February 19, 2019

The Bachelor: Where's the Truth?

2/19/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

So long Asia, we're heading home! No, literally home for Colton because they're off to Denver, Colorado. After the warning from three different women that there are still girls in the competition that "aren't ready," Colton needs wisdom and guidance. Enter Ben Higgins! Ben nods while Colton talks about his dilemma about falling for multiple people, then they hug it out. Then the girls meet Colton's dog and try to put on their best "I'm here for the right reasons" face.

Colton takes Tayshia on a tour of his favorite places with his dog and I'm here for any date where a dog gets to have ice cream. Colton tells Tayshia he knows she's not a wrong reasons girl, and while Tayshia is hesitant to say something so honest she believes the recently departed were referring to Cassie and Caelynn, supposedly discussing being the next Bachelorette and saying they're not ready to get engaged. After being forced into the tattle tale spot, Tayshia and Colton head to an Airbnb apartment to cook dinner with Colton and talk a bit about her family before hometown visits. Tayshia's dad is potentially going to be a hardass since she was married before, but she's confident he'd be happy to give a blessing because she's so happy. Colton gives Tayshia the rose and they celebrate their pending hometown visit with a makeout session while Tayshia wears an "Underwood" football jersey.

Caelynn's 1-on-1 date takes her snowboarding with Colton and he puts on a truly exceptional happy face considering he's heard that she's not there for the right reasons. The snowboarding lesson is brief before cutting to the serious convo and she's upset and frustrated because she insists she's here for an engagement to Colton. It ruins the whole date as dinner is super uncomfortable and not just because it's in a random log cabin or something. Caelynn tells Colton she's totally herself with him and falling in love with him (and he with her). It's a fairly somber date overall but ends in a rose and a private concert at Red Rock Amphitheater. Good thing she got the date or this Brett Young dude and his band would've set up for no reason.

Caelynn fills Cassie in about what was said about them, then heads downstairs to confront Tayshia. Tayshia defends herself and apparently, all the girls noticed Cassie and Caelynn being most defensive about the allegations so they agreed it was them. Well, guess this friendship is over.

On the last 1-on-1 date of the week, Colton takes Hannah B to meet his family which seems like a big step and also weeks before this usually happens. Even weirder: Colton brings Hannah B to meet his family, even though he isn't feeling love for her yet and she's saying she's in love with him. Seems... mean and misleading? Colton gets actual advice worth listening to from his dad, a major upgrade from Ben Higgins (sorry Ben). Since Colton is really serious about finding his wife and sussing out the liars, he asks Hannah B to basically defend her love for him. Colton appreciates her honesty and open heart, but is honest with himself and isn't sure he is there with her and can't go to a hometown asking for a hand in marriage if he has doubts. And with that, we lose Hannah B.

The group date girls board an old choo-choo train with Colton which is less Murder on the Orient Express than I hoped. Not even a Hercule Poirot "right reasons" investigation in the dining car? Shame! On her alone-time, Heather shows her maturity by telling Colton she can't take him to her hometown when she's not totally feeling him, so it's off to the caboose for her. No seriously, she leaves alone on the caboose. There's still the Cassie of it all, and everyone knows these aren't lies. She insists she's there for Colton and doesn't understand why they'd make up these lies. Kirpa knows what ending an engagement is like and doesn't want that for Colton, so she provides the solid evidence of the two girls getting defensive after the last rose ceremony. Cassie gets upset that Kirpa threw her under the bus again, and Kirpa believes what Katie said. Well, this is going nowhere. Colton holds onto the date roses for later at dinner to make this drag out even longer. He quickly gives Hannah G the rose because he was practically banging her last week and she's not in the drama. But the drama ain't over guys because Caelynn just rolls up on the date to tell Colton more truths, but then they cut away! Colton returns and gives his rose to Cassie, because he's falling for her regardless of the she-said-she-said.

WTF happened? No idea.

[All images credited to ABC]

February 18, 2019

Survivor Edge of Extinction Pre-Show Winner Prediction

2/18/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
It's cold as heck around the country, but thankfully we'll be transported to the sunny beaches of Fiji yet again for Survivor: Edge of Extinction. The 38th season is a battle of will power and never giving up, as the castaways have the choice after being voted out to either end the adventure or have a chance to return to the game by living on the Edge of Extinction. It's about never giving up and pushing yourself, and that's why I'm confident in my pick.

