August 23, 2010

Reality Rundown: The name's Bond. Snooki Bond.

8/23/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Jersey Shore

Snooki calls her boyfriend Emilio, who is a loud, loser tool who is out with half naked girls. Snooki attributes the lesbian rate going up because guys are douchebags. During her venting, this leads Sammi to question if Ronnie is doing the same to her and there's awkward silence. Sammi hopes if they did know something they'd tell her. Uhhhh. JWoww and Snooki go outside and wonder how to deal with this because Ronnie and Sammi are both their friends. Emilio calls again and is a wasted fool and admits he had sex with another girl. Oh wait, he's kidding- how hilarious!! Emilio, you are this generation's Ashton Kutcher with your punking. After getting the phone slammed on him, Emilio calls a 2nd time and JWoww answers threatening to call the cops. Emilio is so drunk he asks "Is this a voice message or a voice mail?" Laughter abound. For his next phone call, JWoww pretends to be a voicemail to make it easier on him, before telling him off for being "a drunk skank with no job." Girl power! Let's break some plates! Dishes are done, man!

The guys return from the club and see broken dishes, assuming it was Sammi going apeshit. Ronnie sleeps in his own bed and ignores Sammi, so she lays into him for making her wait around. Ronnie sees this as beating a dead horse, and us viewers are thinking "Us too!" He also elaborates to explain what the phrase "beating a dead horse" means and I'm sure we're thankful someone at long last explained this overly confusing metaphor.

Sammi finally lets herself have a Ronnie-less moment and goes to lunch with the girls. Angelina is talking about The Situation, Pauly D, and Vinnie talking to girls but Sammi questions what Ronnie would be doing at this time. More awkward silence. JWoww whispers for Angelina to tell her the truth, but she doesn't. JWoww blames her odd expression on spicy mayo.

The Situation is starting the tradition of Sunday Dinner, their first family dinner- I'm so excited! After recalling Snooki ruining the last dinner by dropping the chicken, The Situation knocks a skillet of sauce to the floor. Marinara sauce, it is. This leads to mishaps galore with Snooki almost taking Ronnie's eye out with a champagne cork and milk falling from the fridge. Dinner is going well until Angelina brings up Ronnie dancing with a blonde girl and it's "cut it out" hand signals all around. They follow up dinner with a bowl of questions, which is the perfect time for the girls to dress super-slutty to answer sexy questions. Vinnie thinks Angelina's lingerie looks like a garbage bag with Pauly hilariously responding, "She's wearing her luggage from last year!" DYING. The questions are pretty awesome and Sammi aptly pulls "Which guy in the house would take a dump on your chest?" But the cheating question leaves crickets in the room because everyone wants to say Ronnie.

The guys GTL to blah blah lot of abbreviations while the girls, sans Sammi, head out to dinner and JWoww brings up the Sammi/Ronnie issue. She thinks they need to air it out and decide to put it via an anonymous note. Like a random stranger wrote it? It'll be pretty easy to deduce who wrote it. The head back to the house for some t-shirt time before the club which allows for yet another Sammi/Ronnie tiff about him picking up grenades. They're fighting at the club and total downers and The Situation says exactly what I'm thinking: "How much can you fight?" God, it's so annoying. The roomies leave the club but leave Ronnie, so stupid Sammi again has to tell Ronnie she's leaving, despite saying she was done with him 5 minutes ago. Well he gets in a cab and peaces out. Sammi lets everyone know she's done, again, so we'll see how long this sticks.

The roomies make this way to the next club and Ronnie eventually arrives via cab and gets schwasted. He is drunk and rambling to Sammi about god knows what, but she still wants to take care of his drunk ass. She puts him to bed where with a puke pot and he passes out quickly (well that it until he falls to the floor). The girls return and are annoyed with Sammi taking care of Ronnie despite his behavior.

The next day, Ronnie exorcist pukes all that Ron Ron juice into the toilet and he's being nice to Sammi again. Oh jesus, the drama continues. Vinnie and Pauly use the gelato shop as a way to pick up chicks, serving up "Butterface" flavor. When the work day ends, JWoww and Sammi head to a cyber cafe to type up the anonymous note for Sammi. This is the most amazing letter and you know it'll be fantastic when it begins with, "The first night at BED wen you left crying, Ron made out with 2 girls and put his head inbetween a chock waitresses breasts." This is our generation's "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Sammi asks Angelina to be truthful with her about Ronnie, and Angelina throws Snooki and JWoww into the mix and she has the same feelings for them too: if anyone knows something, be honest. Both groups of girls get home at the same time, so Angelina lets them know about Sammi's suspicions, and repeats over and over that she doesn't want to be involved. Then my DVR cut off, but next week: LETTER TIME!