June 29, 2010

The Bachelorette: Ali Quits Justin Cold Turkey

The Bachelorette

Ali starts the episode waxing on about how she's excited about the future and nothing can go wrong, so cue Chris Harrison to enter Ali's suite with dire news. He lets Ali know that a former cast-member contacted the show and has important information to share, so they let her (Jessie) speak to Ali on the phone. Conveniently there's a camera crew with Jessie in Toronto, so this is completely out of the blue. Ohh producers, you really showed your hand on this one, clearly making Ali keep Justin around to play out this dream scenario.

On the phone Jessie immediately drops "not there for the right reasons" twice and informs her Justin has a girlfriend back home named Jessica and she is with her right now. Jessica throws on the waterworks and lets her know she and Justin have been dating for close to 2 years, told her he'd be going on the show to promote his career and that he'd return to her once the show ended. His goal is to make top 3 to set up his career, and she even helped him prepare for the show. True love, indeed. But the story gets better because Jessica then realized Justin had another girlfriend on the side. Ali's pretty shocked and glad to hear this news because no one, not Ali or Jessica or girlfriend #2, deserve this skeeze. Ali finally realizes Justin's been lying the whole time and she's been eating in all up, so she looks like the dummy here and is pretty pissed. Chris even reveals that he's been sneaking off and calling Jessica throughout this entire process.

Ali heads down to the guy's suite to confront Justin in front of all the guys. And then she says, and I must quote it cause it's pretty awesome, "It's been quite the road getting here so far. You know Justin it's been especially difficult for you cause you probably really miss your girlfriend in Canada!" And the jaws drop. Ali calls him out on his bullshit, so he leaves the room, grabs his bag and peaces out. He hobbles all over the place in his walking cast to get away from Ali and the cameras. He returns with his excuse story, trying to claim he has into this at first but then over the weeks realized he wanted his girlfriend and he was planning to give his 2-on-1 date rose back which Ali reminds him is kind of late. Ali is livid since she gave up everything for the opportunity to find love and her husband, and with that Justin is gone. As Justin leaves the hotel the show plays voicemails he left for his girlfriend while on the show expressing his undying love for her. Thank god Justin is gone, but I have to be thankful to him since he really helped rake up the "not here for the right reason" count.

Back to the dating. Ali brings Ty on a solo date, where they sightsee around Turkey and have a relaxing time, which is a change from the adrenaline-charged "Rated R" morning. They head to a bath-house and luckily they get it to themselves, which means no seeing overweight hairy men sitting around in towels. They get wrapped up in what look like picnic table clothes, massage each other and make-out. Ty is already dreaming of returning to Turkey for their honeymoon and it's like really dude, cause even I know you don't stand a chance. They finish the night with a romantic waterfront dinner with a Q&A session, mainly bringing up Ty's past marriage which seemed to end because Ty wanted his woman slavin' round the house rather than working. He says he's changed and realized something called women's lib, which is a good save considering you're dating a girl who originally left the show for her job. Ty gets the rose, some slow dancing, and more kissing.

Kirk, Chris, Roberto and Craig meet Ali at a 15th century fort to rip off their shirts and fight each other for alone time. No seriously, they get oiled up (in olive oil), throw on some leather pants, and wrestle each other. Boy Justin, you got exposed about 1 day too early. Craig takes the wrestling very seriously since he has never had a solo date with Ali and needs the time (he's also bummed Frank is getting a 2nd 1-on-1 date before he even gets one). After a super sexy roll-around with Roberto, Craig finally wins some alone time. They take a boat ride to some private island for dessert and champagne, where Craig emphasizes his positive way of thinking as well as his new-found passion for olive oil wrestling. The night ends with a viewing of fireworks, but no kissing so Craig is the only dude left who hasn't gotten a smooch yet. Friend zone alert.

Frank's date card arrives and it says "Please stop whining about not getting alone time." Ok, it says something about the road to love being bizarre, almost as bizarre as Frank's obsession with Ali. Both parties hope this date helps them reconnect, so what better way than to shop around a crowded Turkish bazaar? True loves always emerges from haggling with local shop owners. It's actually a pretty fun date and Ali and Frank really do have great chemistry. They bring a picnic dinner and their newly purchase rug to a cistern, to dine on a platform in the middle of all this water. Frank opens up and admits he only wants to propose once in his lifetime, so he needs to get to that place with Ali. This scares Ali because her fear is that she can't control who falls in love with her, and she fears the person she loves won't love her back. But all seems to go well and Frank gets a rose.

Ali decides she doesn't need a cocktail party which disappoints all because 1. no Ali time and 2. less boozin'. Ali doesn't want to have the guys attempt to make a last-ditch plea when she knows where her heart is. I totally thought this would be a non-elimination since probably one guy would've gone home, but that's not the case. Kissless Craig is eliminated, which is not a surprise to any of us since he's the only one flying in the friends-only zone.

Coming soon: Portugal make-out sessions, hometown dates, Tahiti, and the Frank-bomb

Thanks for Pat for this week's blog title!

Photo Credit: Screencaps from ABC.com's player

The Bachelorette: "Not Here for the Right Reason" Season Count: Week 6

6/29/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

At long last "Rated R" Justin was exposed for the aspiring famewhore we all knew he was. The best part? Tons of "not here for the right reasons" being dropped. As soon as ex-Bachelor contestant Jessie called Ali to let her know about Justin's 2 girlfriends, I knew the count was in for a good night. As happy as I was for Justin to leave since he was a total douche, the "not here for the right reason count" will miss him. In Jessie's phone call we got 2 back-to-back "not here for the right reasons" which was such a great feeling. And as Ali finally came to the realization that she got played she also dropped a double. So the season count adds 4 more to the tally, for a season total of 19. Sadly, I think the count might be stagnant for a few weeks so fingers crossed for an awesome Men Tell All special or at least a super long season recap.