I've done my usual research of reading player bios, checking out some videos and articles, maybe a podcast here and there - but this season I also followed my heart. Again.


Aubry will win Survivor: Edge of Extinction

My beloved BFF Aubry is back on Survivor so there's no question who I'm picking to win. Aubry is a true badass with a strategic and social mind. Jeff Probst himself said Aubry is "one of my favorite Survivors ever." Same Jeff, same.

Now it's your turn! Time for YOU to cast your pre-show winner prediction. Who do you think will be the winner of Survivor: Edge of Extinction? VOTE BELOW - voting closes right when the east coast premiere begins!

[All images credited via EW via CBS]

February 12, 2019

The Bachelor: A Punch to the Face (and Heart)

2/12/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6

At the Rose Ceremony, Colton easily cuts Onyeka and Nicole because it was obviously coming and also they spent the whole cocktail party throwing each other under the bus. Both are upset but take solace in the fact that the other girl was cut. That's the spirit!

Colton brings Hannah on his first 1-on-1 date in Vietnam for a sexy spa day where they make out while wrapped in banana leaves, sitting in mud, and in the shower. Both share a love for showering. Hannah G opens up at dinner about her parent's divorce and since Colton is also a child of divorce they bond more. And by bond I also mean kiss. Hannah G gets the date rose, a slow dance, and a voiceover that Colton is falling in love with Hannah.

A group date invite sends Demi into tears as she expected to finally get a 1-on-1 date. Good thing she can fight out her feelings with a vovinam date (that's Vietnamese partial arts for you who don't want or don't feel like Googling). Chris Harrison co-hosts the fights with the host of the Vietnamese Bachelor and their chemistry is like Colton with most women: non-existent. At the night portion of the date, Demi really pulls a big move by having Colton call her fresh-out-of-jail mom with her. On the other side of the spectrum, the girls not getting as much attention as the clear front-runners verbalize their displeasure and Colton feeds them the Kool-Aid that it's all OK. Sydney gets the saltiest to Colton's face about being deserving of a 1-on-1 and while Colton keeps trying to string her along because of this show, Sydney decides to leave because she actually wants a magical relationship. Colton's still working out I guess how much love he has to give or something, but he gives his date rose to Tayshia while kind of looking like Debbie Downer.

Kirpa gets the final 1-on-1 this week and that's because we haven't had anyone get dumped unwillingly outside a Rose Ceremony yet. Colton kicks off their sexy fun time by solemnly discussing Sydney's departure. Then they snorkel together and over dinner, Kirpa reveals she was engaged to a virgin who she was with for 8 years and Colton reminds us yet again his lack of boning is not related to religion. Shockingly, Kirpa is not dumped on this date (and I had to rewrite this paragrah) and gets a date rose.

Demi feels her connection with Colton is pretty strong so she decides to get gussied up and show up at his hotel room. Demi tells Colton she's falling in love with him and he says he "appreciates it." But that's not the lowest point for this moment. Colton tells Demi he doesn't see a future with her and he can't drag her feelings along like this until a Rose Ceremony. Poor Demi is dumped but we know her true love awaits her in Paradise.

After explaining that "Things have definitely changed here in Vietnam" and not meaning it as a deep history lesson about war, Chris Harrison lets the girls know the cocktail party is CANCELLED. Oh noooo. Katie (who?) doesn't get a rose and leaves Colton with an ominous warning that there are girls remaining who aren't ready and Colton is shook.

[All images credited to ABC]

February 5, 2019

The Bachelor: Heather Been Kissed

2/05/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

Heather gets the first 1-on-1 date in Thailand and if you thought "Will Colton lose his virginity?" was an annoying question, imagine a whole date around "Will Heather have her first kiss ever with Colton?" The pair take a boat out to this amazing floating city with shops and food - book my ticket, please! Heather is waiting for her perfect first kiss but is totally OK licking the same ice cream cone as Colton which I find far more intimate (and germy) than a smooch. At dinner, Heather explains she dated a guy for 8 months and they didn't kiss because it just never happened/wasn't right and even Colton sees the no kissing as a red flag. But that doesn't stop Colton from giving Heather the date rose and her first kiss ever under a sky full of fireworks.

