August 10, 2010

Bachelor Pad: It's Hard to Put a Rose on a Straight Jacket

8/10/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
New! Bachelor Pad

Nineteen former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants reunite to commiserate over lost love. PSYCH! Turns out the best thing that can happen to you in life is to get cast on this show, get dumped, and then go to all the cast-member reunions and parties where they booze and hook-up with each other. It's like spring break for the pushing-30-generation. I would list everyone who is there, but it would take forever, but rest assured we have some memorable characters like Weatherman and Dangerous Craig, Crazy Michelle, Crazy Dave, and some chick Gwen from season 2 whose age is listed as "??" (that means she's old and a joke I will bang to death). Tenley goes nut fucking every time someone enters the house, screeching and jumping up and down. While we would think this is a first meeting for most, turns out most have banged before, in particular Juan and Nikki. The dirt behind Juan and Nikki, which we learn from "I love bears" Natalie (famous for being dumped in Vegas by Jason) is that Juan took a trip to Chicago, needed a place to stay, so went to Nikki's and banged her as his fee. Ever hear of a hotel Juan?

So here's how Bachelor Pad works: everyone lives in that big house they always use, but there's only 1 room. Each week there is a challenge and the winner gets a rose which guarantees him/her safety. They also get to take 3 men/women along with them for a date, and one person on that date will get a rose making them safe too. Each person will secretly cast their vote of who to eliminate, and the guy and girl with most votes each week goes home. Winner of the show will get a quarter of a million dollars ($250,000 for anyone not in the mood to calculate).

Elizabeth, who Jake called a tease on his season, becomes the defacto leader of the girls and they all want Dangerous Craig out first because he was mean to the Weatherman. After an elaborate game of Twister in bathing suits with all 19 of them, Craig wins the challenge and gets to take 3 lucky ladies on a date.

Craig decides to take Jessie S, Gwen (??), and Elizabeth on the date; Elizabeth mainly because he hopes to change her opinion of him. They head to a beach to frolic in the water and Elizabeth amps up her charm, hoping to get a rose, but nothing more. You see, Elizabeth is totally smitten with Jesse Kovacs and lets everyone know this. She essentially uses it as a veiled threat to him: be nice/love her back, or he could be targeted by the women. Crazy! And she cries- A LOT. Like all the time about this guy. Anyways, back to Craig's date, he gives the rose on his date to Jessie and they get a private concert.

But the house drama, this we cannot forget. First, Natalie and some other Jesse (from Ali's season) pair up immediately, so some see this as a threat that should be broken up early. Some girl who could pass as a linebacker, Krisily, wants to take out the strong guys and keep guys like the Weatherman around because they can manipulate him. The big drama starts from a rumor that Tenley heard some lip smacking noises and believes Dangerous Craig and Crazy Michelle were making out. Michelle gets really upset by this rumor, so she confronts Tenley, and by that I mean she does in Crazy Michelle style. She locks Tenley in the bathroom with her and gets all up in his shizz, leading Tenley to escape her clutches crying. Hello target!

Voting time! Half of the women don't like the shenanigans Jesse Kovacs pulled of trying to be single when he and Elizabeth have been hooking up for a while before the show, while the other women think Juan is a sleeze for treating Nikki so poorly in the past. Krisily's outspoken opinions on getting out the strong guys puts her on the radar, but c'mon, Crazy Michelle- she's gotta go. The secret ballots are processed and in a big ol' rose ceremony Juan and Michelle are the first eliminated from Bachelor Pad. Weatherman leaves us with one final though this episode, expressing his sentiments towards Michelle and her many personalities leaving: "It's hard to put a rose on a straight jacket." Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bachelor Pad.

So, what did everyone think of the show? Personally, I loved it. It's exactly what I need after being bored by the latest season of Project Runway and gagging over the gross showmance of Brenchel on Big Brother. I am looking forward to the next few weeks to see the hook-ups, break-ups, crying, non-stop sloppy drunkenness, and ultimately who wins $250,000.

Photo Credits:, BuddyTV