April 8, 2009

Reality Rundown: Celebrity Apprentice, You're Fired!

The Reality Rundown is about to get a little shorter as The Celebrity Apprentice is getting dropped from my schedule. I've decided it's not worth my time or energy to watch this piece of crap. But for this last Apprentice post, bear with the length cause I get pretty angry! I'll save this lousy show for last.

In this Reality Rundown...
Tough LoveI Love MoneyDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
The Celebrity Apprentice

Tough Love - We can make this quick! The girls get practice dates at a trivia night, which really lets Taylor finally shine as a decent human being, but shows how big a hoe Arianne is. She is overtly sexual, to the point of slutty and crude, and may have even done under-the-table rubbing on her date. The 3 girls who have had connections with their matches get to continue the courtship, and one girl's is fantastic, another too slow, and Jody's makes her feel horrible for being 39 and single (hey, Scott Baio was 45). Feeling cornered by her date, Jody flips out, but once Steve and his mother talk to her and explain her date can't understand why this amazing woman is still single, she might give him another shot. Crazy Stasha isn't opening up because she loves a guy she met a week before the show, and even Steve knows this is ridic and she still needs his help. But the chaos occurs when Arianne gets in the hot seat and is shown her dirty skank behavior, and she demands to leave the show and throws around equipment to get her way. Drama! Next week: maybe cracking Arianne, gold digging Taylor re-emerges, and Jody's man shows up at the house to apologize. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

I Love Money - Bed hopping is the challenge and these skanky Moneygrubbers should be good at hopping bed to bed on a lake. 20 Pack blows away the competition with an astonishing 20 seconds, but poor Frenchy comes in last and is automatically in the box for elimination. Tailor Made and his a-hole alliance have the numbers so clearly my girls Buckwild and Saaphyri are going into the box, making this win for 20 Pack bittersweet. Despite some plans to try and save themselves, including Saaphyri fake-fainting in the Vault, it's a moot point. On the power outing, 20 Pack knows he owes Frenchy for saving him, but also sees that Buckwild and Saaphyri are better together than apart (like Bert and Ernie). But after the outing, the snake Tailor Made and his alliance offer 20 Pack safety next week if he gets rid of Buckwild. Don't do it 20! At elimination, Craig asks 20 to call down the first person to get a check: 20 asks Buckwild! Woohoo- suck it, Tailor Made! Wait, what?! He's cutting her! I'm pissed. A bit of my soul left my body when Buckwild was eliminated and there is nothing worse than a Saaphyri scorned. And 20 Pack is a moron to think that the A-hole alliance will keep him safe next week. (image from Blog.VH1.com)

Dancing with the Stars - This week contestants will perform either the Paso Doble or the Viennese Waltz. And when I tell you who is good and whose bad, it's pretty repetitive each week. Instead, I'll provide an opinion I have about the show. Gilles Marini is fantastic- he gets excellent scores and is a great dancer. However, every week Gilles Marini has pulled a Latin dance and has yet to perform a traditional ballroom number. I think if Gilles Marini pulled out the Lindy Hop last week, he would've been in trouble. I find it to be a crazy coincidence that the front-runner keeps getting the best dance for him every week. I think the show needs to operate in a different way to make it fair. How I think it should work is there are 2 dance options that week; you dance one of the dances that week, and then next week you dance the other. Rotate the dances each week, then it's a fair fight and each pair is on an equal playing field in terms of dances they have to perform.

