March 25, 2009

Reality Rundown: Hey, Living in Your Parent's Basement Can't be THAT Bad...

In this week's Reality Rundown...
The Amazing RaceThe Celebrity ApprenticeTough Love
I Love MoneyDancing With the StarsThe Biggest Loser


The Amazing Race - It's the annual leg of the race where the teams go to India, specifically the pink city known as Jaipur. Upon arriving, teams take cabs to this giant tree that is pretty awesome, like that Tree of Life at Disney's Animal Kingdom but real. Anyways, to get there the teams drive through and see the cruel poverty of the country and it's hard to watch. Cows and dogs with no food, hungry children- it's very sad and usually India is the country that really teaches the teams to step back and realize what kind of world we live in. OK, enough sentimental stuff. The Roadblock involves carrying hay and water to feed a camel and since they didn't read the clue well enough, old Mel has to do this challenge and it seems horrible- until he laps all those 20-somethings by being the only one smart enough to realize buckets are for water and the giant baskets are for hay. The Flight Attendants are in the back of the pack and will also have to do a Speed Bump this leg, which ends up to be painting an elephant's trunk which is too awesome. I would have loved to do that, and I'm sure so would have the other teams. The Detour gives teams the choice between riding bikes 1 1/2 miles that are dragging 9 barrels of hay, then going through those barrels to find a tiny silver elephant, or to put on costumes and dance on the street until you make 100 rupees. And if you're dumb enough to do the bikes, you deserve to go home... which is how I felt about the little Stuntmen. We get it, you're physical! But at the same time, there was the part about finding an elephant in a haystack which is always the death of some team. I get annoyed with the Race sometimes because I feel there are Detours where they clearly want teams to pick one over the other and it would make no sense whatsoever to do the other, which defeats the point of the Detour. A Detour should be a hard choice to make because there are pros and cons to each, like you can save energy but it will take you an hour, etc. At the mat, Phil and a guy playing nose flutes welcome first place team, siblings Tammy and Victor, and I think this is their third win (and now kayak owners). The Cheerleaders get set back about 20 minutes when they can't find their cab driver in the crowds, and he has their luggage. While you don't want anything horrible to happen to these people, secretly I kind of wish something like this would happen where the luggage gets stolen because it's so dramatic and would make for amazing TV (see: Dallas losing his passport). The Flight Attendants really make up time and I hope they stay in the race because of the Stuntmen's stupid Detour choice... but it's not enough. The Stuntmen make it there about 5 minutes before the Flight Attendants so ladies are Phil-iminated. Next week: Margie gets dehydrated and passes out on the Pit Stop Mat! (images from CBS.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - ACN is this week's featured product placement, I mean task. Claudia, the Deal or No Deal girl, and Brian McKnight are the PMs. The task is to do a big product launch for ACN's video phones, which I thought were obsolete since these didn't take off years ago when they were launched (I think the Real World Seattle or something had video phones, or maybe Loveline- big whoop!) The women's team can't seem to overcome drama, with chaos in the brainstorming and Claudia and Melissa Rivers butting heads. The women focus their product launch on featuring the product and including video vignettes to show the emotional moments the phone could have, like watching baby's first steps and proposing to a Playboy Playmate, but relying mostly on the hilarious Joan Rivers to entertain the crowd. The men opt for a flashy Brian McKnight concert and a video with a West Point soldier calling home. Speaking of the men, Dennis Rodman has a meltdown. I, and I think the other contestants, still have no idea how it happened but suddenly Dennis starting hollering at Clint Black about god knows what. Dennis comes back a day later ready to work but Brian doesn't want his help at all (Brian also barely gives Clint anything to do). Dennis even tries to help get expensive monitors for free but Brian doesn't care, and it kind of looks like Dennis and Clint sort of bury the hatchet. Both teams do their presentations and I preferred the women's since it was about the product (but later changed my mind, realizing the vignettes were sort of obvious videos about using the product), whereas the men's was more like a Brian McKnight promotional event. But it's not up to The Donald to pick a winner, the 450 sales people attending the event decide, and we learn 85% of those people preferred the men, so the men finally pull a victory. Catfights ensue in the boardroom with the Athena ladies, with personal outweighing business. Melissa Rivers is a producer and felt she wasn't put to good use and it wasn't until she finally stood up and directed the show that things worked and the team agrees. Claudia doesn't care though and is gunning for Melissa who thinks her personality holds them back, so Joan Rivers interjects and takes down Claudia, calling her a "musher". Khloe Kardashian also thinks Claudia was a poor leader, so Claudia calls her out for doing nothing, but Khloe defends herself. But it's hard to follow the boardroom, since The Donald was interjecting with random conversations in no way associated with the upcoming firing. He kept going back to Brande Roderick kissing the actor in their vignette and it's really annoying. Part of my problem with the celebrity version of this show is Donald considers these people more his peers, so he's not truly looking at this from a business standpoint and lets more shenanigans go on in the boardroom than the traditional version. The cheesy vignettes are what the Trumps believe lost Athena the challenge, so that's all Claudia, and despite her best efforts to take out the others (she had a shot with getting out Khloe since she did little, but Melissa was definitely staying since even Claudia admitted Melissa succeeded), Claudia goes home. I wish when she left Trump Tower she had a really shiny silver briefcase. Next week: Dennis is always drunk so they have a boardroom intervention. Ummm... dumb. (image from NBC.com)

