April 16, 2010

Reality Rundown: Ladies Get Their Way, Bitches Don't

The Amazing RaceDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
American IdolSurvivor: Heroes vs. VillainsProject Runway

The Amazing Race - The teams travel via bus and sleeper train to Singapore, where they are cautioned a U-Turn is ahead. Carol and Brady better watch out, because Miss Teen USA and the detectives want them out. The detectives say it's because they are world travelers, but Miss Teen USA says that the "lesbians" (and say it in a nasty tone) are just mean. Brett won't let Carol and Brady pass them on the train because "Ladies get their way, bitches don't." What about dumb people?

Upon arrival in Singapore, they have to find Allan Wu who is the Asian Phil Keoghan, meaning he hosts The Amazing Race: Asia. I immediately already like this guy more and want him to host our version; sorry Phil, but I've kind of tired of you- you're no Probst! The brothers quickly find Allan and decide to take on the race's first and only Fast Forward: ride the Singapore Flyer, the world's largest observation wheel, to the top and once at the top, get out of the car and traverse to the car in front of it. Wow- awesome! Coolest task ever on the show? One brother is afraid of heights but they ace it, check in first and win motorbikes.

The other teams head straight to the Detour, a choice of a drum routine or selling ice cream sandwiches (which hilariously in Singapore can be made with actual slices of bread). The drums is the first choice for all, though the detectives go back and forth to the Fast Forward and eventually sell the ice cream. Brent and Caite, Miss Teen USA, do in fact yield Carol and Brandy and they're pissed. The Road Block is a lame counting giant chain task and then get to ride a zip line. Carol and Brandy are able to catch up, but it's not enough and they are eliminated. U-Turn: 2, Racers: 0.

Dancing with the Stars - Passion night is the theme, which should not be confused with Passions night featuring the sensual love of Precious the Orangutan and Luis. In what I assume is an attempt to make the scores more fair, each pair received 2 scores: one for technique, one for performance. Kate Gosselin was, surprise!, the lowest of the night though she got performance props for the judges saying she was finally dancing. Was I watching the same performance? Evan Lysacek's domination continued another week with top scores, and Pam Anderson showed she can be graceful and not just whorish. With the 2nd lowest score, ex-soap star Aiden Turner is eliminated and now he's unemployed... twice. Should've gone shirtless soon, Aiden.

The Biggest Loser - You would think Oprah hosted this week cause there were CAAAAAARS! Oh, and cash too. Michael won $2k by balancing quarters the longest, while Drea and O'Neal won Mazdas for retrieving keys off of weather balloons. Suze Orman also stopped by and her jacket was really boring compared to the jazzy stuff she usually wears. Based on FICA and credit, Suze picked Sunshine to win the whole show. This sounds like BS but last year Suze predicted Danny would win based on finances, and he did. Danny stops by as well to enforce calorie counting, the importance of thinking like a winner, and how to work on.

The losers are able to cut loose and mud wrestle with Jillian and Bob, but it's all depression at the weigh-in. Just when Drea decides she is a winner she's dubbed a loser and voted off the ranch. But at least she can drive herself home in hew new car, right?

American Idol - After destroying the Beatles and Rolling Stones this season, it seems like the logical progression is to continue destoying legends of music. This week they picked Elvis. Since he died on the toilet many moons ago, they opted to at least try and replicate Elvis' hair and got outrageous 2nd runner up Adam Lambert to be a mentor, and he was fantastic. At long last a mentor who tells them they are dullsville and need to get a personality. Since Big Mike was spared last week, 2 dullards will get the axe this week. The honor of being kicked off this week went to Andrew Garcia (which has been a long time coming) and some girl Katie who is 17 and boring and so not surprising. Next week: Idol Gives Back. Boooooring.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - The Villains get their shizz together (OK they can balance better than the Heroes fatties) and win a feast courtesy of Outback Steakhouse. It's a pretty great feast except there's none of that amazing Outback bread which is hands down the best restaurant bread ever, so I'd be complaining. While Danielle yaps about how much she's been craving salad out here (Seriously? You haven't eaten in a month and want salad?), Parvati finds a clue to a Hidden Immunity Idol in her napkin. She shares this info with Danielle and back at camp find the Idol, but decide to keep Russell out of the loop for the time being.

Not like Russell needs to worry. JT, who didn't need Outback Steakhouse cause he's eaten "like 1,000 steaks before" comes up with a "brilliant" plan. Since the Heroes believe the Villains have a women's alliance, JT will write Russell a note and slip him the Hidden Immunity Idol that JT found last week. The note instructs Russell to save himself and vote off Parvati. Only Amanda and Candice think think this is a dumb move, but sure enough, the plan happens. Colby tells Russell midway through the Immunity Challenge about what's going to happen and after a slaughtering of the Villains, JT quickly hands off the Idol. O. M. G. As Russell so awesomely puts it: the king of Immunity Idols doesn't have to look for them anymore, people are giving them to him!

Back at camp, Parvati and Russell read JT's note aloud and it's pretty hilarious in a cheesy way. Obviously, they aren't going to follow JT's instructions. The choice is between weaklings Sandra and Courtney, and the Villains opt to send Courtney to the jury. Speaking of the jury, Coach steals the Tribal Council scene by arriving wearing a kimono, feather necklace, and sitting meditation style. Oh Dragonslayer, I miss you already.

Project Runway - The designers depart NYC to work on their collections at home. Tim Gunn visits each of them at the 3 month mark to give advice. Tim Gunn thinks Seth Aaron's lacks surprise, Emilio's is ugly, Mila has to be careful of matron-ness, and Jay's looks overdesigned. While stakes are high for all, Jay and Mila aren't fully into Fashion Week yet. They will present 3 looks each to Heidi, Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia and winner goes to Fashion Week.

Jay and Mila kiss and make up after hating each other and rush to prepare their 3 looks for viewing. Mila is inspired by shadows and go figure, it's black and white and stuck in the 60s (did I mention her dog is a dalmation? go figure!) Jay was inspired by samurai and it's futuristic, but still a little over the top. Heidi prefers Mila, Michael wants Jay, and Nina in undecided. The decision is really what do you want to see more of: big baggy sweaters or tailored futuristic pants? The answer is Mila. Should I bet everyone $100 that next week they smack them with a 13th look challenge? We'll see!

Photo Credits: ABC.com, CBS.com, Kitchen Cow, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, NYDailyNews.com, Survivor.com