Results show. Etta James performs "At Last," a Disney channel girl "sings," and shockingly Steve-o isn't eliminated. The bottom 2 are Lawrence Taylor (deservedly) and David Allen Grier (whaaaat?). After the dance-off and recalculating the scores based on the new performance and audience votes, poor D.A.G., who was so into this competition, has to hang up his dancing shoes. (image from ABC.com)

The Biggest Loser - Fallout from last week's vote and Ron is one pissed dude. I hope he gets eliminated finally cause he's such a manipulative jerk. Temptation time! The gym is filled with a whole bunch of silver platters and under each platter is some sort of awful treat they have to eat. But the catch! Under a couple there are cash prizes, but more importantly one platter contains a golden ticket which gives the person who finds it the only that will be vote cast this week. So they all pig out for control of the game. Lazy Laura ends up finding the ticket, who then thinks her partner Tara should throw the weigh-in so they can just vote out the other person (eventually, they talk her out of it). The trainers are pissed, rightfully so, and they work together to beat them all to a pulp. There's a challenge to win a trip to a fitness resort and of course Tara wins. At the weigh-in, it's pretty tense who could be below the yellow line, and I'm really hoping Laura falls below and loses her solo vote. Unfortunately, Helen and Sione fall below and I like them both, but Sione more. But Laura decides to send home Sione, breaking up the hilarious Tongan cousins. (images from NBC.com)

The Celebrity Apprentice - The teams are tasked to create a viral video for All Small & Mighty detergent. To give the show a twist, The Donald shuffles the teams and clearly one team stinks (the new KOTU, which still includes Clint Black), while Athena has the winners (Melissa Rivers, Annie Duke, Jesse James). Apparently for both teams, "small and mighty" translates to little people. Athena chooses to have little people wash Jesse James in muddy clothes and at the end, the LPs flip out and swear. KOTU is a hot mess: Clint Black is a dictator who is set on his lame idea about "doing the dirty laundry" which is code for having sex and then in the end the guy masturbates using All or something. It's terrible and even the All people try to explain their audience are women over age 25 who probably don't like J.O. jokes. I could go on forever about how horrible it is and all the drama that occurs, but visit Reality Blurred for the details. Perez Hilton gives his opinions and likes Athena's video, but his vote doesn't matter because the All people hate both (rightfully so), and The Donald will fire 2 people. Melissa brings T-Boz and Brande with her, and since T-Boz volunteered to come to the Boardroom, The Donald immediately fires her, citing some dude Bradford from another season. GMAFB!! T-Boz has been a great competitor and she contributed a great deal to this task, but he didn't even want to listen. Not even didn't want to, didn't even give her a chance. He's too busy ogling Brande Roderick to consider firing her (and she is getting visibly unnerved by his creepy comments each week). And for KOTU, it's one million percent clear Clint Black should go home for his awful idea, poor taste, and dictatorship control of the team, but The Donald obviously wants Clint around for the drama with Joan Rivers, so asks Natalie the Golfer if she'd like to leave so she could play golf (she says no). Then Donald gets on his high horse and lays into Khloe Kardashian for missing part of last week's challenge to attend DUI classes. He said had he known this before he wouldn't have let her on the show, goes on about how he hates drunk drivers, and then compares her to alcoholic Dennis Rodman. Then he fires Khloe! What the hell? (image from NBC.com)

So here's my Apprentice rant: I was not a Khloe Kardashian fan, but I've grown to not hate her on this show. She's shown she's smart with a business mind and deserves to compete. The Donald clearly fired her for personal reasons, and that's not what this show is about. And talk about hypocritical! For like 5 episodes, it was clear Dennis Rodman was abusing alcohol but was kept around. The man was drunk ON THE SHOW, yet Khloe is taking responsibility for her actions and is penalized? If The Donald is so against DUIs, maybe he should have relayed this info to casting before she was selected. If this were a non-celebrity season, the personal lives of contestants would have no impact on the firing. Once it was apparent The Donald was basically fishing for reasons to send anyone but Clint home, I knew I was done with this show. This show is off the Rundown and off my DVR as of this week; it's completely BS and fixed (moreso than the original Apprentice). It's not about finding a business person whose charity deserves the money: it's about ratings and drama. If you'd like to know more about why I hate this show, read my 5 Reasons I Hate the Celebrity Apprentice. (image from NBC.com)