April 30, 2009

Most Awesome Lost Picture

4/30/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
If you saw last night's Lost, it was mind blowing and confusing... which is what Lost always is. Last night Daniel Farraday, the time travel expert, returns to the Island and encourages the Oceanic 815'ers to get off the Island before catastrophe happens. Before he leaves the Dharma village, Daniel stops and sees a young ginger girl on a swingset, which we know is young Charlotte (RIP). And what ensues is a kinda awkward scene where a guy sees the girl he will fall in love with 30 years later, so is kinda lovestruck, but encourages her to never return to the Island. But during the touching scene, I couldn't help but laugh thinking of a certain other favorite TV show of mine. So I literally laughed out loud when I found out Best Week Ever was thinking the same thing as me during the Daniel/young Charlotte scene. Check out this amazing photo that accompanies BWE's hilarious recap.

April 29, 2009

Reality Rundown: Camera's a Beach

Bad news: I missed Tough Love. I know, here's a tissue, it will be OK. I promise I'll try to sneak it into the Friday edition, since next week is their finale. But onto what I actually did watch.

In this Reality Rundown...
The Amazing RaceI Love MoneyDancing with the Stars
The Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - Since China is so huge, there's no point leaving yet, sending everyone to Beijing. And what's a better way to unwind after a long flight than a foot massage... from hell! The Roadblock makes one player endure a foot massage that borders on pleasure to pain, which is hilarious to watch and features some tears. The roadblock offers a choice of completing a synchronized dive (a jump, really) or swim the 400-meter relay that Michael Phelps dominated. I would've tried the diving, since I used to be a diver, but it's synching up is a struggle for the Siblings and the Sisters, who chose this option since they couldn't swim. The Sisters end up pretty far behind the pack and it looks like they'll be out of this race after this leg. The Cheerleaders are dying to be team #1 and finally they arrive at the Pit Stop first and so happy... until Phil tells them this leg of the race isn't over. TO BE CONTINUED! Duh duh duuuuh! (image from CBS.com)

I Love Money - No "I Love" series is complete without lots of fake ta-ta's, so the challenge this week is to complete an obstacle course wearing giant inflatable boobs. Prancer wins Paymaster, despite her injury, raising eyebrows. It is the dead last loser again, but also the key vote in the Vault- he has to decide whether to send in Myammee or his lady love, Saaphyri. He opts to vote in Saaphyri and Frenchy. NO! Frenchy then tries to quit because she doesn't want to suck up to Prancer, yelling about "camera's a beach" (translation: karma's a bitch), but is convinced to stay. Frenchy and Prancer work out their issues at the Power Outing and it seems like a girls to the end alliance could stick, especially since It is a complete dumbazz. But at elimination, Prancer voids my poor Frenchy's check since Frenchy is strong and Prancer knows she could beat It for the prize. Next week: FINALE! And has It been faking the idiotic funk? (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - Along with solo performances, the 6 remaining pairs will also break into 2 teams for a group number: Mamba vs Tango. Jilted Bachelorette Melissa injured a rib and has to be judged based on the rehearsal footage, and since they didn't perform full on, it's not great and they score a 21 (lowest of the night). Plus, her team's group number stunk so she is in the running to go home. Ty Murray, while improving, will be my pick to go home since he's just not as skilled as the others.

Results show: Ty Murray is saved pretty early, upsetting my prediction. The bottom 2 comes down to Melissa (no brainer) and Chuck Witt and his girlfriend Julianne Hough. I'm hoping Chuck & Julianne go home, because their cutesy, sugary relationship grates my nerves some times; they're like the nice version of Heidi and Spencer. The votes are revealed and Chuck is sent packing so he can go perform the country music he loves (yet no one knew he existed until now, or if you watched Nashville the 2 weeks it was on). (Image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Last week on campus, which means a lot of montages of their old fat selves, trying on their "goal outfits," and learning that they are healthier from Dr. Huizenga. A challenge gives the winner a choice between $10k or 1lb at weigh-in; but this time 2nd place is a winner too because they get whatever 1st choice passes. And you won't believe who won: TARA. I know, shocking, right? Young Mike comes in second, so at weigh-in we get Tara's decision: she'll take the lb, and Mike gets the money. For the last week there, everyone has great weight losses, but Ron (grr) and Filipe fall below the yellow line, and since Filipe is strong and Ron stands no chance at winning, there's no suspense of who is leaving. Poor Filipe- I was pulling for him! Now Bob stands no chance whatsoever in winning this season- so sad. And just when I thought the finale was here, NO. The losers will go home for 1 month and then come back for another drawn out episode before the finale. Now that Filipe is gone, I don't know who to support. I guess I'll route for 48 year old Helen. (Images from NBC.com)

April 28, 2009

The Worst Special Collector's Edition of PEOPLE Ever

4/28/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , 2 comments
I was at CVS this past weekend and scoping out the magazines at the counter, and right in front of my face was this Special Collector's Edition of People magazine... featuring Dylan and Cole Sprouse of The Suite Life with Zack and Cody and Suite Life on Deck fame. An entire issue only about these 2 homely tweens (sorry Sprouse twins!) As I spied this magazine, I had to say out loud, "Who would buy this crap?" (which elicted a response from the CVS clerk, "Who the hell knows.") What a waste of money and time. Imagine being the journalists who had to cover this crap. And who is buying this? Supposedly tweens and kids, but I have never heard a kid talking about these 2 dorks like they talk about Hannah Montana. Of all the Disney Channel stars to focus on, they chose these two? PEOPLE must be desperate for readers. Leave the teeny boppers on the cover of Tiger Beat, PEOPLE, and stick to the adults.

Secretly, I almost wanted to buy this magazine as a sick joke because it is just such a great conversation starter. Get it framed really nice, hang it on a wall, pass it down to my children and some day their children.

Thanks to Best Week Ever for the link!
(Image from Disney Celebrities)

April 27, 2009

Serving of the Week

4/27/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Serving of the Week

Henry Ian Cusick aka Desmond Hume, Lost
SERVED: One of the star's of the greatest TV show ever, Lost, is getting SERVED this week. However, I think the legal SERVING he's getting is worse than me calling him out of my blog. You see, Mr. Cusick has been accused by a crewmember of Lost for sexual battery and harassment, according to E! Online. According to the accuser, Cusick rubbed caressed her while moaning and then motoboated her. Yikes! Sexual harassment indeed! Henry Ian Cusick you got SERVED both literally and my figurative SERVING. As Michelle Tanner from Full House would say, "You're in big trouble mister." (Original image from TV.Yahoo.com)

Tyson from Survivor escaped by just a hair this week. If it weren't for this legal SERVING, then it totally would've been Tyson who got completely blindsided on this week's episode. You're off the hook Tyson!

Thing someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter.

