March 6, 2009

Reality Rundown: When in Doubt, Waltz It Out

These posts are getting so long, I'm going to help you out. You can either read the whole thing or just skip to your favorite shows. In this Rundown...

I Love MoneyAmerican IdolFrom G's to Gents
America's Next Top ModelMake Me A Supermodel
SurvivorAmerica's Best Dance Crew

I Love Money - I forgot to post this in the Wednesday post! Craig Jackson officially becomes my 2nd favorite reality host after donning a t-shirt that says, "The Brown Jeff Probst." The new teams compete in a challenge this week which some kind of Gold Digger treasure hunt where they are tethered together (no one knows what "tethered" means, so Craig hilariously has to provide the definition that they'll be tied together). Green team, who I put my support to, lost pretty badly based on bad directions and team work. One issue I had is that there was one clue in all Spanish, but only one person speaks Spanish (Heat), so if it weren't for a lucky guess, the team with no Spanish speaker could've really lost. Gold team wins, with Prancer as the Paymaster and ultimately has to decide who goes home: her BFF Cali, Lingerie-clad Myammee, or worst-public-speaker-Milf. The snake that is Tailor Made starts creating an alliance that could overthrow the "Old Entertainer Alliance." Prancer's team urgers her to send home Cali, who I am not a fan of, but Prancer stands tall and votes off Milf, showing she's her own boss (not to mention Milf couldn't even come up with a good defense to stay). It was an OK episode, but nothing too exciting- meaning there was not enough Saapyhri, Entertainer and Buckwild for my liking. But it looks like the Old Entertainer Alliance could be crumbling fast, since Heat is nuts and untrusting of everyone. (images from

American Idol - 3 nights of Idol can be overload. By the time you read this, all 3 eps will have aired, but I'm blogging my opinions daily then giving you one big lump of Idol- enjoy! Tuesday the last group of12 finalists performed. They were better than the past 2 weeks, but most were so dull that I can't remember their names. I am routing for Nathaniel the headband kid (because his personality in ridiculous), guy who sang Plain White Tees, and Lil Rounds, who was awesome. The rest, just not memorable. But enough Alicia Keys already- 3 of the 6 girls sang her songs- yaaaaawn. Where's the fun stuff?

Wednesday is the result show. Lil Rounds moves on of course! Then the blind guy who has Garfunkel hair and the Spanish guy who again, I don't know his name make it through. What this season lacks for me are personalities. They can all sing well, but they are all quite dull. But now comes the 8 contestants competing for the remaining 3 wild card spots in Thursday's episode. Shocker, nutjob Tatiana gets picked and that's probably because the show is so boring and despite her annoyance, people remember her. Anoop and the hippie girl get picked which I am glad, as I both hoped they would move on. Some other people move on too but again, they made no impression on me whatsoever. (images from and

Wild Card night. I'm watching it in ultra fast forward because I'm bored and much like the past week, bad song choices. I realize when some girl Jasmine sings that her mom is the amazing bitter woman from last week, so I'll pull for her for the mom. The annoyance that is Tatiana sings again. Simon points out that Tatiana sang "Savin' All My Love for You" 3 times and I have one word to say.... SERVED!!!!! You got served Tatiana!!! And even Paula called her out for her sudden development of an accent. Anoop should move in because I support anyone who performs Bobby Brown (even if the vocals were just so-so). Now we just need some Bel Biv Devoe for the post-New Edition trifecta. The end arrives and the last 3 finalists are selected: Jasmine (and her amazing mother!!!), Megan (my hippie girl and she was picked over Tatiana the drama queen who decided to have a mild meltdown), and then the last pick after the break and during the break... MY DVR CUTS. Idol ran over it's alloted hour which of course they'd do that because it's to punish those who don't watch live. Thanks to Google I can provide you the results. Wow, I feel so Seacresty-commercial break-esque. Anyways, some dude Matt gets picked. But wait, there will now be 13 finalists and number 13 is... Anoop! Hooray. The real competition starts next week- maybe they'll get a crash course in song selection before then. (original source image from

