December 3, 2010

Reality Rundown: Quitters GTFO

The Amazing RaceThe Biggest LoserSurvivor: Nicaragua
New! Top Chef All-Stars

The Amazing Race - The teams Bangla-dash to Hong Kong via plane, then bus, then ferry to retrieve the next clue. Jill/Thomas, who probably had a 6 hour lead on the other teams, lose it once all the teams depart on the same 11:55PM flight. Brook/Claire confront Jill/Thomas about U Turning them, but they say take it as a compliment that we see you as a threat. Running to the ferry, Vikki’s asthma acts up and they miss the first ferry, giving Nick a reason to whine/be a dick more.

The teams are sent to a Majesty Chinese Restaurant where a Road Block forces one teammate to find fake wax food amongst a giant buffet, eating any real item they pick up in the process, while also being tortured by live karaoke. Fun fact: I’m obsessed with fake wax food; I’ve Googled how to make it myself and always wanted a fake milkshake in a fancy glass to display. Claire jumps at the chance to do karaoke, but gets screwed when she opts to do this task and is a picky eater. Better than a watermelon to the face. Claire’s overeating causes her to barf in the bathroom, so check that item off your bucket list. Vikki takes forever to complete the task, barfing and gagging up the warm sushi, and Nick even suggests taking the penalty just to move on, but Vikki doesn’t want to be a quitter and eventually completes the task.

After finding their wax food, the teams have to find a statue of Bruce Lee on the Avenue of Stars for their next clue. Detour: ride a ding ding tram to find 3 signs that reveal the pit stop location or ride a sampan (boat) with a bird cage and trade it for the clue. Hard! Well, for me cause birds of all sizes get me the willies. Nat/Kat have an early lead and choose the sampan, while Jill/Thomas opt for ding ding (and later switch to the sampan). Both tasks are extremely time consuming and hard to identify, especially late at night. Luck is on Jill and Thomas’ side when they quickly find their boat, with Nat/Kat dropping their parakeets off shortly after. After some cab struggling, it’s a race to the Pit Stop with Nat/Kat checking in 1st and winning a trip to Rio de Janeiro. As Brook/Claire complete the Detour, Nick/Vikki are out at sea scanning the boats. Nick keeps whining about quitting, sleeping, taking a penalty, and wanting to be home. So Vikki keeps looking while Nick sleeps on the sampan, but Nick’s refusal to help her leads Vikki to stop and take the 6 hour penalty. Phil lets them know it’s a non-elimination leg and I want to smash my computer that this asshole is still in the race.

The Biggest Loser - Moving this 2-hour bloatfest to 9pm for a week didn't help me. I put off watching this until the last possible night. This season is just not full of likable contestants and bores me. Onto the show!

This is the final week on campus and along with the standard yellow line, there's the dreaded red line too. Someone is going home automatically and I can name 3 people I hope meet their fate that way (cocky alliance Brendan, Frado, Patrick). Olympic gold medalist, gymnast Nasta Liukin, makes a visit to campus to discuss training, goals, and priorities. All of this hoopla is just to announce a challenge where the winner gets $10k, along with some Subway product placement shoved in your face. It's sort of an elimination-style relay, moving from leg-to-leg, with jump rope, street strider, and the infamous Jacob's Ladder (an infinite staircase). Brendon wins and while he's a strong competitor, I hate people who seem totally about game play. He does give $1k to breast cancer, which is nice, and then everyone eats Subway with Nastia Liukin. Not many people get to say they ate terrible subs with an Olympian.

The losers bond over what they'd spend the prize money on, which is surprisingly NOT 40 years worth of Subway subs. No, it's family sob-stories and they all cry. Dr. Huizenga gives updates too and Frado is almost non-diabetic. Bob and Jillian start to prepare the losers for the rest of their weight-loss journey at home, including tips and pep talks. Most at risk is Ada, who is still battling all those inner demons about her parents hating her. The losers compete in yet another challenge because god forbid you let the show last an hour: load up with the amount of weight they lost and do step-ups and a mile run, just like their original challenge to get on the show, dropping bits of weight as they go along. Winner gets a 1lb advantage and a home gym installed in their home as soon as they get back. Ada wins! Hooray for the only person I like!

At the weigh-in, it's uber-gameplayer Brendan who falls below the red line and is eliminated after a lot of speeches. Playa got played! Mark, who got a lot of screentime this week and cried about his dad a bunch, falls below the yellow line along with Elizabeth who honestly should buy a timeshare under that line. Since he finally got to talk a lot this episode, and because he's lost a shit-ton of weight compared to most of the others, Mark is eliminated by Patrick's vote again. When will anyone see that Patrick isn't in there for anyone but himself?

Survivor: Nicaragua - Purple Kelly speaks this episode which is a total mindfuck. Her and Sash, now Brenda-less, are probably next on the chopping block; so I guess the anti-Benry movement has passed? The camp starts flooding again, which is why it seems stupid the merged tribe didn't get to go to the better camp. NaOnka's anemic and ready to quit; she even gives Chase her immunity idol because her heart's not into the game. So you stay like 20-something days to possibly quit? LAME. Purple Kelly wants to quit too because, I really don't know- she's over it too? Quitters. Now with an idol, Chase proposes an alliance of himself, Holly, Jane and Sash (who doesn't trust them).

