April 20, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart: Goodbye Glorious Manbun

4/20/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8

The survivors are split into two teams for the Reward Challenge, crossing obstacles in the ocean and then retrieving rings. The winners get to trip to the Chocolate Cafe AKA Product Placement City. Everyone gets a single M&M as inspiration to fight for a prize of Snickers. One whole M&M! Probst spoils them, though everyone plays into this moment of ecstasy with their most exaggerated looks of delight. The survivors are wet and slippery so of course there's lots of face plants down platforms and squeaky slips. Will's wonderful slip, fall, whatever has become my go-to GIF of the week. In a big comeback, Mike, Dan, Tyler, Shirin, and Sierra win their chocolate fix. Snickers, Twix, Dove, M&Ms, and more - it's like a melted chocolate dream come true.

Back at camp, the losers decide to kill a chicken because it's almost as good as a Twix bar (I'm lying. Chicken won't cue your Twix fix). Rodney uses this time to charm everyone (me included!) with his phenomenal Mike impression, which cracks everyone up and shows that maybe the alliance isn't as tight as assumed. It's definitely true as Rodney has been pondering when the best time to flip on his alliance, explaining that flippers can win, they just have to flip at the right time. Jenn is the Debbie Downer at camp, sad and lonely after the tribe voted off her BFF Hali. She hates who she lives with, doesn't want the chickens slaughtered, and is ready to bid adieu to the game. Set on leaving, Jenn tells Joe that if she wins the immunity challenge she'll give him her necklace.

The Immunity Challenge is for the survivors to balance on their tippy toes with a block on their head, keeping that block steady against the top of the contraption they're standing on. It's a great endurance challenge, requiring some physicality but also a mind-over-matter concentration. Joe's manbun needed to be a little lower, as he loses his first individual immunity challenge. Tyler, Mike, and Jenn are the final three, so Probst reminds us it's fitting to have one of each collar left (not really). Jenn is so close, but Tyler wins individual immunity.

Joe is sure he's going, but a plan masterminded by Shirin would help Jenn get her way to go home. Since the big seven will probably split the votes out of fear of an idol, Shirin will vote to force a tie between Joe and Jenn and get her out of the game. Mike hopes Shirin will vote their way and allow the biggest thread to be eliminated, which Shirin really ponders since she's started to make ins with Mike and Sierra for a new alliance. To hopefully keep the votes away from him, Joe runs out into the woods pretending to search for the idol but instead hand-crafting a fake one - and it's so good looking! Joe's real-life profession of a jewelry designer has never been so handy. Joe haggles with Mike: make the votes go my way and I'll give you the idol. Mike proposes something different: give me the idol beforehand and I will switch. While Mike has the idol from Joe's clue, he considers that it's always possible that Joe possesses one of the billion other hidden idols from pre-merge.

Tribal Council time! Jenn does enjoy being there, but also hates it. She admits she would've given individual immunity idol to Joe just to piss the others off. "I want to be here. I want to play." Joe says, pointing out that Jenn wants to quit and could get dragged along just because she's not into it. Jenn insists she's not quitting, nor would she quit because she's not a quitter even if she's asking to be voted off. Before the voting, Mike asks Probst if he can verify an immunity idol. The answer is no, because it could impact the game (and in the best way possible). After the votes are cast, Mike does play the "Hidden Immunity Idol" for Will - except it ain't real. Sadly the plan doesn't pan out and the beautifully coiffed Joe is out of the game.

April 13, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart: Swing Vote Pizza Party

4/13/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

The Reward Challenge is to collect puzzle pieces while picking up puzzle pieces. Hali, Mike, and Joe are the top finishers and advance to the final round to assemble the rusty anchor puzzle. Joe and his beautiful manbun win the reward, bringing Tyler, Will, Carolyn, and superfan Shirin. Well, well, well - finally someone whose reward picks are strategic. By the way, not going is Rodney who throws some irritating tantrum about wanting the pizza but not wanting it and keeping it real. STFU. ANYHOO, the reward is basically my Bachelor dream date (sans helicopter) of ziplining through the lush rainforest, ending in a pizza party picnic. At the pizza party, Joe notices something weird in Carolyn's soda and is able to get the drink from her. He sips it down and sucks a clue into his mouth, but not without being noticed by Tyler. "That opens up new options," Tyler explains after not totally outing Joe immediately. Notice I said "immediately."

