May 14, 2010

Reality Rundown: We Won a Million Dollars, Bro

Finale! The Amazing RaceDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
American IdolSurvivor: Heroes vs. Villains

Finale! The Amazing Race - In the last leg of the race, the final 3 hop on the next flight (which means a very long wait at the airport) to San Francisco. The Bros decide to play a little dirty which includes cutting in line and requesting mid-flight to sit in 1st class and get off the plane quicker. Good move, bros!

The cab drivers really make or break you on the race, and Brent and Caitie get screwed by theirs, who gets lost many times. Tasks this leg include climbing Coit Tower, participating in a virtual reality game at LucasFilms (and it was just like Nick Arcade), and carrying a trunk around San Francisco. The Bros catch an early lead after learning the trick to solving a spinning Star Wars-eqsue clue, with the Cowboys right behind them. Brent and Caitie catch up to the Cowboys, but then lose time after forgetting their money pack.

The final task is a memory challenge with psychedelic concert posters of eliminated teams, and since Jordan has watched 15 seasons of the show, he knew to take note of all the eliminations, challenges, etc. They breeze right through it, but so do the Cowboys. After an intense cab ride edit, the Brothers win The Amazing Race. After speeches about brothers being brought close together, we get one last moment where Brandi tells off Miss Teen USA one last time. Way to ruin the moment, ladies!

Dancing with the Stars - Each pair has to 2 routines this week, and they have to be inspired by an era, which they draw from a hat. Nicole is bummed she has to do a 50's Paso Doble but it's pretty awesome; if only Derek wasn't such a tool. Evan and Erin also do well, channeling the future and the 80's, but it's Ochocino and Niecy at the bottom of the pack. After a results show full of Niecy Nash fat jokes (ex. "I'm picking who's hungriest for the win, and thats' Niecy!"), a mock-Sports Center piece, and Jerry Rice wearing a Let Us Play With Your Look wig, Niecy gets eliminated.

The Biggest Loser - It's the last week on campus and Alison drops a bomb on the contestants: no vote this week, just a single red line. Basically, if you lose the least you go home. Koli and Sunshine are especially happy since they are big losers, and also bitter than Ashley and Darris sent home Sam. We get special guest appearances from 2 former TBL winners: Helen, a now skinny 48 year old, and some dude who proceeded to gain allll his weight back post-show. They give advice, but I think RuPaul's standard "Don't f*ck it up" would be a simpler and more direct approach. The losers also get to meet Dallas Cowboys' star Tony Romo in a Walmart, which is basically the Texan dream. He's also there to talk about fatties, since he dumped one. Kidding- they just exercise together while I exercise my fast forward button.

Michael has a whole bunch of breakdowns this episode since he's still so far from his goal compared to the others. It's pretty hard to watch. Luckily, he's able to stay above the red line. Tis' young Sunshine who falls below the red line with only 2lbs lost but she gets to throw the first pitch at a Minnesota Twins game so that's almost as good as $250,000.

American Idol - Movie theme week and yet again, no Grease 2. Jamie "Blame it on the Alcohol" Foxx is the mentor and after evaluating them gives them a T-shirt: artist or contestant. Big Mike gets contestant, so let's use that as foreshadowing.

The song choices are just plain odd. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Kenny Loggins, but the theme from Caddyshack? Really, Crystal? Casey uses a tiny guitar to sing "Mrs. Robinson", thus ensuring the mom vote across America, and Lee sings "Kiss From A Rose" because who doesn't love Seal and Batman? I think my favorite pick, for sheer laughter, is Big Mike who picks Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There?" from Free Willy. Random! Also random, I totally owned this soundtrack as a kid and it was fantastic because it also had SWV and I loved them and owned their cassette singles. Hello 90s! I think all 4 pretty much suck except for the duets they have to perform. Crystal and Lee sing the song from that movie Once and it's very nice, while Big Mike and Casey sound pretty great on "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?"

The results show brings us the musical styling of formal Idols Fantasia (or Fan-tase-ee-ah, if you're Simon) and Chris Daughtry, as well as a performance by old people Bon Jovi. The obvious lesson that you should never attempt a Michael Jackson song on Idol bites Big Mike in the ass, and he is eliminated. So to conclude with a horrible music pun, Hey Big Mike, "Will You Be There" for the Final 3? No, no you will not.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - A Sprint product placement arrives this week to also bring the good news that their families have come for a visit. Jerri wins the reward challenge to bring her sister to "The Blowholes" and gets to bring along 2 other people, so she brings Parvati/her dad and Sandra/her uncle. This infuriates Russell who goes back to camp like a spoiled 5 year old, complaining about Jerri betraying him and this is a million dollar mistake. Russell proposes to Rupert and Colby a men's final 3 alliance and they're down for it, especially Rupert who thinks that bringing the best villain with him to the finals would for sure give him the million. The plan: pull Jerri in for this week's vote and take out Parvati.

Too bad for big baby Russell, Parvati gets immunity. Russell immediately jumps ship to take out Rupert, but Sandra also approaches Rupert to take out Russell. Blabbermouth Rupert tells Russell who again goes on a tirade and only Sandra has the balls to point out everyone is keeping Russell in the game for a guaranteed win and that she's also against him. Big baby Russell fumes more and proposes taking out Sandra in his fit of rage.

Going into Tribal Council, Sandra felt really secure with her position until the Q&A so Sandra decides to play her hidden immunity idol, as this is the final Tribal for idols. Votes cast for Sandra are null and til the jolly hippie Rupert leaving the game (well, he would've been out even if Sandra kept her idol because it was 4-2). Sunday: FINALE! Stay tuned for a super special edition of the Reality Rundown for the Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains FINALE!

Photo Credits:, BuddyTV, RealityWanted,, Unreality Shout