February 19, 2010

Reality Rundown: Heroes or A-Holes?

New! The Amazing RaceThe Bachelor: On the Wings of Love
SurvivorProject Runway

New! The Amazing Race - Are you ready to race? A new batch of racers meet in Los Angeles to begin their million dollar trek around the globe. The teams are the usual married couple, dating couple (it's Big Brother houseguests Jordan & Jeff), Cowboys, Lesbians, Stupid Miss Teen USA and her boyfriend, Grandmother/Granddaughter, and some others. First task: get to LAX for a flight to Chile via pubic transportation. The first 3 teams will get on a flight an hour before the others. The teams all access different modes, like bus and subway, but it's the first bus folks that get on flight #1 (though Jordan originally tries to get a flight to China). However, their flight has mechanical issues so everyone gets on the same flight.

Upon arrival in Chile, the teams board buses to Valpairaso for their next clue. The Cowboys have a bit of trouble paying for their tickets since they stupidly exchanged all their US currency to Brazilian money, since they didn't have Chilean tender. The Roadblock is to traverse a high wire over the town to the next clue and while there's a few shaky legs, most get the job done. The next clue instructs teams to take the funicular for their next clue (lots of clues!) Post-funicular, the detour is to grab a can of paint and finish up a section of a house part of a beautification project. The houses are hard to find, but most take their time and find their way. Bloopers here: the father/daughter teams mistakenly paints the inside of a random home, the brothers lose a paint brush (15 minute penalty).

Jordan and Jeff are team #1 (kinda surprising) and win a trip to Vancouver to try the skeleton run at Whistler- poor timing on that one, Amazing Race! Miss Teen USA and her b/f have a 30 minute penalty because they didn't take the funicular, but they shouldn't panic cause some teams are far behind. By some teams, I really just mean the husband/wife team where the overweight husband with a fear of heights thinks he'd be good at this: he's not. He falls twice and can't complete the task. They pray it's a non-elimination (in the 1st leg? Get real!) but Phil comes out to the Roadblock to Philiminate them from the race.

The Bachelor - Off to St. Lucia for fantasy suites and professions of love. Gia's first up where her and Jake frolic with "the natives," which includes Jake's amazing dance moves and by that I mean awk-waaard! Jake buys Gia a bracelet which she vows to wear forever (or til the end of this episode). They make out at the beach, have dinner on the beach, and cuddle in a conveniently located next to dinner hammock. Of course Gia accepts the Chris Harrison Fantasy Suite card where they smooch in a bathtub. By the way, isn't it creepy that Chris Harrison offers them a room to get it on together?

Tenley is date #2 and they take a helicopter ride to a remote area that looks like The Orchid Station for a picnic. In case you haven't heard, Tenley is divorced and never did stuff like this with her ex. We get it Tenley, your ex was a bum! Anyways, she's really smitten for Jake and he seems to like her back. They have a romantic dinner, dance (much better than his creepy street grinding), and have a romantic pool kissing session at the Fantasy Suites.

Vienna is last (and least in our minds, but not Jake's) and they basically spend the entire day drinking and dry-humping on a pirate ship used in Pirates of the Caribbean. Methinks the captain of that ship would need a big bottle of rum to tolerate all that PDA. I can't stand Vienna, but I can see why Jake might like her since she makes him act like a kid, and he's usually an uptight bore. At their private dinner, Jake talks about the kind of ring he should get her, and then Vienna admits she's in love with Jake. They head to their Fantasy Suites where Vienna slips on lingerie and closes the doors- ooooh.

While finally getting some alone time, Jake receives a "surprise" phone call from Ali who regrets her decision and wants to come back. It's as drawn out at last week's departure conversation, except this time it's so apparently fake and set-up that it's annoying. Ali laments that she'll regret this choice forever and will never find another guy like Jake. If that's not the most slap-you-in-the-face "I'm the next Bachelorette" foreshadowing, then I'll be a monkey's aunt.

The rose ceremony is elaborately decorated with tropical flowers and in terms of best dressed, Tenley looks adorable. Gia is glittery and Vienna... easy target. Anyways, Jake sends an extremely sweaty Gia packing (a girl that hot? He had to hit it and quit it) and while she understands and respects his choice, in her SUV ride away (no limo!) she is sad she's lost Jake. Next week: the women tell all! 2 weeks: finale!

Survivor - The Villains are in living hell with the rain and their crappy shelter. Boston Rob is the only one who seems to want to work, so much so that he dehydrates to the point of passing out. Luckily, medical and Probst deem him OK to play and Rob has a moment of clarity: no more Mr. Nice Guy. This works out great at the immunity challenge, which is to roll giant crates and stack them to spell their tribe's name. Rob takes the leadership role and calls the shots to a victory. And they win the necessities for a nice shelter- Rob's the hero! Of course Russell is threatened to catches a chicken to prove he can hang with the Rob-dawg.

The Heroes start the episode as a happy love fest, but with a breakdown in team communication at the immunity challenge, all is not well. James flips out on Stephenie, blaming her talking for their loss. Stephenie knows she's in trouble so her alliance (Tom and Colby) try to recruit Candice and Cirie to be their swing vote to vote out Amanda. This week the tribe will officially split in half and the drama will really begin. James is a total douche at Tribal Council and if it weren't for his Hulk strength he'd be out. The votes are cast and it appears Candice and Cirie chose a side: Stephenie is voted out 6-3.

Project Runway - Heidi struts onto the runway to announce the designers will have new models that are attractive little people. No, not the Roloffs- it's kids! Most designers are ready for the challenge, except Jonathan who fears children. Jonathan also does a deadpan impression of Michael Kors judging his dress: "She looks like a 7 year old waitress at Benihana!" "It's as if Memoirs of a Geisha meets Barney!" When Tim Gunn still hasn't visited for his usual consults, the designers know a twist is coming. The twist? Make an adult look to compliment the kids look.

Runway Show! I'm in complete shock that Emilio didn't make the bottom 3 because his kid's dress looked straight off Juniper Creek on Big Love. Jesse comes out of the woodwork to make an adorable Madeline inspired wool coat and dress. Jay makes a pair of purple outfits that are really sophisticated. Seth Aaron makes an adorable kid's houndstooth hooded vest then a really tailored jacket- he's the winner and I think he should really consider the kids wear market. As for the bottom 3, we have Janeane whose kid's outfit was plain, simple, and something you could find in a cheap mall store. Jonathan's dresses are just too out-there and his kid model is uncomfortable in her bolero. Amy, one of the best, really fails this week with an ugly color palette and clown pants. But it's Janeane who is auf'd, and it's no surprise since she got a lot of screen-time this week.

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