September 3, 2010

Reality Rundown: Are These Judges Taking Crazy Pills?

9/03/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Top Chef DCProject Runway

Top Chef DC - This is the last week before the finale and I have to say, I'm OK with that. This season has been pretty lackluster. The chefs enter the TC kitchen to find a bunch of wine and the editor of Food and Wine magazine and Padma dressed like KD Lang. Seriously, WTF is she wearing?? Is she trying to dress like Don Draper? Quickfire challenge: choose a bottle of wine and pair a dish with it; winner gets a trip to London. Me? I select the box of Franzia and make some Kraft Mac & Cheese- high class taste. Kevin has a genius idea of making pork belly in this short time period; it fails, so he opts last minute for quail eventhough it won't go well with his wine so he's dubbed loser. Angelo made foie gras and Tiffany perfectly cooked and seasoned her rib eye steak. Angelo wins the Quickfire and will some day head to jolly ol' England.

The big reveal is that the final 4 will be ending the Top Chef journey in Singapore, but first: to the moon! Well, the NASA and you know what that means: more Buzz Aldrin whoring himself out on reality TV! First Dancing with the Stars, then the WWE, now Top Chef. At least he's moving up in quality. I'm getting ahead of myself based on the "Next week on Top Chef preview." The challenge is to create a dish that's "out of this world" and follows the guidelines for dining at zero gravity (freeze dried- yum!) Eventually, said space-age dish will be recreated and fed to the astronauts. Again, let's go Franzia and Mac & Cheese- throw in some cayenne pepper for spice. Bam, I'm Top Chef now. Oh did the I mention the winner gets a product placement Toyota? Ok, onto the grub.

Along with the usual judges and Buzz Aldrin, there's 2 astronauts, a food scientist, and food badass Anthony Bourdain. Eric Ripert and Anthony Bourdain seem to be on opposite ends of the meal opinions, while everyone else keeps that boring space logic in mind. Ed is inspired by Moroccan flavors and Bourdain love it, while Ripert says it's too complicated. Tiffany makes nicely cooked fish, but is told she didn't need the tomatoes and had bitter skinned peppers. But it's good criticism considering this was Tiffany's back-up plan after her frozen mussel failure. Kelly makes delicious, perfectly cooked artichokes. Angelo makes a delicious dish, but the candied ginger turns off Tom. But Angelo felt he made love and glazed his short ribs and I'll let you make the visual and joke. Kevin's steak is perfectly cooked and has a good jalepeno relish. Bourdain said he played it safe with a sirloin, but Kevin's dish was supposed to be a take on something you'd make at home. Angelo and his short ribs that he made sweet love to win the challenge, gets his food sent to space, and gets to see a lauching at Cape Canaveral. So which chef isn't busting our their passport for a voyage to Singapore? Tiffany is sent packing and I am ANGRY!!!

Project Runway - The normal models are out this week and onto the catwalk strut a bunch of normal shaped girls in bridesmaid dresses who were told "you can wear this again!" Well now that will come true because the designers will need to use their existing uggo dress to make a new, wearable look. Casanova, last week's challenge winner, picks first and selects a pretty tall girl just because she's attractive, not because the dress is good. Nice pick, dingaling. Mondo picks a rose pink dress that's not terrible, that is until she walks away and the back has a big white stripe. Hot messes!

As the designers enter the workroom for their consultations, Christopher's model gets cold feet so he gets a replacement who is a pretty girl in a puke green/gold dress with small embroidered circles on it. OMG it's terrible. Michael Drummond calls his larger model "vo-LUMP-tuous" and poor pronunciation is always good for a laugh. His dress is a laugh too since it's the same dress but short and with lace covering the hot pink. Other drama includes hating Michael C (the C stands for "can't sew"), Gretchen taking a ride on the humble horse, and Tim dropping a surprise bomb. Instead the runway judging the next day, they'll instead have a fashion showcase and the guests will vote for a favorite look.

PR spares no expense for the fashion showcase: drop a button into a designer's fishbowl. Everyone is getting good response and you just want to yell at them, "no shit- they're not going to be mean to your face!" Peach really shmoozes to make up for her truly terrible look. Michael Drummond gets 1 button and it's true because it's terrible. Awful. Even The Rave has better dresses. Ivy gets angry because Michael C is telling guests she's the bitch of the show. Buuuut it's kind of true. Michael denies telling guests to not vote for Ivy. Again, who cares. Mondo's look is the top vote getter at the showcase and the public has good taste; the dress is adorable and a completely different look than the original mess.

The good: Christopher and the pukey green/brown is cute, though Michael Kors thinks it looks glued together. I know I like it and it's got a little boob with some draping. Mondo's pink and black dress is awesome, modern, and kind of geometric. Michael Costello's dress to me looks like 80s prom dress made for a Winona Ryder wannabe. In what will be viewed as a slight to the contestants, he's put into the best of the week. I don't know, the lace sleeves just remind me of Anne of Green Gables or Esther from Orphan. My friend Jamie smells producer interference and I couldn't agree more- this look is not flattering or attractive. Michael Costello wins this challenge- ARE THE JUDGES TAKING CRAZY PILLS?!

And now the bad and the ugly. Michael Drummond's dress could've come straight from Hot Topic and that's not a compliment. Nina compares the fabric to mosquito net while Michael says "it went from bridesmaid to bar mitzvah." Peach's look is god awful. It's got some weird green ruffles, a "Holly Hobby halter," and some weird pasley pattern. Oh god, it's terrible. Valerie, perennial favorite, falters with some awful color blocking. It looks like something a 17 year old constructed in a high school fashion class. But seriously, was there actual deliberation because Peach is the obvious loser and is sent AUF.

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