March 18, 2009

Reality Rundown: It's a Pretty-full "Lion"

In this Reality Rundown...

The Amazing RaceThe Celebrity ApprenticeNew! Tough Love
I Love MoneyDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser


The Amazing Race - The race heads to Russia this week, where all the teams are caught up to each other since they have to take the one train to Russia and it has sleeper cars. How fun! It's like the Hogwarts Express! Right off the bat, the sisters don't follow the pack and end up behind. The Detour is a choice between driving a snowplow or finding a Russian bride and delivering her to her future hubbie. Mike and Mel opt for the brides because they take the same attitude I have towards the Race: pick whichever is more fun, and what is more fun than Russian brides? The teams also have to drive around Russia using a stick shift which doesn't seem to cause as much trouble as it usually does. The flight attendants, who were first last week, pay someone to direct them and end up at a wrong church and way behind. Dumb! Cab drivers and locals always say they know where the place is because they want money, not because they really know. And for the Roadblock, a team member (and host Phil!) has to get down into their skivvies and run a marathon. Not a lot of whistling and hooting, but there are a few awkward glances. The mom and son come in first again and at this point, I really am thinking it's non-elimination. And when the flight attendants check in last Phil is sorry to tell them that they'll be starting last next week and will need to complete a Speed Bump along with their other tasks. Non-elimination episodes always kind of feel like a tease or a time-waster, but I do enjoy the Speed Bumps so we'll see how it goes. (image from CBS.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - KOTU and Athena open up competiting wedding dress stores this week, with project managers Tom Green and Brande Roderick (Playboy Playmate, but more importantly, Baywatch babe). The women focus on making it a real experience, with flowers, champagne, bridal consultants, makeovers, etc. Dennis volunteers to walk the streets to get hype going, but hype to Dennis means Vodka Cranberrys at local restaurants. On the day of the challenge, Dennis has "an allergic reaction to cats" and doesn't show up, and this is a huge detriment. Had Dennis been on my team, I would've used Dennis and his past experience in a wedding dress to sell the hell out of my gowns. The men's store is pretty ugly and they know they are relying more on "corporate funding" which means begging famous friends for money. Clint Black and Hershel Walker both get huge donations, but so do the women. In the end, the women win again with $100,000 made (the men made around $60k). The men are back in the backroom and it's down to Tom, a bad leader who may have overslept, and Dennis, who didn't show and didn't care. Jesse James recommends sending both home, which would be the right thing to do. But instead, Donald fires Tom because he needs Dennis for the ratings. So now the men's team has a whole bunch of dullards with no business accumen. The ladies are going to take this whole thing. Joan Rivers FTW! (For the Win) (original image from NBC.com)