June 28, 2010

Serving of the Week

Name: Kasey, The Bachelorette
SERVED: On this past week's Bachelorette, Ali had an infamous 2-on-1 date where only 1 guy survives the date. The contenders: sweet, weirdly voiced Kasey who is famously known as the guy who got a tattoo to show how he would "guard and protect the heart" and the Justin aka "Rated R", the aspiring pro-wrestler, who is so not here for the right reasons. Kasey's already proved himself to be kind of weird (hello, awkward serenades in the park) and all the crap Justin's serves up Ali buys into. So after alone time with both guys on a date on a glacier, Ali brings out her rose and gives it to Justin and poor Kasey is SERVED! To make matters worse, Ali and Justin board a helicopter home, leaving Justin stranded along on a glacier. SERVED! Poor guy. It's one thing to get dumped, it's another to be dumped on a fake reality show, but it's another for the show to go out of its way to humiliate you on national television. Sorry Kasey but you got SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Original photo credit: Hulu screencap

June 25, 2010

Reality Rundown: The Proof is in the Horrible Tasting Banana Pudding

The Next Food Network StarSo You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef DC

The Next Food Network Star - The stars walk into the NFNS studio to see a bunch of popcorn boxes so Giada gets right to the point and announces the Camera Challenge. Since Bobby Flay is out this week, a special guest judge is brought out and it's none other than the polarizing winner of NFNS2, Guy Fieri (and luckily there is not a pair of sunglasses resting on the back of his head). Inside each popcorn box is a genre of films and they have to create dishes inspired by that genre and then present it to camera. Selena's makes me laugh a little as she pulls Western and infuses her Italian to make "Spaghetti Western" with chili. It's Aarti who wins the challenge, with her horror movie meatloaf and she's really starting to win me over. She's a warm personality on screen and her food sounds good. Honestly, at this point it's so obvious who the top 5 are that I wish they could take a swift axe to several contestants right away.

The Star Challenge is a 2-parter, beginning with a mock red carpet and interacting with the press and paparazzi. Yes, because the NFNS is always known for being a tabloid fixture. Part 2 of the challenge is to pair up with the person with the same color swag bag as you and create a solo dish with your swag bag ingredient for a MGD 64 Grammy party for singer Colbie Caillet. They also have to make a collaborative dish their your partner using both ingredients. Considering some pairings are parsnip/peanut butter and cabbage/bananas, they are wary.

Herb and Brianna (who dubbed themselves "Team Sexy") win the challenge with their delicious MGD 64 and fennel dishes, even if Brianna is pretty miserable to be around and has zero star power. Paul is a total dick to Serena, because he feels her being a home cook is something to be frowned upon and the judging panel gets pretty angry at him. Aria and Dzintra are also in the bottom for a lack of team effort, but it's Dzintra's uncomfortable personality, frantic nature, and maybe because she shhh'ed Aria during their presentation that finally eliminates the headcase from the competition. In final parting words, one contestant tells Dzintra "we're sad to see you go!" and Dzintra sobs, "No you're not!" HAHA- it's true. I'm not sad at all.

So You Think You Can Dance - I feel like the judges and I are on a different page this week, with them praising some people I had no interest in seeing, while giving criticism to people I thought were great. The best routine of the night comes from the newest hip hop choreographer, Tassandra Chavez, which featured Lauren and Dominic (aka D*Trix), which redeems her from last week's stinker. Hands down, Kent is my favorite with his infectious personality and dance talent; his jazz was superb. The judges totally rip choregrapher Travis Wall for not really doing a jazz piece for Ashley, and proceed to basically take it out Ashley, who was actually very good. So the choreographer messed up- shut up and judge the dancing. Jose takes on Bollywood and fails with a smile (I bet he's still safe). Most importantly, the choreographer love of my live, ballroom's Jean-Marc Generaux, returns for not 1 but 2 dances. He's just hysterical and steals the show for me. Bottom 3 prediction: Melinda, Christina, Adechike.

The results show is duller this week than last, with Nigel babbling for a long time about National Dance Day on July 31. I'm sure you've all been practicing your routines. But the high point of the night is from dance crew Remote Control which features the amazing robot guy with scoliosis we've seen in auditions. His crew is awesome and there's no words to describe their movement. But you're here for the results and the bottom 3 are Christina, Melinda, and Robert. Robert?! Are you people high? He was great! Despite the judges still bringing up that, in so many words, America hates Melinda, the judges eliminate Christina.

Top Chef DC - Padma enters the Top Chef kitchen along with guest judge Sam Kass, assistant White House chef, to announce the Quickfire: the cheftestants will draw knives to pair up and create a sandwich (or as they "hilariously" call it a bi-parti-sandwich) in 30 minutes. That seems like an awful lot of time considering I'm slow at cooking at it takes me like 5 minutes to make a sandwich. Oh is there a catch! Each pair will need to wear a conjoined apron, kind of a play on a 3-legged race. This leads to a lot of fear of losing fingers while chopping, rightfully so. This season's a-hole Angeloand teammate Tracey win the Quickfire (and immunity) with a marinated flounder sandwich.