Back at camp, Joe and Tyler pretend to clean dishes but instead hunt for the immunity idol. Mike fakes sleeping, then begins to tail them like a monkey in the trees. Tyler knows he's caught, so he does some damage control and tells Mike what the clue said. It becomes a manhunt with everyone trying to find Joe before he finds the idol. Mikes tells everyone Joe found the idol, but he didn't. Mike spends his entire day trying to find the idol, stopping along the way to a healthy snack of termites. It takes awhile, but sure enough Mike finds that lucky tree hole that she shoves his hand into and finds the hidden immunity idol.

Meanwhile, Shirin seems to find herself in the middle of people being total dicks to her. Rodney doesn't appreciate that the No Collar alliance have become sort of foot rationers. This causes him to fight with Shirin over slicing a salami, which is beyond stupid. Not as stupid though is Rodney's actual gameplay, which is to stay seven strong and eventually turn on ringleader Mike. Back to Shirin stuff though. Dan continues to be an irritating, patronizing, tactless fool telling Shirin she's a stupid fan for not aligning with the numbers. In his interview he also wishes Shirin would get slapped to shut her up, only solidifying my rage. Dan claims he's trying to be nice but he continues his descent into becoming one of my least favorite players ever.

The Immunity Challenge is puzzle-rific this week, navigating one puzzle piece through three slide mazes and one slide puzzle. Slide puzzles are the demon and if I had to do this challenge I'd probably be screwed. Though I wouldn't slide it around real fast and claim to be done like that idiot Dan. Dan shouts that he has the puzzle with a level of confidence that is so strong, yet the puzzle is so wrong. And then a minute later he does it again and it's even more wrong! The manbun dominates and Joe wins individual immunity again.

While Shirin wanted to win the puzzle challenge, she's fine laying low for a few more days. She's not laying low though because Tyler and Carolyn concoct a story that Shirin probably has the White Collar idol. Mike thinks Shirin is easy to beat and recommends take out Joe's tighter ally, Hali. Shirin relays to the other girls the horrible stuff Dan said to her, which begins an airing of the Dan grievances or as I'll call it, Merican Festivus. The girls have a breakthrough: take out Dan. It would just require Sierra, who's down for a girls alliance, and one other to flip. Shirin tries to sway Tyler, explaining it can take out a Blue Collar that is part of a power couple.

Tribal Council time! It's agreed that while last Tribal Council was surprising, it wasn't a line-in-the-sand moment like many assumed. Alliances are open. "Flippers never win," Dan tells the group and Shirin serves him real good, citing Tony's constant flipping. Hali cites that our country was founded on flipping, to which Shirin tags on "Merica!" And then they vote! We got all our hopes up for nothing and Hali is eliminated.

April 6, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart: Hands Across Merica

4/06/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6

The two tribes walk into what they assume will be a challenge, but it's actually the merge! This means it's the time of the season for shizz to go off the rails, but first: a feast. While tearing into bread, cheese, and other deliciousness, details are spilled on Joaquin. Carolyn listens to the story and realizes a common theme this season is to eliminate power couples, and her half of the power couple knows she has a hidden immunity idol. With stomachs full of cheese and rum, the tribe heads to their new home on Escameca beach and the shelter is gone. Haha suckers, time to build again! After avoiding the temptation to pee on Dan's jellyfish sting, the team decides on their new name. Normally it's a boring mashup of the two former tribe names. This season they decide to take a step towards truly terrible with Merica. Not an ironic 'Murica, but simple America minus the A. Red, white, and blue and a bunch of diverse people from across the country. Shirin seems to be the only one who feels our pain. Meanwhile, can't get the America's Funniest Videos theme song out of my head.

Usually people are on the sly about making alliances, but it's very forward this time and everyone begins to scatter and scheme. Reunited with again with her old tribe, Kelly and Mike are plan to run the game with the former Blue Collars plus two more for the numbers. Oh hello, Will and the two White Collars. Those same three players are in demand by Jenn and Hali, who never trusted Kelly and would like to wipe out the Blue Collar crew. Rodney starts his loud ways of wheelin' and dealin',  offering Will and Carolyn a final four deal. Meanwhile, Carolyn and Tyler are happy to be in demand, but agreed they have to keep their bond a secret to avoid the fate of the other power couples.
But Rodney's haggling might be too early, because Mike wants to target Will first should they lose.