Reward challenge: get tethered together and untie a dummy named Gulliver and bring him through an obstacle course. I wish it was Mr. Highway from The Good Son. The winners get to see a sneak peak of the terrible looking Gulliver's Travels movie and eat movie snacks. I was just thinking recently how I miss Survivor's old obnoxious product placements; turns out, I didn't really miss it. The blue team (Holly, NaOnka, Chase, Benry, Dan) win reward. But the excitement is short lived because NaOnka quits immediately after the reward challenge. Jeff is shocked and asks if anyone else wants to quit, which I'm assuming he was saying in a "you look like an idiot way!" Except then Purple Kelly pipes up that she too wants to quit because it's physically and mentally exhausting. All I can say is, fuck Survivor quitters. LEAVE. Get off my screen. Unfortunately, Jeff wants them to take the night to think about it. Probst also makes an offer: if one person skips the reward, he'll give the tribe tarp and rice. Holly accepts the offer and makes a super long speech about sacrifice, which is complete bullshit on NaOnka's behalf since she's quitting and will eat later. Holly also just set herself up for the win: sacrifice, didn't quit early on, AND made power moves.

At camp, Holly tries to talk some sense into Purple Kelly, explaining now there is food and shelter and life gets much harder than this. Purple Kelly sums it up best, "I have nothing left to suck." (cue you yelling, "That's what she said!") They eat their rice while the others eat candy, popcorn and fake laugh at the movie.

Tribal Council: mucho discussion about quitting the game. It's my body this, bad weather that- blah, blah, quit already! NaOnka doesn't think she's selfish, she's still NaOnka, still strong. Jane then compares quitting Survivor to the unemployment in the country... yeah. I just don't care at this point because I just want these quitters to leave. Jeff poses the final quitting question: NaOnka quits, Purple Kelly quits. Since NaOnka and Purple Kelly didn't quit, Jeff doesn't want to snuff their torches but he still does and leaves it at tribal as a reminder. BFD. Peace out you quittin' hoes. They say haters gon' hate- YOU BET I AM.

New! Top Chef All-Stars - In terms of All-Star casts, this is probably the best yet. Not a single person I hate, just some I love more than others. Instead of the old white coats, everyone gets super chic black coats because that's what badasses wear, and long gone is Gladware; say hello to new sponsor, Buitoni! The chefs are reunited and remember fonder times and then head to the kitchen to meet Padma and Tom. This season there will be a shitload of cash prizes, with the winner getting $200k in the end. GAME ON!

Quickfire: each season will team up together and create a dish that represents the city the season was held in. It's kitchen chaos with people getting bumped, running, and flames. Each team sort of picks a focus: San Francisco: does sourdough, LA: shrimp tacos, Miami: pork, Chicago: sausage hot dog, New York: apple, Las Vegas: lobster, and DC: crab cakes. Bottom: the shrimp tacos, the sourdough had too much garlic, and the Big Apple 3 dishes didn't tie together, and DC too salty. Miami's pork dish had good habaneros, Chicago was innovative with their mustard concoction, and Vegas had well-made pasta. The winning dish is Chicago (Dale, Richard, Spike, Antonia). The 4 of them win immunity.

Elimination challenge: turn the dish that sent you home into a success. AWESOME challenge idea. Common theme: scallops. TOP SCALLOP!!! Would be most in trouble: Dale, who has to fix his butterscotch scallops, but he has immunity so makes CORN BREAD. Be still my heart. Everyone seems to have some good ideas which makes me think this haunts them and they always though of ways to fix the dish. They get a day to prep and then serve the judges at the famous Russian Tea Room; winner wins $10k. Joining Tom and Padma is Gail, my main gurl, and new judge/badass Anthony Bourdain. Also judging, the cheftestants themselves. Split into 2 groups, while one preps, the other gets to dine, and the chefs also get to hear what the critiques are. Turns out they didn't know they were being viewed by the other cheftestants since some harsh stuff was said, especially regarding Fabio's pasta (Bourdain called it "swampy"). The fun doesn't stop there as Bourdain tears many dishes to shreds. Quite simply, he rules.

Judges Panel. Spike, Jamie, Richard and Angelo are called in first (top 4) and Richard is DQ'd for plating past the time limit. Jamie improves her terrible celery, Angelo was able to work out the watermelon tea and re-invent the dish, and Spike makes the frozen scallops work. Angelo wins the first Quickfire, so we'll see if the ego returns or if being around All Stars humbles him. Bottom: Fabio, Stephen, Elia. Stephen had to make 3 dishes (since he got eliminated during Restaurant Wars) but has poor proportions. Elia left is all the same as before but added fennel, but unfortunately her meat was raw. Fabio, not wearing his chef coat, is still happy with the dish, but it was overdressed and overdone. Bourdain said it was "horrifying looking" and Fabio fights back that while constructive criticism is good, some of his stuff is crossing a line. Elia is eliminated and since mid-episode there was a random Elia's original season moment I'll say that was probably an early spoiler.

Photo Credits:,,,


Dave Galanter said...

Are these on FB? I'd rather comment there. Anyway...

Agreed on TAR.

Don't watch BL.

Survivor: OMG! This NaOINKa teaches kids? The pig.

TC-AS: Love it! Really want Angelo to go home early. He annoys me.

Mel Got Served said...

Just posted it. Usually I post the link on FB around 9-9:30 so people will see it when they get into the office.

I actually thought Angelo wasn't too bad last night. Humbled by the greats?

Dave Galanter said...

I find Angelo smarmy. I may be in the minority. I also don't like Jane on survivor. ::shrug:: I will check FB. :-)