January 15, 2019

The Bachelor: Don't Touch That Rose

1/15/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

Comedians Megan Mullaly and Nick Offerman host the first group date where all the girls have to share their "firsts." It's boring overall minus Megan and Nick's cursing and sexual overtones. Elyse bravely talks about being over 30 on this show and Tracy tells a story about dating a virgin and getting punched in the face. Demi tells how "she got the first group date rose" by walking off stage a kissing Colton. The girls don't like Demi's 'tude/confidence and when Demi deigns to touch the group date rose on her own accord and not by the hands of Colton, Tracy confronts her. It leads to pretty much nothing and over-30-Elyse gets the group date rose despite Nicole opening up about her austistic twin and Hannah G reminding him of "home" - whatever that means.

Hannah B gets a birthday treat (is ittttt?) with a 1-on-1 date with Colton riding horses in the desert. Caelynn isn't happy her pageant rival Hannah B got the date and experts Hannah to shift her personality and snap or something. TV dating is not Hannah's forte so it's an uncomfortable date and a little cringey. After Colton encourages Hannah B that it's OK to not be perfect, so of course they talk about Colton's virginity. Ultimately, Hannah B opens up and gets comfortable so she gets the date rose and a kiss on an unmoving boat.

The second group date brings the girls to "Camp Bachelor" with grilling and games... and being shouted at by comedian Billy Eichner. When you have the dullest Bachelor ever, you bring in talent! The girls are divided into two teams to compete for a night at sleepaway camp or heading home early - like me when I went to YMCA camp in 5th grade! The red team wins more Colton time, which allows Heather to reveal to Colton that she's never even kissed a guy. One-upping the lead! Heather doesn't get a kiss from Colton but she does get the group date rose.

Come cocktail party, it's apparently turned into a young vs old battle which I imagine is divided by who can get a rental car and who cannot. Sydney gets interrupted by an air horn, so she returns the interruption by crashing a pan, and I'm pretty sure the caterers don't want their equipment damaged. The Tracy vs. Demi battle continues as a bathrobe-clad Demi interrupts Tracy's talk time to give Colton a massage. Demi apologizes, it's boring. Colton gives out roses, it's also boring and some women go home that I basically don't remember anyways. Not as torturous as week 1 but I still barely care. Thank you, next week.

[All images credited to ABC]

January 8, 2019

The Bachelor: Colton's Horrible Premiere

1/08/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , 2 comments
Week 1

Colton the former NFL playing virgin is The Bachelor! I point out the virgin thing because it's apparently the crux of the entire season to get this guy laid - oh, and to find true love. The show knows we care so little for him that in the first 30 minutes his only appearance is in a framed photo. Instead, the show introduces many of his future girlfriends who all talk about Colton's virginity because again, there is literally nothing else about him. Eventually, we watch him parade around in many shirtless activities and acknowledges none of us wanted to see him as The Bachelor. But he apparently really fell in love last time and is ready to find his life partner on this show.

After an additional 25 minutes of filler content of franchise alumni, fan parties, and randos getting engaged, the show actually begins. I already hate this season.

The limos finally pull up and, of course, the first girl out throws out a virginity joke because, again, nothing else of interest. Most of the other girls give their standard greetings to make them not be total tools on TV, but there's always the exception. Caitlin makes him pop a balloon AKA a cherry, Courtney makes him each her peach, and Katie takes his V-card. Alex D takes her "Colton takes it slow" pun to the next level by dressing as a sloth and it's the only virginity joke I can tolerate because the costume distracted me. Hannah G gifts Colton with his favorite underwear: an empty box because he wears none. Heyo, freeballin! Tracy the wardrobe stylist arrives in a cop car as fashion police and it's so forced that I can't even. Some girls bust out second languages, but Bri stands out with her Australian accent - which is totally fake as a way to stand out. Erin, whose career is "Cinderella" apparently, arrives in a carriage and leaves her shoe behind. And Catherine brings her dog Lucy because I'm guessing she couldn't afford a longterm dog sitter.