April 26, 2009

Movie Scene Sunday: Mac and Me

4/26/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served 3 comments
I recently posted my 5 Least Favorite Movies and received lots of responses, but in particular, everyone seemed most interested in the hot mess that is Mac and Me. I haven't seen this movie since I was like 6 or 7 maybe, but I just remember Mac creeping me out to no end. But after posting, I did some YouTubing and realized, "Wow, this is probably the best worst movie ever made." And then my brother Facebook'ed me the most amazing clip from the movie. This Movie Scene Sunday you are being treated to a clip from Mac and Me which is a 5 minute dance scene that occurs for no reason at a McDonald's. And even more hilariously, Mac is dressed like a teddy bear and dances/pop and locks on a McDonald's counter. So if you love poorly done product placement, talented dancing kids, and Ronald McDonald dancing, then please enjoy this nonsense. As soon as I am able to get ahold of a DVD of this monstrosity, I swear I'm holding a viewing party.

April 24, 2009

Reality Rundown: Blindsides, blindsides... and Capoeira

In this Reality Rundown...
American IdolAmerica's Next Top Model
Make Me A SupermodelSurvivor

American Idol - It's Disco week! And finally we lose the stupid intro videos and most interviews and it's right to the performances. Everyone made disco their own which means it sounded nothing like the cheesy disco I was craving. If disco wasn't dead, it died a second time after Lil Rounds performed. I don't like Gokey but he did sing my jam, "September." My bottom 3 prediction: Lil, Anoop, and last week's saved Matt, with Lil and Anoop out the door. But I'm going to make an early final 2 prediction: Adam Lambert and Kris Allen. Calling it now.

Results show: some disco legends perform and while it's nice to see them, I'm going to be honest: it was just sad. They don't have the same pizzazz or vocal chops, so it was hard to see. But Thelma Houston performed "Don't Leave Me This Way" (featured in the epic film 54) and I think that would have been what I performed if I were a contestant. Bottom 3: Lil, Anoop, and Allison. Allison is a great singer, but she has no personality and a busted look- sorry! But Lil and Anoop are sent packing, and my ears can finally get some rest. (Original image from USAToday)

America's Next Top Model - Ugh, watching this show was so tedious this week. Like the longest hour ever. The girl's are in Brazil, but nasty Natalie keeps complaining and says she doesn't get what's special about Brazil. What's not special about meeting the host of ANTM: Brazil and The Girl from Ipanema? They also learn some dance/karate style called capoeira and have a challenge that Fo wins (25 extra frames for her, 25 less for someone else). She then uses this victory to get back at Teyona who didn't pick her for the reward last week- apparently Fo is 13. The photoshoot has the girls wearing fruit hats and posing like Carmen Miranda (or was it Chiquita Banana?). It's a crappy shoot and nasty Natalie and annoying Aminant are the bottom 2, and eventhough Aminant stinks weekly, Natalie is on the next flight back to the States. (Image from BuddyTV)

Make Me A Supermodel - The models work in pairs in a 60's mod inspired photoshoot, which makes Salome nervous since she knows nothing about the 60s. And then of course she wins the best photo so everyone is ticked, especially House Bitch Laury who thinks Salome is a fraud. The catwalk challenge this week is awesome: it's like a rap battle meets fashion. 2 designers get 4 minutes to create and outfit from random materials, then the models strut down the runway. Salome again rocks and is given immunity. Laury I know is for sure going home- she stinks. I think Colin should leave based on his photo and catwalk, but it's Kerryn, a previous frontrunner, that's given her portfolio and a push out the door. But before Laury leaves, she makes sure to yell a lot at Salome for being a fake bitch. (image from BuddyTV)

Survivor - Another show with capoeira this week! A reward challenge sends 4 Survivors on a feast and a capoeira show this week, while Stephen heads to Exile hoping Brendan's idol has re-entered the game... it hasn't. Sierra is kissing azz for last week's vote, insisting she wasn't the mastermind and Tyson assures her he doesn't believe she was the mastermind, she's not smart enough and she's out next- zing! At the immunity challenge, if you feel safe you can shove your face full of pizza or if not, you can play Survivor Shuffleboard. Sierra comes so close to getting immunity, but luckily Deb gets it- phew! But with Tyson finally vulnerable, the others hatch a plan to get Tyson out now. And at Tribal Council, after Tyson declares his love for everyone in the game except Sierra, he is completely blindsided and voted off. NO! I'm stuck with Sierra and lose my favorite player- what a Debbie Downer. (Image from Tocatins.Survivor.com)

April 22, 2009

Reality Rundown: The Fast Demise of the Pretty Girl Alliance

In this Reality Rundown...
The Amazing RaceGroomer Has ItTough LoveI Love Money
Dancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser

The Amazing Race - The continent of Asia excursion continues, sending the racers to Guilin, China. The Sibling team is Chinese, so spend the entire episode communicating in Chinese which sometimes works, but other times seems like showing off. However, there's a hilarious moment where they tell a man to help them succeed or their parents "would cry themselves to death." Everyone is pretty even, except the Stuntmen who have the 4 hour penalty and a speed bump (washing ladies' hair) to contend with. At 2 different clue boxes, deaf Luke and Jen get into some physical
altercations, which leads to Jen calling Luke a bitch and Luke signing angrily. The Road Block has one player working with a bird that retrieves fish, and yes, someone does get bit by an evil bird. At the Detour, teams have to write calligraphy or dance. Most teams choose calligraphy; the Cheerleaders dance and get extremely pissed off at the instructors. The 3 teams that did calligraphy all check-in at the Pit Stop at the same time, leading to a meltdown about the today's physical events. One of the sisters sort of laughs when Luke starts getting mad/signing/trying to speak and Margie goes OFF! While the sister says the laughing is a nervous thing in uneasy situations, it does come off like she's laughing at him (watch all the drama unfold above). Both at times were at fault for the physical stuff earlier, but just know, the "s" has hit the fan. Oh, and the Stuntmen go home finally.

Groomer Has It - Yup, I'm covering it again. The annoying, fat girl who knows nothing about grooming wins the Quick Sniff, which allows her and her team member to select which dogs they'll groom this week and which dogs the others will groom. The catch this week is that all of these dogs need to be re-groomed after previous grooming blunders. The zany Chicken Joe washes his Pomeranian, but insists the skin is so bad he couldn't groom it. The fat, annoying girl leaves mats in the dog's muzzle. Some punkish girl gets a Pomerian that had hair dye and was disheveled and she made it so adorable. Kendra from The Girls Next Door is a guest judge because she's a dog lover- yeah, makes no sense. What's fun about this show is it seems the judges don't get along; the vet and the professional groomer seem to butt heads, which is great. In the end, lovable Chicken Joe leaves because he simply didn't groom. (Image from TV.Yahoo.com)

