December 10, 2010

Reality Rundown: I Did Love My Chicken!

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: NicaraguaTop Chef All-Stars

The Amazing Race - The teams are heading via plane to South Korea and I am dreading that quitters Nick & Vicki will likely catch up due to an equalizer, even with a 6 hour penalty. Luckily, they are unable to might the 12:30AM flight all the other teams catch, setting them back another 9 hours. YES. When the teams arrive in Seoul, South Korea they're made to drive to a bridge at the North Korean border- why??? Trying to get Nick killed, I'd hope. They raft down a river and take a Humvee to a US Army base to a Roadblock: find a soldier wearing their matching headband without being beaten alive as they perform Rex Tai Kwon Do.

The teams then take a subway train to Seoul's World Cup stadium. Jill/Thomas are able to catch an early lead, while Brook/Claire, Nat/Kat wait for the next train; Nick/Vicki are mid-flight, ha! At the stadium, the team's next clue is a Detour: skate a 2 person speedskate or 24 laps or deliver ginseng roots through a market. Hmm, wonder what all 3 athletic teams will choose? Claire can't ice skate, but Brook really wants to do it; there's a minor passive aggressive discussion leading to them doing the ice skating. That's the least of their troubles because they take a cab to the ice rink and the rules strictly say cab or foot. The speed skating is hardly fast and is more like an episode of AFV: falls galore! Jill/Thomas and Brook/Claire are pretty much tied as they leave the Detour, while the Doctors are just beginning. Nick/Vicki are just enjoying their ride to the North Korean border.

Jill/Thomas are confused how Brook/Claire caught up to them so fast, unaware of their cab-taking error. After retrieving yet another clue, the 2 teams race to the Pit Stop, with Brook/Claire in the lead. Brook/Claire are the first to arrive at the Pit Stop mat, but are informed of their rule violation and given a 30 minute penalty. Considering that Nick/Vicki are probably 8 hours behind, I wouldn't be too worried for them. Jill/Thomas have cab chaos and a limited time frame to sneak in as team #1 and succeed; they are officially in the finale and win a trip to Argentina. Brook/Claire check in after their penalty as team #2, and Nat/Kat are team #3. So there's your final 3 and there's a huge chance a female team could win this race which is pretty great. I guessed a female team would win this race, sadly I picked the wrong one. Oh, Nick and Vicki. They're way behind, also having to do a speed bump of apparently washing a Humvee, and eventually arrive at the Pit Stop. Did they do the other tasks? Not sure- they might've been given a go but at least another a-hole couple doesn't make the finale.

The Biggest Loser - I swear this show exists slowly to annoy me. 2 hours 9-11 just so people can watch Minute to Win It: Holiday Edition. GMAFB. So here's what happens, eventhough it's like the same as every other season: the losers go home and reunite with their families and friends. Everyone marvels, cries, and opens the DVD they were sent home with that says, like it has the past couple of seasons, they will run a marathon to complete their journey (oh and it shows their families their progress on the ranch). The only family video I watched was Ada's, since her family finally saw the shit she's felt over the years and realize they were crappy parents to her and it's emotional, though I didn't cry like my mom did.

Everyone trains for the marathon, which includes running, a Biggest Loser Wii game product placement and Curtis Stone making his horrible food for Frado's charity event, since he wont the last weight in. Bob and Jillian also make their usual house calls to see how everyone is doing. Jillian has little to no faith in Elizabeth and bets she hasn't lost weight; gee, ya think? She's the weakest player EVER to make the finale. Plus she moved in with her boyfriend and their fridge is stocked with crap. Patrick just has money issues, Frado thrives, Ada still being a downer and not being happy.

The losers come back to the ranch to run their marathon and you wouldn't believe it: friends show up along the way to cheer them on! No ex-losers though, which is a surprise Frado and Patrick run together, Elizabeth doesn't die, Ada is still awesome and the only likable one. Also, every mile-marker has a stupid ad for that GD Wii game; WE GET IT. Ada decides to not pull an Uta Pippig and uses a porta-potty even if she's on a quest to beat ex-contestant Tara's time. Ada wins the marathon, they all finish (even Elizabeth), see how far they came, and get a check courtesy of that stupid f'ing Wii game. At the weigh-in, it's surprisingly Ada who does the worst (12lbs) though Elizabeth only lost 16lbs and she's heavier, so she still stinks. Frado and Patrick are above the yellow line and advance to the finales, leaving Ada and Elizabeth below the yellow line and their fate in America's hands. Ada will move on- no brainer.

Survivor: Nicaragua - The survivors are still reeling over the quitting of NaOnka and Purple Kelly; they even name the chicken Kelly-Nay since they are chicken themselves. Sash isn't planning to quit any time soon as approaches the young guys (sorry Dan) about a plan for him to ditch his idol next council and gain some trust since he's a swing vote at this point. Chase and Sash bond and agree to take each other on the next reward, which seems pointless until you read the next paragraph.