New! Tough Love - Some guy named Steve Ward who sounds just like Scott Baio is a matchmaker that will help 8 hopeless women improve themselves and find love in a house I believe was used for either Rock of Love or Flavor of Love. I can't figure out what show was filmed there before and it's driving me nuts. First way to do it- speed date and point out your flaws. THEN have guys give their honest opinion of them like "F*** her, not date her" and "fat." Hey, deal with it ladies, the show's call Tough Love! So to help them get better there is one easy first step. You guessed it: MAKEOVERS! After makeovers, the claws come out, mostly from some annoying skank named Taylor, who looks like Chyna meets Khloe Kardashian. New quote of my life: "Every guy wants a cat fight, but nobody wants to date the cat!" The ladies then get a night out on the town and the guys from speed dating are there and the women are doing pretty well. And after the night on the town, again the guys they talk to give their opinions about the ladies, some positive ("best personality", "can take home to mom," and of course "have a pillow fight with"), some negative ("nothing 8 guys can even remember of her"). Steve Baio then gives critiques and tells them he has to trust him and believe in themselves- motivational! So boot camp begins and it looks like Bad Girls Club looking for love, but without the arrests. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - The challenge- strip to bathing suits and retrieve 6 gold coins out of big chunks of ice. It's neck and neck the whole time- even Buckwild is helping her team out. That is until coin 6, in one of the most amazing, hilarious challenge throwings I've seen on a reality show. Prancer and Buckwild retrieve the last coin and when it's loose, Buckwild grabs it and makes a mad dash to throw it into the ocean. Green wins and Frenchy is the Paymaster, which for her means trying to get 20 Pack to sleep with her or look at her self described "pretty-full" boobs to stay in the game. And speaking of showmance, Saaphyri and It (yes, that's his name) make out during truth or dare. That's right- It is still in the game and not in a single alliance. Someone I considered one of the most annoying people on all the I Loves show could win this! The Tailor Made Alliance is trying really hard to put another person in the box to convince Frenchy to kick out someone on her alliance, she they go with Bonez. Don't waver Frenchy! So on the power outing, nerdo Bonez busts out a paper list with the names of all the new alliance members she could have. But as he lists names, he says Cali. But wait, isn't Cali on the Entertainer alliance? Looks like Cali is most likely to be SERVED in the future. At elimination, Frenchy gets 20 Pack to french kiss her to stay in the game and it's creepy of course. My girl Buckwild is safe again because she's "royal" to Frenchy (she means loyal), and Bonez is gone- take that Tailor Made "lion" (poor Angelique can't pronounce alliance). (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - Again, I watched in fast forward so it's limited coverage. The salsa and the quickstep are the two dances for the night, and despite calling it quickstep, it's really boring. Best scores are given to Gilles "Full Frontal" Marini (all 9's!) and Melissa the jilted Bachelorette. Steve Wozniak is still awful and there is no way he'll last. Steve-O got injured so didn't dance and viewers have to judge based on his dress performance, which I didn't find bad but the judges said in no way was it a salsa. I find myself routing for Holly, Hef's ex, cause she's bubbly and an underdog. Little Shawn Johnson the gymnast was great again, but she was so spray tanned it was creepy- she also reminded me of Amy Roloff. Sorry! I don't watch the results show, but learned the results from Jimmy Kimmel Live. This year, America votes and the bottom 2 pairs compete in a dance off and the judges decide. So much for America's pick, but it makes sense. So the bottom 2 are Steve Wozniak and Belinda Carlisle from the Go Go's, with Belinda going home. I'm ok with that. (image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Alison reveals to the contestants that they are all going home for a week and everyone is excited to see their families, but nervous because going home also presents a lot of challenges and temptations. Speaking of temptations, one arrives! In a bucket, the Losers are told that while at home they will be running a half marathon (13 miles) for a challenge and the winner gets $10,000, but they won't know who won until they return to the ranch. The temptation is that there are 13 cookies in that bucket and for each cookie you eat, you can add 5 minutes to someone else's time, so has-to-win-everything Tara better watch out. Helen eats a cookie, and according to what we see, Aubrey eats at least one. So they all run their marathons and no surprise, Tara wins, but only by 1 minute (if Sione hadn't got a cramp and stopped he so would've won). A bunch of stuff happens at home where they inspire friends and family to lose weight and have to avoid junk food, etc etc. Back at the ranch, the results of the challenge are given and Tara won the marathon- but did she have any time penalties? YES! 5 minutes from Helen- Sione wins! But I'm confused because it clearly looked like Aubrey ate cookies. So either it was a fake out, or she's not fessing up. Tara is bitter, obviously, pointing out to Helen that Helen ate a cookie and still didn't win. Last chance workout! They've focused on Aubrey a lot this episode, so I think her time must be coming to an end. At the weigh-in, my poor Kristen gains 1lb and her mom loses only 1lb, so Black wins the weigh-in... again. So the tough decision comes of who to send home, and scary-without-shirt Ron is immune. Aubrey looks like the clear choice to go home, since Kathy, Kristen, and Ron have been a mini alliance of former Bob team. But Kathy volunteers to go home. And I find it amusing that Aubrey keeps saying, "You don't need to sacrifice yourself for me. But I mean, I do want to be here." It came off like a back-handed compliment sort of thing to me. So at Elimination, Kathy goes home and Kristen is left to fight for herself- tear! (images from NBC.com)

2 comments:

Josh W said...

I'm wondering what we are to learn from VH1's alernating prescriptions for single women (Tough Love: you have to be sweet, authentic, pleasant) vs. men (PUA: lie about yourself, move in quick & start touching, etc. etc.)?

melmel said...

I miss Mystery :(