July 6, 2010

The Bachelorette: Easy Guys, You Can ALL Be King of the Castle!

The BacheloretteThe Jake and Vienna Break Up Interview

The Bachelorette - The next pit stop for Ali and her men is Lisbon, Portugal, where there will be 4 dates between the 5 guys to try and woo Ali enough for hometown dates next week. The first date card is for Roberto where he is supposed to "come be the king of my castle" (cue Borat impression), making Frank extremely jealous again. I think there should be a jealous Frank drinking game. Ali and Roberto sightsee around Lisbon, taking pictures of them leaping mid-air and annoying the locals. As a person addicted to lame pictures though, I dig this date. The majority of the date is spent kissing: in the street dancing, on a trolley, on a picnic. Get a room! They talk, bond, and Ali says she could see Roberto being the one for her. I imagine we'll here this maybe 3 more times tonight.

Frank and Ty get the 2-on-1 date and while no one will be eliminated on the date, Frank continues to whine about how difficult 2-on-1 dates are. And drink. The guys arrive to meet Ali and do something completely original: take a helicopter ride [rolls eyes]. They land to scope out some castle or fort, see a deer, and have a super awkward dinner. Wisely, Ali pulls the guys aside for alone time to talk. Ty is first, and Ali is planning to spend this time grilling Ty about his divorce and his traditional values (aka Ty divorcing his wife cause she was too busy workin' rather than being in the kitchen). Ty gives the right answers about his wife wanting a career and having goals, so it's essentially the same conversation as last week. In Frank's alone time, he lets Ali know how close he is to his family and how Ali will be accepted and loved by them. Frank also lets her know that he lives at home with his parents, thinking it could be a dealbreaker; shocker, she doesn't care. Listen, Frank could say he's a murderer or porn addict and she wouldn't care. Ali is so into Frank it's like this whole show is a waste; even she wants it to be final 2 so she can pick him. Too bad we saw the season preview.

Kirk's date card says "Once upon a time" and nothing else, but I imagine Kirk is dreaming of dressing as Prince Charming. They start the date drinking tall glasses of beers and having lunch in town but are interrupted by a horse drawn carriage. The carriage takes them to yet another castle, making me wonder if there is anything to do in Portugal besides visit old castles. Ali is trying to be polite but she's sort of out of it and stressed, so Kirk tries to provide some reassurance. Maybe a rooftop dinner and a full belly will cheer her up, or at least some Portuguese wine. Kirk and Ali get serious and talk about the relationship and he assures he he's not just falling in love with the idea of Ali, or the concept of being in love, he's just falling for her. Kiss, mandolins, more kissing.

Chris is the final date of the week with an ominous "Love gets better with age" date card, which is always nice to give the oldest guy in the bunch (even if he's early 30s). Ali admits she likes Chris, but right now it might be a little more friend zone- ouch. In terms of dorky dates, they ride a moped together and Chris goes super-slow, in fear of killing Ali, though she compares his slow driving to how slow their relationship is taking. Ouch again. Ali takes the lead and drives the moped, showing Chris she wants a little speed in her life. They have a picnic on a wall that I swear has to be part of a castle and discuss Chris' mom (again) and how this makes him a more guarded in this process. They head to a winery to get their drank on and hopefully loosen up, and Chris explains it takes a while to open up, but he's getting better and likes being around her. He gives Ali a Dennis bracelet so that she'll fit in when she visits him in the Cape. I would've preferred a lobster roll, but different strokes.

Rose ceremony: Ali is taking this very seriously because she knows meeting the family is a big step and she's going to be crushing a guy who truly wants Ali to get to know his family. Her roses go to: Chris, Frank, Roberto, and Kirk. Ali walks Ty out in the pouring rain, and she stays completely dry while he gets wet while expressing his sadness in losing out on a chance at love with her. After he leaves then they let her get soaking wet and shiver in sadness and cold, cold rain.

The Jake and Vienna Break Up Interview - Chris Harrison introduces us to this special, explaining the show gives us updates about the couples such as marriages and kids- so they mean twice. He announces Jake and Vienna broke up and since the tabloids are reporting everything, Jake and Vienna are here to tell the "sad truth" about their "failed love affair." Chris Harrison's writer is so eloquent tonight.

Jake comes out first, looks tanner, and bobbles his head a lot. Jake's side of the story is that he'd be in LA for work, knew they were having trouble, but wanted to fight for their relationship, and he didn't do anything wrong. Enter Vienna, who hugs Chris, avoids Jake. Vienna's side of the story is things started changing a month after they were dating, saying at home there was no real relationship, but they'd have one in front of the cameras and on the red carpet. They take about the lack of emotion in the relationship, which leads Chris to bring up why she sold her story to the tabloids. Vienna says she wanted a voice because Jake would run to the press too and she wanted to be heard. Jake pipes in saying, "I'm so disgusted with you" and brings up she flirted with him the same weekend they broke up.

The career is the next topic of arguing. Vienna was under the assumption Jake was a pilot and they'd spend their time jetting between Dallas and Florida, not LA for acting. Jake gets the ultimate dig, "at least I was pursuing a career in something." Jake makes the goofiest faces, it's hard to not laugh at him. Jake also was an a-hole to Vienna's dog when it was in the hospital; oh you're dead to me, Jake! Never mess with a dog! Even if it's spoiled. Vienna denies any infidelity, particularly with that actor from the show Greek who sold his story to the tabloid, bleeping out a lot of names in the process. Vienna says Jake is a liar and wants to bring out a "poly-a-graph test" because he'd fail. I am still laughing at her mispronunciation of polygraph.

Chris asks why tell so many intimate details and it's a stupid explanation. Essentially, it's he said, she said across the tabloids. Chris makes them remember the fond times, like why they fell in love to begin with, and wonders why it couldn't have just ended amicably. They actually broke up twice (Jake calls them temper tantrums), with Vienna giving the ring back, but she would take him back. He says it's a game, she said she wanted to leave. Vienna explains her frustration in tears: she couldn't get a job because they were temporarily in LA for Dancing with the Stars, she was alone, they were never together. Jake adds some snarky comments and I have to admit, in terms of this break up, I think I'm on Team Vienna. It's so obvious Jake is a smug dude who just wants to be famous. Vienna got totally shit on by The Bachelor, becoming America's villain, and genuinely seems upset.

Next round: who dumped who. They bicker more, Jake's patronizing (who calls their ex "baby"?), and Vienna calls out his lack of intimacy. He wants to know who would want to be intimate with a woman who undermines him and emasculates him (the damn GPS is tearing them apart). I think this interviews drinking game could be drink everytime Jake says "undermining" or "stop interrupting me." Vienna believes Jake treats her like a child, and judging by this interview, I couldn't agree more. Chris wants to know how they can move forward and Vienna said she's done with it and just wants Jake to admit her side is the truth. Vienna does apologize that she went about the break up the way she did, but knows he would've done the same. He starts to say "You don't know me", Vienna tries to pipe in and he bellows, "PLEASE STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" and she bursts into tears, and he keeps talking. Vienna walks away while Jake continues to be a total douchebag.

Photo Credit: My digital camera taking pictures of my TV


Steve G. said...

Yeah, he seems like a hugeeeee douche from that interview. Frankly, I figured something was up with him because of his background. How can you be a gorgeous pilot and have trouble meeting women? You have to have SOME sort of emotional problem.