The first solo Immunity Challenge is a classic foot, arm, and crotch killer: holding on a pole for dear life. In no surprise ever, Dan and Will drop quickly, bellies rubbing up against that pole. Others follow rather quickly because, as Jeff Probst reminds the viewers repeatedly, this is a challenge for small people. The final four up on the pole are Carolyn, Joe, Hali, and Jenn (who got stung by a bug in the lady area). Soon the rain starts pouring down, probably the hardest we've seen this season so far. After a final two hang-on between, Joe and Carolyn, Joe wins the first individual immunity. Rodney shakes his head in repulsion. It's the same face I make when he talks.

Blue Collar (ok, just Mike) lament Joe's victory but quickly turns the target on Joe's allies, Jenn or Hali. The plan is for them to vote off Jenn, but tell Will to vote for Hali to see if he's trustworthy.  To really get the numbers on their side, Kelly works to bring Carolyn over, while Mike tries to work with Tyler. Tyler is hesistant since he was blindsided by the whole Joaquin thing, so either he's fully in on the plans or he's a no go. The other White Collar remaining, Shirin, pledges her loyalty to the No Collars and plan to vote out Kelly. So many targets and alliances, my head hurts. Tyler and Carolyn have a secret chat together about the plans on both sides, discussing their spots as the swing votes that will determine everything. Sensing that they could totally be on the outs, Jenn wonders if tonight's the night to play that idol of hers. Hali asks how Jenn found the idol. "Magic," she says. Jenn plans to bring the hidden immunity idol to Tribal Council and play it if anything shady goes down.

Tribal Council time! Will says that everyone is a target, so much so that even Probst could be voted out (please tell me this happens on a blooper reel). The game is already super cutthroat with everyone playing to win. Tyler and Carolyn agree that this vote will draw a line in the sand and truly create separate sides. Probst brings up that no hidden immunity idols have been played, which is of course a lot foreshadowing action. And with Dan's final metaphor of the line being drawn with a chainsaw, because everything is like stabby horror movie metaphors with this group. After the votes are cast, Jenn decides to make her power move and play her hidden immunity idol like a GD boss. Once the votes role in for Jenn, her and the No Collars snicker and lightly cheer. So it's Kelly who is voted out of the game. She could probably use that doctor's visit now.

March 29, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart: True Bromance

3/29/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

The Reward Challenge has the two tribes racing up a tower of obstacles, then launching sandbags from a slingshot to hit targets. It's actually not as physically unbalanced as you'd expect, especially since the slingshots require accuracy and not just sheer force. In the big surprise, Nagarote wins over the muscle-bound Escameca tribe. Their reward is a special night of feasting on beef stew, mac and cheese, and hot chocolate while watching turtles lay eggs. It's like Sue Ellen and the Clown Dog guy's date in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

Shall we go over what's happening across the tribes? J/K it's pretty much alllll Escameca this week minus a quick clip of Shireen feeling like she's alienated from Nagarote. So about Escameca. Rodney and Joaquin totally bro out on each other, finding a new ally in their island doucheyness. The word "bro" is used so much is honestly started to churn my stomach, so that word is officially dead. Rodney and Joaquin are ready to take over the game, so Joaquin hopes to bring a scorned Sierra into the mix eventhought she hates Rodney. So Rodney and Sierra pretend to squish their beef, but Rodney's ready to be the swing vote to control it all. Rodney says he's got Joaquin wrapped around his finger, suggesting to Mike they throw the challenge to vote out Joe. Ugh, why must they always target the ones with the most beautiful hair?

The Immunity Challenge is a memory challenge to recreate the order of a serious of objects that are a Pinterest lover's dream. Jugs, candlesticks, candlebras, candles, message in a bottle... and some skull. If that's on your Pinterest board, um maybe make it a private board. Escameca begins their plan to throw it but either not everyone got the memo or they agreed to not make it obvious, sending the game into a 2-2 tie. This leads to a final match-up between Mike and Kelly (allies now on different tribes). After both fail on the first try, Mike tells Kelly to listen to him and audibly points everything out so Kelly will get the answer. Kelly STILL gets it wrong, cutting down to five items instead of six. Are we sure Kelly's head was OK enought to stay in the game? In round three after being extremely clear about how he would throw the challenge and give her the answers, Kelly wins/is handed immunity for Nagarote. I'm pretty sure after that headwound last week and all this thinking, Kelly is really hating her noggin.

