January 15, 2010

Reality Rundown: Boy, These Pilot Puns Never Get Old...

The BachelorThe Biggest LoserNew! Project Runway

The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love - Let the dating begin! The 1st group date brings a bunch of ladies along with Jake (who underbuttons his shirt a little before picking the girls up) for a photoshoot by InStyle magazine - cue girls saying, "InStyle is my bible!" Christina, who is already head over heels in love, is nervous and awkward, so she whines. She also gets a little too tipsy at a on-the-roof pool party later, turning Jake off. Rozlyn the hot one plants a big smooch on Jake and gets a rose. While the 1st date is happening, a date card arrives at the house with a diamond necklace. Crazy Michelle begs to put it on, thinking the person who wears the necklace first gets the date. Pathetic. The date is for Ali, the cute girl afraid of flying. So Jake takes her... flying! Nice producers, make her puke on camera! Sadly, she doesn't and after Jake puts Ali "literally on Cloud 9" (yes he's a "literally" abuser) they fly to Palm Springs while they cheesily play "On the Wings of Love," drive an old car, and have a private concert by the band Chicago (they must have time traveled to a decade where Chicago is still relevant). Ali gets a rose; I expect her to last a long time.

3rd date doesn't include Crazy Michelle, who decides she should pack up and leave since Jake didn't pick her for dates (of course she doesn't leave). This girl doesn't get reality TV: Jake doesn't plan the dates sweetie, producers do and they didn't pick you because they knew you'd go beserk. The 3rd date is a group date at Six Flags. Jake really hits it off with also too-hot-for-him Elizabeth, who reads him a note she wrote to him saying she won't kiss him until he plans to kiss no one else. Jake likes her old-fashioned values; I think she loves her Duggar courting rituals. Vienna (who looks like Hayley Duff) confides that she was once engaged, that ended, and then she rebounded by eloping with a stranger and divorcing 4 months later. Classy!

The cocktail party begins normally, with girls fighting for alone time. Michelle, dateless this week, tells Jake about her bag-packing drama and that she'll always be honest, but what she means is, "I'll always be psychotically clingy." Chris the host enters the party to bring Rozlyn outside. He tells her she entered into an inappropriate relationship with a member of the crew and that crew member is gone. For the integrity of the show and fairness to "poor Jake," Rozlyn has to leave as well. The show spends another 20 minutes telling this same story 2 more times. Jake is upset but takes it as blandly as you'd expect and the girls start crying because how could someone be so horrible! Well she wasn't horrible: if you want to know the truth visit Reality Steve (Warning! Major spoilers- read cautiously), because I think this news shows how skeezy this show can be.

Jake asks if he can has his rose back (yeah like producers didn't tell him to say that) and in the end cuts Christina and some Pittsburgh flight attendant. Crazy Michelle stays to torture another week!

The Biggest Loser - Bob and Jillian become partners in crime to push the losers this week, since week 2 is notoriously bad. Dr. Huizenga visits to bring letters to the losers to show how unhealthy they are, which includes telling their families how sick they are and making Jillian look at a disgusting meal and actually eating it. He also does their medical check-ups to again remind them how being that fat means they are knocking on death's door. This was all such a time waster that I fast forwarded through most of it.

The challenge is to traverse a balance beam across a pool carrying beach balls; first time to finish gets immunity, last gets a 2lb disadvantage at the weigh-in. The Red team wins immunity. The mom on the white team is afraid of water and lets her fear get to her; she falls off the beam before she's even near the water, hits concrete, and is bleeding. It's gross! Her 500lb son demands going to the hospital and since he really needs to be on campus, this could be a bad move. At the weigh-in, Red team's wife plays strategy and gains a pound, while White shocks me and loses 21lbs together. Purple, the mother/daughter team, is below the yellow line and Patti the mom goes home.

New! Project Runway - Ok, Runway- last chance season! Either I'm in or I'm out! This season is back in NYC and in high def! 3 minutes into the episode, one girl is crying in her confessional- oy-vey! But overall, I'm liking these designers much more than last season- good personalities with a pleasing design aesthetic... except Ping. Oh lord, Ping is going to torture me this season, I know it. After a champagne toast with Tim and a pregnant-again Heidi, the designers are taken to the park to retrieve random fabric which they will use to construct a garment representative of their design style.

The crying girl (Janeane) weeps 2 more times in the episode and even has to re-make her dress since the first is a bore. She's safe and I know her crying will make for good blog rants in the future. Ping makes what I think is an abomination, yet the judges (including guest judge Nicole Ritchie) love it. My personal favorite goes to challenge-winner Emilio, in this fun asymmetrical purple patterned dress. I also love flamboyant Anthony, though his floral dress is a mismatch of style. Jesus, who designed an evening gown that should be sold at Wilson Leather, is in the bottom 2 but safe. The 1st one auf'ed is Christiane, who was of course the person giving "I'm going to win this challenge!" voiceovers all episode. Her mixture of royal blue with a pattern was poorly constructed, and I didn't care for the abruptly stopped back. Auf wiedersehen!

Thus far, I'm liking this season. I will say, however, that HD is a blessing and a curse. The colors and fabrics are so vibrant, but you really see the flaws in a dress AKA how poorly everyone sews. The hems- oh lordy! Is it sad though that I was kind of hoping the Dsquared twins from Launch My Line would show up?

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