Tough Love - Steve makes the girls participate in a game show called "Cute or Crazy" where he reads facts about the girls and a crowd of guys hold up signs that say cute or crazy. It's all fun and games, except Abiola who is dubbed crazy since she asks her cat for dating advice and has a wedding ring because she married herself. Revealing secrets is Steve's ultimate lesson this week, and the girls do well revealing things about themselves, like previous marriages. Jody gets to meet that dude she has been dating's son, which is huge for her. Taylor does well opening up, and Arianne is only a mild hoe. It's Jessa that's troubling Steve, so much so that he gives her a lie detector test to get some truth! She's pissed and after passing the test tells Steve she just flat out doesn't like him. SERVED! (Image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - Saapyhri wins Paymaster and all hell breaks loose in Tailor Made's alliance. The 3 girls (Ice, Prancer, Myammee) teamed up to create the Pretty Girl Alliance (barf) and approach Saaphyri to take out TM. Saaphyri sees this as an opportunity to take out Myammee so approaches TM, and to seal the deal, she has him hide while the PGA confesses to wanting him out. SERVED! In the Vault, Myammee throws both Ice and Prancer under the bus and they end up in the box with dead-last-loser It. Injured Prancer cries and vows to take out huge beotch Myammee. Ice is called out for not voting Myammee into the box, even though Myammee voted Ice in- it's game suicide. Ice tries to smooth talk her way out of it, but even Saaphyri knows she'll won't turn on her alliance. At elimination, Saaphyri tells Ice that she vowed "no more dudes in this game" and votes out Ice. SERVED- and I can't stop laughing. (Image from VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - The beginning of my broadcast was interrupted because they caught the Craigslist Killer, but it appears this week everyone will be dancing different styles. Gilles Marini does well, but again, isn't as strong when it's ballroom, which is the opposite of Ty Murray who is far better at traditional ballroom. This week there actually aren't any real duds, except the entire group number (a 60s themed hot mess). I can't really predict whose going home, but I suppose I'll guess Ty Murray.

The results show is actually kind of interesting, as 6 new professionals are vying to be on next season. We'll watch 3 pairs dance and vote for one of those people to definitely return next season. This takes up the majority of the hour and in the last 5 minutes, Lawrence Taylor is voted off and couldn't be happier- no seriously, he's like really happy. (Image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - I could talk about all the show in detail, or I can skip to the good stuff. Tara wins the challenge and either gets $10,000 or 1lb advantage at the next weigh-in. Knowing she's a player, I know she'll take the lb, but she takes the cash! I secretly hope she crashes and burns cause that's good TV, but she has a great weight-loss week. Helen and my poor Kristen are both under the yellow line. Kristen approaches Ron to confirm that he'll keep his word: that he'd never write Kristen's name down. Ron promises to keep his word... but that doesn't mean he's keeping her in the game. If a tie is forced, Kristen automatically leaves since she has the lowest weight-loss, so Ron tells this to his son Mike, so that Mike can protect himself. Sure enough, Mike forces the tie and Kristen is out- but not before calling Mike out. She said it's clear Mike already thinks he has won this game and is eliminating his only competition (he doesn't deny this). Screw you brown team! But Kristen, at home, had dropped 132lbs and plans to be under 200lbs for the finale- you go girl! (Images from NBC.com)

April 21, 2009

Best Response to "5 Best MCs of All Time"

4/21/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
There's this new Facebook application called Living Social which lets you make Top 5 Lists about everything imaginable and share them with your friends. I've been known to get bored and pick my 5 Least Favorite Movies of all time or 5 Cartoons I Grew Up On. But no list has made me laugh, nor has been as hilarious, than my friend Henok's list of the 5 Best MC's of all time. He took a page from the timeless Chappelle's Show, and here is the hilarious post that appeared on my Facebook page's newsfeed.

In case you've never seen the episode of Chappelle's Show where he takes on Diddy's Making the Band, behold the magic.

Chappelle's Show
Making the Band
Charlie Murphy VideosBuy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack Comedy

April 20, 2009

Serving of the Week

4/20/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Serving of the Week
Name: Brendan Synnott, Survivor
SERVED: Brendan, easily one of the most likable (and richest) dudes to ever participate on Survivor got completely blindsided this week... and blindsiding means you got SERVED. After being sent to Exile several times, Brendan was able to find the Immunity Idol and forge a secret alliance with Sierra, Taj and Stephen from the other tribe- once they merged, it was supposed to be smooth sailing to the end. Except Brendan forgot to talk to them and his old tribe was turning on him. Old Timbira members Coach and Tyson forged an alliance of themselves, JT, Deb, and Stephen to get Brendan out (and maybe flush out the Idol). On a white water rafting trip, Brendan found himself very fond of young, lovable hick JT and proposed an alliance with him, vowing to take him to the final 2; it seemed like the perfect alliance. But Brendan didn't realize JT had been approached by Coach too; suddenly, JT had all the power. In case Brendan played the Idol, Coach's alliance split the votes between Brendan and Sierra so one or the other would go home. So when Brendan got to Tribal Council, he openly admitted to having the Idol, thinking he was fine. But man was he shocked to see votes for him- and enough votes to snuff his torch. He thought he had a solid alliance, but it was too little, too late. Shocked, blindsided, and SERVED. Survivor: Outwit, Outplay, OUTSERVE. (image from RealityTVMagazine.com)

Thing someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter.

April 19, 2009

Movie Scene Sunday: Steel Magnolias

4/19/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
I've seen the first 40 minutes of Steel Magnolias a good 30 times. I've seen the rest of the movie 0 times. That's right, I have never watched past the wedding of Julia Robert's character, Shelby. I love the movie. It's got a great cast, pretty funny, good friends, a delicious yet scary red velvet cake... but I also know how it ends. Why sit through the rest of the movie when I know the end is a huge tearjerker and will leave me miserable? That's why I just watch the beginning. Then I think the of the delightful wedding decorated in blush and bashful (it's pink and pink!), and not the fact that Julia Roberts dies- SPOILER ALERT!

But my absolute favorite part, and one of my finest impressions, is when Shelby goes into diabetic shock and her mother, played by Sally Field, urges her to drink the juice. I could do this impression for hours and it's such an awesome scene, even before the juice.

Skip to 4:55 for Shelby's diabetic shock and infamous juice drinking.

April 16, 2009

Reality Rundown: Tonight, you just got SAVED!

In this Reality Rundown...
American IdolAmerica's Next Top ModelSurvivor

American Idol - I'm a movie lover, so when it's movie song week, I get excited at all the songs they could choose. Will someone go extreme and pick "Goonies R Good Enough"? Who will try "I Will Always Love You?" The answer is no one. Everyone picked the more boring, cliche movie songs. Aerosmith's "Don't Want to Miss a Thing", "Endless Love", "Born to be Wild"... yawn. Any of these fools could and deserve to go home, but I guess the best were Adam and Kris (even if he picked a stupid, obscure song). Bottom 3 prediction: Lil Rounds, Allison, and Matt Giraud. Out: Lil Rounds.