Mike admits throwing the challenge doesn't make him a happy man, but gave him clarity to see that Rodney's an untrustworthy threat. Uh, DUH BRO. Joe's the easy target as the only remaining No Collar, plus he's a challenge thread, so a handshake is had and all seems easy. Mike asks Joe where his head's at, pointing out that the White Collar guys are playing them all. To change the votes again though they'll need a swing vote and guess who that is? Sierra of course. As a reminder, Sierra hates Rodney and she hates Dan. To get Sierra's good graces again, Dan has to attempt another apology and he's still terrible at speaking but at least this apology is a step above the last few tries. Power couples must be stopped!

Tribal Council time! Probst's first question is about the tribe swap putting four blue collars together, but Joe points out there were cracks to exploit. Sierra is named as the one who was most betrayed by the former tribe and most likely to flip. Rodney explains dropping buffs means new opportunities, which is true though I hate admitting someone so annoying is right. Sierra isn't mad she was voted for, instead she's upset because she felt attacked after the vote and only Mike was nice to her. "Who do I trust at this point?" Sierra asks and dear god, please trust the side that isn't the most annoying TV ever. The votes are cast and no idols are played because either Escameca's idol is actually hard to find or they're that dumb. In a beautiful blindside, and I say beautiful because my god his hair, Joaquin is voted out of the game. True bro love doesn't last forever.

March 22, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart: Drop Your Buffs, It's an Unbalanced Tribe Swap!

3/22/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4

The two hour spectacular kicks into high gear right away with a Reward Challenge. One caller guides a blindfolded pair around a course to retrieve various items, then work with a third blindfolded tribe member to lift the items to a call via a pulley. Much like every time I recap this classic challenge, there's shouting and a lot of people slamming into their stomachs and balls. Now I'm pretty much tuned out of this challenge because it's redundant, but can't help but notice Probst telling everyone to be careful when dropping their pulley since they just let it flop down. After Sierra instructs her team to "drop it," it get too literal and the whole platform falls onto Kelley, knocking her down and making her head bleed. Probst immediately stops the challenge to bring in medical. Still blindfolded, Kelly is told by medical that it's just a big gash and she'll be OK with a bandage. The challenge goes on, No Collar wins chickens and roosters, White Collar win eggs, and the Blue Collar get nothing except for Kelley's stitches and an endless amount of guilt.

Here's what is happening around the various camps. The No Collars are in celebratory mode with Nina gone, Will hopefully on their side, and chickens to eat. Jenn disagrees with the chicken slaughter, which gives her an ideal excuse to sneak away and search for the idol. Again using the "it's probably in a tree hole" theory, she finds the Hidden Immunity Idol. The White Collar tribe poaches their eggs, which leads to an interesting food discussion where Shirin reveals she slaughtered a rabbit in preparation for the show. Everyone is having Fatal Attraction flashbacks. The irritation with Shirin continues when Max doesn't want to sit her out of the next challenge so as not to hurt her feelings, which offends Carolyn instead and moves her target onto Max. And the Blue Collars won no food, so they kill and eat a snake. Rodney continues to polarize his tribe with chauvinistic comments that women have to hold themselves to higher standards than me. Lindsey gets fiesty, but Rodney thinks her face tattoo is a sign of problems. The Blue Collars are imploding.

The Immunity Challenge has the whole tribe attached to a rope which is wrapped around various challenges, ending in lifting a ball up a wall full of holes. Not more pulleys! Save Kelly! Ok they're marionette pulleys so it's not so bad. No Collar and White Collar edge out victories and secure immunity. For the first time the Blue Collar tribe is heading to Tribal Council and given the volatility of the tribe the past few episodes, this should be a real shitshow.

At this point, anyone on Blue Collar is fair game because they're all so annoying. Lindsey would like to vote out Rodney for his lack of respect for women, so Dan smiles and nods before relaying all this info. Apparently Dan, Mike, Rodney, and Kelly are a tight four, while Lindsey and Sierra are the outsiders. Did this confuse anyone else given the edit of the last three episodes? When more gross male comments come out of Rodney's mouth, Kelly and Mike question having Rodney around, especially since he's untrustworthy.

