Reality Rundown: The Detonators Come Into Power

7/24/2014 / Comments (0) / by Mel Got Served

Big Brother 16
Week 4

Our new week of Big Brother picks up with last week's cliffhanger of the hell themed egg navigating task. This is a good challenge, however, if you like puns such as "This challenge is for the birds!" "Egg-stra careful!" and "Egg her on!" Brittany and Jocasta have an early lead but only move one egg at a time. Zach and Amber are also killing it, seemingly close to victory.  But Frankie and Cody wisely put two eggs into play at all time, which allows them to catch up, pass, and win the HOH competition. Looks like we'll know exactly what to EGG-PECT this week.

A group of five former Bomb Squad members come together and become The Detonators, a tight group of Derrick, Frankie, Cody, Zach, and Christine for a final five deal. It's solidified with a "handshake" of turning keys in the ignition, obviosuly not understanding that usually detonating is pushing down upon a handle. Watch some Looney Tunes you goons! Detonators and Team America members Derrick and Cody decide to fulfill this weej's task of nominating a physical threat with the best cop out, which is that Amber is the biggest female physical threat. They'll put her on the block alongside the three female outsiders: Brittany, Jocasta, and Victoria. Frankie is able to get Caleb on board with the plan to nominate her Amber with his feelings of pure jealously due to a shut HOH room door for private Amber/Cody time. Amber doesn't get why she has to be the pawn, suggesting Christine or a strong guy. Sorry Amber but The Detonators are in full force and Christine is the exact opposite of physical threat. Team America's gots to get paid!

Nominations officially happen after forever of filler (Cody has a mancrush on Zach Efron). Cody nominates Brittany and Victoria, who no one cares about or wants to share a bed with. Frankie nominates Jocasta and Amber, making sure to call her a physical threat to get that Team America cash. Brittany is mostly offended by the notion that she would be viewed on the same low level as Victoria, I guess not remembering that she wasn't very positive to HOH Cody and implied he would nominate the women who didn't grovel to him. Amber is tired of being the pawn and approaches Christine about forming a girl's alliance to start getting the guys out (nothing happens).

The Battle of the Block gets transformed into a giant chess board, surrounded by a kingdom with ships and apparently body glitter for the shirtless HOHs. To play, you have to navigate around the board like a knight in chess (L shape). Where the player lands becomes inactive, so the goal is to not knock yourself by running out of places to move. Jocasta boxes herself in, leaving Amber stuck alone to fend for both of their safety. Soon Brittany is out, and eventually Victoria. Jocasta starts her terrifying shaky cry that borders on speaking in tongues again from being saved. Frankie is dethroned as HOH and tarred and feathered in the process. But why must you mess up the body glitter?!

Creeping Caleb doesn't like Amber hanging around Cody so stares at them awkwardly for awhile while more people in the room cackle at this weird moment. Caleb feels Cody is violating bro code, so Zach reports back all this immediately and they have a Caleb bitchfest. Caleb is outside bitching about Cody, about Amber not worshipping the group he walks on for getting nomianted for her, and other nonsense. Luckily he's moaning to Brittany, who likes to complain about being a target, never being able to save herself, and how she deserves to be here more than Victoria who is a waste of a houseguest. Brittany likes having Caleb as a possible ally on her side, so she selects him as her Houseguest's Choice for the veto competition. But when Caleb starts telling Cody how Brittany deserves to stay over Victoria, it's red flags galore for HOH Cody.

Dressed in a really open referee's shirt, veto host Frankie corrals the houseguests into the backyard for a soccer themed veto competition. Competing in the "BB Cup" are Derrick, Brittany, Victoria, Zach, Nicole, and Caleb, who learn first that Germany won the World Cup (no one cares). To play, each HG launches a soccer ball off of a terrifying paper mache lower body, aiming at numbered targets and the player with the lowest score each round claims a trophy with a prize. As more players are eliminated, prizes can be stolen and traded so this means... unitard time! Actual soccer experience is a hindrance for Cody and his prize is the veto, but surely that won't remain his because DUH. Lots of rounds pass but it boggles everyone's mind when Victoria wins the veto because Caleb doesn't take the veto from Victoria and opts for cash instead. Other prizes: Cody gets 24 hours of penalty kicks in the butt, Zach wins a trip to Germany, Brittany has to score 2,400 soccer goals in 24 hours (and she's pissed Nicole gave her this), Caleb wins $5,000, and Nicole must wear the "Germitard." 