Results show: highlights include Miley Cyrus "singing", a Jennifer Hudson performance that bores me, and more cheesy group numbers. The bottom 3 are Anoop, Matt, and Lil (2 out of 3 ain't bad). Anoop is saved first, so I'm think Lil is a sure-fire out. NO! Lil is safe, Matt was the lowest vote getter. NO! He's my favorite. Sure he's no looker, but I enjoy his voice. But wait, there's still the save- will they use it? Simon jerks Matt, and us viewers, around, but HOORAY! Matt Giraud gets the one save of the season! But Simon tells the contestants don't celebrate too much: next week 2 go home and it's DISCO week. Results will be deadly. (original image from MTV.com)

America's Next Top Model - A challenge teaches the girls how to direct a photoshoot, allowing them to control the hair, makeup, and poses. The winner gets to appear in Seventeen, and the winner is skinny beanpole Teyona who selects Celia (her model) and Aminant to join her in the shoot. Much like I expected, the Seventeen photos are really crappy and winning a spread in Seventeen is the equivalent of winning a shopping spree at Fashion Bug. In the photoshoot, the girls pose as fans wrapped up in mic wire in front of R&B singer Ciara. I realize there will be 6 left after tonight so I speculate that next week is when they'll have their international excursion which I guess will be South America. Ding ding ding! At panel, a guy appears in a speedo speaking Portuguese and gives Tyra nuts- BRAZIL nuts, that is! So who isn't getting on the next flight to Brazil? London: despite her permanent "smiling eyes" (a Tyra obsession), but she's gaining weight and overall not good a great model. Looks like no quickie lipo in the plastic surgery capital of the world for London. (image from CWtv.com)

Survivor - So after last week's amazing buildup of new alliances, we're getting some payoff this week. But first, Coach tells this amazingly insane story about canoeing in the Amazon and being caught and tortured by Natives- so yeah, his credibility is in question. A reward challenge brings JT, Brendan, and Debbie together for whitewater rafting and Brendan drinks teh JT Kool Aid, loving him so much that he wants to bring JT to the final 2 with him. (eventhough Brendan knows JT would beat him). Brendan proposes an alliance of himself, JT, Sierra, Taj and Stephen. At the same time, JT has the alliance with Coach, Tyson, Stephen and Debbie- and now maybe Erinn, so JT and Stephen are controlling the game. The best part is no one in old Timbira seems to expect that they are all turning on each other. Coach and Brendan lie to each other and both say they are voting out JT. Now comes Tribal Council and we'll see which side JT has picked. When probed about who has the Immunity Idol, Brendan flat out says, "I DO!" Pretty funny- and when Jeff asks if anyone wants to play the Idol, it looks like Brendan's grabbing it from his bag. Psych! It's his water bottle. So 2 votes go to Coach. 3 votes Sierra, who looks baffled. Then 3 votes for Brendan, who also looks stunned. The last vote and the next person voted off Survivor: Tocatins: Brendan! BLINDSIDE! Self-proclaimed dragonslayer Coach has taken down his enemy. I think it's a smart move because if you're looking to the end, JT could easily beat Coach, Tyson, or Debbie in the finals. Really, JT will beat everyone so they better watch out. (image from CBS.com)

April 15, 2009

Reality Rundown: One Leg in Bangkok

In this Reality Rundown...

The Amazing Race - Off to Bangkok, where the world's your oyster. The Roadblock requires one team member to properly put a propeller on a rod, then they will take this boat to the next clue. What 2 teams fail to consider is that this boat might not return, so 2 teams don't bring their bags with them to the next clue. Now I think this week has the most awesome Detours yet, and this is from someone who has loved several legs. The choices: fit 5 toothless people with the correct dentures or get in a party cab and sing karaoke with Thai Trannies. Both hilarious, but of course I'd go karaoke. Margie and Luke actually do the teeth and take first place. But here's the crazy stuff: the sisters try to check in, but left behind their backpacks and the fannypak with their passports, so they have to retrieve those before they can check in. The tiny brothers also left their backpacks so before they even do the detour, they go all the way back to get their gear. But they don't have much money, so they offer personal items as a bargain ("real expensive, very nice!"). So the brothers check in 4th, however, bargaining with personal items is a huge rule-breaker and worth a 2 hour penalty and they did this twice, so it's a 4 hour penalty! WOW! This is one rule I didn't know. So the sisters return and are safe. BUT, luckily for the little guys, this is a non-elimination leg so they are still in it, but downside is they will start 4 hours later for the penalty and will have to complete a Speedbump on the way. Ouch! These 2 are so dumb I wish they got eliminated, but look forward to them squirming through the next leg. (Original image from BuddyTV.com)

New! Groomer Has It - I admit, I enjoy this dog-pun filled show so I'll cover it occasionally. 12 dog groomers compete for the title Groomer of the Year, which also includes a new car, dog grooming van, and a cash prize (hosted by ex-Queer Eye Culture Gay, Jai Rodriguez). The Quick Sniff challenge has them in teams of 3 grooming a St. Bernard, but the only tools with tools they can get from houses in the neighborhood. The winning team makes their dog adorable and wins fancy dinner, while the others get Doggy Bags. The elimination challenge is to groom standard poodles (a groomer's ideal dog), but instead make them into art pieces. It's a trainwreck, and the losing team chose a Hollywood theme, but really hurt the dog's skin in the process. The guy in charge of the washing/brushing was to blame and "clipped." And sadly, the catchphrase "Every dog has its day, and today is not yours" is gone. (image from Animal Planet)

Tough Love - Tough beotch Stasha leaves the house with her new emo boyfriend that she met one week before the show. Jody's date comes to the house and apologizes for last week, and they kiss and make up. There's a funny lesson about judging guys who wear shirts, including "I have chlamydia" and "I'm impotent" which is great. Even after an early talk with Steve and his Mom, Arianne gets called out for being a slut, again- but Steve says the guy likes her so he'll set up another date. At a party to mingle, Taylor hits it off with a good looking young guy, but ditches him to instead hit on the rich 40-something throwing the party, which later lands her in the hot seat. She insists the older guy was sexy, but clearly the money is what makes him sexy but she won't admit it. The older guy was in fact an actor Steve sent him- haha! SERVED by Steve! (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - I really didn't pay attention to the first 40 minutes, but that's probably a good thing. Tonight they danced either the Jive or the sexy Rumba. As I predicted, Gilles Marini was not as good at the fun, American Jive as he was with the Latin dances. Overall, and mainly based on the blips of dancing they show at the end with the voting numbers, I'd say Lawrence Taylor and Ty Murray were the 2 worst and will be in the bottom, with Lawrence going home.

