July 30, 2010

Reality Rundown: Balls Out Dancing

The Next Food Network StaSo You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef DCNew! Project Runway

The Next Food Network Star - The wannabe stars enter the kitchen for their Camera Challenge and find cereal, oh excuse me, Kellogg's breakfast cereal (got forbid you confuse it with that General Mills bullshit). Last season's winner Melissa D'Arabian, host of Ten Dollar [Pretentious] Dinners, makes an appearance to introduce the challenge which is to make dinner from breakfast cereal in 20 minutes just like busy moms. This is where I'd say to my kids, "Eat the Kraft Mac & Cheese!!" but I guess in their world you need to make culinary wonders every meal, or in the case of this challenge, use cereal as breadcrumbs. Per usual, most contestants make terrible presentations to camera. Man this TV show prize might've been a bad idea, huh? Melissa grows an insta-girl crush on Aarti, who wins the challenge.

Aarti's prize for winner the Camera Challenge is to be the team leader for the Star Challenge, which is to create a 6 course meal for a secret LA supper club full of "super foodies" (read: hipsters). In no surprise, the hipsters don't care for these wannabe stars (I guarantee at least 5 at the table called the contestants "sell outs"). The food is a clunker for most chefs except for Brad and Aarti. Brad freezes up again with his presentation, so Aarti and the giant flower on her head win again. Aria is chastised for her bitch move of interrupting Aarti and for becoming mediocre, to which I say, "Wait? People actually liked her before?" Tom's dish is a soy sauce nightmare and Serena makes, you guessed it, pasta. Serena is eliminated since she's a fast talker with no cooking range and somewhere Giada DeLaurentis is praying to the pasta gods that she remains Food Network's Italian food star.

So You Think You Can Dance – Injury free week! Top girl Lauren shows again that she can master any style of dance, tackling Broadway and Foxtrot, though her routines weren’t necessarily the most memorable. Kent’s Cha Cha is a big improvement over his week 1 version, though he still makes his hammy faces. His hammy faces, however, make his Broadway routine with Jose later even better. This kid was born to be on Broadway. Jose gets to wear joveralls in the Broadway piece and Kent brings out the best in him. His hip hop is pretty weak, but don’t worry, he got to B-boy to some more funk music in his solo.

AdeChike has a sultry jazz with Courtney that impresses, and tries his hardest in the Foxtrot with Lauren. He’s good, but not great, but young girls will totally vote for him. Robert is outstanding, with a beautiful contemporary piece about going off to war with a twist (the girl is going to war!), and then is phenomenal in Bollywood. But it’s Billy Bell who should be thanking his lucky stars that he wasn’t eliminated last week. He does a contemporary piece with Ade about a homeless man encountering a businessman, and Billy is amazing, wonderful, so great! He also takes on Bollywood pretty well. If viewers actually vote on dancing, he should stay this week and AdeChike and Jose should be eliminated.

Lauren skips the result show group number since she was hospitalized for dehydration. This show really does need to check itself before it wrecks itself. AdeChike again avoids bottom 3 eventhough he was mediocre last night and I'm sick of tweens voting for the boy they want to make out with and take to a Justin Bieber concert. The bottom 3 are Jose, Billy and Lauren, and I called it on Lauren. Amazing dancer but routines were not at all memorable or vote getters. The cast of Step Up: 3D perform and I must admit, I'm tempted to see it (tons of SYTYCD alumni in it), but can the 3D really top last summer's amazing Final Destination 3D? That's a toughy. A bunch of terrible musical performances fill the remainder, including some awkward song about waiting until a girl turns 18 to choose him. WHAAAAT? This week is the last week the judges make a decision, it's all us going forward which makes me fear for the worst. Jose and Billy are let go (no surprise) and our final 4 are Lauren, Kent, AdeChike, and Robert.

Top Chef DC – The Quickfire is to create the perfect little appetizer that fits on a toothpick, which stems from some congressman’s long ass story about bribing lobbyists with dinners. It’s also a high stakes Quickfire for money and immunity so just throwing some cheese on a stick won’t cut it (or would it?). Angelo wins, and the eye-rolling from the other cheftestants ensues.

The elimination challenge is to serve a power lunch at some DC restaurant using their preferred proteins. The chefs draw knives to pick their protein, raid Whole Foods, and prep the day before. Ed makes a pea puree, but on the day of the challenge, his pea puree goes missing. Alex, that Gollum lookin’ fella, has a pea puree with his salmon and everyone gives him the evil eye. Alex wins the challenge, with Ed and Tiffany in the top 3, and express very little joy when Alex gets his win. Now his creepy mug gets sketched on the restaurant wall and people will wonder why a Lord of the Rings character dined at the restaurant. The bottom 3 are Kevin, Andrea, and Kelly. Kelly over salted her big ass chunk of porterhouse steak, Andrea made a vanilla demi-glace on a poorly cooked piece of swordfish, and Kevin went overboard with the hot spices. Andrea is eliminated because seriously, who puts vanilla on fish? Crazies.

New! Project Runway - Lifetime continues to churn out season of Project Runway like a puppy mill, now expanding an already tired show to 90 minutes. I had been fast forwarding 60 minutes episode so we'll see how this goes. Tim and Heidi introduce the designers and go on about how talented they are (suuuure). The designers spontaneously meet up with each other all over NYC and we see some of their collections and it goes on far too long, already proving the point that 90 minutes is too GD much. Tim and Heidi announce the first challenge: there are 17 designers instead of the typical 16 so the first challenge is really their final audition and those 16 will officially be on the show. Each designer has to take an item to incorporate into their garment out of their suitcase, but oh twist, pass it to the designer next to you.

This season's Ping is some dude named Casanova who has to be subtitled, makes whorish tasteless clothes, and didn't even have his model dressed in time for the runway show. Of course he sticks around- he's exactly what a producer would want on the show. The runway has some good looks, some hot messes. Again, it goes on for way too long- am I the only one thinking this? Gretchen, the self-described hippie, is named the clear winner, using an ugly mesh-ish beaded thing, and turns it into a black cocktail dress with sleeves. Loved it.

There's no top 3/bottom 3 since it's still auditions, so the 6 designers left on the stage are all losers. Ivy barely changed the ugly pants she was given, just adding some ruching. Jason got a kimono and slapped it on his model backwards and stapled her in. That's not me being sarcastic, it is literally what he did. April's item was a men's blazer which she flipped inside out and made pointy shoulders. It looks like shit and reminds me of when my friend Mike made a Mugatu costume out of a trashbag and Swedish Fish. McKell, the dreadlock girl, used a button down shirt to make it a sleeveless dress that's cute, but her model is styled terribly so it ruins the look (Michael Kors calls it "disco apron") and has sideboob. Much like last year, Tim Gunn is losing his touch: during critique he loved McKell's concept, but the judges hate it. Nicholas, also praised by Tim Gunn, fails at his sportwear meets evening dress and it's dullsville. Casanova should design costumes for Showgirls 2. It's horrendous and Nina calls it "fascinatingly bad." McKell's styling choices are so terrible she's eliminated from being a contestant on Project Runway. BFD, this show doesn't have the clout it used to have anyways.


Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, BuddyTV.com, FoodNetwork.com, MyLifetime.com

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