Tough Love – The women first go to the gym to work with an attractive personal trainer and of course, the trainers afterwards tell Steve Baio their thoughts about the woman. One woman, Jody, won’t stop talking about her job and Steve urges her to look outside her normal type because she’s older and chances are she’s going to end up with a guy who has kids and divorced. And Stasha, who loves to sunbathe topless and yap about being in Playboy eventhough she looks like a beat Sandra Bullock, is a real hardass in the gym and a know-it-all. As her trainer points out scary, and not in a good way. But Steve is actually really great and offers a lot of good tips for dating, like texting should be on a need to know basis (listen up ladies!). Steve then sets all the women up on dates, but they’ll have an accessory to wear. I am thinking stupid hat or fake teeth to make them ugly… no, it’s those shock collars you put on dogs. Steve is going to watch the date and shock the girls when they follow their bad habits, like talking about old relationships, being negative, etc. It’s fun to watch the girls wince when the dates have no ideas they’re being shocked. Others do well on their dates, others not so well- and by others I should just say Stasha, who claimed she was Playmate of the Year, was negative, and picked her nose. ZAP! Abiola, who won last week’s challenge, gets to go on a date with the guy who she hit it off last week (Terrence) and who thought he could “take her home to mom” and “have a pillow fight with her.” She doesn’t have to wear a collar, but it wouldn’t matter anyways because they really hit it off. The House Bitch/Chyna lookalike Taylor is back and she’s so annoying because I know she’s just there for TV and asks if anyone put the zapper on their lady parts- hoe. The women get together with Steve for group therapy where they evaluate the dates to learn from others mistakes, and victories. Abiola gives her date a 9.5, and then busts out a list to explain how she gave him points, taking away and adding points- Steve rips it up! Learn about a guy before you put him on a scale. Steve is so wise. Steve reallys knows his shiznit and my mom has already indicated she’d like to set me up on an appointment to get matched by Steve- thanks Dawnald! Anyways, Steve basically tells a girl named Arianne (who apparently is a Miss Howard Stern, so I’ve likely heard her be slutty on the radio) to stop trying to be a slut and accept love, so after group therapy she starts flipping out and says she can’t wait for Steve to marry a Stepford wife and then cheat on the wife with a girl like her- then she calls home crying to her mom. I enjoy this show! No eliminations, just self growth. Well for some of them. (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - The challenge this week to hang high above water and untangle ropes, and if anyone releases themselves before being untangled they get a 10 minute penalty. The other catch is only 3 people participate: the team captain and 2 people they consider most loyal (the other teammates will hang up as dead weight). Saaphyri is the Green captain and she chooses The Entertainer and Frenchy- they finish the challenge in 6 minutes. Tailor Made is Gold's captain and selects Ice and Prancer- but this doesn't stop Buckwild and 20 Pack from trying to throw the challenge by rocking the ropes. And it works- Tailor Made falls! But it turns out, TM (Tailor Made) didn't pull his release, the rope broke on it's own, so Gold gets to do the challenge a second time and wins. BOO! So now they need to figure out who should go in the box for elimination, and TM is gunning for the Entertainer. The Entertainer tries his hardest to get everyone else in the box, especially It, which doesn't please It (who has been in talks with the Gold Team) or his "romance alliance" Saaphyri. So now, Saaphyri isn't trusting The Entertainer and is thinking of getting him in the box with It's help. And she does it- Frank is in the box and he is livid. So now The Entertainer goes to get Saaphyri in the box, and the gloves are OFF. But there isn't a consensus, and if there isn't a consensus the Gold Team's Paymaster chooses who goes into the box- and time runs out, so TM chooses Frenchy, Saaphyri, and Frank. Man I hate Tailor Made, but it's a masterful play to take out someone from that alliance. The Power Outing is lots of fighting between Entertainer and Saaphyri, both trying their hardest to get the other out, whereas Frenchy thinks everyone should get laid. Frenchy is easily saved, so it comes to Frank the Entertainer and Saaphyri. While TM knows Frank would be loyal to him, TM already has an alliance so the Entertainer is GONE and he lets out