Tribal Council time! The Blue Collars get the ol' "fire is life" ritual which is always heartwarming to see before the tribe begins to implode. Lindsey and Rodney both admit they don't mesh well together. "Chicken parmesan and tuna" is Rodney's analogy because he's eloquent. The women explain why Rodney offends them, and he does nothing to make the situation better as he reiterate his feelings about women needing to hold themselves to higher standards. You do you, tool. Lindsey explains she might get annoyed but is trying not to have hard feelings because she's Blue Collar strong and bonded to this group regardless of all the drama. The tribe votes and it's a three way tie between Rodney, Lindsey, and Sierra - say whaaaat! Mike, Dan, and Kelly have to re-vote and this leads to Lindsey being eliminated.


Sierra gets the speech about her receiving votes in case of an idol, but she feels alienated which is a bad thing knowing a swap could come. Dan doesn't make it super helpful when he continues to list all the reasons she's been useless before, which is the worst move because you don't want someone on the outs should tribe swap. Speaking of...

The three tribes arrive at the Reward Challenge to a "surprise." Drop your buffs, it's a tribe shuffle! The yellow buff is dumped, leaving us with two tribes: Nagarote (red) and Escameca (blue). Everyone randomly draws new buffs and apparently the Survivor gods really love imbalanced tribes. Escameca is a physical powerhouse of testerone and Sierra, including all three men from her previous tribe (Dan, Mike, Rodney), Tyler and Joaquin from White Collar, and Joe the lone gun from the No Collars. Nagarote brings over Hali, Jen, and Will from No Collar, Max, Shirin, and Carolyn from White Collar, and Kelly is the only Blue Collar on the new tribe. They immediately head into another Survivor classic challenge to launch balls from a slingshot while their tribemates catch 'em with nets. Escameca easily wins a reward of kitchen equipment, sausage, and anything White Collar won (because RIP White Collar camp).

Nagarote gives the camp tour and make introductions before the game kicks in. Being a "power trio" from White Collar, Shirin works on loner Kelly straightaway. But Shirin's charm quickly wears on her new tribe, full of singing, whistling, and TMI chats. Max gets two stingray stings and is treated by lifeguard Jenn to soak his feet in the water pot, and then everyone is grossed out that his plantars-wart-infected-feet has ruined the pot. Once again, Max and Shirin are on the outs and Carolyn is privately plotting their future blindside. The Escameca dudes are dumb enough to leave Sierra alone with her three new tribemates, and she spills the tea immediately on hating her former tribe. Mike suggests Dan apologize to Sierra, but Dan would rather give one of his long talks and run his mouth. Instead of "I'm sorry," Dan puts the blame back on Sierra because she said mean stuff too. Dan is the worst.

The first Immunity Challenge with the new tribes has some cool medieval looking weaponry. Pots will be dragged on sleds through obstacles and then set up on poles. The medieval looking wrecking ball, wrapped in chains, is then swung to smash all the pots. There's no reason to attempt to recap this. The sheer physical strength of Escameca totally overpowers Nagarote, leading to an easy victory in the challenge and immunity.

Max admits he wanted to smile after losing because he's ready to change the dynamic of the game. It's the worst voiceover comment to make when you're unaware that an ally is plotting your demise. Being the only Blue Collar there, Kelly is everyone's new BFF as they attempt to woo her to their side. Jenn/Hali would like to work with Kelly to vote off Shirin, while Max would like her to join him, Shirin, and Carolyn to vote off Will. Shirin tells Carolyn the plan, but doesn't really make it a conversation, so Carolyn decides she'd like to be the swin vote. Someone's pulling a Chaos Kass! Or a Sarah if it all fails. Jenn is so relieved to hear Carolyn wants to take out her former tribe, which then makes Kelly change her mind to be with the numbers. "It's a race for who's more annoying for me," Jenn says as her vote for who to blindside changes each minute.

Tribal Council time! Shirin giggles while telling Probst about how much she loves her new tribe, gelling much better than White Collar. Max brings up the "inauthentic Kumbaya" as a way to pretend they have a chance, giving a long speech including major past Survivor trivia. This is where I imagine Jenn's brain is melting as she attempts to grasp Max's superfan knowledge of the game. Max and Shirin are unapologetic superfans, geeking out on the entire experience. Hali brings up that sometimes the votes are moreso a "quality of life" vote, which is definitely a red flag comment. Everyone agrees tonight's vote will be a blindside. When it comes time to read the votes Max says, "Hold up bro" and for a minute it seems like an idol is coming up. Nope, just Max paying homage to the beautifully coiffed Malcolm moment of the past. It's a last moment of Tribal Council for Max as he is blindsided out of this game.