The elimination challenge is to create a school lunch for 50 middle schoolers with the restrictive budgets public schools face. And if you missed this original explanation, don't worry because this week's TC which is on a mission to beat into our heads that public schools are terribly underfunded. We get it! Now sous-vide something and say "top scallop"! So they are formed into teams of 4 and each person must create a course of the meal. Angelo plays the strategy card with his Quickfire victory and puts Kenny and Ed on his team because if they lose there's a good chance his biggest competition could go home. I take it Angelo isn't here to make friends. The usual team fights occur: the overbearing leader, kids hate onions, feta, and gnocchi. There are some pretty tasty dishes given out to the kids (I'm dying to try Tiffany's chocolate sherbert on top of a crispy sweet potato) and the kids enjoy their meal.

In what may be a first, the 2 teams brought into the judging room first are the losers and that is Team Angelo and another team that served sherry-braised chicken to children and a banana pudding with 2lbs of sugar. The judges scold them, send them away, and bring in the winning team, and name Kelly and his pork carnitas tacos (and onions) the winner. The bottom 4 are Kenny, Ed, Jacqueline, and Amanda. Ed's sweet potato puree was too spicy. Kenny is there because he didn't demand veggies. Amanda's sherry chicken was a stupid moveand gross. Caterer Jacqueline (who we all know was never a contender for the title to begin with) is eliminated for the sugary and grainy banana pudding. While I know the team sacrificed her cocoa to buy that ill-advised cooking sherry and thus killed fake-Laura Dern's chances, maybe she should've been smarter because what tween in their right mind likes banana pudding? I'm 25 and if you serve me banana pudding I'll slap that bowl right on the ground.

Photo Credit: BravoTV.com, BuddyTV.com, EW.com, FoodNetwork.comMTV.com

June 24, 2010

Small Servings

6/24/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments

Photo Credit: Children of the 90's

June 23, 2010

Reality Rundown: That Tattooed Bachelorette Guy Gets Dumped on a Glacier

The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette - The whirlwind voyage of love continues with stop #2 in Iceland, which Chris Harrison announced there will be a 1-on-1, group, and dreaded 2-on-1 date. To get the 1-on-1 date they need to write Ali a love poem, trying to incorporate Icelandic words, and recite it and she'd pick the winner. Kirk and Frank learned from Roberto last week and walk close to Ali, and after a quick decision, Ali chooses Kirk for the 1-on-1 date since his poem recalled their relationship and he compliments her "root beer eyes."

Ali and Kirk's 1-on-1 involves sightseeing around Reychavik and dressing like locals do, which means Cosby sweaters. They settle on matching grey sweaters, goofy hats, and feed geese. Kirk opens up to Ali at dinner, explaining that 5 years ago he got so sick he almost died. Long story short, Kirk lived in a house at college that was, unknown to him, deemed unlivable so he was breathing in asbestos and mold. Kirk said this trying experience made him realize what's important in live, leaving Ali moved and she gives him a rose, a kiss, and of course the matching sweater.

The group date card arrives at the guy's suite, and Roberto, Frank, Chris L, Chris N, Ty, and Craig get selected. This leaves Kasey and his tattoo to battle against "Rated R" Justin for the 2-on-1 date rose, where one of them will definitely be eliminated. The group date sends the guys horseback riding on a mountain, spelunking in a cave, and later indulging in a healing lagoon. The guys go ow-oooo-ga when they see Ali's bikini bod and rip off their clothes. Frank continues his tour-de-force whining, complaining again about his jealousy. Ali pulls Frank aside and, in so many words, tells him to grow a pair and be a little more agressive. Ty the cowboy gets the rose because he was there for Ali and they both hugged a lot in the lagoon.

Justin decides to up his game to get the rose, and really it seems like he doesn't care about Ali as much as he cares about humiliating Kasey. Justin gets his cast off, while Kasey continues to mentally breakdown about showing Ali the infamous "guarding and protecting her heart" tattoo. The 2-on-1 date involves another GD helicopter and I'm seriously wondering how much of this show's budget is dedicated solely to helicopter rides. The helicopter takes them right over the active volcano and it's pretty amazing. The helicopter even lands nearby so they can take in the sights, though Justin uses this time to ponder how much he has made Kasey mentally break down. They re-board the helicopter to fly to a glacier that's complete with an ice bar. Ali has her alone time with Justin first, and he totally schmoozes, saying what she wants to hear. Kasey's time finally arrives and as Ali begins to say what happened on the last date wasn't wrong, Kasey whips off his gloves and reveals the tattoo. Ali's response is "Whaaaat?!" and "your mom is gonna kill you." She respects who Kasey is as a person and thanks him "for being you." Ali re-convenes the guys with her rose and gives a little speech before handing that rose to Justin. Poor sad sap Kasey is left alone, dumped on a glacier. SERVED!

The pre-rose ceremony cocktail party gives the guys one last chance to impress Ali. Frank finally takes some initiative, while Craig hilariously shows Ali the fake tattoo he drew on his arm. Craig is totally the Bob Guiney of this season. Chris N, who has had maybe 4 lines all season, speaks this week, first with a terrible, awkward love poem, and at this cocktail party where he reveals he's funny and then sits in deafening silence. Ali is visibly uncomfortable at his hug attempt. Chris Harrison pulls Ali aside to talk out her feelings, where he continues to prod until Ali reveals that she's afraid to put herself out there and fears that at the end of this experience she'll fall for someone but that feeling won't be reciprocated. Tear.

There are 4 roses sitting on a slab of ice for Ali to hand out, with 1 guy going home and I don't even need to listen to Ali's sympathetic speech. Chris N is eliminated and left out in the cold (Iceland pun). In the limo he reveals that he's at a loss for words, which is hilarious since until this point he's barely spoken on the show.

Next week: Istanbul, Turkey! Frank pulls away! Someone has a girlfriend!