What's a Germitard? Why a unitard decorated like lederhosen, complete with a beer stein and bratwurst. That's nothing compared to Brittany's punishment, kicking what seems like infinite soccer goals which must be torture to her toes and feet (she's losing a toenail - super gross). But Brittany's not a quitter, so even though she knows she's basically screwed in this house she succeeds in her goal kicking challenge. Cody's is far more amusing, watching him take ten kicks to the butt every time a whistle blows at all hours of the day. But the shoe kicking in the butt is pretty fly, so I mean, it's with style at least.

Post-veto, the bros are made that Cody has to get more blood on his hands as HOH instead of Caleb stepping up to let the nominees remain the same. Cody's so irritated with Caleb at this point that he'd love to put him on the block, except Caleb's still a number for their side and him on the block would guarantee him going home. We know this because everyone talks about their disdain for Caleb. Derrick, clearly the best player, thinks Donny knows the better choice for replacement nominee is well liked, guaranteed to stay Donny because eventough Caleb sucks, he's a number for their side. Donny encourages Cody to play his own game but won't hold it against Cody if he's nominated, which leads to Cody shaking hands and telling Donny he won't put him on the block. Cody declares to his alliance that he is putting Caleb on the block, which send Frankie and Derrick into damage control mode yet again. Derrick reminds Cody that Brittany is coming for them and she has to go, even if Caleb did screw them over. At the veto ceremony, Cody goes back on his word to Donny and names him the replacement nominee. Oh Cody. Your dreaminess can't help you out of this one.

Donny is slightly surprised he's nominated and Brittany is sad she has to campaign against a friend. Cody mopes and regrets going back on his word, but his alliance supports the move. Donny is assured by everyone that he's totally safe this week but pawns are always screwed in this game so he's weary (but this week, trust me, Donny doesn't have to worry). Brittany tries to campaign and thinks Caleb has influence in the house, which is laughable since 80% of his waking day is dreaming up ideas for the perfect date with Amber. The game takes a pause though as they come together to grieve with Frankie, who learns via letter that his grandfather passed away.

Filler of the week includes the residents of Ubly, Michigan commenting on the barely showmance of Nicole and Hayden. Highlight is a little girl saying Hayden is weird because he tries to "make sex" with Nicole. Julie Chen informs the houseguests that the Have Nots for the next week are the four laziest people according to the activity trackers they've been product placement tasked to wear: Nicole, Caleb, Christine, and Derrick. She returns to begin the live voting where, despite a long, pleading speech, Brittany is evicted by a unanimous vote. Looking gorgeous, Brittany tells Julie that people are voting like weaklings and following the strong. She acknowledges her and the other outsiders started playing too late, setting them back from making alliances. Also her feet are nasty from the soccer challenge. But at least her very blond kids are there to hug her upon her exit.

The backyard is given a wild west saloon theme for the HOH competition, "Country Hits." It's the trivia challenge to identify what challenge the abysmal song is describing, knocking each other out in head-to-head face offs. The country songs are irritating to hear, but I hate that kind of twang. After many rounds, and a lot of trust, Derrick throws HOH to Frankie so he can get a picture of his grandfather. Zach beats Christine in the final round, making him the other HOH - Zankie's gonna be HOH buddies! But Frankie and Team America have one more lame mission: to get to houseguests to have an argument at the nomination or veto ceremony. Ugh, Team America is dumb.