It's day 30 and the challenge is a "second chance" where they revisit past challenges: mud pits, hay, balls, digging, ropes, blah blah blah aka NOT THE AMAZING AUCTION. The winner, Chase, and his guests, Holly and Jane, have a meal, shower, and spend the night at a private resort. Chase isn't stupid though and realizes he made a blunder not picking Sash and it could bite him and Holly in the ass. Sash thinks it's the dumbest move in the game because now he can strategize with the dudes, so he explains he knows he's #4 either way so he's with them now. Dan's not buying it because Sash even betrayed his top alliance with Brenda, but he knows he's stuck because it's a numbers game. Then the guys kill Kelly-Nay and devour her, which brings Jane to tears and she makes a memorial.

Chase, Holly and Jane put their plan in motion to make Sash feel safe and convince others not to get them out. Sash makes some deals with Chase re: final 3 and 2 and Chase agrees; sorry Sash, the dude just said he'd take you on a reward and you buy this? Or perhaps it's because Sash made Chase swear on Chase's recently deceased father. What a dick. Benry just wants to stick around so agrees with the other tribemembers choice of Fabio being eliminated, but makes the point that Jane would be horrible to bring to the finals. With all the Fabio talk I thought he'd winning immunity, the SASH-HOLE wins immunity in a coin stack puzzle.

Sash's ego skyrockets, claiming he's been half-assing challenges and that he'll be a shoo-in to win the million. Fabio is uneasy and asks Sash to give him a head's up if his name is out there; he doesn't. To stay in the game, even Benry turns on Fabio and tells Fabio the tribe is voting off Holly, who then feels safe. D'oh. Sash and Jane talk and he explain she's like a second mother to him and he wouldn't vote her off. Yeah right, Sash-hole. At Tribal, Fabio seems pretty confident and safe is his alliance which is #1 "You're going home" signal. But there's a last minute switcheroo and an unsuspecting Benry is sent packin'.

Top Chef All-Stars - Joe Jonas is in the kitchen for the Quickfire so it must be a total dreamboat challenge, right? Actually, each chef must create a dish as a midnight snack in a brown paper bag for a bunch of kids spending a night at the museum. I did this with Girl Scouts as a kid. We slept under the T-Rex and they gave us shitty granola bars, so a sweet Top Chef snack, but also that was like 17 years ago so there was no Top Chef. Dale doesn't know Joe Jonas and seems to hate children because he makes them a corn cake and wishes he could put Nyquil in it. He truly understands the palette of a child. So the bottom: Tiffany's bread pudding, Mike's nasty coconut milk chaser, and Stephen's pretentious cookie. Favorites: Spike's chips and marshmallow dip and Tiffani's rice krispie chocolate moon pie. But they don't announce who wins because they have to get the verdict at the museum when they will make their treat for the kids. Tiffani and Spike also are made team captains and get to select their teammates to help make their treat; Fabio is last picked so gets to pick his team and he goes Spike.

So the kids pig out, get campaigned to by the chefs, freak out when they see Joe Jonas, and vote: Tiffani wins the Quickfire and immunity. Sighs of relief to escape the kids, but a-ha, not so fast as Tom enters the museum. The Elimination Challenge is to work in their teams to create a breakfast for the kids and their parents at the museum... for a 7:45 breakfast time. The other catch: one team can only cook only meat/eggs/dairy (Team T-Rex), another with only fruits, veggies, and grains (Team Brontosaurus). Tiffani chooses meat/dairy and Spike is fruit/veggies/grain. So the teams brainstorm and catch the little bit of zzzs they can, except some of the dudes who explore the museum with a flashlight like it's a date on The Bachelor.

Cooking time! Team T-Rex realize they can ONLY cook meat and therefore there's no flour, fruit, etc. at all so they're a little screwed. The pressure is on and Jamie slices her thumb, leaving to get stitches and making her teammates a little bitter. Jamie and Cutthroat Bitch Jen were paired together on their team so she just mans up and does it alone. The Brontosaurus team encounters kitchen troubles with the oven not cooking evenly and being a little chaotic. But that's pretty tame compared to slicing open a thumb. There's a lot of scrambling (breakfast pun!), bickering, and a plum cutting controversy. Oh and Jamie returns with two whole stitches. The nightmare!! The teams finally get to serving their food and the guest judge is Katie Lee Joel, aka the girl who lost her job to Padma. You wouldn't believe this, but the kids hate vegetables!

Team Brontosaurus is the winner which means Carla is safe- Hootie Hoo! The men's banana parfait was creative and tasty, even with tiny plums, so Richard/Marcel/Angelo win. Tiffani does admit her mistake in misunderstanding the challenge. Tifanny/Antonio's frittatas were not consistently cooked. The steak and eggs tasted well but was so basic. The salmon was too salty, which is attributed to Trey's sauce. Cutthroat Bitch Jen is livid to be on the losing team and believes it's a mistake. She disagrees with the judges critique about the flavoring and seasoning of her "bacon" pork belly hollandaise dish, like fighting about it. I think Tom is turned on. The Cutthroat Bitch is sent packing not because she yelled but because the food stunk and now you know, anyone can go home. She screams a little bit while leaving because she thinks she's off camera, which is delightful. Simma down, Jen: this is All-Stars, bitch!

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