January 31, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Drop Dead Gorgeous

1/31/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
In honor of last night's Miss America pageant, I'd like to share one of the greatest talent portion performances of all time (courtesy of the hilarious mockumentary, Drop Dead Gorgeous).

And congratulations to the new Miss America, Miss Virginia. I picked you as my winner from the instant you couldn't do the choreographed group number.

January 29, 2010

Reality Rundown: Bada Ping!

The BachelorThe Biggest LoserProject Runway

The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love - Jake sends all the ladies into RVs for a road/camping trip to Pismo Beach. Gia, the swimsuit model with the voice of Meredith Grey, gets the solo date with Jake, where they eat campfire food and look at the stars. Gia acts so amazed at seeing stars because you apparently never see this in New York City. Sorry, you can't see the stars and sky in NYC? Are you crazy girl? But the date is really romantic and Gia gets a rose.

The group date is the usual shitshow of "Look at me, Jake!" moments. They go dune buggying and sand surfing, which is pretty cool. After a day of activity, the 6 girls and Jake go to a hotel with a bunch of themed suites to have private chats. Spoiled brat Vienna requests her alone time be last (so she can be the last one to kiss him and get the rose), so the other girls get furious. Luckily, Vienna's plan backfires- adorable Tenley the divorcee gets the rose.

Ella and Kathryn are the girls going on the dreaded 2-on-1 Thunderdome date where only one will stay. Jake explains to Ella that if he doesn't feel a connection with her, he'd send her home Ella & Kathryn get cut from The Bachelorso she could be with her son, but they seem to be clicking. Kathryn feels totally blown off by Jake, but then talk and it seems OK. While briefly almost pulling a Mesnick outside of a cabin, Jake tells Ella he's not feeling it. Kathryn should breathe a sigh of relief- oh wait, Jake dumps her too! Double served! The girls are completely shocked while Jake does the oh-so corny move of dropping the rose into the campfire.

At the rose ceremony, Jake wants to take shots (cue music) which really means sips of champagne. All the girls think the jig with Vienna is up and she's sure to go (so of course, she's going to stay). Some random chick Jessie (sans the Rippers) tells Jake about Vienna's spoiled behavior, like how she constantly crashes cars and her daddy bails her out. Vienna urges Jake to base his decision on them together and not hearsay Jessie and Ashleigh get cut from the Bachelorfrom the girls. Good point, but she's still a bratty Haley Duff lookalike. While handing out roses, Jake has to take a break to have a mini-meltdown, where the producer tells him to get some advice from the wise sage, Chris Harrison. Jake has 2 roses left to hand out with 3 girls left, but he only wants to give 1 rose out. He cuts Jessie and Ashleigh (aka "Who??") and gives Vienna his last rose. 4 ladies cut in a matter of 48 hours! Dude ain't playin' around!

The Biggest Loser - For the first time, the pop challenge winner will get immunity so the teams have to retrieve hotel room key cards or something and scan them- first team to get 3 keys that work wins. This goes on for over 10 minutes of screentime and it's torture. Considering this show is about slimming down it could take its own advice and make it only an hour long. The Red Team wins again, which means Melissa will throw the weigh-in... again. The other twist is that Red has hand out to penalties to 3 teams: no access to gym (Brown, since he can't use the gym anyways- he uses the pool), no elimination vote (White, because he might be bitter from last week's vote), and 2lb disadvantage (Green, and they get pissy as they always do). Red and Bob/Jillian fight over the alleged weigh-in throwing for about 20 minutes and Red eventually decides to get over it because they need both trainers.

Using some science that I actually know (pulleys!), the first team to pull themselves to the top of some crane thingies wins a phone call home for themselves and 3 other teams. Gray wins and gives the other calls to Red, Green, and Brown. Later, Bob takes the losers to lunch at Subway, then makes them run home to the ranch followed by weights and wheelbarrow fun with Jillian. Torture is fun!

At the weigh-in, the immune Red team Melissa loses 11lbs, likely proving that she's been gameplaying for the past 2 weeks. Green team gets on the scale and only loses 5lbs, not counting the 2lb advantage so they get pissy at Red, even though the disadvantage didn't matter. Even Jillian is over these bad attitudes. Migdalia, the daughter, demands everyone send her home to be with her husband and kids and gets angry again. God, send them both home. Green team needs to diet on some fruit other than sour grapes. Red votes for Miggy the mom cause she's such an angry person, and while it starts to look like the votes will get rid of Miggy, they majority of the teams respect Migdalia's hostile demands and send her home.

