August 17, 2010

Bachelor Pad: Because What is Sexier Than a Pie Eating Contest?

8/17/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
Bachelor Pad - Week 2
The ridiculous challenges continue this week with a pie eating contest! There's a catch: no hands! Melissa, this is not a catch. Name one pie eating contest where they ever let you use your hands. NONE. ZERO. Upon seeing all this pie, Krisily breaks down into tears because she doesn't have a gall bladder and can't eat all that pie. My grandmother had gall bladder issues and til the day she passed she loved having pie and dessert, and while she obviously wasn't eating a whole pie with no hands, I say man up, Krisily!

The girls compete first and remove their shirts to compete in bras and swimsuits, because everyone always goes relatively topless to eat pies, which then leads to even more ladylike behavior of barfing pie into a bucket. Gia is able to scarf her pie down first, making her winner for the girls. The men sit down and begin their competition, and none take off their shirts. They are all kind of terrible eating, except Weatherman, Kiptyn, and Wes. Dangerous Craig uses his hair to soak up lots of pie juice so he doesn't have to eat. It's down to the crust and my beloved Weatherman wins! Another week of witty one-liners! Gia and Jonathan both win roses and are safe from elimination and get to have dates with the contestants of their choosing. The Outliers begin to realize their status and align, hoping for a change in the game. The plan is for Gia to give Dangerous Craig a rose to build up their alliance, but she warns Weatherman that Ashley is not really on their side despite what she claimed on their date.

Gia and Weatherman strategize together to figure out how they can stay safe along with their friends, because there the Inside Group is sticking together to keep their boyfriends and hook-ups around. Weatherman gets to bring 3 ladies along with him on his date; he chooses Gwen (??), Peyton, and Ashley. Kovacs realizes the Weatherman might have a good strategy going on of picking the girls who haven't hooked up. Go Weatherman! Weatherman's date is to create art with their bodies covered in paint, and luckily we're treated to the Weatherman in a Speedo again. I'm guessing he had a lot of booze in the limo. I know this should be a sexy date but it looks like preschool gone bad. Turns out the Weatherman feels a romantic connection with Gwen (??) and didn't even talk game with her in their private time, instead bonding over their love of tennis, creativity, and some place in Italy. He gives her the rose, but talk about a kick in the junk, Gwen (??) lets us the viewers know that romance would never happened between them. Aw, poor Weatherman.

Gia picks Wes, Dangerous Craig, and Jesse Beck (who Gia rigged her "random third pick" bowl to only be able to pick him) for her date. They get really over-excited about a Moroccan-looking tent in a courtyard and just talk, booze and give each other henna tattoos. Gia immediately pulls Craig aside and informs him he's getting a rose and they want him in their crew. Gia tries to bring Jesse Beck into the fold, even though he's hooking up with Natalie, but he says he's here to win and will do whatever it takes. Wes tells Gia he's crazy about her and wishes she didn't have a boyfriend, and even Gia said if things were different maybe she'd have a similar feeling. She doesn't think he's a slimeball like the show portrayed, and is now torn about the rose. Despite her earlier promise, Gia gives the rose to Wes, and it's obvious at this point Dangerous Craig is going home.

The Insiders panic about the possibility of Dangerous Craig getting a rose which would then eliminate one of the Insider guys. I guess the stress is short-lived because HBIC Elizabeth and Kovacs shower together and smooch. When Gia's date returns and Wes announces he got the rose, the guys breathe a sigh of relief. Jessie S, who I consider this series' #1 rat (see: Rozlyn, "Rated R" Justin) is in-between both groups, so uses her assets (read: boobs, sexuality) to get herself ahead in the game with a hot tub makeout with Dave. Krisily spies all this from afar and doesn't appreciate her playing both sides, so she lets Kiptyn know, even if he's not in her alliance. Jesse Beck is already questioning his relationship with Natalie since she's pretty flirtatious, but also has pasts with several guys. Natalie is pretty let down that Jesse isn't interested in her, but he also sees himself as an Outsider, not a cool kid. Gia rounds up her Outsider girls to vote off Kiptyn, while the Insiders plan to vote off Dangerous Craig, forcing a tie.

Chris Harrison comes out to do actual hosting duties, bringing up how those with relationships feeling. Elizabeth says she doesn't feel her relationship is any different than say Tenley and Kiptyn's, which Tenley is quick to point out in differs in some physical ways. Elizabeth is taken aback and thanks Tenley for calling her a ho. Tenley starts to cry, of course. Is it not obvious that the girls live in fear of Elizabeth? Elizabeth=Regina George. The Outsiders feel that certain people spread lies and try to turn people against each other, and Jessie S thinks they should confront that person, leading to a lot of "DUH, it's you" glares.

HBIC Elizabeth basically bullies Ashley into being on their side to get rid of Craig. Dave confronts Jessie S about a possible pact she has with Craig, feeling used, and swears to vote Craig off. Dave wants to try and help keep him in the game, but he knows it's likely too late. The guys begin to vote and the first few votes are for overly vocal Krisily, but it doesn't help: Jessie S is voted out. The Insider men make a last ditch plea to save their numbers, so they have Kiptyn approach Nikki to try and make her sway; let's hope it doesn't involved the Juan "hit it and quit it" method. She starts crying about being in the middle as Kiptyn places his nice guy card. Nikki continues to whine and sob about being the swing vote and ultimately casts the deciding vote that sends Dangerous Craig home. So much for Weatherman and Dangerous Craig becoming BFFs.

Next Week: The return of "They Say Love Don't Come Easy"!!!!!!!

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Steve G. said...

I'm not going to lie... Something about the idea of Bachelor Pad really disturbs me, and I don't even know how it's "played" entirely. I just feel like it destroys whatever creditability The Bach- shows have by revealing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the contestants are just as greedy and snide as regular reality show people.

Sure, that's normally clear in a regular season of the show anyway. However, much like professional wrestling, it's important to have that suspension of disbelief. Even if you know someone is going to fuck you over, it's nicer if it's just silently understood between the two of you, as opposed to having a meta conversation about it.