Elyse becomes the first girl to snap from "the process" of harem dating on a reality TV show. Elyse puts on her most flowy ethereal dress and heads to Colton's hotel room to explain she needs  time and attention for a true relationship, which is non-existent in this show. Colton's into her but she can't share his time with other people and then be expected to get engaged at the end of this. Girl, this is the WRONG show. Elyse quits the show because she knows she can't accept a proposal at the end of dating for a cumulative time of maybe four days. Someone.... actually is upset at themselves for choosing to be on this sham of a show? I'm speechless.

Ok my speech is back and we're onto the group date. A wonderful guide gives Colton and his ladies training on how to survive in the wild, like identifying poop, eating bugs, and touching creepy crawlies. Colton confronts his fear of snakes by letting one sit on his neck so that's progress. While Colton and his group of ladies scavage for food, somehow (AKA producers handed) Demi and the Hannahs bring plates of burgers as the food they "found." What a laugh! Colton is super into Tayshia because she snuck him away for mid-food-scavaging kissing and they kiss on the beach. Hannah B will see your sneak-away kissing and up the ante with the "I'm falling in love with you" line. Onyeka decides to pull Colton aside to tell him that honest Elyse said Nicole is using this show as an opportunity to "leave Miami." Nicole's upset, Tayshia defends Nicole that the conversation was misconstrued, and it's all a mess.

Cassie finally gets a 1-on-1 date with Colton and take a boat to their own private makeout island. Like that's ALL they do. Barely talking, just nonstop ocean kissing. Fast forward to nighttime where they stop full on making out for a while (but still continue periodically kissing) and talk about the ol' virginity bomb we hadn't heard in like a week maybe. Turns out Cassie's "community" (whatever that means) doesn't know she's not a virgin and will find out because of this show. So you can't be a virgin, but you also can't not be a virgin on this show? Help, I'm confused. Somehow they end up snuggling and smooching in a bed and Colton tells Cassie he's "crazy about her." Of course she has a date rose because Colton's way into her and hopes she's all-in too. Foreshadowing???

At the cocktail party, Colton lights a lantern with Tayshia, gets a trust ring from Demi, and has Kirpa check his teeth. Nicole tries to assure Colton that she's genuine and here for real love, but then decides to throw Onyeka under the bus by saying Onyeka has been bullying her the entire time. Onyeka is appalled by these accusations and confronts Nicole and as they go back and forth, for some reason Colton decides to join and listen to their redundant argument. He realizes this is pointless and annoying and literally walks away from the entire cocktail party to avoid this bullshit.

[All images credited to ABC and Fanart.tv]

January 29, 2019

The Bachelor: Leapin' and Leechin'

1/29/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4

The girls are released from their California mansion prison and jet set off to Singapore in their first destination of love.

Tayshia receives the first 1-on-1 date in Singapore and while Colton feels their relationship isn't as strong as others, he still enjoys her company. Well, nothing will develop a bond quite like an extreme Bachelor date going bungee jumping, which leads to some ocean smooching. Over dinner, Tayshia opens up that she is divorced. Colton appreciates her openness and gives her the rose, following by a makeout session in one of those fancy Ferris Wheels that are tourist traps.

Colton gets leech therapy which is only the second most sucking he gets on this date as thirteen women vie for his attention on the streets of Singapore. Hannah B fears Colton is ignoring her after Caelynn called her manipulative, so she eats a fish eye to impress him and then immediately grabs him on the night portion of the date to express her feelings and it's all OK again. Colton and Cassie kiss despite being told in a past life they were siblings. Demi is an attention hog, but gets vulnerable by revealing that her mom was just released from prison. Courtney is complaining about no Colton time because she's not getting up an interrupting, then gets pissed at Demi for getting two alone-time moments when she's had none. Demi gets the group date rose for showing another side to her, sending Courtney into tears that Colton likely acknowledges that he had no alone time with Courtney and doesn't care.