Photo Credit: Screencaps from Hulu

June 22, 2010

The Bachelorette: "Not Here for the Right Reason" Season Count: Week 5

6/22/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
As Kasey was left stranded alone and dumped on a glacier, I suddenly realized the only person that has been contributing to this season count is gone. I fear now my count will be stagnant and either I'll have nothing new to report and keep showing you 0's, or just not post at all. I know, you're crying too. Thanks to Kasey leaving us with one last "[Justin's] not here for the reason of Ali or love" the count ticks up 1 mere notch to a total of 15. Man, I hope that these secret girlfriends of the season help me get this up a teensy bit more or I'll be so depressed.

June 21, 2010

Serving of the Week

6/21/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Dina Lohan
SERVED: In terms of things that boggle my mind, how in the world does Carvel Ice Cream have a Black Card for VIPs? It turns out that last year, in honor of their 75th anniversary, Carvel gave out 75 VIP Black Cards to celebrities, giving them free ice cream. Carvel decided to get one to Lindsay Lohan and one to her sister, Ali. Yeah, the Ali portion of this story confuses me since she's done nothing in this world except a terrible E! show and looking about 37 years older than her actual age.

Well this past week, delusional famewhore mother Dina Lohan was denied an ice cream cake at Carvel with the Black Card and went apeshit, immediately informing the tabloids because that's what you do when your a fame-sucking leech. It seems that Dina and the whole Lohan clan have been abusing the Black Card, using it "carte blanche" and quite frankly Carvel didn't think people would take this Black Card seriously, or at least figured an occasional cake here or there. Hell, even they know their standard ice cream is low to mediocre, overpriced, and their cakes are meh at best. At the request of the poor shop attendant, who wouldn't serve Dina since her name was not in the card, the cops came (Dina alleges a helicopter came- in her dreams), took the card, and let her know she'll not be receiving free ice cream again. SERVED! For a woman who claims she doesn't leech onto her children's fortune she has an odd way of showing it. And don't even get me started on her claiming she gets treated worse than "regular people." Well Dina, I know you were hoping Carvel would SERVE you a delicious Fudgie the Whale, but I hope a SERVING from Mel fills the void.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Original photo credit: Dlisted

June 20, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

6/20/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served 3 comments
When I read an article announcing Hollywood is planning a remake of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, a bit of me died on the inside. Why must Hollywood continue to falter with remakes? Can't anyone in Hollywood come up with an original concept? Every movie that's being greenlit is stupid rip-off and knock-off of something we love and cherish. Like the new Karate Kid? Jaden Smith doesn't even learn karate, it's kung-fu! But the big studio brass wouldn't change the title because they wanted to bank off our 80's nostalgia. We're not that gullible, turds!

As for Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead- it's perfection! Why must you decimate its legacy? You mean to tell me you're going to try and top Sue Ellen Crandall's epic fashion show? Will Kenny be inspired by the baking of Paula Deen and other Food Network chefs? And what about the QED Report?! I don't even want to fathom them attempting to take on one of the greatest lines in cinematic history. Kenny, show them what they're messing with.

June 18, 2010

Reality Rundown: Crazy Hair Does Not Maketh A Top Chef

The Next Food Network StarSo You Think You Can DanceNew! Top Chef DC

The Next Food Network Star - Unlike last season, it looks like camera-presence is going to be a big factor early into the race. Each star is assigned a portion of a recipe for vegetable lasagna which they'll have to complete on camera. Some are fast talkers, some slow cutters, and others give off some wonderful dead air silence. Lucky for them, the challenge this week requires no cameras! Ace of Cakes Duff Goldman closes down the Santa Barbara carnival pier for a party of 100 guests and they'll be catering. The catch? Create a savory dish based on carnival food classics.

I actually thought Brianna's chili meatball sounded delicious, and it really played off the candy apple, but she was miserable to the party guests. Aria had a cool idea to make a banana split made of meatballs, garlic toast, and tomatoes- but she fumbled on the meatballs. Confidence-lacking Aarti is the winner of the week with a play on funnel cake with some tandori chicken on a scallion pancake. That nutjob Dzintra is in the bottom again for an overcomplicated dish and scatter-brained personality, but Doreen and her odd mouth fail at her root beer float pulled pork and she's eliminated.

So You Think You Can Dance - The first night of the legit competition begins, and then so does my uneasiness regarding this season. Up until now I've actually been excited for the All Stars, but after the first few dance numbers, I start to panic. I'm not enjoying this. There's no chemistry. Maybe this was a bad idea. That is until Alex Wong and his partner, S2's Allison, perform a contemporary piece by the usually zany Sonia. It is so unbelievably good- Mia declares it the best dance performed in SYTYCD history. Now to play devil's advocate he was a professional ballet dancer so he should master this, but it was just an amazing piece by Sonia. From then on, the night got great. Lovable small town Kent stole the show for me with his cha-cha (with S3'a Anya), and I was impressed by Robert and S4's Courtney's African Jazz. I think the worst was tap dancer Melinda's jive with Pasha, and I think that some other people got better praise than needed, but I won't totally rip them in week 1.

The results show features a great Twyla Tharp dance performance, an embarassing performance by Usher (might wanna work on the live singing pal), and the premier of the new Justin Bieber video. Boy was I excited. We also found out the bottom 3: Melinda, Alexie (who did hip-hop with Twitch), and Christina (paired with Mark- another favorite of mine- for some trippy jazz piece). I predict now that this new formula is flawed and over the course of the next 5 weeks, all the girls will go home first. While the judges have the ultimate say, it's the voters (teen girls) who are voting for their crush, not the dancer. But these 3 dancers were clunkers, so it is pretty accurate. After dancing for their lives, Alexie is eliminated and I'm pretty bummed. Her hip-hop wasn't awesome, but it was also a smooth more romantic style, an the poor girl has auditioned for this show like 5 times. Talk about determination and heart! She also has far more personality and star power than the other 2 but I guess that's showbiz for you.