Colton comes inside and gives a speech about being ready and excited for "all of this" and I'm glad one person feels that way. He gets one normal conversation before getting the "Why are you a virgin?" question (his personal life took a backseat for his career and he's waiting for the right person/moment) Then it's back to bonding and he shares his first kiss of the season with Miss North Carolina Caelynn. Catherine the dog girl interrupts women two times, gets a light scolding from Onyeka who tells her to chill, so Catherine interrupts another time. Content creator Hannah G in her shimmering gown gets the first impression rose for reminding Colton of home. Honestly guys, I paid maybe 35% attention to this and I know I should be recapping legit but like, this is basically a journal about reality TV and I make about $100 every 7 years from the blog so I'll say what I feel like. This is my Bachelor downward spiral.

At the Rose Ceremony, Colton gives out a bunch of roses and the last rose goes to "fourth time's a charm" interrupter Catherine. Colton cuts a lot of girls I don't remember but one is the sloth so guess she'll always have that onesie. I'd much rather have that onesie than Colton, TBH. Fingers crossed this season improves because lords and ladies, that was a painful three hours.

[All images credited to ABC]

December 28, 2018

Survivor David vs. Goliath: Nick is the Sole Survivor

12/28/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 13 - Finale

Everyone goes idol hunting after the double play last week. Angelina finds then loses a clue to the Hidden Immunity idol, but she at least successfully found the ladder to climb up and get the idol. To avoid being caught meandering around the well, Angelina lies and fake cries that she fell nearby. Good news for Angelina: Nick invites her and Mike on his Immunity/Reward combo meal which happens to be setup right by the well. What a convenient location! Angelina proposes a final 3 deal between then and then confides about her idol dilemma and drunk Mike with a wine glass in hand re-finds the clue on the beach. The trio secures the idol from its wall hiding spot and she's gleeful to help up the percentage of women finding immunity idols.

As usual, everyone wants to get Alison out and Alison mopes about being hungry and targeted. The group consensus, however, is that Angelina is obsessed with getting out Alison and that Davie is the bigger threat to go after (because he's delightful and pals with Nick). Mike begins persuading Angelina to vote with him and Kara to break up the David-bonded-bros. Tribal Council time! Alison says not everyone is being discussed and it's her and Davie on the chopping block. Angelina and Alison discuss their complicated relationship in the game. Davie explains that as the numbers dwindle, the bonds get stronger and betrayal is what can lose you the game. And so it hurts even more when Davie is eliminated from the game and Nick denies his involvement (true fact). Longtime superfan Davie, who wasn't initially meant to be a part of this cast, is a great sport though and promises whoever led his ouster will receive his vote in the finale unless someone else makes a bigger move. "I orchestrated it," Mike laughs. I mean, he did!

Nick is furious that Angelina and Mike broke their word and voted off Davie, leaving Nick as the last David in the game for easy pick-off. Good news for Nick is he wins immunity again so even if he was the target, he can't go home at this vote. It's time for Alison's inevitable vote off that has basically been spoken about for five Tribals now, but Angelina has a grand plan of playing an idol correctly at a "pivotal" point in the game to impress the jury but also rub salt in Alison's wounds. Alison discovers the fake idol, Angelina fakes sadness that she's going home due to Alison and Kara's votes against her, then plans to surprise everyone at Tribal Council with the real idol. This is wonderful TV but horrendous gameplay. Mike doesn't really like Angelina's master plan and tells Kara what's going down, then Kara and Alison wonder if they should blindside Mike because he's their only option. Tribal Council is theatric but less so because of Angelina. Alison acknowledges her spot as pretty much the only target, but throws out Mike's "clever game" and he calls her out and says there's a way to leave the game with a "shred of dignity." Oof. Alison plays her fake idol cause why not and it's declined, then Angelina plays her Hidden Immunity Idol with the level of hubris you'd expect (none). But it's unsuccessful because Kara and Alison don't give her any votes to allow her the satisfaction of successful idol play. Alison finally gets sent to the jury.

