September 18, 2009

Reality Rundown: Please Pack Your Neckerchief and Go

9/18/2009 Posted by Mel Got Served , , , No comments

Big Brother - Finale, finally! Julie Chen is wearing what can only be described as a silk Snuggie. So while I was gone, Kevin and Jordan won the 1st 2 parts of the final HOH competition, so the live final competition is held during the finale. But first, we go to the Jury House, where Michelle turns up making Jessie very happy, Jeff wants to know if Nat's fiance is a tool, and then they all bicker about who deserves to win. Clearly, the jury is leaning towards Kevin or Jordan, calling Natalie a tag-along who did nothing. In the final HOH competition, Jordan beats Kevin in a tie breaker/number-guessing-crapshoot and decides to take Natalie to the final 2 knowing she would not be able to beat Kevin, who won competitions and played a good strategic game.

The jury questions the finalists, and Jordan's main argument is that while she latched onto Jeff, in the end she won competitions by herself and earned her slot in the final 2- she didn't need anyone else. Natalie's side is that she aligned herself with the strongest players (Chima, Jessie) and didn't have to win anything. The jury members cast their vote, but first, the 4 HGs evicted pre-jury return to give their opinion, which included Natalie was the biggest liar, Jeff got SERVED by Kevin/Nat, and that Chima's ejection was a slap in the face. In the end, by a vote of 5-2, Jordan wins Big Brother 11 (and she even got Jessie's vote- suck it, Natalie!) Jeff wins the America's choice of $25k and the showmance is victorious all around. See you next summer, Big Brother!

New! The Biggest Loser - They're back and fatter than ever! This season includes the heaviest contestant of all time, a 479lb woman, along with a lot of contestants over 400lbs. But the one who tugs my heart strings most is Abby, who lost her husband, 5 year old daughter, and 2 week old baby in a car crash a couple of years ago- boy, I got verklempt. Dan, the youngest and heaviest contestant from last season's orange team, is granted a 2nd chance and returns to finish his weight loss journey. The 1st task is for them to complete a mile walk across the PCH, which sends 1 woman to the hospital after collapsing. Since they are all strangers this season, they each have to select a partner to choose to take this journey with, but they will be eliminated as solo, not pairs. Trainers Bob and Jillian are back and not taking crap from anyone, but this time they will train the contestants together, rather than competing teams (which I like).

Big numbers up on the scale this week, which is pretty standard for the 1st week. Someone loses 24lbs which is awesome, while the poor pink team girl who was America's pick only drops 6. But she's also the lightest contestant, so 6 seems respectable to me. Julio and Alexandra, the black team, are the team to fall below the yellow line (Julio, a really big guy, didn't pull big numbers like the other men, which was surprising). The players have a hard choice to make, but sadly in the end, young, cute, hard-working Alexandra is sent home, with the other contestants knowing she can take on this task at home. This should be a good season!

Top Chef - Another high stakes Quickfire has the contestants creating succulent dishes out of cactus. I guess you can cook with cactus- who knew? Mike Isabella (the loud guy) learns to cook this week and wins the Quickfire/$15k. Elimination challenge: they will be cooking an upscale meal outside in the desert for cowboys (they will also be camping in teepees and watching Ron do voodoo to keep out snakes). Outdoor cooking translates into fish for basically everyone, which I thought was surprising- how about a good steak?

Brother Brian wins his 3rd elimination challenge, deeming him officially a force to be reckoned with. Ron makes a good dish but serves the nastiest coconut mojito known to mankind, but hey, the voodoo snake repellent worked. Old Robin is able to make shrimp taste like chlorine, and French Mattin fails at 3 attempts on ceviche yet maintains his dish tastes good. Clearly he didn't learn from Preeti's past mistake, and Mattin and his red neckerchief is told to pack up his knives and go.

Project Runway - Last week, the models were the clients and the designers made outfits for them to wear to an industry party; Qristyl and her weird name were sent home for making old people clothes. Chico's- call her!

This week, the models go on a field trip to the LA Times. No fabric this week, they'll have to create with newspapers. Johnny makes this origami-inspired dress, but Tim Gunn completely pans it. Johnny decides to trash the dress and make a new one, but instead of admitting failures concocts a story that steam from the iron is the culprit for ruining the dress. Tim Heidecker, I mean Nicholas, can't take Johnny's crap, but he's too busy also designing a crappy dress allegedly inspired by punk rock. Irina, who has been sucky thus far, makes a pretty good trench coat, simulating a fur collar with scrunched paper; she is this week's winner (I loved Althea's dress more). But here's a riddle to lead into the elimination: What's black and white and a hot mess all over? Johnny's dress- auf wiedersehen!

New! Survivor - Survivor is back for Samoa! Get it? Like "some more" cause this season takes place in Samoa. So the castaways arrive already split into 2 tribes, Galu (purple) and Foa Foa (yellow). This season's twist starts immediately: the every sexy Jeff Probst informs them that each tribe will need to elect a leader, who will make all decisions. This allows everyone to potentially write stereotypes to identify people, but they seem to take the classy route. Russell Swan, or as he was most often identified "dread lock man" is the leader of Galu, while Mick in the "tan coat" (or as they probably wanted to say, young, strong, good looking guy) becomes Foa Foa's leader and he is not pleased. The leader is always target number 1. And those 1st impressions don't stop there, because now there's a reward challenge! The leaders have to pick members of their tribe to compete, needing a swimmer, strong person, smart person, and agile person. Foa Foa pulls the 1st victory for fire, with Asian Liz on the puzzle who didn't like being stereotyped.

The tribes head to camp, where this meathead Russell H decides to start scheming at Foa Foa. He makes individual alliances with all the young cute girls and calls these his "dumbass girl alliance" and then alligns himself with the old lady (at least she's smart enough to not trust him). Then, he decides his best strategy is to completely lie about himself: he claims he's a firefighter from New Orleans whose German Shepherd died in Hurrican Katrina. Oh wait, I'm not done: Russell continues his shitheadness by dumping out all the water canteens and burns someone's socks in the fire while everyone sleeps. He claims by making everyone miserable he can control them. So it's like 30 minutes into this episode and I can already tell, this man is going to be torture this season.

The immunity challenge is another physical/puzzle combo, and Foa Foa is already cocky- so of course they lose immunity. Foa Foa heads to Tribal Council and has to choose who to send home, and it seems that some chick Ashley is deemed the weakest. Until another chick Marisa stupidly tells Russell H she doesn't trust him, so of course he makes her the target. After the votes are cast 7-3, Marisa is the 1st getting her torch snuffed, making Russell's ego even bigger.