December 24, 2010

Reality Rundown: Did You Toss Your Own Salad?

Top Chef All-StarsSpecial Edition! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Top Chef All-Stars - Quickfire challenge: stuffing! Ah, a challenge true to my heart! They need to create some kickass stuffing with no knives or kitchen tools- snap! Top Chef Master and big-time Italian chef Tony Mantuano is the Quickfire guest judge. Worst: Carla'a "un-dente" quinoa stuffing, Tiffani's overly sweet maple stuffing, and Casey's which seem more like a plated app. Best: Tre's southwest spicy stuffing and Marcel's stuffing shoved in a little bird (showoff!). Tre is the winner and receives immunity and $20k courtesy of Swanson's Chicken Broth, of course.

Elimination challenge: cook at the US Open (that's tennis) for the players, which means healthy stuff. The cheftestants draw tennis balls (yellow or orange) to split into teams and will serve their dishes head-to-head; first team to 4 wins. Along with strategizing what dishes to make, they'll also have to decide whether to serve their best dishes early or save for later points. Yellow team's Angelo and Spike are all about the strategy, planning to put their weak dishes against the other teams strong to take them out. Yellow is very tight-lipped but eventually cave and tell Tom their plan. Then my gurl Carla cuts off half her fingernail, but she doesn't pull a Jamie; she covers it up and continues prep. You go, Carla- hootie hoo!

On the courts, the tasting begins. Round 1: Fabio makes whole wheat gnocchi (shocker) and Casey serves a grilled pork tenderloin. Fabio wins (point Orange). Round 2: Dale makes an edamame dumpling, Tiffani a sashami of black bass. Tiffani wins (point Yellow). Round 3 (the unofficial douchebag round): Angelo makes a smoked tuna, Marcel makes a cauliflower cous cous. Angelo wins (point Yellow). Round 4: Tiffany makes a spiced tuna with a lentil salad, Antonia makes a sea scallop over lentils. Antonia wins (point Orange). Round 5: Spike makes a tomato tamarind soup and Richard makes some weird play on tabouli. Richard wins (point Orange). Matchpoint: Carla makes African groundnut soup and Tre makes Coho salmon over parnsip puree. Carla wins (point Orange); Orange wins the challenge.

Fabio, Carla, Richard and Antonia, the winning dishes from the Orange team, are called into the Judges' Panel. The winner of this week's elimination challenge gets a trip to Italy- score! My gurrrl Carla wins and I'm so happy! Take me with you, Carla- we'll become BFFS! The Yellow teams losing dishes go into Judging (Spike, Tre, Tiffany, and Casey), but Jamie doesn't have tobecause her dish was never served, despite it being god awful. Angelo's forcefulness of taking over his teammates' dishes is brought up. Could there be sabotage again? Tre's immunity saves him, since his salmon is oily. Spike's ouzu gelee (forced on by Angelo) and under-seasoned salmon ruins the dish. Casey needed more faro, less protein. Tiffany's dish lacked flavor and led Gail to say "toss your salad" and "flacid" within a minute and a half. Sexy! Spike is sent packing and I can't help but blame it on a lack of fedora.

Special Edition! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - The next morning the recap the nutso dinner party, held by Camille and attended by an electric cigarette smoking medium named Allison, to their family. While it logically makes sense for everyone to go separate ways for the time now, they all are contractually obligated want to go to Lisa's charity event and Taylor's Roaring 20s party. Except Kim who wants to skip Lisa's event, even though her beef is with Taylor, so yeah makes sense. No one ever wants to skip a theme party. She regrets insulting Taylor's enormous mouth; she plans to apologize.

Lisa's charity event is a fashion show at her restaurant Villa Blanca to raise money for a girl set on fire by a date. Yup, no joke there. But will there be drama here like a New Jersey housewives one? All the ladies attend the event, except Kim and Camille, but Taylor and Kyle agree it's time to make amends. Kyle is feeling totally guilty about the fighting which is such a moment of foreshadowing, because Kyle receives a jaw-dropping text from Camille. It said, "Stop fucking asking about Hawaii!" Just kidding, it was worse: "We will no longer be working with your husband. Thank you very much." (FYI, Kyle's husband is Kelsey Grammer's realtor). Good news is, in about 2 months Kelsey can use Mauricio again (divorce joke!). All jokes aside, Lisa raises $25k for charity and that's a good thing. Not a good thing: being a massive bitch who sends a nasty text during a charity party. Christ Camille, some tact please?

The back and forth Camille/Kyle drama continues. Camille, off in her own world of Malibu NOT Beverly Hills, decides to hang out with hunky guy friend Nick on his hog. No, not psychic medium Allison, a motorcycle. Meanwhile, Kyle has to tell Mauricio about Camille's text, which throws him for a loop but feels he'll need to regain Kelsey and Camille's trust.

Taylor loves her theme parties, so decides to throw a Roaring 20s party so that she can wear jazzy vintage dresses and headbands. I do love a good headband. What about tiny hats? Taylor worries that her party won't have enough fighting to get on air, so she calls Camille to urge her to attend. Taylor takes the face-to-face approach and gets her nails did with star of Meatballs 2 Kim. Taylor admits the invite is last minute because she honestly wasn't sure to invite Kim. I wouldn't be sure either cause Kim is a f'ing downer. They agree that they don't get along great and goddammit, they never answer what an ice cream sundae manicure is!!

Camille and Adrienne have lunch and talk about the 20s party and, what else, Kyle Richards. Adrienne wants peace but Camille can't get over it, comparing Kyle to a child. Because only an adult would send a nasty text during a charity event to get revenge. Adrienne is so over discussing it that she clearly lies about having to get her kid and leaves. That glitter weave adds intelligence, I tell you! In the other corner, Lisa visits Kyle at her house and learns about the text message and hope Camille doesn't attend (which she definitely will).

Roaring 20s party time! Taylor has her stylist come over to do her hair. Kim skips to spend time with her daughter (shocker). Camille shows up in authentic 1920s hot pink. Kyle looks like Liza Minnelli and that's not good. Lisa is obviously the best, showing up dressed as a man while her live-in-gay-BFF Cedric dresses as a lady flapper. Lisa Vanderpump is sheer perfection. Mauricio either lets things slide pretty well or is desperate to retain clients, as her talks to Camille about his vintage pocket chain or something. But Camille and Kyle do make small talk without getting into an argument about what she does in Hawaii, then literally hug it out and move on. Finally! I need something new to make fun of.

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