From G's to Gents - Everyone is over Macho, who cries to the G's that he really needs to be here, doesn't want the money, and would give it up at the end. Yeah right. The 'Gs learn, chivalry. The chivalry instructor kind of reminds me of Kenneth from 30 Rock in terms of looks. My big-word-speaking-DMX-sounding Fahim isn't grasping this stuff and opts for a beer and is drunk for the challenge. For the challenge, there are 2 teams and each team captain is going on a date and his team has to give him guidance; whoever is most chivalrous wins. Watching the G's practice classy dating with polite speaking and waltzing is pretty humorous. After swooning and impressing, All In forgets his date's name but covers well. Teddy has his date second and it's not too great at first- he tries to waltz with her, she gets all sexy so he has to push her off and teach her to waltz. Team Captain Fahim, who is drunk, has his date last and it goes as well as expected. His first impression is to sniff and whispers her she smells like fish (he defends he could have yelled in Fahim-style). Fahim's earpiece isn't working, so he takes it out and goes for it on his own. Macho decides to enter the date since he doesn't trust Fahim and takes charge- and this ruins this team's chance for sure. See you on the carpet, Macho! Teddy's team win because it was a real team effort. At a night out at a club, ugly weasel Protege uses his night at the club to get ladies' numbers- but at home as a girlfriend and fiance. Skeeze! The other G's don't take kindly to this because they know Protege is a fake and weasel and I know I can't stand this goober. Black ball ceremony! Fahim seems like the front-runner to go home since he threatened Protege with violence. Fahim calls Mr. Bentley "Big Ben" and I just hope he doesn't go home because he's quality TV. But with the "3 strikes your out" policy, Macho is finally gone... and cries like a teen girl with a broken heart- or like Jason the Bachelor. He is a sobbing mess and can't breath and it's so awesome that Jimmy Kimmel Live even aired it. Goodbye Macho! Next week: charity! (image from

America's Next Top Model - Cycle 12 begins, and if you flip 12 you get 21 so they go to Vegas for the semi-finals. Make sense? Ok, moving on! Everyone stays at Caesar's Palace and gets to wear cute little togas and walk a runway of clouds (fog machine) and pose like goddesses which I maintain were not actualy Greek goddesses (Goddess of Friendship!) There are definitely some very pretty girls, like some girl Fo who calls herself "Blaxican" and Tyra makes her define it because we really couldn't figure that one out, and this one girl who works at Bergdorf's who I think has a different look and could be a real model (she should've tried out for Make Me A Supermodel- see below). This one girl has huuuuge eyes and an interesting look, but when I see her I do yell "Spook!" London, a street preacher who loves the Phoebe Price headbands, is a dead ringer Silver from the new 90210 (well, not as cute as Silver, but still, twins!) I quickly route for a girl named Alex who is a white girl from the hood whose audition tape basically is just her explaining that she'll "come at a bitch" or something like that- and yes, she's out immediately and my heart breaks. 13 girls are picked to go to New York and still be in the running for ANTM. The house they move into is the same house from Making the Band, and I have fond memories of Dylan, Chopper, and Nes screaming at each other. Immediately, there's the House Bitch (Sandra, but let's call her the more fun name) who refuses to give up her bed and thinks she's the best one there. And this episode alone the "I'm not here to make friends" phrase has been said at least 9 times. At the first challenge, the girls walk a runway show and House Bitch stops about 1/4 of the way down the runway, poses and turns around- she interviews that she was the best. Best mistake maybe. Another girl who has burns all over her stomach and legs cries and complains because she has to wear a lot of clothes. Listen, I give her props for following her dreams and trying to be a role model, but this is where ANTM bothers me. They are no looking for a top model, they are looking for stories. She's not thin or fat, so she doesn't fit into either modeling niches, and let's be honest, most designers would probably pass on a model with a lot of scars. I'm not trying to be rude to this girl, I'm just stating what we know is a reality in the modeling world. Another girl has epilepsy and worries the strobe lights will set her off (and deep down you know the producers want this to happen). Later the girls do a photo shoot where they have to be good girls playing popular kids games like hula hoop, tag, etc. because Tyra needs to make a statement about a social issue of girls growing up fast, because Tyra thinks she's Oprah. No one is outstanding, but a few clunkers are there. In the end it comes down to House Bitch or the girl with epilepsy. Epilepsy girl, who was rather cute and looked like Kherington from So You Think You Can Dance, goes home after not understanding how to work with the camera and House Bitch remains another week to cause house drama. I continue watching Top Model for some reason eventhough it's the same personalities every season, yet loathe it. I think I must be a reality sadist. (image from

