July 23, 2010

Reality Rundown: Cowabunga Houseguests!

7/23/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 12 - Week 2

Rachel celebrates her HOH victory by jumping up and down in her silver mini dress exposing her ass. Classy! Britney hilariously can't believe she lost to someone who forgot to wear pants to the competition. Andrew also celebrates like crazy which I thought was just an act, but Britney took it personal, so Andrew had to explain to her that of course he's happy Britney lost, she would've nominated him. Meanwhile, The Brigade keeps thinking Brendon is going to be calling the shots, because god forbid a woman in a showmance be able to make her own decisions. Rachel is excited to make a power play, but not as excited as she is about the bottle of tequila in her HOH basket.

The Have or Have Not competition has the yard filled with graffiti-ed trash cans and a faux-brick wall (Rachel says the yard is "like hood") and horrible stereotypical dialogue, all to have a competition to tape a person to a wall. Totally a nerd's nightmare. The goal is for your your team-member to stick to the wall the longest but to make the tape fallout they spray them in water, so everyone sprays Britney in the face, giving her more to complain about. Eventually the tape begins to choke Britney so they tear her down off the wall, making the Orange team the winners and they get to choose 4 HGs to be Have Nots. They select the Green team (Enzo, Brendon, Monet and Britney) since the Blue team didn't target Kathy on the wall. Good news is it's not an all-slop week: the Have Nots can eat fish sticks and fruit cake all week. Unfortunately, the harsh realism has yet to hit Rachel and Brendon, since Brendon will now be forced to sleep in the Have Not room all week. Less sexin'.

The Saboteur leaves one last message revealing her identity, saying there's no hard feelings, which we all know is a total lie. The house cheers for eliminating the saboteur but seriously, WTF did they even do besides cause some minor annoyance. Good riddance lame twist. The Brigade scrambles to talk to HOH Rachel, including Matt who is confident he's safe, so instead he's going to pretend to be scared to ensure his safety, which actually backfires a little. That's a Mensa strategy for you. Brendon/Rachel pull Hayden aside, even proposing a final 4 deal, so Hayden accepts it for the time being, while also trying to deflect Rachel from nominating a Brigade member or his kinda showmance Kristen- so that leaves like 5 other people to choose. Britney and Monet both make attempts at putting up a positive front with Rachel, who knows these girls want her out, and they seem to be making an impact, especially in mentioning the floaters. But I guess it didn't work well enough and house BFFs Britney and Monet are nominated for eviction. I'm going to guess their other strategy of sitting around the house talking shit wasn't so beneficial.

Britney and Monet retreat to the Have Not bedroom, tissues in hand, and just cry. The crying is short lived as they return to their normal selves and by that I mean shit talking Rachel and praying STDs aren't airborne. Rachel feels terrible for making people cry, but not terrible enough to stop making out with Brendon for 2 seconds. Rachel does tell Britney that her target is Monet, so Britney plants the seeds that Andrew should be evicted this week to keep her BFF and ally in the house. The Brigade are happy though because they're safe and no one has figured out their alliance.

In stupid lies, Matt tells HGs that his wife has a 1 in a million disease and this prize money will help her get surgery. Nothing warms hearts like lying about a sick wife. Ever hear of karma? Matt is a terrible liar and you can see it on his face, but he claims it'll help him last in the game. Of course, Matt makes the hilarious comment that "Andrew's not a doctor, he's a shoe salesman. I think I can outsmart a shoe salesman!" No asshole, Andrew's a doctor lying about his job (which is hardly as horrible as lying about a sick wife) and is catching onto you. But surely none of Matt's lies and scheming will catch up to him so soon (that's called foreshadowing).

Rachel, Britney, Monet, Brendon (because Rachel picked him- gag me), Lane, and Enzo are selected to play in the POV competition. They dress up like what is supposed to be Wall Street professionals (but moreso like an Olive Garden waiter) and have to put their head and arms in stockades and need to stay into the stockades closest to the 1 hour mark without going over. Some try to count the time in the their, others imagine how long it would take to drive to the Jersey Shore (guess who?). It seems easily enough until they get slapped around by a laminated dollar bill. Oh Big Brother, what will you think of next?! Britney drops out first, as she'd rather be under the hour than go over. The others begin to drop, though some are smug and hang out longer thinking they're going to win (Brendon and Rachel). Enzo is a mere 14 seconds over the hour, which makes Britney and her 53 minutes the winner of the POV. Suck it, Brenchel!