On the Results Show, the celebrities get to design the costumes for next week. I'm pretty surprised when Lawrence Taylor is safe- so obviously Ty Murray and Steve-O are the bottom 2 and Steve-O goes home. (image from ABC.com)

I Love Money - Loudmouth is the challenge and the contestant who yells the loudest and longest after a few rounds will be Paymaster. Myammee and her lingerie win Paymaster, while 20 Pack is the dead last loser. However, 20 Pack doesn't care because he knows he's safe after the deal he made last week. But Tailor Made's alliance doesn't want to keep that deal, plus Myammee wasn't in the room so doesn't consider herself obligated to keep the deal. But Tailor Made wants to keep it; TM knows that in the end a jury essentially decides final 2 and he doesn't want to burn bridges. I20 Pack and Saaphyri are the frontrunners for eliminations. Saaphyri hates Myammee and is close to It, and 20 Pack is the strongest: so who goes home? When 20 gets called to get his check, he knows he's good but nope. Myamme says she sticks with her alliance and they want him gone. Check BOUNCED! (image from Blog.VH1.com)

The Biggest Loser - Makeovers with Tim Gunn! Everyone looks really sexy afterwards, though a beardless scary-without-a-shirt Ron is a little spooky. Ron's son/Mike's younger brother sees the new skinny family and feels like the odd fatty out- my mom called it the saddest thing she's ever seen on the show ever. With limited workouts this week, everyone prepares for bad numbers on the scale. To make matters worse, Lazy Laura (who has been less lazy lately, and has an amazing new look) has a stress fracture in her hip and can't do any real workouts. Lazy Laura and my girl Kristin fall below the yellow line, and it's a hard choice for the Losers. To me it's unfair for Laura to stay because she won't be able to truly take advantage of the ranch and the trainers anymore, so clearly Kristen should stay (and that's not just because I love me some Kristen). Tara is adamant about sending Laura home, saying she needs the support. Some consider voting off Kristen because she's a bigger threat, even after an amazing speech imploring them to keep her so she can get better- it's not about money, but being healthy for her. Kristen really does need it, so when she gets 2 votes at elimination, I panic. But in the end, Laura goes home and gets the medical help she needs. (images from NBC.com)

April 14, 2009

Disney-Pixar's UP: An Early, Spoiler-Free Review

4/14/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , 3 comments
I was lucky enough to win tickets from MommyNiri.com to a sneak preview screening of the newest Disney-Pixar film, Up. Up is set to hit theaters May 29, and will be Pixar's first foray into the 3D world. The preview we saw was in 2D, but after seeing it normal, I definitely will be paying to see this movie come wide release to experience it in 3D. But lots of people are wondering how the movie was, so here's my mini-review without spoiling too much.

To give you a quick summary of the plot, an old man balloon salesman named Carl Fredricksen decides to fulfill a lifelong dream of exploration and flies his house to South America with thousands of balloons floating him in the sky. Along with a funny stowaway companion, a little Wilderness Explorer (like the Boy Scouts) named Russell, they encounter the wilds and beauty of the South American jungle.

The movie, like all Pixar films, is gorgeous to look at. Besides seeing it in 3D, definitely check it out on a digital screen so you get the crystal-clear imagery (and a definite Blu-Ray purchase down the line). And as usual, the musical score is whimsical and fun, setting the tone throughout the film.

Now maybe it was because I was running on 4 hours of sleep, but I got a little verkemplt a few times (count: 3) in the movie. Bring some tissues to dab off those 3D glasses, because there are some very touching and sad scenes. I joked afterwards that it was sort of like a CGI version of The Bucket List (which I never saw, but I'm assuming). But if you cried during that scene in Toy Story 2 where we learn about Jessie the Cowgirl and her owner growing up and leaving her under the bed, or any time little Wall-E's heart was broken, I think you'll get a little choked up in this movie.

But don't get me wrong, it's not all tears. Carl and Russell make a hilarious odd couple, and they make a few friends along the way. Carl is voiced by Ed Asner, who is one of the industry's greats. Carl may be old, but he's hardly like the Grumpy Old Men. The character is adorably created in CGI, and really spot on, especially with his so-reminiscent-of-the-true-elderly walker.

I don't want to go on too much because I don't want to spoil the movie. Just know this: everyone, adults and kids, will enjoy this delightful, whimsical movie come Memorial Day weekend. (image from Fanboy.com)

April 13, 2009

Serving of the Week

4/13/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Serving of the Week

Coach Eric Taylor, Friday Night Lights
SERVED: All season long on Friday Night Lights Coach Eric Taylor and his Dillon Panthers had to put up with a lot of crap from freshman quarterback JD McCoy's annoying dad, Joe McCoy. Joe McCoy makes me want to break my TV he's so evil and manipulative. After Coach Taylor was obligated to contact Social Services when Joe McCoy beat the crap out of his son in the Applebee's parking lot, it appears Mr. McCoy has finally gotten his revenge on Coach Taylor. After 3 seasons of coaching the Dillon Panthers, Eric's contract was up for negotiation and McCoy's power and money was able to get my main man Coach Taylor fired from his position (and replaced by McCoy's BFF and son's private QB coach). Aw, poor Coach Taylor got SERVED. But, there's a catch! Coach Taylor was offered the position as the new head coach of the EAST Dillon Lions, the new school opening in town. Ouch, SERVED again. East Dillon hasn't been open for 20 years, is in the slummy area of town, and the field looks straight out of a horror movie. Can't wait until season 4 because hopefully Joe McCoy and his annoying son JD will be SERVED right here on my blog. Sorry you had to get SERVED Coach Taylor, but go East Dillon Lions! (Original image from All Mixed Up Radio)

Thing someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter.

April 12, 2009

Movie Scene Sunday: The Silence of the Lambs

4/12/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served 3 comments
The Silence of the Lambs is a great movie, if not really disturbing. But if you ask someone to quote the movie, they always go with Hannibal Lector's "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." Well, my personal favorite line is never said by Hannibal the Cannibal. It's from the movie's crazy skin-wearing tranny, Buffalo Bill. This is perhaps the greatest line in the film, and I've been repeating it non-stop for a good 3 days, so with that I give you this week's Movie Scene Sunday clip.

April 10, 2009

Reality Rundown: Call Me the Dragonslayer

In this Reality Rundown...
American IdolAmerica's Next Top ModelMake Me a Supermodel

American Idol - The theme this week is songs from the year the contestants were born. I was born in 1984, so I have some fantastic song choices. I think maybe I'd sing "Love is a Battlefield" or "Somebody's Watching Me." Leave what songs you'd pick in the comments!

Anyways, this episode sucked badly. The best were the last 2 performances of the night: Matt Giraud (my fave) and Adam Lambert, who I've been harsh on the last few weeks. In fact, Adam is so good he gets a standing ovation- from SIMON! That is huge, but of course many didn't see his performance since Idol ran over its timeslot by 7 minutes, which is completely BS. Luckily, I stopped my 9PM recording in time to catch Adam, but a lot of people missed an amazing performance. I surmise 3 possible reasons this run-over happened: 1. poor work by producers, 2. to punish DVR viewers, or 3. to artificially inflate Fringe's viewers. I don't know what the truth is, but I think it's a pretty crappy thing that those of us who DVR the show are constantly punished by run-overs. Bottom 3 prediction: Blind Scott, Lil Rounds, and cute Kris. Blind Scott should be the one eliminated, but the sympathy votes for him are overwhelming, so we'll see.

