July 23, 2010

Reality Rundown: Paso Dude-ble

The Next Food Network StarSo You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef DC

The Next Food Network Star - The Camera Challenge this week is to show their expertise by creating a party bite for entertaining and providing tips. Here's a tip: stop being so bad at these challenges! They each have a picnic basket with 3 ingredients and a party accessory to theme it. Brad gets possessed by someone with a personality (or just really has a fondness for bachelorette parties) and is the winner (tied with Tom who had to do a ladies luncheon) of the Star Challenge so they get a leg-up at the Star Challenge. They both will also get to present their entertaining tips on Food Network's new sister network, The Cooking Channel. I don't get that station and I'm sure the majority of America doesn't so congratulations on presenting to no one. Herb freezes up on camera and becomes the dullest "Energy Chef" ever, while Brianna has no concept of what a 5 year old would eat at a birthday party.

Former Queer Eye food gay/now Food Network personality Ted Allen introduces the Star Challenge which is to take a classic American dish, put a modern twist on it, and serve it at Frank Sinatra's old Palm Springs estate. Brianna complains, of course, about getting tuna noodle casserole but actually makes it kinda sophisticated; the problem is her presentation was so negative it turned off the judging panel. Brad is unbelievably good, quoting Sinatra's music to explain his twist on chicken cordon bleu. Someone pee test him, cause I think he's on something, buuuut maybe let it slide cause he's kind of awesome and wins 2 challenges in a row. Other highlights include curry-less curry, an inadvertent masturbation joke, and porkless pigs in a blanket. Hello, just shove some hot dogs in a crescent roll! Despite her dish and cooking creativity being great, her personality is a stinker and Brianna is eliminated.

So You Think You Can Dance - There are 4 judges this week as Kenny Ortega, director of High School Musical (and in my eyes, more awesome for choreographing Footloose), joins the regulars to give basically only positive remarks to the dancers and choreographers. However, there's another injury this week finally gets the producers to consider some better warm ups. This week it's Billy Bell, though it seems his injury might not be as bad as Alex or Ashley. All I can say is, it's clearly taking dancers out in alphabetical order. You dodged a bullet, AdeChike. Speaking of AdeChike, he has his moment of the season with a phenomenal lyrical hip hop that solidified his safety this week. Even Comfort was outstanding, and that's saying a lot. Lauren is dumps her perkiness for some badness to take on hip hop with Twitch. Kent is the star he was born to be in a jazz piece with Kathryn, and Robert's jazz piece with Lauren has no story, but the theme is seduction and the dance looks straight out of a 1992 music video trying to be provocative. Jose takes on contemporary, but sadly the technique just ain't there. He's lovable, but honestly he's not cut out for this anymore.

When the finalists pair up with each other, Lauren and Robert's salsa throwback to 50's beach movies shows that these 2 are both so awesome, even in styles totally out of their element. For the first time ever we have a 2 dude paso doble, but as soon as I saw Jose was in it, I knew it wouldn't be great. Sorry. It's Jose and AdeChike who take it on and while it was a valiant attempt, it didn't cut the mustard. Kent and Billy Bell are paired up and enter the rehearsal space to find out they are STEPPING. No, not Riverdance, I mean like Stomp the Yard. This is the moment I laugh out loud thinking of these 2 whiteys taking on step. Unfortunately, Billy is injured so Twitch steps in and the routine is pretty awesome. Kent, already the favorite to win, proves this week he's the one to beat.

The bottom 2 are Jose and Robert and I am baffled AdeChike avoided the bottom 2 (well 3, but Billy's the default). Girls, I get he's cute but he has one phenomenal routine and one terrible one. Robert had 2 outstanding numbers last night. We also are entertained with an outstanding performing from the American ballet, a solo by some dude in striped undies (and man is he good), Neil and Lauren recreating their season 3 Wade Robson piece, and Enrique Iglesias performs live (autotuned to be more accurate). The judges haven't really made a decision and give each guy a chat. Some think Robert isn't improving, Jose's isn't improving but getting better at breaking, and Billy chose not to dance since the doctors said it was his call. The judges decide not to eliminate anyone and will instead send 2 people home next week. Jose lives another week to break to funk music and Billy survives another week even though he chose not to dance, yet was jumping around the stage at the end of the episode.

Top Chef DC - The Quickfire is to make a dish with "outlandish ingredients" which is code word for naaaaasty. We're talking rattlesnake, crocodile, and of course testicles (from ducks!). If you've ever dreamt of the phrase "testicle marshmallow," well this is the episode for you. The guest judge is James Beard award winning lady chef Michelle Bernstein, always a tough judge, and apparently contestant Andrea and her have some beef since they're both from Miami. Chick fight! Everyone is getting into the groove when Padma tells everyone to stop and switch proteins with the person on their left. Haha suckers- Quickfire got 'cha good. Tamesha has a good duck tongue soup, and Amanda make something so adorable (llama- yes, cute, doe-eyed llamas) quite tasty. Kelly wins the Quickfire with a wonderful emu egg omelette. I'll take their word for it.

Elimination Challenge: the cold war! They will be split into 2 teams and serve the judges and the other team, who will then critique the dishes (which all must be cold) and decide who have the best and worst dishes. Which obvious chef makes gazpacho? (Answer: Tiffany, but it's a sauce to go with tuna and it tastes awesome) For no reason whatsoever, they have to plan their dishes on a boat. I thought the challenge was there, but no, at it's some ballroom or something. I guess they just needed to shove more DC landmark stuff in our faces. So at the tasting, the cheftestants hate each others dishes and critique every little thing. Shocking! Tom calls them out for their overcriticism after claiming a dish that had lemon and tomatoes had no acidity. SERVED!

The 2 nominated for winning dish are Kevin and the hilarious Tiffany (gazpacho cliche- beat!), with Kevin winning it all. Group 1 Kenny voted worse eventhough Amanda's chicken had cartilage in it (not suprising since Angelo was sort of team leader). Though in fairness, Kenny's dish was a little confusing, but it's so obvious there was some game playing going on. Group 2 is not as nasty and far more fair and balanced. Tamesha, Angelo's little protege who thinks she has a winning dish, is unanimously voted as worst and if she's going against Kenny, c'mon, so obvious who's going home. Top Scallop, Tiffany is not, with too much spicing, a gross textured sauce, and a dish lost. Kenny made a duo that didn't tie together, and while he thinks gameplay was a factor, bitchy guest judge Michelle says every component of his dish sucked. SERVED! In what's a surprise only to overly confident Tamesha, she is chopped.


Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, BuddyTV.com, FoodNetwork.com

2 comments:

Brian said...

I am constantly baffled by Adechike avoiding the Bottom Three And thank goodness we didn't have to watch Billy Bell step - that would've been embarrassing!

Steve G. said...

Hey, when you look like that, I don't think you need food to distract from the image ;) Although, I will say that I'm not sure if she actually is attractive or not, since I don't watch the show.