New! Top Chef DC - A bunch of chef's are welcomed to the nation's capital and there's not a faux-hawk in sight! There's some food, mingling, and occasional bragging (OK, just Angelo). Tom and Padma (with her pregnancy boobs) join everyone on the rooftop to run the first Quickfire of the season: the mise-en-place relay. They'll have to peel potatoes, dice onions, break down a chicken, and the last 4 remaining will then create a dish with these ingredients. The final 2 include the arrogant but talented Angelo and speedy prepper Kevin; Angelo wins the High Stakes Quickfire and pockets $20k. The Elimination Challenge is announced and it is to create a dish based on where you come from. They will also be competing head to head in groups of 4, so the top 4 get to select their competition. Some chick whines about being picked early, which implies she sucks, but hey morons, you all had to be picked at some point.

The cheftestants serve their dishes to a party celebrating the kickoff of the Cherry Blossom Festival, which includes the elite likes of former Bachelor Andy Baldwin, as well new judge Eric Ripert. The stars are out tonight! Angelo and Roberto end up as the best again, with an arctic char and coffee-rubbed trout respectively. They are joined in the top 4 by Alex and his deconstructed borscht and Kevin's Pennsylvania lamb (should add Kevin was Top 4 in the Quickfire too). Angelo wins the first elimination challenge meaning his arrogance is kinda justified. Tim, who was in the Top 4 of the Quickfire, is in the bottom 4 with his fish dish, but luckily John's Detroit-inspired maple mousse is a disaster. He didn't even make his puff pastry and he must've been high thinking he could successfully pull off a dessert on Top Chef especially in week 1. John packs his knives and we're given the message that exotic hair does not make you a sho-in for the Top Chef prize.

Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, BuddyTV, FoodNetwork.com

June 16, 2010

Small Servings

6/16/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , , No comments

Photo Credit: The Daily What

June 15, 2010

The Bachelorette: That Tattooed Bachelorette Guy Can't Sing

The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette - My Bachelorette recaps are getting so long they deserve their own post- don't you think? So the skanky den of the bachelors vying for Ali's affection is now vacant, as Ali and her suitors begin a trip around the world to fall in love. First stop: Neeeew York City. The guys head to the airport to meet Ali there, since she's already in NYC getting made-over by InStyle magazine, an obvious ploy to get us gullible women to buy the July issue.

Solo date #1 is Kasey and his weird voice, and he's so into Ali and she's kind of not that into him. They take a helicopter ride (enough with the GD helicopters) over NYC and land for a picnic in the park. Kasey finds this intimate picnic as the perfect time to reveal his horrible singing voice, freestyling a song about the helicopter ride, himself, and getting a rose. It is terrible. Part 2 of the date is a night at the Museum of Natural History, sans Ben Stiller. The museum opts to be energy efficient, so Kasey and Ali run around the museum with flashlights. Yet another romantic setting, so Kasey decides to sing again. Ali is holding back laughing- he's just so bad. Kasey spends the whole night babbling about how he wants to "guard and protect her heart" and offers Ali the "jump in, stay awhile" in his heart. CREEPY! Ali feels like maybe Kasey isn't genuine and just spouting off lines, so she does not give him a rose. However, she doesn't eliminate him either, leaving him kind of crushed.

The group date has the guys auditioning for The Lion King on Broadway, including sexy dancing shorts and horrible singing voices (too bad Kasey wasn't on this date so he wouldn't have looked so bad). The director of the show has to pick one guy to get a private date with Ali and he picks based on "courage and truth" so he picks Roberto. Just like the other reality shows, the talented ones never win in the end. The actual date later is for Ali and Roberto to appear in The Lion King that night, making sexy times in the air on high wires; jealousy ensues. There's an after party for the date at a hotel, but Ali is feeling under the weather (not a Jonathan the Weatherman euphemism). Speaking of Jonathan, he's desperate for alone time but can't catch a break. Frank also gets alone time, where Ali addresses his palpable jealousy and assures she still likes him. Kirk is the only guy who urges Ali to get some rest and offers to walk her to her room- slick move! He tucks Ali in, maybe poorly sings a lullaby, and gets a little kiss.

Solo date #2 is with Chris L (the guy who actually has had screentime, not that random other Chris), but Ali is still really sick so instead of the planned date she invites him to hang out with her in her suite and feed her Dayquil and throw our her tissues. He brings some chicken noodle soup and they really bond, particularly with Chris opening up about his dead mom. It's Chris' birthday and Ali starts to feel better, so they pick up the end of the date with a seafood dinner at a club, a phone call home to Chris' dad, and a private concert by another no-name artist. Chris gets a rose as they dance and kiss on the roof.

Meanwhile, as Chris' date happens, Kasey disappears from the suite. He must've "snuck out" and by that I mean, the producers totally know what's going on and bring a camera crew. Kasey is desperate to prove he's genuine, so he gets a tattoo of a shield protecting a heart on his wrist - just to continously beat into our heads his "guarding and protecting the heart" catchphrase. Kasey returns hours later, claiming he burnt his wrist, but "Rated R" Justin declares him a "fibber." Justin should know since he lied about leaving last week, so plans to call him out. At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Justin confronts Kasey and it's so lame. In the end, Kasey reveals his tattoo to the guys, pointing out that the shield also has 11 diamonds to represent the guys too. Oh lordy. Chris notes the stupidity of this and points out that Kasey will forever be "that tattooed Bachelorette guy." Kasey almost gets to reveal the tattoo to Ali, thinking this will impress her, but Frank interrupts. She heads into the rose ceremony and keeps kreepy Kasey, opting to send home Weatherman and I-only-wear-jeans-to-rose-ceremonies Jesse. Next week: Iceland!