March 15, 2015

Survivor Worlds Apart: Kicking the Buckets

3/15/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

If the theme of last week was nudity, this week's is tribe tension. The most minor offense is Shirin, who is beginning to irk her fellow White Collar tribemates. After Shirin spots two howler monkeys making sweet, sweet love in the tree, she squeals in delight as she recaps the monkey sex to the others. Seems like no one is amused. Shirin also gets into a little squabble with Joaquin when everyone heads into the woods looking for the idol. Shirin's suggestion is to not look for the idol until they lose another challenge, but Joaquin doesn't trust her. He does trust Tyler enough to show him the idol clue, which is a big step in Tyler's eyes. Now he has the trust of Joaquin and Carolyn, who has the idol. By the way, during all this idol hunting Carolyn is just straight chilling and tending the fire. If White Collar does lose Tyler has his target set: Shirin.

The No Collar tribe has to come together again after the Tribal Council blindside of Vince. Nina returns to her usual mopey self and asks everyone to be respectful to her until her eventual boot. Nina understands the only way for her to survive is to win challenge and unless it's filling a bucket with tears, I'm not sure how helpful she is. But Joe approaches Nina the next day to try to make her more comfortable, which sort of helps. But amongst all the drama, Jenn and Hali decide to have some fun, turning driftboard into boogie boards and surfing in the ocean. They're even pretty well fed now that Joe can be the provider without Vince throwing shady glances his way. Maybe peace is in the air? LOL of course now.

The biggest drama of the week happens over on the Blue Collar camp. Dan says his best asset is his worst asset: his mouth. I'd say it's his worse because all his jokes die a quick death, particularly thinking he's cool enough to tell Rodney "Your mother's a whore." Surprise! Rodney is pissed. Other things that piss off Rodney are requesting he do work, because this sets him off too after Mike tries to request more help around the camp. Listen, we're on Rodney Time, K? Most of the tribe doesn't feel that Mike respects them, to which he's like "Uhh, you don't say thank you to me either." Lindsey is pissed because she tends to the fire all day and that Mike doesn't do everything. What probably upsets Mike more is her choice to bring his religion into it, but it might be hard not to with a giant "Psalm 131" tattoo on your back. But seriously Mike is taking this "blue collar" theme way to heart. At least a couple people on the tribe know to back away from the fight and let the others tear each other apart.

There's a lot of shocked faces at the Immunity Challenge to see Vince voted out. But that's a big move for them all. This week's challenge is to carry a large bucket full of water through mud and fill up another barrel. That sentence makes it sound easy but the buckets got a crapload of holes to cover up to prevent the water from gushing all around. Apparently since Nina is slow and bad at challenges, the no collar strategy is for Nina to run ahead of the group to not trip through the obstacles and slow the tribe down. Except they're reaaaaally slow anyways, so it's detrimental to their tribe. The blue collar tribe comes in first place, winning immunity and comfort items (chairs, blanket, pillows, candles, rope, tarp). The white collars finish right behind them, so they also score immunity and a tarp. No collars... absolutely screwed again.

Joe's in full apology mode once the No Collars return to camp since his strategy totally bombed. If Nina participated, they might have won (actually though, probably not- let's be real). The vote is between the two weakest, Nina and Will. Will thinks Nina is going, while Nina thinks Will could be going. Will is horrible in challenges and untrustworthy, Nina is consider the "wet blanket" of the tribe. The show does it's best to edit something interesting, but it's the most obvious vote coming.

Tribal council time! Probst asks about trust seeing as last Tribal was all about it but a guy was blindsided. Joe tries to explain the logic of excluding Nina from the obstacles in the challenge, which is still dumb. But Nina insists it's because of her "disavantage" though Probst is like, "But this was a physical challenge." The tribe thinks Nina is using the deafness against them for the miscommunication problems, as she's also not understanding her tribemates which has nothing to do with disabilities. Nina might've lived a more white collar life back home, but in order to play the game she's gotta loosen up and embrace the no collar nature of the tribe. Probst busts out the jar of votes and in a 3-2 vote, Nina is eliminated from the game.

March 9, 2015

The Bachelor: Prince Farming Finds His Soulesmate

3/09/2015 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 10 - FINALE!

It's back to Arlington which is now covered in a thin layer of snow, the corn as dead as our enthusiasm for this season. Chris has no idea what he's going in terms of the two women, but he's got his family to help.

