August 30, 2010

Reality Rundown: A"Wisely" Written Note

8/30/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Jersey Shore

JWoww and Snooki head out to celebrate Gay Pride Week. They return home for Snooki to call that turd Emilio and he doesn't like that she had a gay guy date. He wants to date lesbians now and doesn't care to hear about guys making out. Snooki finally realizes this guy is a toolbag and ends it. She's depressed and cries on JWoww's shoulder (or large fake breasts- I couldn't tell).

The rest of the house is, of course, out meeting girls and by that i mean, making out with everyone. There are 3 guys bringing 2 girls home so either it's a team activity or someone is spending the night lonely. Mike's other backup plan girls who are DTF arrive and it's not only bad timing since he has a girl, but one of them is a hippopotamus (figuratively, of course). It's like a wacky sitcom where he keeps the 2 sets of girls separated and goes back and forth between them. The Situation, Pauly D, and Vinnie make a plan: Pauly and Vinnie will take the 2 club girls, the Situation makes the hippopotamus go to sleep while banging the other in "the smash room" (in no way affiliated with The Smash Club).

The day after, the guys TL (sans G), Angelina refuses to clean and just spends the day on the phone. The Situation yells at Angelina for not cleaning the dishes and excludes her, she says "say please," so he encourages to "please hit the treadmill." The guys prepare dinner, reminding us that Angelina is excluded but instead of all the other night, it's merely from Asparagus Night and I'd much prefer to be excluded from asparagus than surf & turf or ravioli night. The Situation tries to apologize, but Angelina is annoying, but he's able to squeeze it out and all is well. She is unexcluded and family dinner is back on, even if Snooki is depressed over that bum Emilio. The Situation offers to make her feel better: "Got some special dessert for you. My vanilla ice cream- ooo, your favorite." Turns out dessert is instead burning Emilio's pictures in the backyard; total cleansing experience.

The Emilio picture burning experience leads JWoww and Snooki to finally reveal the truth about Ronnie to Sammi ala their anonymous note. Eventhough things have been better between Ronnie and Sammi, she needs to know the truth. Vinnie almost catches the JWoww, but she sneaks the note into Sammi's underwear drawer and it's only a matter of time before the truth is revealed. The next morning after JWoww, Snooki, and The Situation head to work, Sammi finds the note. It's not a happy note as she finds out Ronnie's hooked up with fat girls, got numbers, and motorboated someone (she didn't say that, but we know it's there). Sammi shows the letter to Vinnie and Pauly, but won't tell Sammi the truth. Vinnie lets Ronnie know about the note and he declares it's bullshit and anonymous letters are for 12 year olds.

Ronnie finds Sammi in her room to discuss the infamous note. His immediate guess is it was JWoww or Snooki, but when he sees the note uses the word "wisely" he crosses Snooki off the list since she doesn't use that kind of vocabulary. Ronnie's not pleased about the note and decides to come clean about his dirty deeds. Sammi's crying and Ronnie tries to explain that he loves her, made a mistake, and admits it but she's crushed. Ronnie later plays the "I don't remember" card about making out with girls with fantastic flashbacks to his nasty 3 way kissing at the club. Sammi will never learn the truth! Sammi believes the note, feels like a fool, cries more, and announces she's officially done.

Angry Ronnie confronts his roommates about who wrote the letter and Angelina tries to play dumb. A stressed JWoww and Snooki call home to ask Angelina if the letter was found, but Sammi answers the phone. Sammi asks if JWoww left the note and JWoww takes a page from Ronnie's book: deny, deny, deny. The Situation reads the gang a bedtime story in the form of a letter and I really hope he considers a career in audiobooks. The Situation basically confirms it's true to Sammi and he gets a good laugh from it. Sammi still wants to know who wrote it and will keep it secret, but the secret is safe for now. JWoww just knows that if Sammi takes Ronnie back she'll look like the biggest fool ever. Ronnie tries to talk to Sam again and she has finally had enough. ME TOO. Ronnie proves he's a changed man by finding his phonebook and calling his "hometown honey" and invites her stay at the house because he has he GT done and needs the S (SMUSH). He wants a Varsity Blues greeting from her, and when Sammi overhears Ronnie being such a dick, she heads out to the phone to confront him (nothing happens). Sammi follows Ronnie to his room to inform him he's selfish, rude, and that she should cut him. Sooo, is this terrible story over? Probably not.

Photo Credits: BestWeekEver, MTV