Line of the week award goes to Craig (who is growing on me): "We have a lot of great guys here, with the exception of Justin." SERVED!

Photo Credits: ABC.com, Screenshots from Hulu

The Bachelorette: "Not Here for the Right Reason" Season Count: Week 4

6/15/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Jeez, it's the one season where I actually decide to officially count the "not here for the right reasons" that it becomes practically obsolete. Thanks to an episode devoted to creepy Kasey, his weird singing, and his obsession with the phrase "guarding and protecting her heart" I get one mere mention of the famous phrase (and that one time it's said is by Kasey). I'm pretty sure I should've been counting how many instances of "heart", "genuine", "sincerity", and "guarding and protecting her heart" was used because the count would've been greatly inflated. So with this one instance, the season count inches up to 14. C'mon guys... "Rated R" Justin is still in the game, so let's make this count sky high.

June 14, 2010

Serving of the Week

6/14/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Name: Alexis, The Next Food Network Star
SERVED: In terms of chefs who made a significant impact in America's culinary vision, Wolfgang Puck ranks highly on the list. So it goes to say that if Wolfgang Puck doesn't like your cooking it is a gut-wrenching experience. On the season premier of The Next Food Network Star, each chef had to prepare a course for celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck and then present the dish and listen to the critiques. Alexis came in very eager to present his beignets and cited his sister for teaching him the recipe. And then comes the fun stuff. Wolfgang Puck asks if he still keeps in touch with his sister, because he'd disown her for this recipe. SERVED! The other judges pipe in on how terrible the beignets taste. SERVED! The most epic SERVING comes last when Wolfgang Puck tells Alexis that if he were to serve these beignets to his wife, she's divorve him. SERVED! If you had any dreams of cooking, it definitely must be crushing to have such a mega chef completely rip apart your dish. It goes without saying, Alexis was eliminated after being SERVED the criticism of a lifetime.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Original photo credit: FoodNetwork.com

June 13, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Heavyweights

6/13/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
On Friday night I found myself glued to the Hallmark Channel and no it wasn't a Kellie Martin movie. Said addictive movie was Heavyweights and much like Jurassic Park, it's one of those movies that makes me stop channel surfing and plop down for an hour and a half and watch until end credits roll. If you don't like the movie Heavyweights I may have to be so bold to say I don't like you. Full of heart, hilarity, child stars, and most of all, one of the best Ben Stiller characters ever, Heavyweights is awesome. It also introduced us all to The Blob, the most amazing invention to ever to hit the lakes of our fine country. To this day I like by Tony Perkis' credo: "I eat success for breakfast... with skim milk!" Ok, I'm lying, but it's still a classic line.

June 11, 2010

Reality Rundown: I Would Walk 500 Miles (Just to Get More Screentime)

New! The Next Food Network StarThe Bachelorette
New! So You Think You Can Dance

New! The Next Food Network Star - The time of the year has returned to find the next Guy Fieri, sans Corey Feldman-esque looks and the sunglasses on the back of the head. Instead of the usual New York setting, the aspiring stars are put in some posh LA house and even get a brand new NFNS studio complete with all the cooking equipment and ingredients you'd need and a demo kitchen for filming. Upgrade! The stars are a decent batch this season and I see several that I think could be stars. Bob and Suzie of Food Network greet the contestants and explain they need someone who is great on camera, but could also be a brand to hock products. The first challenge is to create a dish that demonstrates who they are using chicken and potatoes. The top 2 are farm-fresh Aria and personal trainer/personal chef Herb, and I already see these 2 being top contenders for the prize. I see Selena as marketable, but she's a cute young girl making Italian dishes- sound familiar? Beware contestant mentor, Giada DeLaurentis!

The next day begins a 2-part Star Challenge with the 1st task being to film a 15-second promo for their show, so each really needs to hone in on their speciality. Most promos stink and wouldn't get me to tune in (but another slam dunk for Aria). The 2nd part of the challenge is to split into 2 teams and cook a 6-course lunch for a celebrity chef. Who could it be?! It's Wolfgang Puck! He's such an awesome judge and offers some wonderful critiques. Some weirdo named Dzintra scratches her cornea mid-dessert prep and has to go to the hospital, so Aria and Tom try to finish it off. It stinks. However, since Aria's Gray team wins the Star Challenge (and she personally wins the challenge- she's unstoppable already!), Dzintra gets another week to try and redeem herself and stop being so annoying.

It's Herb's Black Team up for elimination. The bottom 2 are Alexis and this dullard Doreen (with her ever-exciting cooking show titled "Dining with Doreen"- zzzdajsl - sorry that's my head hitting the keyboard because it's so dull). Doreen failed on her dish and then spent the whole meal apologizing with her weird mouth. But Alexis' beignets were a hot mess (Wolfgang Puck announces that if he served these to his wife his wife would divorce him- SERVED!) and he's the first one declared not a star.

The Bachelorette - Ali starts her 1st solo date of the episode by picking Roberto up and whisking him away on a helicopter. For a girl afraid of flying, this show is torturing her. They arrive on a rooftop to find a high wire for them to traverse to get to dinner. Mid-crossing Roberto stops to give Ali the ultimate kiss and she's like, "It's like no other kiss I've had!" and it's like, duh, because you're dangling over the edge. People, life is not like Spiderman. They eat, laugh, snuggle on a rooftop mattress- it's cute. Ali is totally into Roberto, even using the Spanish from rap music to ask for a kiss. He shuts her up with more making it. He obviously gets a rose.