one reeeeeally long "F***********k!" (see image). Served by Tailor Made. How sad- I was routing for The Entertainer so he could get out of his parent's basement. But now, teams are gone, it's individuals baby! (amazing animated image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - I really watch this show for the blog, so don't mind if there is little to no interest here! I watched a 2 hour episode in about 25 minutes. I didn't watch Steve Wozniak cause I knew he'd be a clunker. Steve-O was (judges not so much) injured again this week but I thought he wasn't too bad (. Shawn Johnson is my pick to win, but I know Gilles Marini could give her a run for the title. Ty Murray's partner, the professional, slipped during their performance so that was entertaining. Lil' Kim's face is still scary, Holly Madison looked like a Barbie doll dancing- meaning her limbs didn't move. I don't remember much else but if this is a "fair" competition, the Woz has to get eliminated this week. And you won't believe this but I actually watched the results show but there's 2 words and a conjuction of why I watched: HALL & OATES. They perform "Maneater" while the professional dancers do some jazzy stuff. That Adele chick performs too but I fast-forward. Actually I fast forward through everything but results and Hall & Oates. So the couples in the bottom 2 and are going to have a dance off are... Holly Madison and Denise Richards. Battle of the E! Babes! After the Showdown, Denise Richards is eliminated. Hey: It's Complicated! But the best part of the night is at the end of the episode they play "She's Gone" by Hall & Oates and that gives me a hearty laugh! (original image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Teams are out, individuals are in. Everyone gets to re-don their original colors and select their trainer. Lazy Laura, has-to-win-everything-Tara, Helen, and the young Mike stay with Jillian (young Mike chose by a flip of the coin, which offends Bob). Kristen, Aubrey, Sione, Filipe, and scary-without-a-shirt Ron join Bob. So they all train and Kristen is just a few pounds shy of the big 100 so she really wants Bob's help this week; Tara is also close. Time for a challenge with immunity on the line. First, all the contestants have a bunch of blocks that indicate how much weight they lost. They will spread this weight out to other people and this weight will impact them in the second part of the challenge. Everyone gives their weight to Tara (257 lbs) and Helen (215 lbs) basically. Helen takes it in stride, but Tara gets all pissy and hey Tara, quit whining. You are the strongest person in the competition, why would they not handicap you? I guess the whole laughing in her face about it is harsh, but I laughed really hard too because I'm tired of her attitude of being the best and having to win it all. So the challenge is that they'll have to pull a car half a mile and in those cars they will add the extra weight (also add in a Nascar and Cheerios product placement). Sione and Young Mike start in the lead, but all the rage inside Tara turns her into the Hulk and SHE WINS AGAIN. Jesus, and she wonders why they (and me) can't stand her. Cause then in her interviews, she's a braggart. After the last chance work outs, time for the weigh-in. Tara's immune so weighs in first and is 4 lbs away from the 100 lb milestone... and she loses 3 lbs- HAHA! Kristen, the 100lbs is yours for the taking!! Kristen gets up on the scale and loses 8 lbs!!! Kristen makes history and is now the biggest female on-campus loser, for all seasons of the show. Sione also hits the 100 lb milestone, but that happens all the time for dudes (and already happened to young Mike), but still, good for him cause I like Sione. So the 2 lowest weigh loss losers fall below the bottom line and are up for elimination; those 2 are Aubrey and Filipe. Oh no! Filipe lost 101 lbs total, but that's not enough weight to keep him safe this week. I fear Filipe is going home- he's a huge threat, though Aubrey can be a threat and is a total loud mouth. And with lots of tears and giant silver platters, Aubrey is going home. But the good thing is Aubrey can help her dad, who's got to be pushing 500-600 lbs lose the weight too. But as soon as she gets home, she starts gaining weight. In 3 weeks, she gained back 9 lbs because at home she puts everyone else first, which is how she got fat the first time. But it's inspired her to get back on the treadmill and drop those pounds- her goal is to be 125 for the finale. We shall see! Next week: Second chance to re-enter the game! And scary-without-a-shirt Ron has a medical scare! (image from NBC.com)

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