Whitney meets Chris' family first and knowing this is the farm, she comes well-prepared by wearing a flannel shirt. Whitney regales Chris' family with the tale of making a baby with fertility clinic sperm and every has a real guffaw. Whitney also lets the family know she's had a crush on Chris since Andi's season so she's 100% here for him and loves him, her voice getting shaky and shriekier by the second. Whitney is very comfortable moving to Arlington and starting a life while finding a new family to call her own. The family approves of Whitney and sees her fitting right in, especially because she's totally in love and her constant Chris adulation. As Chris explains his feelings for Whitney to his sisters, he makes a pretty good derp face. Chris has feelings for Whitney, but feels a real chemistry for Becca. His rambling speech about what he likes about Becca is defensive, so much that maybe his mind is already made up? Farm talk with the boys reveals that maybe part of Chris' attraction to Becca is the chase since she's like interested but not as forward as Whitney.

The Soules are real interested in meeting Becca, putting aside their Whitney-love to give Becca a fair chance. While Becca isn't all-in and hasn't confirmed she'd move to Iowa yet, Chris thinks the risk could be worth it. Becca chooses to wear a chambray shirt, a less overt farm look. Becca admits to the family that she did see Arlington during the impromptu road trip and was definitely shocked by "downtown." But her riff about an exciting Saturday in town being picking up the mail slays the fam. In the family grilling, Becca admits she still isn't fully in love but is getting there which worries her that maybe he'll turn her down because the relationship hasn't progressed fast enough. Becca will move to wherever love takes her, but only when she's totally sure. The family worries she might not be as into Chris as he is into her, especially her hesitance to no up and move to Iowa after 2 months of dating. The grilling by Chris' mom is so good that she starts to cry, probably because Chris' wise mother can read that Becca just doesn't understand why love feels like. Chris doesn't care what Becca says, only how he feels. How deep, Soules. Chris is hopeful Becca will say she loves him. Keep hoping, dude. "I think Whitney's the sure thing, but I think Becca's who Chris mans," Papa Soules says.

Chris leaves Arlington for Dubuque, Iowa for his final date with each girl. Becca's hotel room is the Al Capone suite because I guess he loved farmland too? Becca and Chris have one of their redundant talks about how she's falling in love but not there yet, so he asks her if she sees a future with him? Becca can't make any promises about when she'd be ready to haul ass and move, which leaves him in an awkward thinking face moment. Becca's lack of confirmation scares Chris because she doesn't know where she sees herself in five years because this isn't a job interview. Why does he ask this question so much? Becca can't articulate for Chris why she doesn't feel like she's in love with him, though her confusion about life in Arlington is part of it. Long paragraph short: Chris is super into Becca and she's on the fence. They repeat this over and over for 6 minutes.

For his final date with Whitney, the pair spend some time on the farm and pick some corn. YES! Harvest! Corn! Farm! Tractor! Whitney is so honored to be brought into such an important part of his life, so I guess she tuned out for the final three last year where Chris let Andi drive the tractor. Whitney gets the farmland tour and a visit to Chris' house, to which she's of course overly enthusiastic. They sip wine by a crackling fire and talk more, which is Whitney babbling more about how this experience was so worth it and she loves Chris. Back at the hotel, Chris sees that Whitney has a framed photo of them together from their wedding "crasher" date. Chris is hoping to have a moment that it all clicks and he knows Whitney is the one. Let's wrap this up really quick: nothing about Arlington shocked Whitney, she loved it, she loves Chris, life is grand. Whitney takes Chris aside one more time to wrap things on a high note since she's sure in their love, wanting all cards out on the table, but she's also scared. Chris says, "What you said, I reciprocate" and is excited about what they have. I love his "excitement" which on a scale of 1-10 is maybe a 2.5.

The day of reckoning has come! Chris soulfully ponders by a window both in sweater and shirtless. Thankfully he has a friend as good ol' Neil Lane comes all the way to Iowa to bring his usually box of halo engagement rings. With a ring in pocket, Chris heads to the proposal location: a decked out barn with stained glass, chandeliers, and candles. It's actually very pretty but everyone who uses Pinterest knows rustic barns are for shabby chic weddings, not proposals. So Chris waits eager for one, but doom looming for the other about to get dumped. Limo number one arrives...