The group date is getting to be in a music video for the Barenaked Ladies- they're even less relevant than Shania Twain! The guys feign excitement, but mostly because they receive their scene scripts and it's mostly kissing Ali. Jonathan the Weatherman becomes this season's crazy Michelle, worrying about his on-camera kiss, to the point of crying. Ali shuts him up with a big smooch (eventhough she doesn't really want to kiss the Weaterman) and he's all ga-ga. He awkwardly whispers to her later if she'd like to sneak off for a real first kiss but is thankfully interrupted. Frank, meanwhile, gets so jealous because he must've had this delusion that Ali would kiss only him. He creepily discusses wanting to be Ali's first for everything, and at least gets his first slap in the face from a woman via Ali (it's for the video). Once he sees Ali smooching Kirk in the photoshoot and the wrap party afterwards, he realizes that this is the GD Bachelorette and Ali's going to kiss a lot of dudes. Everyone frolicks in a rooftop pool having the time of their lives, but not "Rated R" Justin since he has a cast. He plots his next move...

Knowing that his crippled leg is holding back his screentime bonding time with Ali, and after several random conversations about the guys wishing they could just visit Ali up the street, Justin sneaks out of the house and hobbles a couple miles to Ali's house. More than likely, he hobbled like 200ft and then some producer drove him- hey, this shit sells. He also coincidentally brought along photos to show Ali about his family and you would think they'd be far more wrinkled if they were just carried in his back pocket. This gesture impresses Ali, making her extremely late for her next 1-on-1 date with Hunter.

So poor Hunter is a sad sap waiting around and wondering why his date is starting later than usual. Ali brings Justin back to the house, goes home, and returns to pick up Hunter. Hunter gets to go to Ali's house for some grillin' and chillin', which allows Justin to brag to the camera that he was really the 1st guy at Ali's. What a tool. Well, Ali and Hunter hit it off as friends, but their is zero chemistry romantically which means the worst hot tub scene in Bachelorette history. Hunter brings up the rose and Ali gets all guilty and dumps him and send him away in a cab.

The rose ceremony cocktail hour brings out more Frank jealously, Justin's claims that he'd quit wrestling for love, and some poor guy being unable to open a bottle of champagne (which he thinks makes him a sho-in for a rose - it doesn't). Ali brings up Justin's visit to the house to Roberto, not realizing the guys didn't know. Roberto tells the guys who in turn confront Justin, and his argument is he just wanted to see Ali. Their response is, "we all do!" They realize that not only did Justin pull this stunt, but it was a douche-move to interrupt what would've been Hunter's solo date time. Ali can't decide if she should listen to the guys opinions on Justin, because she must completely forget she was the loudest shouter of someone not being there for the right reason with Jake. Of course she keeps Justin and you have to hope she's just playing along for TV and isn't that dumb. Two nobodys go home and miss out on the beginning of a trip of love around the world.

New! So You Think You Can Dance - Audition weeks flew by which is good news for us all since I think covering auditions is a waste of time. The sum it up, tons of talent this season (except Nashville where I'm pretty sure no one got through to Vegas). This is the most competitive season yet because there are only 10 spots (5 guys, 5 girls), as opposed to the usual 20. In the end, they choose 11 dancers because they can't bear to lose returning dancer Billy Bell. Of the 11 dancers, 8 are contemporary (eventhough the judges made a big deal that they couldn't choose all contemporary). The 11 are rounded out by a hip hop guy, latin girl, and tapping girl. Let's dance!

To get us revved up and introduce us to the Top 11, we get an episode of pure group routines and no voting. Let me tell you, this season has talent and personaliy! It's even hard to be snarky cause there's some good shizz here! Oh and the All Stars? Talk about favorite dancers: Dominic (aka D*Trix from Quest Crew of America's Best Dance Crew), Twitch, Mark, Lauren, Ade, Allison, Anya, and of course, the SYTYCD love of my live (and my mom's)... PASHA. Be still my heart.

The group dances are all amazing and what I like most is that the choreographer sits at the judge's table while discussing their routine so they can give more insight. Loudmouth Mary Murphy is no longer a judge, but choreographer of choice Mia Michaels now takes her seat. Routines include a Tyce Diorio Broadway number, a sizzling Latin trio, a hip hop initiation, and more phenomenal jazz/contemporary routines. I'd break them all down, but that's a lot of names. Next week when the competition begins, we'll start naming names, critiquing, and hopefully getting my snark on.

Photo Credit: BuddyTV.com, FoodNetwork.com, NYDailyNews.com, Screencaps from Hulu, TVBoyfriends.com

June 9, 2010

Small Servings

Photo credit: arresteddevelopmentftw

June 8, 2010

The Bachelorette: "Not Here For the Right Reason" Season Count: Week 3

6/08/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Oh Bachelorette, you're killing me! Another week of the guys dodging the catchphrase. In fact, the only person who said "not here for the right reasons" was the guy NOT there for the right reasons. I decided to include someone who said "here for the wrong reasons" because that's pretty darn close and really I was dying to add onto the count. I omitted the 2 times guys said they "were here for the right reasons" because we're looking for the key catchphrase used to hate on each other, not pat themselves on the back. So with only 2 instances this week, the season count slowly inches up to 13. Seriously guys, step up your game. With "Rated R" Justin still in the house, "he's not here for the right reasons" should be said at least 9 times an episode.