Make Me A Supermodel - Tyson's in, Nikki Taylor's out, and new mentor Nicole Trunfio in. As soon as the show starts, it's already more credible than Top Model. New judges include photographer Perue, fashion designer Catherine Malandrino, supermodel Jenny Shimizu, and model scout Marlon. The winner is represented by New York Model Management and gets a spread in Cosmopolitan (way better than Seventeen, Tyra!) These are beautiful people with some real talent. It's hard to pick favorites because as Zoolander would say, they're all (well most) really ridiculously good looking. I'll pick Sandhurst from Tobago who is a classically trained ballet dancer. First challenge is to pair up and pose in intimate poses in a clear box hanging in the sky. Salome, a Menonite who was raised close to Amish and keeps telling us that, performs the best on the shoot and wins the challenge and get to go on a Go See with a designer. A Go See is like a casting call and really important, which already shows this is the better model show, because they are trying to get everyone some work, not just the winner. The show then gets real and points out that these models' bodies will need improvement, be is losing or gaining weight, and get weighed and measured. Unlike America's Next Top Model which seems to sugarcoat this industry as accepting, this show really points out what a fashion model is. In the weekly tradition of the show, a catwalk challenge is done and then the bottom performers in both the photo shoot and catwalk are up for elimination, but this season they judge's decide rather than the viewers. Ken, some big guy with "classic good looks" but actually I thought he was kinda ugly, is sent home and can't be made into a supermodel. Already this show is 18 times better than Top Model. (image from

Survivor - Coach's annoying attitude continues and while he thinks he should be a leader, he'll take the backseat until the other leader gets voted out. Taj tells Stephen about her cross-tribe alliance and he's down with it. The plan this time around would be for Stephen and Sierra to go to Exile... but no one told Sierra the plan. Luckily, when sent to Exile, Sierra takes Taj and learns the plan and this could be a huge power play in the game- especially since Taj now knows where the Immunity Idol is. At Timbira, my favorite player Tyson uses his buff to make a loin cloth which is hilarious. At Jalapao, they get focused on more this week, so clearly they'll be heading to tribal. Old lady Sandy is annoyed and young model Sydney is flirty. So when it comes to Tribal Council, Sandy seems pretty confident she's staying but ala, Blindside! Sandy is gone! So 3 blindsides already this season- pretty awesome. Next week: the secret crosstribe alliance might not be so secret. (image from

America's Best Dance Crew - Finale! This episode was sort of drawn out and boring. The crews performed together for about 45 minutes and then the winner was announced. Quest Crew wins! And they cry! Men crying are having the best week ever. But I'm glad Quest Crew won because they really brought it last week and I'm sure Beat Freaks will get a lot of exposure from this too. Here's to the end of what was probably the best season of ABDC yet! (image from


Anonymous said...

hmmm - never thought of MakeMAS as a higher-brow version of anything - maybe it's the bunk beds - but I see your point. I agree that Tobago (can't we give them VH1 nicknames?) could win this. Keep up the good work!

Mel Got Served said...

VH1 nicknames do make every show more interesting.

Jonathan Golden said...

I sent in audition tape saying that I'll straight come at a bitch too, but they didn't call me.