April 9, 2010

Reality Rundown: Melissa Got Served... Again

The Amazing RaceDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
American IdolSurvivor: Heroes vs. VillainsProject Runway

The Amazing Race - Luggage-less Steve/Allie and the rest of the teams jet to the next leg of the race in Malaysia. This episode could be called "the one with the cab blunders" which includes ditching cabs, cabs leaving teams behind, and random gas tank fill-ups. The Detour has the teams workin' the pole: balance a flag pole on their heads or carry incense poles up temple stairs. The head balance seems ridiculously hard in theory, but the Cowboys choice of their Detour gives them an early lead.

The Detour is even easier, having to smash coconuts until you find one filled with paint and then put it on a mini alter to send it off to sea. The Cowboys, who were spared elimination last leg, also have to complete a ridiculously easy Speed Bump of sniffing and identifying tea. The Cowboys are the first team to ever move from dead last place to first place and this victory makes my mom very happy. Because they stupidity ditched their cabs to run at some point, the Brothers and Father/Daughter are the bottom 2 but Steve/Allie's Detour-hopping puts them behind and eliminates them from the race. They are officially the team that made it the furthest with the least amount of screentime.

Dancing with the Stars - Instead of just poorly dancing this week, they will have to also create a story to accompany the poor dancing. Such epic sagas included Buzz Aldrin as an old man coming back from the war, Jake the Bachelor as an archaelogist that finds some Egyptian skanky lady, and Kate Gosselin avoiding the paparazzi to Lady GaGa's "Paparazzi". Kate Gosselin was hands down the worst of the night; so stiff, never bending knees, no emotion, and not even trying. Buzz Aldrin may be terrible, but at least he's putting his heart into it. Yet again America proves their stupidity and doesn't even put Kate into the bottom 2; that honor goes to Buzz and Jake. Buzz Aldrin is eliminated and deep down I think his partner is kinda relieved she doesn't have to dance with her grandpa anymore. And we can re-live Kate's fantastic dance through Jimmy Fallon's much better rendition.

The Biggest Loser - An ominous red button is placed in the gym this week, giving the 1st loser to lose 2% of their bodyweight immunity. They only have one chance to press the button and weigh-in and Melissa won't shut up about how much she wants and needs immunity. Victoria is the 1st to press the button, but didn't lose enough. That honor goes to Sam, who had to lose 6lbs, and ended up losing 10. It's jaw-dropping and now he doesn't have to weigh-in again til next week, so his numbers should be huge.

In a challenge of toting weights in a pool, Sunshine wins a trip to the Biggest Loser Fitness Lodge, which Melissa comes in last place and gets a 1lb penalty. Melissa wasn't originally last, but all the other losers chose to help O'Neal and Michael instead of nasty, game-playing Melissa. Sure enough, Melissa falls below the yellow line with Drea. Melissa makes a good argument that she's an easier win and way to get to the finals, but these people aren't here for the game just yet. Melissa is voted off for a second time (SERVED!) and her incessant jabber about wanting the prize money finally ends.

American Idol - It's time to butcher more classics, so Idol revisits a season 7 favorite: the songs of Lennon and McCartney (the Beatles, not the Communists). The judges seemed to like the performances better this week, but it was still more torture for me, especially when spectacled hipster Andrew Garcia did a really corny rendition of "Can't Buy Me Love" which is like the only Beatles song I like. Yeah I said it, I'm not a Beatles fan. I wish they could've done George Harrison tunes and jammed to "Got My Mind Set On You." Crystal and Lee decided to stick out by being accompanied by a didgeridoo and a bagpiper, respectively; um, yeah?

Andrew and Big Mike are the bottom 2, and Ryan lets Andrew know he's safe. I'm sick of Andrew cause he's skated by for weeks on 1 really good audition. Anyways, Big Mike sings "This Woman's Work" for his life and just before the clock strikes 10 and my DVR switches channels, the judges decide to save Big Mike and keep him in the competition.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - The Heroes win both reward and immunity again this week, and look like frightening giant turds as the end result of a mud race. After seeing the new Villains tribe though, they make the mistake in believing the Villain women are picking off the men, capping it off with a hilarious moment of JT mouthing to Russell, "Hang in there!" JT also finds the Hidden Immunity Idol but is quickly discovered so is forced so share his find with the tribe.

The Villains are falling apart quick, first by assuming the reward challenge was a merge (it wasn't, so Jeff messed with the players telling them to "Drop their... expectations." SERVED!). After the challenge, Jerri gets angry about Coach decision to have Courtney and Sandra, their weakest players, sit out for the reward challenge rather than immunity. Sandra and Courtney are tired of being at fault for everything, so Sandra decides to take down Coach, putting a bug in Russell's ear that Coach wanted Russell gone. This makes Russell angry, of course, but also is a great move for Russell game-wise because if Coach is gone, it looks like the women are taking out the men and the Heroes will want him in their post-merge alliance. Danielle gets pissed about taking out a strong man when Courtney can't physically do anything. Russell's immediate reaction is anger; how dare anyone question Russell's decisions?? But then he changes his mind... again! At Tribal, based on everyone's answers, it looks like Courtney and her skeletal body are getting snuffed but by a 4-3 vote the Dragonslayer has been taken down again. Is it sad to admit I am going to miss Coach?

Project Runway - Warning: if you dislike clowns and circus freaks, the first 7 minutes episode of this episode may alarm you. The designers go to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus and must create an outfit inspired by the circus. Last time I went to the circus you got to go meet all the performers before the show and there was a little person performer spinning plates and he dropped one and got really pissed; sadly he's not on this episode.

Anyways, what everyone gets from the circus is black and white stripes and obnoxious colors. The stakes are high this week because only 3 will move onto Bryant Park (of course if you watched this show before, you'll know that's likely not the case). I know the looks are supposed to be circus, but it looks more like a Sue Ellen Crandall fashion show ("I'm right on top of it, Rose!") Seth Aaron makes some crazy coat and red leather pants; the judges like it, but the crotch is weird. Emilio wins the challenge yet again, with the judges calling it the best look of the entire season, with a gown that I'm just not getting; too many patterns for me maybe? Anyways, these 2 easily advance to the finals.

Onto the rest of the bad (I thought all the looks this week were biggest circus turds than what elephants leave behind). Anthony makes a $300 polyester dress without realizing it was polyester; he's obviously eliminated again. The judges have to decide between Mila and Jay for the final spot at Fashion Week. Mila's look burns my eyes and while the coat's OK, the rest is wacky. Jay's look is well-crafted but without his Michael Jackson coat, it's nothing that special. Mila is told she's in, but don't let your heart sink because, SHOCKER!, Jay is in too. Like they've done every season since like season 3, they'll duke it out right before fashion week. Next week: Tim visits the designers at home and they ignore his advice, which is good cause Tim's been so off his game this season.


Photo Credit: BuddyTV, CBS.com, Dlisted, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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