A hotel butler hand-delivers Caelynn's date card where Colton "spoils" her with a shopping spree on production's dime. She gets all these fancy gowns and yet she wears none of them to the night portion of the date but I guess the bedazzled feather gown can be worn any time. Caelynn opens up to Colton on a new level and reveals 4 years ago she and her friends were sexually assaulted after their drinks were spiked, the legal system failed her, and all but one guy got away with it. It's a beyond awful story and Caelynn is a strong woman for sharing such a hard story on national television. Colton opens up about his ex that also experienced sexual abuse (not named, by Olympian Aly Raisman) and has seen first hand already how traumatic this can all be and how much it affects a person and intimacy. For all the bullshit we've had to deal with on this show, this is an important discussion the show allowed to breathe and be true and to that, I give them kudos.

But back to the normal shitstorm that is The Bachelor. Colton admits he barely knows anything about Hannah G since she's slow to open up, but he still digs her and they really make out on a bed. Meanwhile, the other Hannah and Caelynn call a truce. Courtney makes some passive aggressive comments about Demi, so Demi tells Colton that Courtney is not deserving of his heart and he shouldn't waste his time. Courtney is appalled when she learns that she's been dubbed "the cancer of the house" and says that's Demi. Wrong reasons alert for Demi! But all this do anything to save Courtney and she leaves along with Tracy. Looks like Demi won those battles.

[All images credited to ABC]

January 22, 2019

The Bachelor: Beautiful Monsters

1/22/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

The first group date girls head off to a live pirate show where the two best lady pirates battle head-to-head in front of a crowd (Tracy and Caelynn). Hannah B confesses to Colton that her and Caelynn are former pageant friends but had a falling out and implies Caelynn is a bad person. Colton feels confused by Hannah B saying there's no way he could be attracted to the both of them given their personality differences, but he ultimately chooses to give the group date rose to Caelynn. She wants to be happy but can't because Hannah B shit all over the night with drama. All over this overshadows everything else that happens which is pretty much Demi calling Tracy old again and blindfolding Colton and massaging him with a mannequin-hand massaging.

Colton takes Elyse on a helicopter ride to San Diego for their 1-on-1 date and it feels like producers dropped in this helicopter just to try to grab my interest. The pair get an entire theme park rented out just for them and their group date companions: kids! One little girl watches the show with her mom and I truly wish that child said, "They should have picked Blake" but alas, not so lucky. Colton runs a charity for children with cystic fibrosis so this is a date that means a lot to him and there are no virginity jokes, so A+ there. On the night portion of the date, Elyse reveals her sister passed away after childbirth due to a cancerous tumor and they also started a charity in her honor. Elyse gets the date rose AND a "private" concert in front of an audience. The sugar high from the cotton candy was much needed for this long but awesome date.

Actor Terry Crews and his wife Rebecca host the "Bachelor's Strongest Woman" competition to be declared the strongest of them all. Chris Harrison and Fred Willard are there to provide commentary as the women do impossible challenges that surely will give them hernias or other medical problems. Teeny Caitlin miraculous pulls a limo (thanks producers!) but Onyeka wins the trophy - and cake! Colton is very turned on by all the "strong, confident women" and does a lot of night-date kissing. Except with Caitlin where it's not progressing and there's no chemistry, so Colton cuts her loose early.

The house is shook at Chris Harrison's announcement that there's no cocktail party... cause there's a pool party! Colton hopes to lighten the mood while also getting the answers to his lingering questions with no shirt on. Colton assures Hannah G that their connection is very solid, that's why she didn't have a date this week. Hannah B wants to forget that she spent time shit-talking Caelynn, then decides to let her "beautiful monster out" should Caelynn dare talk shit about her. Caelynn does use her Colton time to say that Hannah B is manipulative and deceitful. Hey, it's what Hannah B called her too! But who is telling the truth? Hannah B tells Colton that if he picks Caelynn, he wouldn't ever see the true her. Oh his brain does not compute and the pool party is ruined.

At the Rose Ceremony, Colton keeps Hannah B so looks like we can "enjoy" this storyline for at least another week. Or until a 1-on-1 date.

[All images credited to ABC]