December 18, 2009

Reality Rundown: Chill Out, Freckles McGee

So You Think You Can DanceSurvivorJersey Shore

So You Think You Can Dance - It's the final performance episode, so the top 6 will all dance with each other. A key party for dancing. Husband and wife Ashleigh and Ryan finally get to dance together and while it wasn't mind-blowing, it was definitely an amazing night for them. Ellenore brought out some sex appeal but also showed why she deserved to be in the finals; she's such a good dancer. Jakob was perfection in everything, per usual. Kathryn is also a fantastic dancer; again, my gripe with her is that her personality is lacking. Not lacking in personality: Russell. Russell does a phenomenal job with contemporary, paso doble, and hip hop. I did a little voting and gave my love to Jakob and Russell, who I predict will be the final 2. But with 6 people in the finals, the actual winner could be a huge toss up, as you don't need a large percentage to win.

Finale time! Even though it seems like forever, it's been a short season and America's only had the chance to vote 6 times- kinda crazy. Anyways, it's full of stupid musical performances that I could care less about. I can't stand JLo, but at least all her backup dancers were SYTYCD girls from past and present. Oh, you just want to know who wins. Ryan is eliminated first (6th place), then Ashleigh, then Ellenore. It's all falling into my predictions. Kathryn is eliminated 4th and is the last girl standing. So it's a Jakob/Russell final 2 (go me!). Russell is injured, but not injured enough to keep his from running around the stage and ripping off his shirt when he's declared America's Favorite Dancer. I'm very happy for him and so happy Boston finally has a reality show contestant that isn't a piece of trash.

Survivor - In the most horrifying open footage ever, Brett (that guy) massages Shambo's mulleted head. Shambo later tells Russell she thinks she needs a hair cut and he gives the most priceless look to the camera and explains to us he think Shambo hides fruit and nuts in her hair. But the hair doesn't hurt Shmabo in the reward challenge, when she, Russell, and Jaison win the Survivor version of Kerplunk. The fellas and Shambo head off for a feast, a sweet dance party, and a night's sleep on mattresses. The pillow talk quickly turns to team captain Natalie's 1st pick at the challenge: Brett. Realizing this needs to be broken up, the plan is to take out Brett, or Mick has the back-up since he's strong.

So of course in the immunity challenge, Brett wins yet again guaranteeing himself a spot in the final 5. Jaison tells Russell that the time has come to cut Shambo loose and for once you can see a shred of humanity in Russell. His decision is tough: cut Shambo who he could easily beat in the finals, or keep Mick who can help get rid of Brett. The Foa Foa 4 remain strong and the little mullet that could is heading to the jury, and likely to torture them at Ponderosa.

Jersey Shore - Sammi "Sweetheart" comes home to fight with Ronnie over him doing his insane dancing with chicks and her giving her number to a cop. Despite their back and forth issues, it looks like they're a legit couple now that they "smushed" (it means sexual intercourse in Ronnie speak). The boys head to the barbershop to gossip like guys do, but Ronnie won't smush and tell. The Situation knows Ronnie is full of crap and Ronnie knows The Situation would "bang a bottle of Gatorade if it had a pulse at this point." Someone get The Situation some Gatorade Tiger!

Avoiding the odd fate of making love to energy drinks, Pauly D and The Situation keep trying to get their smush on, unsuccessfully. First, The Situation gets cockblocked by his hookup's friend, Freckles McGee (Y-E-S! Is it too late to re-name my blog?). Next time around, they grab 2 girls from Karma, ditch them quick for 2 girls in a Mercedes, and ditch the Mercedes girls for the Karma girls (cause they're easier). The Situation keeps the hotter girl for himself, leaving Pauly D with "the grenade." We need a lexicon for this show; call Merriam Webster! Pauly D decides to take one for the team if it means The Situation can get smushed, but after a certain level of annoyance and bustedness, Pauly peaces out leaving The Situation with his conquest and The Grenade. The Grenade explodes her bitterness, leaving The Situation unsmushed.

In bad weave news, JWoww "ain't payin' no mind" to the drama in the house since her relationship is a hot enough mess. Her boyfriend is pissed because in the 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon Jersey Shore, Snooki's night-before hookup, Russ aka Ron, is friends with JWoww's boyfriend, and he reported back that JWoww was dirty dancing with "the douchebag with the blowout" (Pauly). JWoww's mad cause she dirty dances with everyone, it doesn't mean she's smushing him. And c'mon, it's just house music.

Snooki earns some roommate love by clubbing and going wild, including hoo-ha-exposing back handsprings. A few nights later, the gang heads to a bar where a bunch of frat guys keep trying to take drinks and probably get on camera. JWoww orders a round of shots, but the frat douches steal them. The Situation plays mediator and orders 3 more shots, but a guy tries to take them again, so Snooki yells "Those aren't for you!" The guy starts yelling at Snooki and she's yelling that he should pay for them. And then... the screen goes black. Yes, Snooki got punched and MTV decided to not show it despite using it as a promo for weeks. Suddenly MTV grew a conscious. She is knocked to the floor and the cops snatch him up. Asshole, YOU'RE GETTING SERVED.