And out steps Becca is a deep red velvet dress. Chris is like giddy smiling because he could see himself marrying Becca. Chris tells Becca how he's felt something for her since day one, that he sees a future with her and so much potential. It's the most he's spoken and the least studdery. "And you're not really ready," Chris says as he gets choked up. He wanted this to happen but she's not ready and Chris doesn't think he's the guy she'll need. Becca respects Chris' honesty and tells him he'll be an incredible husband. There's one last long whisper hug and it's over. Becca leaves mostly unaffected except for a few heavy sighs, which she picked up from two months of dating Chris. And Chris sighs loudly too because he's Chris and that's what he does. But Becca does admit she hopes that she wasn't in love the whole time but didn't even know it.

Wait, what about Whitney? She's rocking a long navy off-the-shoulder dress with some bedazzled cuffs. It's farm glamour, people. She's audibly shaking and shivering which is probably a mix of nerves and standing in a cold-ass winter barn. In case you're wondering, OF COURSE Whitney talks first and begins her usual rambling about how she loves Chris. Once she's done, Chris SIGHS LOUDLY. Then his speech begins about the first impression from the limo and the fun they've had throughout the process. "It feels so right, it feels so perfect... and that's what I want for the rest of my life. I love you." So Chris picked Whitney after this crazy edit of an episode. He gets down on one knee in the churchy barn straight out of The Muppet Movie where Doctor Teeth jammed out, and proposes. Lots of tears, kissing, hugging, and of course receiving the last rose. Together they sit looking out upon the farmland and bask in their love.

And into After the Final Rose we got! "There's tears flowing in the audience," Chris Harrison lies. Chris Soules is quickly brought out to clarify about the debacle of a finale we witnessed. A rollercoaster of emotions, mostly confusion since it seemed like the night could end with no proposal. But Chris and Whitney are ready to let their relationship be public. Regarding Becca, Chris saw some traits in Becca that he really wanted but she was also closed off and more of a chase. Chris Harrison wonders if Becca said I love you would that have changed things. "I don't know," Chris says, always eloquent. He's ready to move forward, not back!

Becca comes out for her first awkward interaction with Chris since the breakup. Becca explains that she had feelings, but wasn't ready for a proposal or something that big. It's just extra time to hear Chris' accident say "KAHSTANTLY." He respects her feelings and opinions, which led to "clarity" at the end. Becca loved things about Chris, but wasn't really sure if she was feeling love since she didn't have much experience to compare it to. Wisely and realistically, Becca wasn't going to claim to be in love just because this show wanted her to have those feelings. Becca feels changed and ready to find love. We're just relieved that Chris Harrison didn't use this as ten minutes to ask virginity questions.

Whitney comes out on stage and she starts kissing Chris a bunch, before gushing over how much she loves him. Even she jokes that she never STFU about her Chris love. Her self awareness charms me. Basically Chris wanted someone beautiful, funny, hard-working, and like his sisters - so Whitney is the one. Lots of happy, happy talk about their future together. Whitney didn't watch the show, or really only watched their dates together. She lived it and didn't need to watch him mackin' on everyone else for two months while they're trying to maintain the high of their love. She's confident in their relationship and isn't worried that he might have lingering feelings for anyone, because as a reminder Chris earlier said that everything was done. So this is Harrison beating it to death. Chris and Whitney have been very open about everything and are A-OK. What's super cute is that after the proposal, Chris' parents came to the barn to celebrate the big news (and request grandchildren immediately). And despite the rules of being discrete, Whitney has been sneaking off to Iowa to be with Chris and his family.

Other highlights of After the Final Rose include a visit from the season's real star, Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy takes 100% credit for their love, but if it fails he won't take the fall. In case you're wondering, they're "making love regularly." Best part of it all: Jimmy telling Chris that Becca wasn't into him. Cringey and hilarious! He gifts the couple with a cow which he named Juan Pablo. "EES OKAY!" Chris Harrison says as he pets the cow.

The other question of the night is who will be The Bachelorette? ALLEGEDLY it's been divided between Britt and Kaitlyn, which is a load of crap because everyone knows it should be Kaitlyn. Like the crowded loses their minds. And then, holy moly twist alert: there will be two Bachelorettes!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME I'M HAVING A MELTDOWN. One night one, the men will have quite a choice ahead of them. Now I think this is so awesome, however NOT original. As a longtime reality TV watcher, I recall them doing this on For Love or Money. Britt's all giggly and pleased, but Kaitlyn has on such a shade-throwing smirk because her moment of solo glory is over. Dear lord, please let the men of night one pick Kaitlyn. PLEASE.