June 7, 2010

Serving of the Week

6/07/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: McDonald's
SERVED: Two weeks ago my dad went into a McDonald's and happily came out with his $2 Shrek collectible glass (even if he wanted Puss in Boots but got Donkey). Well now my dad's smile will have to go away and he will be relegated to drinking from some plain old boring glass.

On Friday, McDonald's issued a major recall for 12 million Shrek collectible glasses because the ink has cadmium which is poisonous. McDonald's, the famous American franchise, went the el cheapo route and got a bunch of shitty glasses made in China and will now have to pay the price. First they took our jahbs, now they took our Shrek collectible glasses. McDonald's, you got SERVED for being cheap and not being smart enough to realize if you make cheap glasses for China so you can add on a ridiculous mark-up, chances are they might be tainted. Plus, isn't it appropriate to SERVE a company whose slogan is "Over a billion SERVED"?

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Original photo credit: Boston.com

June 6, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Hook

6/06/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Tonight returns one of my favorite reality shows, The Next Food Network Star, and since I was stretching for inspiration for Movie Scene Sunday, I thought to myself, "What's one of my favorite food scenes?" Easy answer: the imaginary dinner scene in Hook where once you believe in food it either becomes delicious turkey legs or weird neon Cool Whip pies for a food fight. We also get an epic verbal smackdown of Peter Pan courtesy of the #1 teen of all time, Rufio. But Peter gets him back and then dinner can begin. Bangarang!

June 3, 2010

Reality Rundown: It's Raining Men (in Speedos)

6/03/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , 1 comment
The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette - Week 2 brings a jam-packed episode of dates and drama. Ali brings Frank on the first 1-on-1 date and they drive a classic convertible which proceeds to break down on the freeway. Good work, production assistants! They opt to run down the freeway and hop a cab to their date, which is the extremely timely date of taking touristy photos on Hollywood Boulevard. This also marks the first monkey jump of the season (shortly followed by the second monkey jump). Frank and Ali head to destination #2, the legendary Hollywood sign where smooch #1 goes to Frank. Ali brags about getting to kiss there, but BFD the West Bev' Class of '93 has been there, done that, and vandalized it. I love 90210. They finish their date sitting on the hood of the car overlooking LA, kissing a lot, and Frank declaring he already feels Ali is his girlfriend, Frank receiving a rose, and Ali letting us know she's already crazy for him. I'm liking Frank as well and they seem like a good match (my mom is now his #1 fan).

Date #2 is a group date where the guys are forced into embarrassing speedos for a "Sexy Guy" calendar (I guess the photographer didn't see how busted a few guys are). Weatherman Jonathan isn't too keen on the banana hammock at first, but sucks it up. Ty busts out his guitar making him "that guy" of the season. At least one of the guys acknowledges this cliche moment. Post-beach there's a cocktail party for Ali to get to know the guys and get a few minutes of 1-on-1 with some of them. We learn Ty is divorced and the Weatherman tells Ali that Craig M (who is like the 2010 version of every Billy Zabka character from the 80s, not to mention looks like Steve Webber from Wings) is "dangerous." Wrestler Justin aka Rated R gets his time as well, and the guys still hate him. Ty gets the group rose, and Rated R complains that the music schtick is fake. Says the wannabe wrestler who wears his wrestling shirt under his suits.

Date #3 is another 1-on-1 date and Ali brings Jesse, who learns he's getting the date through some engraved cufflinks. The logical date for a girl afraid of flying is to take a tiny private jet for a night in Vegas. I don't like this date as much as Frank's, but they drive a Ferrari, swim in a pool that is brand new, and get over-dressed for dinner in a villa suite. If you're looking for an exciting trip to Vegas, I suggest renting Vegas Vacation or The Hangover cause this is dullsville. After dinner and giving Jesse a rose, Ali takes Jesse to a club for a private concert with Jamie Cullum. I have to say, without bragging, I'm very pop culture saavy and I only barely recognize this dude's name. They also kiss, but my mom insists Frank has far more chemistry with Ali than this guy.

Now that the dates are over, let's dive into the house drama. Throughout the episode, shots have been shown of a feud brewing in the house: Weatherman Jonathan vs. Craig M (I have to say Craig M because there's another Craig who is kind of a dud). Craig's sole mission seems to be to party with the guys and make life for the Weatherman miserable. He mocks Weatherman, his clothes, his come-backs, etc so of course Weatherman tattles. It's childish bullshit. So at the cocktail hour Ali decides to pull Craig aside to for alone time and to see if there's a connection. It's so obvious based on his answers that Craig is just here to party and is not interested in Ali. Heck, he didn't even tell his work he left for the show, he just calls in sick on a daily basis. She asks him point blank if he even likes her but he can't look her in the eyes or really give a good answer, so she also brings up that someone (without naming names) called him dangerous. Craig calls a house-meeting to find the culprit, who he knows is Jonathan. Jonathan won't fess up to saying it, but does tell Craig he doesn't like him at all.

Ali makes her picks and despite having no dates at all with Roberto and Chris L., she gives them roses. She also picks a couple of guys that have not been on camera all episode but I figure you need to keep a few of these schmos around for the 2-on-1 date where you dump someone on the date. I figure the end of Weatherman vs. Craig will end with them both leaving, but Ali extends a rose to Jonathan thus leaving Craig roseless and heading home. Craig leaves Ali with some important advice in his post-rose ceremony interview: "You can't be serious with someone shorter than you" and some impressions of "Rated R" Justin. And with that, Classy Craig M (and some other dudes) leave.

Photo Credits: BuddyTV, Screenshots from Hulu