Nick wins immunity yet again, but this is the final Immunity Challenge of the season which guarantees him a spot at Final Tribal Council and lets him choose who joins him and who will be sent to a fire battle. Angelina, Mike, and Kara plead their cases to be taken to the end, but Nick announces the least surprising announcement ever: he's bringing Angelina to the end because she's clearly the easiest one to beat. Kara begins practicing her fire-making skills to show she deserves a spot at the end and could win, while Mike is full of nerves as he attempts to practice (eventually he succeeds). At Tribal Council, Nick talks about the weighty responsibility he holds from winning that final immunity challenge and explains he has the least probability to win against Kara and Mike, so he's taking a grateful Angelina. Mike and Kara take their seats at their fire-making stations and get to work. Mike gets a spark that takes off and he builds on it with a gleeful look as it burns the rope and sets his victory flag high. Kara has some successful fire attempts but ultimately can't get it to last and becomes the last member of the jury.

The final three bask in their final day glory: take in the sunset, making day 39 breakfast, and telling their tale of personal triumph and why they deserve to win. Well, it's time to convince the jury of that and as the final three take a seat on their stumps, the freshly cleaned jury is here to question them on their outwit, outplay, outlast on their different gameplay. Nick's explains his strong social game with named alliances, sharing idols/advantages, and winning challenges with his puzzle acumen. He also brings up his backstory of family with drug addiction and compares that to being the lowkey David that had to fight his way to the end. Mike's social game included working with anyone who had a final two deal with him and eliminating those who didn't want to work with him. He played hard and as one of the oldest and physically weakest Goliaths, he found his niche and made his way ahead in the game. He didn't play for the pot of gold at the end, but the rainbow and the fun and adventure of the game. Angelina bounced back after her Elizabeth-jury-pandering move and made connections with newer people. She brings up the rice yet again, and Davie points out by constantly talking about the rice it wasn't in fact the selfless act she claims to have done. Gabby gives Angelina props from Gabby for being last woman standing and women get treated differently in this game, which Angelina is thankful to hear and explains she had to dig deep to succeed at challenges/camp and eventually found an idol (which is a rare occurence for women in the game). Her theatrics are praised but also challenged, as it felt her fake idol was meant to humiliate Alison - which Angelina denies, but Nick nods yes. The jury gets a moment to think of their choice and then heads to vote.

Mike receives 3 votes to win, Angelina receives none, and with 7 votes Nick is crowned the Sole Survivor. At the reunion, Nick says now that he's won this show and money isn't his sole purpose in life, he intends to use his law degree to follow his passion to help those in need rather than chase a paycheck. Mike is similar in that he turned down a job to be on Survivor and have the adventure of a lifetime (besides 2 times on The Amazing Race). Angelina is proud of her game and being a strong woman, though admits maybe she didn't see in the moment how it came off to others (the rice, the "50 foot" ladder climb, Natalie's jacket). Speaking of Natalie, Probst pretty much shames her for her saying she got a bad edit. Probst is smitten with fan-favorite Christian whose analogy for playing Survivor is "first day of school" and you don't know what's going on, you might make new friends, and you can spread your wings. Also he and Gabby are still besties despite betrayal. Oh and Lyrsa has a tattoo of her famous teal jacket like a baller. All in all, this was one fantastic season and I enjoyed it all.

The evening ends with a preview of Survivor: Edge of Extinction where 14 newbies will take on 4 veterans. See you all in February for another season!

Now guys, not to get all Angelina on you here, but this is a BIG moment for me. I've been doing winner predictions since Survivor: Nicaragua and I've been wrong every season. 16 times I've chosen and while very close at times (Aubry, Woo, Sabrina, Chase, to name a few), I've never gotten it right... UNTIL NOW. Yes, 17th time is the charm and I finally got a Pre-Show Winner Prediction correct! And congratulations also to the 3 others who correctly predicted Nick would win this season: @jessicanfrey, @joshua_, and @sunnyjac0b (who BTW is one of the top winner predictors of all-time here).

[All images credited to CBS]

December 18, 2018

Survivor David vs. Goliath: Idol Hour

12/18/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 12

Best friends are fun in the game... until the end. Nick fakes finding a Hidden Immunity Idols to throw others off the hunting scent, but his bestie Davie does find the latest idol via an advantage clue. The idol is good for one-night-only unless he plays a game to up its power, but a sign from god tells him not to try. This isn't Davie's only shining moment in the episode, as he wins the Reward Challenge and brings along Nick and Kara - much to the chagrin of a literally begging Angelina. On the reward, Davie suggests to Kara the idea of blindsiding Nick because he may have two idols in his possession.