Britney and Money begin their play to get Andrew put up as the replacement nominee because if he was nominated it would be a surefire way to save Monet. She runs the idea of nominating Andrew by Brendon, and he doesn't think it's a smart move and doesn't think Britney and Monet would side with them, despite what they say. Ragan and Matt come up to the HOH room and Rachel asks for them to vote out Monet and keep Andrew safe as a pawn. Then Matt puts his foot in his mouth: he says they'd have a better shot if they put him up because there's more of a chance for votes to switch if Andrew went up. Matt believes this move gets him Rachel and Brendon's trust and makes him look like hot shit in the Brigade. His only requests are for Rachel to specifically say in her speech that he is a pawn, but also to let him pretend this is a blindside to him. Rachel would still prefer Andrew be the pawn, but he and Brendon both know that this will backfire and send a potential ally home. Obviously, Britney uses the veto on herself and after some thinking, which I'm sure was painful because it took away from heavy petting time, Rachel nominates Matt for eviction.

Monet and Britney continue their pity party and Matt joins in, pretending he's been blindsided by his nomination. His arrogance is baffling. Hayden and Kristen's secret showmance has progressed to late night makeout sessions which aren't so secret when you have another person trying to sleep in the room (Andrew). Rachel stirs up some shit to ensure Monet is leaving, so she tells Kristen they Britney/Monet have said that Kristen promised to keep Monet in the house. Kristen gets angry and confronts Britney and she denies it. Kathy retrieves Rachel and it turns into a bitchfest in the backyard between Monet and Rachel. Monet is convinced she's screwed.

Britney decides to clear the air with Rachel so if they have power in the future she won't be targeted. Rachel doesn't want to make an enemy and tells Britney how Matt volunteered to be a pawn and wouldn't go after Rachel and Brendon. Britney laughs about this since Matt's been playing this game, pretending to be shocked and hurt he was nominated. Rachel tries to cry, and it's a piss poor attempt and trying to be dramatic; an Emmy is not in her future. To get answers (aka confront Matt), Rachel calls a house meeting (sans pants). Rachel calls out Matt for his lies and Monet is crushed because he volunteered to be a pawn to guarantee her eviction from the house. Matt's side of the story is that Rachel was pressuring him to vote a certain way. Matt says of course he's going to target them, they're an obvious threat to eliminate. Rachel says Matt's playing all sides which is kinda true, but she's dumb and doesn't know The Brigade already knows this. The show has really edited this fight to make Rachel look better, but I'd say it came out a draw in reality.

The show kept hinting Matt was in jeopardy of going home, but he never was (The Brigade to the rescue). Matt's speech also gets in a dig at last season's Natalie, thus endearing him to us all. Monet is evicted by a vote of 7-2, but at least she won $10k. The HGs goodbye messages are all pretty catty so they better hope Monet doesn't return cause she might be like "F U jerks!" Britney's, however, is hilarious because she tells Monet she'll miss sitting in the backyard making fun of Kristen's high-waisted pants and Rachel's extensions. Oh Britney, you're a delight!

Tonight's HOH competition is an endurance called Hang 10! Can you guess what it is?! Whoever stays on the surfboard the longest wins. The first 5 to fall off are the Haves for the week, the remaining will be the Have Nots and suffer through slop and the shitty food viewers select. It looks easy until immediately they are pummeled with a heavy water flow and lame stereotypical beach blanket musical. All I can think while I watch this is please not Brendon because I am so sick of watching him and Rachel dryhump in the HOH room and need one of them gone this week. Looks like you'll have to wait until the next blog for the HOH results (or you can cheat and look here). COWABUNGA HOUSEGUESTS!

Looking for a 2nd opinion on what happened in the BB house this week? Try, and I am emphasizing try because it'll take a lot of effort, reading Rachel's HOH blog post which is maybe the worst written thing I have ever read. Besides her nonsensical recap of the week and horrendous spelling, grammar and punctuation, it's the equivalent of a 13 year old girl's LiveJournal post. The only thing missing from her HOH blog is hearts to dot the it's. After reading this, I don't buy she's a chemist, much less a college graduate.

Photo Credits: BSideBlog.com, CBS.com, JokersUpdates.com (isoad, kacieeeee), RealityBBQForums (electra)