November 5, 2010

Reality Rundown: Goodbye Dirt Squirrel

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest LoserSurvivor: Nicaragua
Top Chef: Just Desserts

The Amazing Race - In order to get to the airport to get to St. Petersburg, Russia, all the teams end up on the same train which allows some bonding time, sleeping, and smelly socks. They all end up on the same flight too, making a-hole Chad feel like a chump since he flipped out for nothing. Every flies to Russia to retrieve the next clue: a Detour teasing Classical Music or Classical Cinema. They can either listen to gramophones and identify those songs on pianos being played in another room or search through film clips to find a scene playing on the screen. Jill and Thomas take an early lead, finding the film quick quickly (because of Thomas' immense college education). Brooke/Claire and Kevin/Michael also do the film task and move on a lot sooner than the music teams. The music challenge is so loud, they all sound the same, and it's confusing, which makes most teams ditch it and head to the film strips (except Chad and Stephanie). Nick and Vicki suck at both tasks and go back to the music again; they eventually complete it.

After the Detour, teams retrieve their next clue which has them take a taxi to some neighborhood store in Alex-something-straya. One lucky teammate gets to participate in the Road Block of planting 50 potatoes rocking babushkas and fertilizing the ground with manure. Jill and Thomas are the first team to check in at St. Isaac's Cathedral, the Pit Stop. I wonder if he'll credit his college education to this victory. They win a trip to Sao Paolo, Brazil. Kevin doesn't listen to his dad about the Pit Stop being in the park, allowing Brooke and Claire to sneak in as team #2; Kevin/Michael come in 3rd. Nick chooses to do the Roadblock "drag race", not understanding the Roadblock clues are usually puns not literal, and ends up in ladies clothing and not in a race car. It's at least humorous to watch, and the locals love it to; they are the last team to check but aren't eliminated meaning their odd level of stupidity lives to race another day.

The Biggest Loser - This was the best episode of the show ever- know why? Because it was only an hour! Thank you elections! The true battle begins as this week is "all out war" when they get physically worn down by 2 Marine drill sergeants. Jillian looks like a saint now, huh? Immediately they put them in some gear, load 'em in a truck, and drive them off to Camp Pendleton for some serious training. Frado is psyched because when he wasn't a fatty he was a Marine; Aaron also can't wait to see what it's like to be in his military brother's shoes.

With their packs in tow, the losers board some big-ass helicopters and take to the sky to fly to their next location and "mission": the barracks. Dibs on top bunk! But the hike to get there is a bitch and the packs are heavy. Eventually they get there: they eat, sleep, exercise. Same shit as the ranch but outside and without getting Jenni-O turkey hocked to them. At least they get to complete in a nasty 3 mile obstacle course challenge, with the winning team getting phone calls from home. It's muddy, exhausting and loud; Blue team wins the phone calls.

The losers meet up with Bob and Jillian at the Camp Pendleton gym for a last chance work-out. Brendon reveals his new coif, or lack-thereof, since he shaved his head bald and got rid of his beard. As soon as the trainers come to campus, in comes a product placement for Fiber One. Eh, something new I suppose. The blue team has a terrible week, citing the lack of diet control - except Aaron who really helps his Blue team by dropping 14lbs. The Black team begins to catch up to Blue until Anna loses 2lbs, weak Elizabeth gains 1, and then Frado freaks out, apologizes for what he assumes will be a 6lb gain before weighing in, and then actually gaining 4lbs. The Black team has to eliminate a player again and eventhough Frado gained 4lbs, they eliminate Anna.

Survivor: Nicaragua - And then god said, "Let there be a merge!" La Flor moves into Espada's camp, which sucks because like 12 days ago they couldn't even catch fish from nasty water. Alina, a moron, proposes staying Espada strong and blindsiding Marty; no one is into it. The newly merged tribe, now named Libertad (which Marty names and explains means liberty or freedom, but I almost typed as LiberTARD), gets new red buffs because god forbid they think of a new color. NaOnka loves the feast so much she hoards nuts and farts on camera, then re-bonds with Brenda, both divulging everything. Chase, meanwhile, bonds with bumpkin Jane about being from North Carolina (raise up!) and all that southern stuff- fast friends!

NaOnka makes tortillas for the tribe but is livid she gets the crappiest portion, so she steals the flour and hides it in anger; Holly sees this happening though and is confused. Hurricane NaOnka continues her wrath by stealing food and cooking supplies and tosses them into the jungle too. As the tribe comes to the realization things are missing, Holly has the balls to confront Nay, who denies it all. Nay and Fabio get into a tiff, but she storms off. Alina feels guilty since she indulged in some stolen fruit during a bonding session, so she encourages Nay to come clean. NaOnka fesses up but massages the story to say was simply hiding it to ration it. She does but makes sure she beings Alina into the fold too. NaOnka's alliance decides to remain loyal to her, but Alina is left out in the cold. Marty's focus remains on Jane, but he approaches Brenda about this and you just want to yell, "Marty, you're an idiot!"