But then Nick confides in Davie about his fake idol move and Davie wants to undo his plan. That seems to be OK with the Davids who plan to target physical threat Alison, but Mike White wins Individual Immunity and wants to make a bold move. He's very insistent (and correct) that Christian would easily win this entire game and they need to strike, but there's resistance to the idea. Mike uses any leverage he has to whip the votes in his favor and lets Nick know that Davie was ready to turn on him. Nick's pretty upset his buddy turned on him, not to mention while they were on a reward together, and wants to vote off Davie now. Can this group ever get on the same page? Nope, and that's why it's so good.

Tribal Council time! Probst asks if there's any change in the pace of the game, but of course, there's nonstop scrambling and flipping (great TV for us). Angelina points out the nature of Survivor is trust no one, yet to get to the end you have to trust people. Christian points out that he has to work with whoever is willing to work with him since pretty much everyone has tried to vote him out at some point (15 points, closet to beating the all-time record of 19). Davie and Alison both feel this is a season of voting blocks rather than alliances, with Mike piping in that each vote off is a new day and not a grudge-holding-vendetta. Well, some hold grudges as Nick tries to take a shot at Davie. BUT A-HA! Davie plays his one-night-only Hidden Immunity Idol to protect himself, so nice try Nick! Also, nice try at attempting to play a fake idol to get everyone's reactions, then mis-play your actual idol on yourself to avoid a possible blindside. It's a good call, but unfortunately, Nick wastes his idol when no votes are cast against him. Instead the votes come to finally vote out the most likable threat to win the game, Christian the master of slide puzzles and future Comptroller of Slamtown. He shall be missed but, honestly, does anyone think Christian isn't getting invited back to play 4 times?

[All images credited to CBS]

December 10, 2018

Survivor David vs. Goliath: Family, Friends, and Betrayal

12/10/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 11

It's Survivor family visit time which gives loved ones a chance to see how smelly and emaciated their loved ones are and get probed by Probst with real softball questions. Competiting in partners, Angelina and Nick win a boat trip and grub with their parents and choose to bring Davie and his mom and Mike and his boyfriend along. The reward group agrees this is their ideal final four, but Davie feels like the outside given he's the only non-Jabeni member of the four. 

Meanwhile back at camp, Gabby is tired of Christian getting credit for all the moves because he's lovable and wears glasses. She begins the campaign to target her BFF and has Alison and Kara to back her up; they just need two more. Well the good news is, Nick is pretty pissed that Christian was part of the Carl blindside and is ready for revenge. Kara beats out Christian for Immunity, which means the door is open for the attack. Only one problem: Christian has an idol. Nick and his group are down to attempt the Christian blindside, and suggest throwing a couple votes Gabby's way in case an idol is played. Pretty diabolical. But Davie doesn't love this move even if Christian burned them, so he tips Christian off that his BFF Gabby is coming for him and a scorned Nick is OK with it. Christian tries mending fences with Nick, but the damage is done in Nick's eyes.

Tribal Council time! Nick expresses feeling burned by the blindside at the last vote, and there's a discussion of the ramifications amongst the tribe and within relationships. Gabby is feeling much more confident and says going forward she's not going to need reassurance to make the moves she needs to make. Alison compares Probst to the Grim Reaper, and not because he beats a topic to death, but because she was nearly axed at the last vote and that big move to get out Carl saved her. Alison believes she is still a big target as is everyone, but Angelina is basically like nah the threats aren't equal and at this point, she's eliminating people who she doesn't see being with her until the end. Mike points out this is a game of deception, and while the tribe thinks maybe they can dupe Christian, it doesn't work. Maybe it's theatrics, maybe actual uneasiness, but Christian takes a minute to verbally ponder playing his Hidden Immunity Idol and goes through with it. All the votes against Christian are null and out comes an Alison vote. Gabby turns to apologize to the ally she expects to go, but it's a little premature because two votes come out of the turn that send Gabby off to the jury.