Reality Rundown: Andi's Men Tell All While Wearing Scarves

7/21/2014 / Comments (1) / by Mel Got Served

The Bachelorette - Andi
Week 9 - The Men Tell All

While tonight is about Andi and her fellas, the Men Tell All stars with former stars Ashley and JP's latest success story. Ashley is mucho pregnant and due in October. While the big news they tease seems like it's their move to Miami, it's not. It's a live sonogram on-air to reveal the sex of the baby! And so out comes the ultrasound technician Greg, they unzip the belly to Ashley's maxi dress, and slop on some of that goo. There is a shocking reveal: it's a mini Chris Harrison. JK, it's a boy! JP's glad to have a son and Ashley totally knew it. Also, her boobs are looking great thanks to pregnancy. Perks, everyone!

There's a preview for the upcoming in Bachelor in Paradise, which I can't wait for. It's the epitome of hook up or go home. No competitions, no prisoner's dilemma. Just making out and dates with a constantly revolving cast. Romance, tears, ambulances, handcuffs of the non-sexy persuasion. It's getting real, guys! Some of the castmembers are in the audience to barely promote it, but will remind you they are ridiculously attractive and you'll want to see them maybe find love again.

Finally we get to see the men and they are all scarved out because it's what's got you guys. And if you look behind the guys, it's me woo'ing and cat calling. The first night everyone was of course taken with Andi. I'm taken by Marquel's cookie button (he's so hot). The biggest topic of the men's group sesh is the "blackie" comment that Andrew allegedly made. Andrew insists it didn't happen and claims he said something else to JJ during that first rose ceremony. There's video proof that he whispered something, but sadly no audio to confirm it. The controversy with JJ is that why did he wait so long to stir the pot? Marquel wants to know why Andrew has never personally apologized to him, more concerned with it affecting his personal life. Marquel does believe JJ because he is his true friend. After break, JJ comes back in to defend himself and the guys being pissed at him. JJ stands by what he said, though acknowledges his timing and way of delivering the news was off. The guys don't care and assume it's for TV.

First on the hot seat is Marquel, because he is everything. While admired for his passion for cookies, Marquel was stuck in the friendzone. It's a little bit of his fault, and a little bit of hers since she was clearly vibing with a lot of other dudes. Thankfully we'll get to see his hotness during Bachelor in Paradise. He wraps his time by throwing cookies into the audience and yes I lept VERY high to try and get one. I failed and it was caught on camera. Sometimes you forget you're being filmed when you're blinded by your Marquel love. Marquel is followed by Marcus who is handsome in person but still a little bland for me. Marcus lives back the heartbreak through his video package, but Andi taught him about true love again. But there's no regrets, even after saying "I love you" early and a lot. Good news is Marcus, too, will head to Paradise to bang around.

Farmer Chris of course is called to hot seat because everyone loves him and he's newly eliminated. Fresh heartbreak in the house! Chris appreciates that Andi gave him a chance despite his farmer lifestyle, but it was always going to be an obstacle. As Chris gives some boring talk, a beautiful girl in the audience raises her hand with a question. Chris Harrison calls her down to the stage and she introduces herself to Chris. See, she knows what it's like being from a small town (in Canada!) and wanted to meet Chris, asking if he thinks he'll meet that person in Iowa. But given the opportunity, she gets a speed date with Chris during the break. And yes, Chris gets the digits.

Andi is brought onstage in a shimmering navy mini dress, looking stunning. She is that gorgeous in person. And she's not pregnant, you guyzzz. STAAAAHP! It's the initial daunting task of facing over a dozen exes, and moreso awkward since she has to answer questions. Andi explains to Farmer Chris that Iowa wasn't what killed them; she just didn't see a real relationship blooming to get that far. For Marcus, Andi felt his feelings were way ahead of hers and she wasn't catching up. Cody thinks Andi didn't know the real him, which I can't take seriously in his multi-shades-of-blue denim. Andi didn't feel a romantic vibe with Marquel, but he jokes that he didn't know she was smooching so much. Chris Bukowski, who tried to crash the first ceremony, gets a formal introduction to Andi but who cares - Bachelor in Paradise bangin'! More importantly: Chris Harrison has the lie detector test results! And creepily calls himself "daddy" in the process. Brian, JJ, and Farmer Chris told no lies. Marcus lied that he slept with less than 20 women (WHOA), Dylan lied about preferring brunettes and being ready to get married, and Josh? Well we don't get that answer sadly, eventhough Chris Harrison thinsk they're important lies to know. But don't worry, there's BLOOPERS! Nasal spray, childhood memories destroyed, flushing toilets, drink spillage. LOLZ ALL AROUND!

