April 23, 2010

Reality Rundown: So Spiderman's Not Inspirational?

Dancing with the StarsThe Biggest LoserAmerican Idol
Survivor: Heroes vs. VillainsFinale! Project Runway

Dancing with the Stars - This week the "stars" dance to music from movies and at no point does anyone perform a single number to Grease 2 so I'm not impressed. Nicole from The Pussycat Dolls finally out-dances Evan Lysacek and gets a near perfect score (Len Goodman is such an uptight fuddy-duddy- did I really just use that word?) Kate Gosselin, decked out in her Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? hair bow, racks up yet another lowest score of the night, with a brutal dance to "Don't You Forget About Me" from The Breakfast Club. Kate finally lands herself in the bottom 2 with Pam Anderson (who again did well but women hate her) but it looks like ABC hopefully unplugged Kate's phone line as she is finally eliminated. FINALLY.

The Biggest Loser - The show starts of on my favorite note: temptation! The kitchen is closed all day and for all 3 meals, the losers must eat from a room filled with healthy choices and all the most amazing treats ever. Koli decides saving his cousin Sam is most important, so gorges himself with 4,100 calories worth of grub and wins the sole vote at this week's weigh-in (unless he falls below the yellow line, in which case he loses that power). While the losers laugh it up at the indulgence, deep down they're all worried because if anyone falls below with Sam, they're screwed.

Darris (that guy in orange that gets no screen-time) wins a 1lb advantage in a challenge. O'Neal comes in last and gets a 1lb disadvantage. However, O'Neal didn't really lose since he fell and popped his knee. O'Neal's terrible horrible no-good very bad week continues with his bad knee and news his brother passed away from cancer. Koli decides that if O'Neal falls below the yellow line, he would vote to keep O'Neal in the game. Lucky for O'Neal, he loses 8lbs and it's pretty great. Bad news is his daughter, Sunshine, falls below along with Victoria, the recently returned Blue team member. Koli casts his one vote for Victoria, which he attributes to her not pushing herself hard enough. She's kind of hurt by these words, but leaves on a positive note with new motivation.

American Idol - In honor of this week's Idol Gives Back special, each contestant has to perform an inspirational song. Oh god, torture. But it turns out, no one really sings inspirational songs and besides Crystal Bowersox, it's another hour of painful singing (thank god Glee is on after with some actual talent). The high point of the night came after Big Mike performed "Hero" by Nickelback; Simon commented that the song isn't really inspirational because it's about Spiderman. I must've re-played this about 3 times last night. Simon, you will be missed.

The Idol Gives Back/results show 2 hour bonanza proves that 1. our world is in need of help and 2. even professionals can't perform live. Seriously, did being around this lackluster cast cause everyone else to perform miserably? Any of us with common sense DVRed the show to skip past mostly everything, but of course the show ran over. Thanks to Jimmy Kimmel Live I learned that Tim Urban and his Zac Efron ice cream scoop hair went home. Did I mention the show ran 24 minutes late? Idol, no one likes you anymore so suck it up and be courteous to the people still hanging on to this shitshow.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - The tribes merge to form the Yin Yang Twins tribe. Right off the bat the Heroes are shocked to see Parvati, but JT and Rupert buy Russell's story hook, line and sinker: both Parvati and Russell played idols at the same time and Courtney went home in a re-vote. All the Heroes want Parvati gone because 1. she's a threat, 2. she's awesome, and 3. she's a banana grubber. Sandra gets a chance to let Rupert know Russell is a liar and he's the puppetmaster, but JT refuses to hear out Rupert. It's amazing that Rupert is actually the smart one here- it boggles my mind. The plan is to smoke out Russell: tell Russell to vote Parvati, but all the Heroes will vote out Sandra or Jerri to see how Russell votes.

Danielle wins individual immunity, like it even matters. Parvati reveals to Amanda she has a Hidden Immunity Idol but can immediately sense Amanda is a complete liar. Right before Tribal, Russell gives Parvati his Hidden Immunity Idol (formerly JT's) for her to play tonight and save herself. So to keep track Parvati has 2 Idols and I remember how excited I was when my friends had 2 cakes at their wedding, so I bet this is even better.

At Tribal Council, the votes are cast and it looks like my girl Jerri could be going home and I'm devastated. But right before Jeff reads the votes, maybe the greatest thing ever happens. Parvati announces she'd like to stick around the see the plantains ripen and hands her Hidden Immunity Idol to SANDRA! Wait, wait, it gets better! Parvati then announces she wants to hedge her bets more and hands her OTHER Immunity Idol to Jerri! AWWWW SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT. The Heroes get completely SERVED and JT is sent home by his own stupidity to give an Idol to Russell. Bravo Parvati- you are a winner in my book!

Finale! Project Runway - Finale time and I'm shocked that there's no last minute outfit to create. In fact, the show jumps kinda quickly into Bryant Park (or maybe it's because I fast forward through that L'Oreal Paris BS). Seth Aaron's collection is first and I immediately declare him the winner. It's a more sophisticated and expensive and still so Seth Aaron; colorful prints with a hard edge. What's black and white and still really annoying? Mila. Her collection is what you'd expect: coats, skirts and mini-dresses, baggy sweaters and mostly black and white but at least she styled her models to be more modern. Emilio's is last and I'm bored. Sure it's tailored nicely, but couldn't you buy any of his stuff at Ann Taylor or Banana Republic? I will say his greenish gold evening gown was a total stunner- loved that. Judges, do you really need to deliberate?

Apparently so. The judges, along with guest judge Faith Hill, put their well-coiffed heads together to select a winner. Seth Aaron's collection definitely seems to have an edge as he indeed put on a show, though some argue it wasn't as surprising. Mila's collection has a similar critique: same old, same old. Emilio's collection is obviously not winning. Michael Kors points out that Emilio thought more about branding and it was more of him launching a line rather than showing a collection. Mila's AUF'D first (much to the relief of all who feared the season bitch would win 2 seasons in a row). Heidi says Seth Aaron's name, pauses for like 2 minutes, and declares him the winner. WAHOO! I finally get a winner right!


Photo Credits: ABC.com, Billboard.com, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com

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