Immunity is given out to a man and a woman this week in an endurance challenge to use some contraption to hold a bar. Marty's dream to write Jane's name down on parchment will have to wait, as she wins immunity and still stays in the game to try and beat the remaining fellas. After Marty and Chase drop, Fabio wins immunity. Strategizing happens and the target is aimed at either Marty or Alina and since Jane is so hellbent on Marty, it's tough. Sash, who made a deal to return the idol to Marty this week if he was in danger, begs his alliance to not make him go back on his word. Brenda's there on the side and Alina's thrown into the mix, but Jane still refuses to write down any name but Marty. Lazy Dan lets Marty know that Chase mentioned Marty could be out tonight, so Marty goes right to Sash and Brenda to get the 411, then gets hostile with Holly. Alina, Jane, and I guess Holly try to sway the vote to get Marty out, and Fabio is their swing vote (and he wants NaOnka out). Alina says it's fine to vote NaOnka cause then Marty would have 6 votes, her 5, and Nay 1; he says that her scrambling and strategic gameplay is why they want her out.

Marty brings up his and Jane's beef at Tribal Council and again it's like, STFU idiot. Marty's the only person who seems to know she'd sweep the game at the end, going as far as saying if she made final 3 he'd even vote for her. Lazy Dan throws his hand up to defend his pal by throwing NaOnka and Alina into the ring for stealing from the tribe; NaOnka takes the blame, but Fabio points out she only returned it cause she got got. Alina defends her position, citing her swing vote status, even if she knew about some stolen goods; Benry calls her a "dirt squirrel" when he casts his vote which is officially my new favorite word. Dirt Squirrel gets pounded into the dirt, with her and Jane the only votes cast for Marty. The tribe has spoken and they said, STFU Alina and go eat an orange at Ponderosa.

Top Chef: Just Desserts - Quickfire: with guest judge Shinmin Li, renouned cake decorator that I've never seen on a Food Network Challenge, the baketestants must make an edible bouquet. Winner gets $5k. Yigit goes balls-to-the-wall and tries to pull sugar to make his own vase, but that MF'er Morgan bumps and breaks one. His other vase breaks while putting everything together so he throws together something last minute. Losers: Zac (sloppy chocolate work), Eric (who basically piped onto a cupcake), and Danielle (wasn't a 360 view). Favorites: Morgan (eventhough it looked like an urn for a funeral) and Yigit (sugarwork not there, but what he did make looked good). Morgan is named the winner- blaaah.

Challenge: create a dessert based on a famous contemporary celebrity duo of their choice for a tea party. Zac does Julie Andrew and her husband Blake Edwards; don't get me wrong, love me some Julie, but contemporary my ass. Morgan picks Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian, which works since desserts give you a fatass- hey-o! Yigit does Madonna and Guy Richie- did he forget they're divorced? Eric does Oprah and Stedman- WIN! Danielle wins for creativity and chooses Conan and Andy Richter. But as they get ready for prep, Johnny comes in to alert them no chocolate is allowed this week. Only Eric seems to panic about this, causing him to make some busted teeny desserts. Yigit just get stressed about the chocolate too and comes out flustered, plates not finished, and covered in his turdish colored dulce de leche. But hey, Zac's Captain Von Trapp dessert contains Cap'n Crunch which is awesome.

Judges table: Morgan's sponge cake was delicious and well-adapted, but his macaroon stunk. Zac's desserts were refined and elegant, but also fun with his play on words and spot-on accuracy of his couple. Danielle's Conan cake was so red that you knew it was for him- her concept was delivered well and she makes the top 3. The winner is... Zac! I want the recipes cause they looked tasty. Yigit and Eric are the bottom 2, and their downer attitudes showed at the presentation. Eric's desserts were dull; 2 shortbread cookies? Snooze alert! Did his grandma send him the inspiration? Eric knows he messed up though. Yigit is still pretty down on himself, the chocolate threw him off. The dessert was jiggly, which they said is the opposite of toned Madonna (you say fit, I say leathery). Yigit gets the ultimate diss that his dessert tastes like the frozen stuff used on cruise ships. Ouch! Yigit at least embraced the challenge more with his Madonna/Guy Richie stuff, so he sticks around and Eric the baker gets the boot.

Photo Credits:,,,


Dave Galanter said...

I was REALLY ticked off about the no-chocolate part of the Top Chef challenge. It's one thing to tell them BEFORE they've shopped, but to tell them AFTER? That seemed really like the show breaking its own rules somehow. I was not impressed.

Mel Got Served said...

That's a great point! It's so BS and I don't see why this couldn't be disclaimed before they shopped or better yet DURING the shopping, perhaps over the supermarket speaker.