So next week is the big finale where Andi will choose between Nick and Josh. Will either propose? Who will be heartbroken? Will there be helicopters?? See you next week for the season finale and After the Final Rose!

To wrap up this Men Tell All recap, I wanted to extend the biggest thank you in the world to ProFlowers. I entered a sweepstakes on their Facebook page, never expecting to win because I never win anything. At first I won a bouquet and got it delivered to work and we all laughed at my secret admirer, The Bachelorette. But then I was contacted and won the trip of a reality TV lover's lifetime to go to LA with a friend and attend the Men Tell All taping. I had a blast, I made new audience friends, made goofy reaction faces, was caught failing to catch a cookie on camera, and even met Bachelor Burn Book in person (though we didn't learn that until the episode aired and it's the greatest coincidence ever). I can't even begin to express my gratitude to ProFlowers and it was truly an amazing 48 hours in LA with my friend.

Reality Rundown: Dude, Devin's Evicted Bro!

7/17/2014 / Comments (0) / by Mel Got Served

Big Brother 16
Week 3

Derrick is stoked to be HOH, but Nicole isn't as happy since she won on pure luck and had no intentions of being HOH. Devin is the obvious target this week because he played everyone and it appeases the whole house. Devin requests being nominated straight out, like Derrick is dumb enough to allow Devin two chances to save himself. He may be down, but Devin's still fighting, diming the Bomb Squad out to others to try and acquire new allies. Christine has to come clear to ally Nicole about the Bomb Squad to cover herself, but their deal is still solid. Nicole is forced to come out of her low key position to play the game, which starts with strategizing about nominees with Derrick.

Derrick and Nicole think nominating Jocasta, Caleb, and Amber is a smart move, but struggle with who to fill that fourth slot since Pao Pao is back at home DJing and dressing like Donna Martin's sidekick. Derrick lets Caleb is on his plan, but knows that Caleb would be OK being nominated alongside Amber to save his gal and throw the Battle of the Block. Dude is desperate for a hero complex to earn some points. He tells his queen about this move which leads to yet another uncomfortable moment between the pair. Nicole decides to talk game with Donny, which seems safe enough, until Donny tells Brittany and Jocasta about the plan for Caleb to throw the Battle. Good ol' boy Donny is now on everyone's radar for being a rat. Call it punishment for his big mouth, Donny is nominated alongside Amber by Nicole (who instantly regrets betraying Donny), and Derrick nominates Jocasta and Caleb. But Devin knows none of this matters because he's obviously getting backdoored, throwing on that big grin of his and kissing ass to try and save face.

In house fun, Hayden keeps attempting to woo Nicole since the show is craving a showmance. Frankie has to brush off questions about his family as Victoria demands to know every single physical aspect of his sister (who he has yet to reveal is pop singer Ariana Grande). Team America is tasked with their first mission: get three other houseguests to spread a rumor that a current houseguest is related to a past one. Frankie's excited to gossip for a chance at money because he's good at it. The three decide to claim Zach confided to Pao Pao that his cousin was Amanda (of the cringeworthy McCranda of BB15), and Pao Pao told them this as her parting words.

The backyard is a poor man's Hogwarts; like really poor. The castle is called "Frogwarts," for real. The nominees get to wear sweet wizard's hats and capes while one nominee retrieves puzzle pieces and the other nominee "flies" up to assemble the puzzle on a magnetic wall. Caleb is supposed to throw this competition, so Jocasta is nervous about the possible outcome of this Battle of the Block. I know Caleb is allegedly throwing it, but he's just retrieving pieces while Jocasta is struggling badly at solving the puzzle. Amber hates puzzles but Donny loves them, helping them secure a victory and saving themselves from elimination. A transfiguration charm turns dethroned Nicole into a frog all week, forcing her to endure a goofy frog costume until next week. Ribbet!