Results show. The run-over from the previous night's episode is completely ignored, which doesn't shock me but it would've been nice to acknowledge their inept producing ability. Let's get right to the bottom 3, which are Anoop, Lil Rounds, and Scott (so 2 out of 3 for me). I'm surprised Anoop is in the bottom 3 since he did well, but I guess he isn't as popular as I thought. Scott has the lowest number of votes so has a chance to save himself. Simon says the judges are split 2/2, and Scott says he'll "please Simon" in the coming weeks and I snicker. I'm begging the judges to please send him home, and thankfully, they do. But we don't know next week's theme since the last 3 minutes was Paula praising Scott to the high heavens. (images from BuddyTV.com)

America's Next Top Model - The girls get a lesson in acting from judge Paulina Porizkova and then get to apply those lessons in a scene with dreamboat CLAY AIKEN! It's super sexy and London wins, receiving $5,000 worth of clothes from Joe's Jeans, but she can't fit into them since she's packing on the pounds. Instead of a photoshoot, the girls do group commercials for Covergirl and none are very good. Celia is the best, but the judges tell her she looks old, and it's not her fault they styled her so mature. The bottom 2 are big-eyed Allison (same pose every time) and burn girl Talia (lacking personality, but the judges insist she's perfect for Covergirl and I just get it because I don't even think she has a model face). In the end Talia goes home and I'm so glad because she was getting on my last nerve each episode. (image from CWtv.com)

Make Me A Supermodel - The models have to pose underwater behind nets this week, and Salome the Mennonite doesn't know how to swim. The House Bitch, Jordan, wins the go-see and takes Salome, claiming it was about her overcoming her fear, but I am pretty sure it's because Jordan thinks she is a better and skinnier model (and Jordan books the go-see, boo). Meanwhile, I just realize there are still 11 contestants left. What the hell? This show has been on forever- did we start at like 24? At the catwalk, the women are wearing ruffles and red and the men are wearing light colored suits or something. Sandhurst finally had a good photo, so he wins immunity this week. The bottom comes down to Gabe, a regular at being bad, and Branden, whose ego is affecting his work. In the end, Gabe's pout is sent strutting home. Next week: Double elimination! (image from BuddyTV.com)

Survivor - Oh man, what a tense episode of strategizing... for nothing! So the tribes merge into Forza (but I loved one suggestion which was "Dingus"). Old Timbira is itching to split apart. Coach bonds with JT instantly and proposes an alliance of Coach, JT, Tyson, Stephen and Deb, and I'm loving this. Taj, who thought Brendan and Sierra would be ready to talk about aligning, ignore her (Brendan interviews he thinks they shouldn't talk until like 7 players are left- dumb!) Meanwhile, Joe aka Johnny Drama is not strategizing because his leg is really infected. Tyson wins the first individual immunity, while Probst has Joe stay behind to see medical. The new alliance decides to get Brendan out now and flush out the Idol, but also realize if Brendan plays the Idol, whoever he votes for is screwed, so they decide to split votes between Brendan and Sierra to get one out. Coach takes most credit for this idea (it was JT and Stephen's) and calls himself the Dragonslayer, which is hilarious. And then suddenly Jeff Probst arrives at camp with good news, bad news. Good news: no tribal council. Bad news: Joe's infection has taken him out of the game. BOO! I wanted a blindside and now we have to worry that with another 3 days of talking, this new amazing alliance might fall apart. (image from CBS.com)

The Office sings "Country Roads"

4/10/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
As you know, I'm a West Virginia Mountaineer through and through, and last night's The Office might have been the been episode ever because Andy and Dwight performed "Take Me Home, Country Roads." I think Mountaineers around the world wept with joy upon seeing this scene.

April 9, 2009

5 Least Favorite Movies

4/09/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
My 5 Least Favorite Movies Ever

I've watched a lot of movies, and a lot of crappy movies at that. For every There Will Be Blood or No Country for Old Men, there has been multiple viewings of Problem Child 2. But there are 5 movies I just can't stand at all. I hate everything about them and felt you, the blog-reading public, should be aware of these 5 movies and how much I hate them. Perhaps my hatred of these movies can save you an hour and a half of your life.

1. Save the Last Dance
The most cliche I think I've ever sat through. At the time, I was a big Julia Stiles fan and thought, "This looks so good!" So I watched, and it was torture to me. It was every cliche imaginable: rich white girl moves to the hood, white girl has dead mom, girl blames self for mom's death, white girl doesn't know hip hop, white girl learns hip hop, white girl and black guy fall in love, other black kids hate her, white girl learns to love dance again. Kill me. I don't care who is in this cast, but this predictable flick that every girl in the world loves is my movie Achilles heel.

2. Love Don't Cost a Thing
I was going to write about my hatred for this, but then remembered I hated this movie so much I wrote my one and only review on IMDB. So I decided to share that review with you:

"This movie is officially in my bottom 5 movies ever. This movie was so horrible. Steve Harvey is at his unfunniest- he's so bad in this movie that he deserves an Oscar for his performance in You Got Served. Nick Cannon just solidifies himself in my book as Star of the Worst movies I'll ever watch. And two semi-funny people, Kenan Thompson and Kal Penn, must've just really needed to pay their rent and decided to take roles in this. Supposedly this movie was a comedy, but I never laughed once. It was awful. And we're supposed to believe they fell in love when they "dated" for 2 weeks? He never even aknowledged her! So contrived and forced. Never watch this movie, even if you're bored and figure you might as well get some good use of your Comcast OnDemand. I wish I could take back the hour and a half that I spent watching this."

3. Pearl Harbor
Bomb is the best worst to describe both the historical event that occurred and what this movie is considered by the public. We can thank James Cameron and Titanic for this epic flop. Michael Bay, director of movies that blow stuff up, decided majority historical event + love story could strike oil twice. WRONG. Instead, it's 3 hours of inaccuracies, indulgence, and extreme boredom. And what's worse is that tons of big actors signed onto this movie thinking it would be the next Titanic. Shame on you Alec Baldwin, Cuba Gooding Jr., Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, Jon Voight, etc. I will give props to the amazing special effects and the actual bombing of Pearl Harbor scenes, but the rest is just so painful, and the awful love triangle plays more like a poorly done soap than an "epic love story." And after this bomb, I think everyone realized you can't duplicate Titanic.

4. The Perfect Score
A hot young cast decide that they all need to get into the best college so figure they should break into Princeton and steal the SATs. It's like some moron decided to combine The Breakfast Club and a heist movie and failed miserably. You see, they all come from different backgrounds (Miss Perfect, Jock, Weirdo, etc.) but they all just need to succeed! But of course they realize the only way to succeed is to not cheat. Awww how wonderful. And half of them hookup in the process! Blah- awful, boring, predictable, and forgettable. Luckily, I didn't pay to see this in the theaters or really pay to rent it (I had an unlimited rentals at Blockbuster pass), but I still wasted a good hour and a half watching cute "teens" fail at taking down the system.

