June 29, 2010

The Bachelorette: Ali Quits Justin Cold Turkey

The Bachelorette

Ali starts the episode waxing on about how she's excited about the future and nothing can go wrong, so cue Chris Harrison to enter Ali's suite with dire news. He lets Ali know that a former cast-member contacted the show and has important information to share, so they let her (Jessie) speak to Ali on the phone. Conveniently there's a camera crew with Jessie in Toronto, so this is completely out of the blue. Ohh producers, you really showed your hand on this one, clearly making Ali keep Justin around to play out this dream scenario.

On the phone Jessie immediately drops "not there for the right reasons" twice and informs her Justin has a girlfriend back home named Jessica and she is with her right now. Jessica throws on the waterworks and lets her know she and Justin have been dating for close to 2 years, told her he'd be going on the show to promote his career and that he'd return to her once the show ended. His goal is to make top 3 to set up his career, and she even helped him prepare for the show. True love, indeed. But the story gets better because Jessica then realized Justin had another girlfriend on the side. Ali's pretty shocked and glad to hear this news because no one, not Ali or Jessica or girlfriend #2, deserve this skeeze. Ali finally realizes Justin's been lying the whole time and she's been eating in all up, so she looks like the dummy here and is pretty pissed. Chris even reveals that he's been sneaking off and calling Jessica throughout this entire process.

Ali heads down to the guy's suite to confront Justin in front of all the guys. And then she says, and I must quote it cause it's pretty awesome, "It's been quite the road getting here so far. You know Justin it's been especially difficult for you cause you probably really miss your girlfriend in Canada!" And the jaws drop. Ali calls him out on his bullshit, so he leaves the room, grabs his bag and peaces out. He hobbles all over the place in his walking cast to get away from Ali and the cameras. He returns with his excuse story, trying to claim he has into this at first but then over the weeks realized he wanted his girlfriend and he was planning to give his 2-on-1 date rose back which Ali reminds him is kind of late. Ali is livid since she gave up everything for the opportunity to find love and her husband, and with that Justin is gone. As Justin leaves the hotel the show plays voicemails he left for his girlfriend while on the show expressing his undying love for her. Thank god Justin is gone, but I have to be thankful to him since he really helped rake up the "not here for the right reason" count.

Back to the dating. Ali brings Ty on a solo date, where they sightsee around Turkey and have a relaxing time, which is a change from the adrenaline-charged "Rated R" morning. They head to a bath-house and luckily they get it to themselves, which means no seeing overweight hairy men sitting around in towels. They get wrapped up in what look like picnic table clothes, massage each other and make-out. Ty is already dreaming of returning to Turkey for their honeymoon and it's like really dude, cause even I know you don't stand a chance. They finish the night with a romantic waterfront dinner with a Q&A session, mainly bringing up Ty's past marriage which seemed to end because Ty wanted his woman slavin' round the house rather than working. He says he's changed and realized something called women's lib, which is a good save considering you're dating a girl who originally left the show for her job. Ty gets the rose, some slow dancing, and more kissing.

Kirk, Chris, Roberto and Craig meet Ali at a 15th century fort to rip off their shirts and fight each other for alone time. No seriously, they get oiled up (in olive oil), throw on some leather pants, and wrestle each other. Boy Justin, you got exposed about 1 day too early. Craig takes the wrestling very seriously since he has never had a solo date with Ali and needs the time (he's also bummed Frank is getting a 2nd 1-on-1 date before he even gets one). After a super sexy roll-around with Roberto, Craig finally wins some alone time. They take a boat ride to some private island for dessert and champagne, where Craig emphasizes his positive way of thinking as well as his new-found passion for olive oil wrestling. The night ends with a viewing of fireworks, but no kissing so Craig is the only dude left who hasn't gotten a smooch yet. Friend zone alert.

Frank's date card arrives and it says "Please stop whining about not getting alone time." Ok, it says something about the road to love being bizarre, almost as bizarre as Frank's obsession with Ali. Both parties hope this date helps them reconnect, so what better way than to shop around a crowded Turkish bazaar? True loves always emerges from haggling with local shop owners. It's actually a pretty fun date and Ali and Frank really do have great chemistry. They bring a picnic dinner and their newly purchase rug to a cistern, to dine on a platform in the middle of all this water. Frank opens up and admits he only wants to propose once in his lifetime, so he needs to get to that place with Ali. This scares Ali because her fear is that she can't control who falls in love with her, and she fears the person she loves won't love her back. But all seems to go well and Frank gets a rose.

Ali decides she doesn't need a cocktail party which disappoints all because 1. no Ali time and 2. less boozin'. Ali doesn't want to have the guys attempt to make a last-ditch plea when she knows where her heart is. I totally thought this would be a non-elimination since probably one guy would've gone home, but that's not the case. Kissless Craig is eliminated, which is not a surprise to any of us since he's the only one flying in the friends-only zone.

Coming soon: Portugal make-out sessions, hometown dates, Tahiti, and the Frank-bomb

Thanks for Pat for this week's blog title!

Photo Credit: Screencaps from ABC.com's player