very enthusiastic Bahamian pal and get dressed up to fake eat dinner. Becca gets nervous when Colton admits he has a secret and she's surprised to find out he focused on football and not banging. This apparently shakes Becca enough that she has to get up and get some fresh air. Colton is being honest instead of lying like he did in the locker room. Also, he isn't saying a hard no to sex, just waiting for the right person. Becca appreciates that Colton takes this all very seriously and wants to meet his family, so she gives him the date rose.

Next up is Garrett, who flies away on a seaplane a private makeout island with Becca. He's very confident in their relationship and connection, trying to be positive about this weird dating experience and life in general. Becca is falling for Garrett but she wants to make sure they're connecting deeper than their immediate physical attraction. Becca uses the night portion of the date to dig into Garrett's failed marriage and why it did and didn't work out. Her concern is that Garrett likes the idea of them together more and he reassures her of his true feelings. He's falling in love with her and Becca is very pleased. Garrett gets the date rose and they strip down to their swimsuits to makeout in the water at night.

After spending a few days moaning about his status and insecurity with his relationship, Blake finally gets his 1-on-1 date. And what a date it is: it's a live performance from the Baha Men! And they only play "Who Let the Dogs Out?" once! Blake opens up to Becca about his rocky week of emotions, and Becca admits it's been hard for her too - having feelings for multiple guys vs. her prior experience of only have Arie (bleckh) to think about. Becca really appreciates Blake's honesty and openness but hopes to get some more info about his parent's divorce before a possible hometown date. And boy does Blake share a dramatic saga about his mom dating his coach/teacher. Becca tells Blake that she's attracted to how open he is, but he's an open book with her and is falling in love... but staying in love sounds even more fun. Blake tells Becca he is in love with her and she's very happy to hear this. In fact, Becca is in love with him too but she can't say it. They kiss a whole lot and obviously gets the date rose.

The final date of the week is a 3-on-1 date with Wills, Jason, and Leo. Becca wants to keep it fun despite having to dump two dudes, so they play some volleyball but shirts stay on because this isn't Top Gun. Each guy gets a little alone time to sort of plead their case and reaffirm their feelings. Wills and Becca bond over their similar family bonds. Jason feels comfortable with Becca and doesn't let anything else distract him. Leo's a little more insecure because his lifestyle is so different and he knows he's behind the Becca-love-curve than the other guys. Becca agrees that they aren't far enough along to meet his family, so she cuts him on the beach and brings Wills and Jason to dinner. Onto an awkward dinner where Wills looks ready for an island adventure and Jason for a golf excursion. Where Becca feels Jason isn't as open about his feelings, Wills lets it all out about why he's falling in love with her. With only one rose to give, Becca extends the rose (and hometown date) to Jason. Becca tells Wills she couldn't bring his family isn't this when she knew her feelings didn't match his and at least we know he'll be a total star catch in Paradise - heck, maybe even The Bachelor if we are so blessed.

[All images credited to ABC]