August 2, 2010

Reality Rundown: Jersey Shore Welcomes You to MIA which is Miami

8/02/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
Jersey Shore

Our favorite guidos and guidettes (and Angelina) are ditching the freezing Jersey Shore for the time being and head to Miami, where they party in the city where the heat is on, all night on the beach til the break of dawn. This time around, Snooki is leaving a boyfriend behind, a boyfriend so caring he spray-tans her face for her (since Obama began taxing tanning, and whitey McCain wouldn't do that). Sammie and Ronnie broke up, so prepare for more fighting since Ronnie is looking forward to creeping. Speaking of creeping, Vinnie's become more of a sleezeball, hoping to bag a different girl every night and if he skips a night, get 2 in one night. Gross. Even grosser? In LA, Pauly D hooked up with Angelina, and she decides she's coming to Miami since Pauly D and the Situation invited her (no moron, the producers did).

While the duller castmembers fly to Miami, JWoww/Snooki and The Situation/Pauly D roadtrip it down, Griswold style. I pray they stopped at Abbott Farms in Georgia; their peach salsa (and peach everything) is wonderful. The roadtrippers view this as their own Cannonball Run, rushing to get there first for the best beds. The Situation and Pauly D make good use of their roadtrip, picking up fireworks, but then get their Escalade stuck in the mud. Good news is Pauly D has AAA- gold membership, cause that's how playas roll. To kill time, they light off all the fireworks, but I'm going to pretend it was instead them using brilliant thinking to send up flares for help.

Meanwhile, JWoww and Snooki stop for dinner at a roadside place that seems like a dud until Snooki spies fried pickles on the menu. Be still the little guidette's heart! It was a "life changing experience" for her. Some random hickish guy brings the ladies shots and he clearly can't win the hearts of these hardcore bitches, especially after his terrible display of fistpumping. It was more like an in-air dicerolling.

The Situation and Pauly D make it to the house first and it has a great deck (hot tub, of course) and a house that's still kind of ugly, much like last year. There's some amazing decor, like an alligator head, a statue of a parrot, and a giant sign that says "In Miami nobody's ugly after 2AM." I feel that will be the motto of this season because eventhough South Beach is populated with some of the world's most exotic beauties, where Jersey Shore goes, grenades follow. Speaking on grenades, Angelina enter the house (with a real suitcase this year) and it some short-shorts and heels that make her look hookerish. Sorry Angelina, I call it like it is. Angelina knows she'll face scrutiny but thinks she deserves a second chance. How I interpret this is, Angelina regrets not sticking around last year and becoming immensely popular like the others and wants her 15 minutes. She immediately forces herself into rooming with The Situation and Pauly D, who don't hate her but preferred she not be here.

Sammi gets to the house, excited to see the boys, but not feeling the odd hug that Angelina wants to give her. Angelina whines about Sammi not accepting her apology. Apologize to the viewers Angelina, for ruining this elite crew. Vinny and Ronnie get to the house and end up rooming together and has an awkward welcoming from ex-girlfriend Sammi, who still loves him. She thinks he's just here to GTS: Gym, Tan, Smush. At long last Snooki and JWoww arrive and are pissed to see Angelina, so they ignore here completely. Icy reception! Angelina thinks they're being immature, but from what it sounds like, they're justified in hating her since Angelina talks shit on them behind their backs. JWoww is ready to give her an ass-beating as soon as the perfect moment arises.

The group settles into the new digs: the guys and Angelina break-in the hot tub, Snooki and Sammi listen to conch shells, and JWoww's closest shelf collapses and spills Ron Ron juice all over Sammi's clothes. Not her tiny white shorts! That's an iconic Sammi look- someone bleach it! Snooki to the rescue, as she rinses the shorts in the sink, "like a pilgrim from the frickin' 20s." Everyone then gets dolled up in their Jersey best (Ed Hardy) to go out in "MIA which is Miami." The girls get in one cab, the guys the other, and the cab becomes the ideal time for all the girls to go off on Angelina. JWoww and Snooki are trying to get Sammi to open up about her Ronnie dilemma, when Angelina inserts herself in saying all they talk about is guys and that's why they're cutting her off. Everyone is like WTF, shut up, no one cares that you left next year. JWoww wants to take her outside, but Angelina "wants to be classy right now." In brilliant editing, they cut to the guys sitting silently in their cab.

Tensions are high at the club post-chick fight. This doesn't stop the partying, though. Ronnie and Sammi fight, quelle surprise. Everyone leaves the club, but a fight ending with Ronnie calling Sammi the c-word leads Ronnie to hop out and go back into the club. Drunk Ronnie proceeds to have the time of his life creeping in the club, making out with grenades and landmines (grenades are the bigger ugly chicks ones, landmines the skinnier ones), and earns him the new nickname "Sloppy Joe." Quite frankly, I can't remove the Ronnie triple kiss image from my mind, and not in a good way. Ron Ron juice all around!

Photo Credits: Buzzfeed,


Steve G. said...

They showed the clip of the girls fighting, and then the cut to the guys' van, on The Soup. That was awesome, awesome editing.