5. Mac and Me
Remember cute and cuddly ET? That's what Mac and Me was shooting for and missed that by a mile. Mac (which stands for Mysterious Alien Creature- not kidding) is hiding from NASA and befriends a boy in a wheelchair who helps him try to get home. The only thing missed is a glowing red finger and the scene where Mac drinks beer. I remember we owned this movie on VHS and the cover used to terrify me. I hated watching this movie so much, which is why it's one of my least favorites. Mac was soooo creepy looking (see pic) and it was just frightening for a child. And what ET did successfully, subtle product placement, was taken to the extreme. Mac's diet consists only of Coca Cola and Skittles (no, not Reese's Pieces like that other alien!) And according to Wikipedia, there's a 10 minute long dance number with Ronald McDonald. Considering the main character is in a wheelchair, I might have to rent this again to see it. While I know this movie is sooo awful, I should revisit this movie as adult for a good laugh, but I think looking at Mac's creepy alien-puppet self would deny me of a good night's sleep for a few days. And after reading all the hilarious internet stuff, I bet it would move off my least favorite list for instead "Favorite Completely Horrible Movies."

(Images from Movieposter.com and Cyberblog 2000)

April 8, 2009

Reality Rundown: Celebrity Apprentice, You're Fired!

The Reality Rundown is about to get a little shorter as The Celebrity Apprentice is getting dropped from my schedule. I've decided it's not worth my time or energy to watch this piece of crap. But for this last Apprentice post, bear with the length cause I get pretty angry! I'll save this lousy show for last.

In this Reality Rundown...
Tough LoveI Love MoneyDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
The Celebrity Apprentice

Tough Love - We can make this quick! The girls get practice dates at a trivia night, which really lets Taylor finally shine as a decent human being, but shows how big a hoe Arianne is. She is overtly sexual, to the point of slutty and crude, and may have even done under-the-table rubbing on her date. The 3 girls who have had connections with their matches get to continue the courtship, and one girl's is fantastic, another too slow, and Jody's makes her feel horrible for being 39 and single (hey, Scott Baio was 45). Feeling cornered by her date, Jody flips out, but once Steve and his mother talk to her and explain her date can't understand why this amazing woman is still single, she might give him another shot. Crazy Stasha isn't opening up because she loves a guy she met a week before the show, and even Steve knows this is ridic and she still needs his help. But the chaos occurs when Arianne gets in the hot seat and is shown her dirty skank behavior, and she demands to leave the show and throws around equipment to get her way. Drama! Next week: maybe cracking Arianne, gold digging Taylor re-emerges, and Jody's man shows up at the house to apologize. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - Bed hopping is the challenge and these skanky Moneygrubbers should be good at hopping bed to bed on a lake. 20 Pack blows away the competition with an astonishing 20 seconds, but poor Frenchy comes in last and is automatically in the box for elimination. Tailor Made and his a-hole alliance have the numbers so clearly my girls Buckwild and Saaphyri are going into the box, making this win for 20 Pack bittersweet. Despite some plans to try and save themselves, including Saaphyri fake-fainting in the Vault, it's a moot point. On the power outing, 20 Pack knows he owes Frenchy for saving him, but also sees that Buckwild and Saaphyri are better together than apart (like Bert and Ernie). But after the outing, the snake Tailor Made and his alliance offer 20 Pack safety next week if he gets rid of Buckwild. Don't do it 20! At elimination, Craig asks 20 to call down the first person to get a check: 20 asks Buckwild! Woohoo- suck it, Tailor Made! Wait, what?! He's cutting her! I'm pissed. A bit of my soul left my body when Buckwild was eliminated and there is nothing worse than a Saaphyri scorned. And 20 Pack is a moron to think that the A-hole alliance will keep him safe next week. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - This week contestants will perform either the Paso Doble or the Viennese Waltz. And when I tell you who is good and whose bad, it's pretty repetitive each week. Instead, I'll provide an opinion I have about the show. Gilles Marini is fantastic- he gets excellent scores and is a great dancer. However, every week Gilles Marini has pulled a Latin dance and has yet to perform a traditional ballroom number. I think if Gilles Marini pulled out the Lindy Hop last week, he would've been in trouble. I find it to be a crazy coincidence that the front-runner keeps getting the best dance for him every week. I think the show needs to operate in a different way to make it fair. How I think it should work is there are 2 dance options that week; you dance one of the dances that week, and then next week you dance the other. Rotate the dances each week, then it's a fair fight and each pair is on an equal playing field in terms of dances they have to perform.

Results show. Etta James performs "At Last," a Disney channel girl "sings," and shockingly Steve-o isn't eliminated. The bottom 2 are Lawrence Taylor (deservedly) and David Allen Grier (whaaaat?). After the dance-off and recalculating the scores based on the new performance and audience votes, poor D.A.G., who was so into this competition, has to hang up his dancing shoes. (image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Fallout from last week's vote and Ron is one pissed dude. I hope he gets eliminated finally cause he's such a manipulative jerk. Temptation time! The gym is filled with a whole bunch of silver platters and under each platter is some sort of awful treat they have to eat. But the catch! Under a couple there are cash prizes, but more importantly one platter contains a golden ticket which gives the person who finds it the only that will be vote cast this week. So they all pig out for control of the game. Lazy Laura ends up finding the ticket, who then thinks her partner Tara should throw the weigh-in so they can just vote out the other person (eventually, they talk her out of it). The trainers are pissed, rightfully so, and they work together to beat them all to a pulp. There's a challenge to win a trip to a fitness resort and of course Tara wins. At the weigh-in, it's pretty tense who could be below the yellow line, and I'm really hoping Laura falls below and loses her solo vote. Unfortunately, Helen and Sione fall below and I like them both, but Sione more. But Laura decides to send home Sione, breaking up the hilarious Tongan cousins. (images from NBC.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - The teams are tasked to create a viral video for All Small & Mighty detergent. To give the show a twist, The Donald shuffles the teams and clearly one team stinks (the new KOTU, which still includes Clint Black), while Athena has the winners (Melissa Rivers, Annie Duke, Jesse James). Apparently for both teams, "small and mighty" translates to little people. Athena chooses to have little people wash Jesse James in muddy clothes and at the end, the LPs flip out and swear. KOTU is a hot mess: Clint Black is a dictator who is set on his lame idea about "doing the dirty laundry" which is code for having sex and then in the end the guy masturbates using All or something. It's terrible and even the All people try to explain their audience are women over age 25 who probably don't like J.O. jokes. I could go on forever about how horrible it is and all the drama that occurs, but visit Reality Blurred for the details. Perez Hilton gives his opinions and likes Athena's video, but his vote doesn't matter because the All people hate both (rightfully so), and The Donald will fire 2 people. Melissa brings T-Boz and Brande with her, and since T-Boz volunteered to come to the Boardroom, The Donald immediately fires her, citing some dude Bradford from another season. GMAFB!! T-Boz has been a great competitor and she contributed a great deal to this task, but he didn't even want to listen. Not even didn't want to, didn't even give her a chance. He's too busy ogling Brande Roderick to consider firing her (and she is getting visibly unnerved by his creepy comments each week). And for KOTU, it's one million percent clear Clint Black should go home for his awful idea, poor taste, and dictatorship control of the team, but The Donald obviously wants Clint around for the drama with Joan Rivers, so asks Natalie the Golfer if she'd like to leave so she could play golf (she says no). Then Donald gets on his high horse and lays into Khloe Kardashian for missing part of last week's challenge to attend DUI classes. He said had he known this before he wouldn't have let her on the show, goes on about how he hates drunk drivers, and then compares her to alcoholic Dennis Rodman. Then he fires Khloe! What the hell? (image from NBC.com)