Nicole's frog suit is so adorable and I'd much rather rock that than stupid unitard. After the Battle of the Block, Jocasta gets really sick and therefore we see get screentime for like the first time ever. Caleb gets really creepy with some chime stalker music as he gets upset Amber isn't swooning over him throwing the Battle of the Block for her. Derrick reminds Caleb to stop saying he threw the Battle so people don't side with Jocasta should the worst case scenario happen. Caleb's probably only half-concerned because his holding back jealously as Cody and Amber bond. Team America succeeds in spreading the rumor than Zach is related to BB15's Amanda. So successful that Zach embraces the rumor and claims it's true.

Derrick, Caleb, Devin, Christine, and Donny (who plays on behalf of bedridden Jocasta) put on their game faces and head into the backyard for the veto competition. The backyard is a big casino with a roulette table and Cody hosts dressed as the most adorable croupier ever. The competition is for two players to battle head-to-head to by rolling in a giant dice cage to the correct number on their platform. Gambling hamster cubes! It's pretty easy to try to eliminate Devin since you get to challenge the fellow competitor you'd like to take out, except he's really good at it - especially when he gets a few rounds in. Thing is, the real challenge beast this season is Donny who defeats Devin, then Caleb to win yet another veto.

Donny would prefer for everyone to not know how he plans to play the game, but Derrick hopes Donny will use that veto to make the assist in backdooring Devin. Donny surprises Jocasta in bed with her veto and she loudly cries from joy. Or because she's so bound up. Cody gives a quick strip tease to commemorate the win and I think I speak for many where I say, MORE! Devin gets weepy that he's let his daughter down as he's named the replacement nominee in sobbing Jocasta's place. Looks like the end of the Devin Drinking Game is near.

 Jocasta continues crying around the house at Donny saving her with the veto. Caleb hopes he stays in the game over Devin, but remains focused on his Amber obsession. Despite sleeping in the freezing Have Not room, he puts his blanket on a cold Amber and thinks at the end of this surely he'll win a date. SUUUUUUUUUUUURE CALEB. The show continues to pretend a there's a legit love triangle  with Cody for the drama, and because it keeps up the Creepy Caleb edit. Cody would prefer to get out Caleb and others begin to consider this possibility as well, plus Devin remaining in the house would keep a massive target in the house. But this is all wishful thinking editing because it's 100% obvious  Devin is a goner this week and could no way save himself.

To fill time, "Big Brother legend" Jeff Schroeder goes to interview Donny's family. "Legend" is pushing it, guys. Donny's family doesn't watch the show so he shows them clips for them to chuckle at. I can't think of a player in recent years that's gotten SUCH a fan-loving edit; it's kind of turning me against him. I officially love Donny's family for supporting him so much and also not giving a shit about Jeff. Using his "acting skills" (I can't), Jeff puts on Donny's janitor shirt, a hat, eats Pop Tarts, and pretends to be Donny. Please give us real Donny.

Caleb makes a speech about being friends with Devin and both being competition beasts. Devin points out that Caleb already has a final two with Amber and could be an asset if kept. The house unanimously evicts Devin from the house and it was the writing on the wall as soon as he got caught gaming too hard during his reign as HOH. Devin's not surprised he was evicted and takes his exit quite well. And the whole house literally celebrates at the eviction.

This week's HOH competition forces the remaining 12 houseguests into pairs and their fate relies on this partnership. The randomly created pairs are Christine/Victoria, Caleb/Nicole, Brittany/Jocasta, Amber/Zach, Donny/Hayden, and Cody/Frankie. The backyard has been transformed into hell for "Deviled Eggs," where the teams have to maneuver their eggs through a chicken wire course to achieve victory. As I have to say every season, watching people navigate fragile eggs through chicken wire is beyond dull. The only interesting part is that Derrick gets to be Satan and everyone else is wearing devil horns and at one point the show cuts to "fish," which is what happens when live feeds cut out.