December 20, 2010

Reality Rundown: Survivor: Nicaragua Super Special Finale Edition

12/20/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Nicaragua Super Special Finale Edition

Fabio finally gets the clue he's on the outs, so he begins to plan to make his way to the final 4 (and final Tribal) by breaking up that alliance and winning immunity again. Holly/Sash/Chase know getting Fabio out is their next objective. The immunity challenge is to answer questions for puzzle pieces and then put together a puzzle like every other GD challenge on this show. Enough puzzles, seriously. The big 3 take an early lead on the puzzles, but Fabio comes out of 4th place to rip that puzzle to shreds and wins immunity! At camp, the scheming starts big time and the 3 think Dan should go home because nobody's mad at him. Fabio seems to be playing the role of Greek chorus for us viewers, citing Dan's laziness and poor performance. Fabio is pushing to get rid of Holly. Fabio and Dan think Sash is their swing vote to change the game. A debate launches at Tribal, mainly between Dan and Holly about who's the bigger threat, and Dan, the laziest person to ever make it to the final 5, is at last eliminated. Dan speaks more in his exit interview than he does the whole show, airing grievances about hating Chase, Sash and Holly. It's pretty delightful.

The final 4 continue to strategize, with Fabio trying to get on Chase and Sash's good sides, while the 3 keep blabbing about needing to get Fabio out. But when the momentum gets going we get stuck watching that lameass rite of passage walk where they salute the fallen. Fast forward to the immunity challenge! The challenge is to balance a sword while stacking and balancing coins on it. In another Sash vs. Fabio battle, Fabio is the victor meaning Sash, Holly or Chase isn't going to Final Tribal and it feels so good. They return to camp and begin kissing so much ass, while backstabbing each other left and right. At Tribal Council, Fabio is all smiles knowing he's no longer on the outs and opens up. He can see through Sash's bullshit and explains how Chase and Holly openly admitted Fabio was not in their final 3 plans. Sash, desperate to stick around, tell Fabio he would've taken Fabio to the final 3, shocking all. His bullshit reasoning of using "probably" is because he didn't win immunity and doesn't have to make a choice- what a dick. The votes are cast and Holly is voted are. Are you f'ing kidding me? RAGE! I mean, it's smart because she would've won, but I liked her best!

It's the first all-male final 3 in Survivor history (thanks @jacobjunior7). Sash yaps about the guys being his wingmen- STFU Sash-hole. Fabio is finally able to eat on the day 39 breakfast. Chase is still in game-mode so he works to inflate Fabio's ego to hopefully take him out. Chase thinks he's the underdog and believes his game relationships will help him. It's out of their hands now because it's time to speak to the scorned: the jury!

At the opening statements, Chase is in "bring it on" catch phrase mode, Fabio giggles and had a good time, and Sash makes some "outwit, outplay, outlast" speech and claims he takes the friendships seriously. Marty asks Chase some dumbass question about who is the dumbest (but can't vote for Marty). Jane looks spooky to say the least, calls Sash a "New York city river rat," asks what Chase would do with the money ($100,000 for cancer charity, take care of his mom). Dan calls Sash a phony, liar, spineless, and should get his winking eye fixed. He goes on to call Chase the most paranoid player, a backstabber, and that "beauty fades, dumb is forever." Purple Kelly the quitter speaks and asks how they outwitted the jury (uh, by not quitting?) NaOnka is weirdly nice to Fabio and asks about his mom and if she motivated him, bringing him to tears. Dull. Alina's point is Fabio is a boy, the others are a man, so get to convincing. Chase gets super-defensive about why he deserves to win, which makes the guys all bicker. Votes are cast and my prediction was Sash would get 0 votes. Jeff collects the votes and disappears and arrives at...

The Reunion! Everyone dolled up in front of a crowd in the fake on-stage Tribal. The votes are read and the winner of Survivor: Nicaragua is...

Fabio- I mean Jud.

Aw man- I was ONE VOTE away from predicting the winner. SO CLOSE! I almost did it!!

The reunion starts with interviewing Fabio about his stupidity or act of playing dumb and I don't think he really answered. Chase knows he's wishy washy, didn't bang around with Brenda, and for some reason we have to endure his guitar and country music. Probst thought Sash would be first gone. Jimmy Johnson, who mind you was voted out 3rd and would get zero questions any other season, gets a chat since he's fucking famous. Holly gives Dan a new pair of fancy shoes, meaning ostrich cowboy boots. Jane did a lot of pre-season training, got "fluffed off" by the guys for an alliance. NaOnka is still employed, never took Kelly's fake leg into mind (LIE), and didn't comprehend how crappy it would be to live in a rainforest. The most important thing we learn is that if you quit going forward you can be either left on the jury or taken off. So what they really mean is if you're good TV (like a bitchy NaOnka) you'll be kept on the jury; if you're a nobody (like Purple Kelly), it's sayonara.

The $100,000 fan favorite won by the biggest landslide ever, which is a no shit scenario considering this cast of turds, and it's Jane. Also, Boston Rob because him and Ambuh popped out baby #2 and teases about the game changing forever (FOR THE WORSE). For season 22 of Survivor, when someone is voted out they aren't going home they have to live on Redemption Island. When the next person is voted out, they compete head-to-head to re-enter the game. The loser is out, the winner re-enters the game. I actually like this idea, however I don't like that the show fails to mention that we'll have to suffer through Boston Rob and Russell again, as reported.

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