So here's my Apprentice rant: I was not a Khloe Kardashian fan, but I've grown to not hate her on this show. She's shown she's smart with a business mind and deserves to compete. The Donald clearly fired her for personal reasons, and that's not what this show is about. And talk about hypocritical! For like 5 episodes, it was clear Dennis Rodman was abusing alcohol but was kept around. The man was drunk ON THE SHOW, yet Khloe is taking responsibility for her actions and is penalized? If The Donald is so against DUIs, maybe he should have relayed this info to casting before she was selected. If this were a non-celebrity season, the personal lives of contestants would have no impact on the firing. Once it was apparent The Donald was basically fishing for reasons to send anyone but Clint home, I knew I was done with this show. This show is off the Rundown and off my DVR as of this week; it's completely BS and fixed (moreso than the original Apprentice). It's not about finding a business person whose charity deserves the money: it's about ratings and drama. If you'd like to know more about why I hate this show, read my 5 Reasons I Hate the Celebrity Apprentice. (image from NBC.com)

April 7, 2009

5 Reasons I Hate the Celebrity Apprentice

4/07/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , 4 comments
As you'll see in this week's Reality Rundown, I am done with The Celebrity Apprentice. I have been watching this show because my parents enjoyed the first celebrity edition and wanted to watch again, and I also thought it would be good material for the Reality Rundown. After last night's episode, I've just had it with the show and it's removed from my viewing line up. I think I'd rather watch Bad Girls Club or Rock of Love Bus instead of this junk. At least those shows know it's fake and crap; The Celebrity Apprentice tries its hardest to pretend it's legit, but it is looking for ratings, not to reward based on business acumen. So I've decided to create my 5 Reasons I Hate the Celebrity Apprentice to express my distaste and finally close the door on watching this crappy show. (original image from NBC.com)

1. It's not about business
In the real Apprentice, a bunch of real individuals, with business degrees and merit, must use their business skills to effectively complete the task, generate revenue, and effectively brand the company. On the Celebrity version, it's not about who sells the most products, it's about who you know that can give a donation. In the wedding dress challenge this season, the men's team gave up immediately on selling dresses and instead focused most of their resources on calling famous friends to get large contributions. How is this business? Exactly, it's not. It's about the Celebrity Apprentice using C-list celebrities to contact their more famous friends.

2. The Boardroom is ridiculous
Boardrooms in the original Apprentice were extremely intense. It was a kill or be killed situation to win a coveted position at Trump Industries, and The Donald was ruthless. In this version, the Boardroom seems to just be The Donald constantly interjecting to talk to his celebrity friends. In the original, Donald would never joke with contestants or discuss their personal or past accomplishments; it's about the task at hand. Every week, The Donald ogles Brande Roderick and asks her about her Playboy days or about kissing guys. How unprofessional: Brande came on this show to prove her intelligence, not continuously discuss her beauty. And when contestants try to defend their opinions, The Donald interjects to ask stupid questions to other people- "Joan, how many years have you been in comedy?", "Clint, how many records have you sold?" He tells Brian McKnight or T-Boz how wonderful their singing voices are. What the hell does that have to do with these tasks? Nothing! The Boardroom lacks professionalism and is just another place for The Donald to show how he has famous friends.

3. It's about ratings, not finding the right candidate
For 5 weeks, Dennis Rodman ditched the tasks, got drunk on the job, and was a complete a-hole. With this behavior, shouldn't he have been gone the first week? My point for this one is easy: the show wants ratings and therefore keeps the big names and troublemakers around for drama. Dennis was a waste of time and space and had no interest in being part of this show, yet was kept around as much as possible to milk and his name and celebrity for the show. Clearly in the latest episode, Clint Black should have gone home. He essentially created softcore porn that was offensive to the client and anyone would would've watched the video. But Clint also pissed off big star Joan Rivers in the process, so of course they can't get rid of that conflict yet. Instead Khloe Kardashian is unjustly fired for 100% personal reasons, not to mention, hypocritical reasons. If The Donald is so against alcohol abuse, then why did Dennis last until week 6? The Celebrity Apprentice isn't about finding the most business-savvy Celebrity: it's about keeping around the OK people, while allowing the drama to continuously flow.

4. Extremely long episodes
For a stupid version of the show, I have to give up 2 hours of my life to watch this. And not only is it 2 hours, but it starts at 9PM which means I'm watching this crap until 11 and then immediately heading to bed. It takes up my whole night! This long, dull, overly indulgent format is partially because NBC would rather drag something on for another hour rather than create new programming. But really, the show could be an hour and a half: 45 minutes of task, 45 minutes of Boardroom. And in this edition, the extended Boardroom is a waste. If this were a real Apprentice, I'd love the extended boardrooms. I've always wished I could watch an extremely long Tribal Council to see how the bickering and answers come pouring out for hours. But in the Celebrity edition, the long boardroom is just 30 minutes of The Donald making odd comments and interrupting the contestants, not about defending business decisions. I'd rather watch 2 hours of America's Funniest Videos with laughing babies and crotch shots, rather than watch The Donald tickle his ego.

5. The tasks are pointless
This can be said for the original version too, but it bothers me endlessly. In the history of the show, any of the research, ad campaigns, etc. created for the projects have never been used by the company of the week. Did we really think any of the All Detergent viral videos would be on the All website? Would a company as big as Zappos use the lame superheroes the teams created to promote their brand? No way. This show is just a big product placement. I'm a business-gal so I understand: there's no better way to promote your business than to have a show highlight it. It's just stupid to see people focus their time and energy on creating these product launches or marketing plans for absolutely nothing. I mean, has anyone gone onto Zappos.com just because it appeared on Celebrity Apprentice? Are you planning your next trip to NYC and planning to stay at the Loews Regency Hotel because the Apprentice ran it for one night? NO. Hey businesses: get your product and brand on a show that isn't a complete farce and then maybe I'd consider buying from you.

The Celebrity Apprentice is a self-indulgent program in no way designed to be about business. It's about creating drama and selling products and I'm sick of wasting my time on this show. With 2 free hours, I can take up a hobby or watch a television program that is of quality and strives for excellence, and not just the trash The Donald and his production team are putting on the air. Celebrity Apprentice, you're fired.