[All images credited to CBS]

December 3, 2018

Survivor David vs Goliath: Don't Drink and Confide

12/03/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 10

Alec helps his reward challenge team come from behind and win a picnic, letters from home, and the physical anguish of puking and pooping from the overeating. It's a great distraction for Nick, who sneaks off to find the Hidden Immunity Idol he found a clue to the night before. At the next Immunity Challenge, Probst gives everyone to the opportunity to overindulge on nachos and margaritas, but most forgo immunity. Carl is starving (and loves a good, cold beer) so he opts out of the challenge, as do Angelina and Nick. Alec is very aware that he's the biggest physical threat left in the game so he needs this immunity and is confident he'll win. However, never underestimate Christian's willingness to hold on in an endurance challenge if it means he can converse with Jeff Probst about anything and everything in the universe. With Christian rocking the immunity necklace, Alec begins hustling to gain Christian's trust again and try to change his fate in the game because he's heartbroken to know he's likely ending up a unanimous vote-out. Alec's possible saving grace: Carl "The Godfather" who is calling all the shots, and also starting to irritate Gabby when he talks game plans in front of non-alliance members.

Tribal Council time! Probst kicks off the night asking about the almost-six-hour Immunity Challenge and Christian said he plays his hardest because he only has this one time (dude, you'll be invited back for the rest of time). Alec really wanted it but couldn't last as his body basically gave out on him. Alec brings up that it shows position in the game and character if you opt out of a challenge, and Carl reminds Alec that's he had literally no reward food and has been living on rice. Kara agrees with Alec that ultimately Carl felt safe enough to eat instead of guaranteeing safety, which gives Christian the chance to talk about calculated risks. Angelina agrees about the risks and uses this as leverage to talk about the Goliaths betraying her at the last vote. There's no risk-taking in this vote and the tribe unanimously votes Alec out. Who will become the next big target?

The second hour is all about "The Godfather" himself: Carl. Our man Carl finally gets to go on a reward meal and along with fried chicken and cheesecake - and there's beer! Carl loves his beer and it makes him a little loose and he tells Kara the plan is to vote off Alison (her ally) next. Back at camp, Gabby is tired of being bossed around by "The Godfather" and him getting all the credit for the moves her and Christian are making. Not to mention, she knows she's being pushed out of the David alliance in favor of them replacing her with Angelina. Gabby begins her scheming to blindside Carl with the help of the three remaining Goliaths, while Carl tells Christian the plan to vote off Alison but purposely exclude Gabby from the plan. Let the David battle begin.

But first, let's actually survive the game. The tribe is pretty much out of rice and they're probably going to starve so Angelina takes on the role of negotiator to get some rations out of Probst. Ultimately, they give up a lot of gear and Angelina sits out of the Immunity Challenge for the sake of sustenance (and winning jury votes with her selflessness and willingness to make big moves). Davie wins Individual Immunity and it's quite the night of challenge beast-ness for the self-described "blerd". The tribe arrives back to camp with their new ration of rice, and Carl hopes to celebrate with extra servings when they vote off Alison. Dude, what about rationing to last until the end are you not getting? Ultimately the swing vote between Carl and Alison is Mike, torn between voting off the bossy one around camp or the big physical threat. Mike uses his skills as an actor to play it cool while listening to all the arguments to vote a certain way.

Tribal Council time... again! Kara said last week's vote was essentially a sacrifice to try to work with the Davids and hopes this show of good faith by Kara and Alison will save them. Nick says camp is less chaotic now that the Davids are in control, and Angelina says camp is "jovial" but Tribal Council is the coliseum where they come to fight it out. There's also a lot of breakfast metaphors. Probst asks if the vote is as simple as picking off another Goliath and Mike says no, plus reward celebrations together help to build new bonds. Angelina brings up that the reason she made the negotiation move was because she's backed by strong allies that will stay by her side. Davie makes the best point that yes there are a couple plans for the night, but every person has their own plans to make it to the end. The move is made and David blood is drawn when Carl is eliminated from the game. I'd say pour one out for Carl but I don't think he'd want you to waste the beer.

[All images credited to CBS]