Project Runway - The designers visit Tim at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and see all sorts of couture looks from some of the greatest design legends. The challenge is to pair up and create a signature look. While I could announce the pairs, I think we only care about one person: Ping. Ping is a team leader and selects Jesse as her partner; he's not happy. After buying fabric with a $500 budget and getting work done, Tim enters the workroom to announce another twist: they'll need to create a $50 look for less based on another team's design.

The top 2 teams are Jay and Maya, who make a really elegant couture dress along with a look for less that's better than the original (despite Jay's lack of work due to immunity) and Mila and Jonathan's modern yet classic pantsuit, but look for less babydoll dress failure. Mila's pantsuit deems her this week's challenge winner and grants her immunity next week. The bottom 2 are Ping and Jesse (shocker!) with a dress that literally has to be held up by the model and a poorly done look for less, and Anthony and Seth Aaron with an old-fashioned costumey ballgown and an old, thrown together lace dress. With the hilarious Anthony possibly on the chopping block I fear my worst nightmare of more Ping torture is coming true, but PR finally came through and gave Ping the heave ho. What a relief because I really thought she'd be around forever.

January 26, 2010

Reality Rundown: Arrivederci, Jersey Shore!

1/26/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
Jersey Shore Super Special Finale Edition
FinaleReunion Show

Finale - Ronnie is taken to the slammer where he spends a few hours trying not to drop the soap. Sammi of course whines at home and makes it about herself, but all is forever. And to commemorate their last Jersey Shore week, Ronnie and Sammi go for a romantic dinner in Belmar, NJ (or as I know it, home to Senior Jersey Shore Consultant Dave Robbins). Both agree it was an amazing summer and see a future for them. The future I see involves more of Sammi whining "Raaaahniiiiiiiie, staaaaaawp!", smushing, and then doing the Ronnie dance.

It's the last Goonie weekend at the Jersey Shore, and along with Labor Day comes lots of tourists. JWoww is drooling at the "gorillas" (muscle-bound hunks) at the beach, so she drags Snooki with her. The rest of the house also realizes that they basically ignored the "shore" part of Jersey Shore and spend a day at the beach. This day at the beach involves beach chairs, The Situation making hilariously creepy comments at a 5 year old's body, and likely hitting on a 15 year old. Ohhh summer!

The single guys attempt to get dates for the last weekend, but shockingly not a single girl answers The Situation's calls. Vinnie, Pauly D, and The Situation have a dude's night at what The Situation calls "Chuck E Cheese for adults" and promise to visit each other. This is just like summer camp. Meanwhile, Snooki decides to call Cowboy Keith for a date and he treats her like dirt. Poor Snooki! To make matters worse, Snooki starts a solo dance party on the boardwalk only to see her ex-boyfriend, who also treats her like crap. Little Snooks is heartbroken, but the The Situation, who considers Snooki a little sister, gives her a great pep talk. But the Little Sister situation gets ignored when the two make out in the hot tub. It's kinda awkward.

Vinny finally retaliates for the stink bomb The Situation left in his room by winning a giant stuffed bulldog from the boardwalk and putting it in a t-shirt that says, "The Situation's #1 Girl" in Sharpie. They worked at a damn iron-on t-shirt store, couldn't he had made an effort? The Situation initially misses it, but then has a good laugh. Even he knows he's taken a few grenades over the summer.

The whole house gets together for one last family meal (not sausage and peppas, sadly) and The Situation would love for them to all get a shore house again next summer- me too!! They all cheer in happiness, I suppose forgetting all the drama. The next day, everyone moves out pretty unceremoniously but with some hugs and fond memories. It was the best summer of their lives, and the best winter of ours.

Reunion - The reunion seemed less like a "Let's remember the good times!" and more of MTV saying, "Let's make these kids feel like garbage." Such clips include a montage of Snooki getting rejected by guy's, Sammi confessing she flirted with other guys, and the guys being manwhores.

Everyone is looking really pale, clearly skipping step 2 of the GTL way of life. Most of the reunion seems to be everyone bickering with The Situation (Ronnie in particular). Other tidbits: Pauly's stalker drove all the way to Rhode Island to surprise him DJing at a club and Vinny still lives at home. But the best part was Angelina (who?) getting served because apparently she has previously hooked up with The Situation. Aw snap! Meanwhile, Angelina shouldn't even be there because she was in the house 2 days- you're not one of them!! Angelina also pipes in that Ronnie is the best dancer and Vinny is the best fist pumper. Again, you were there 2 days so maybe she's just commenting from the TV footage she had to watch in regret because she's not famous and they are.

Overall, the reunion was kind of a waste of time since we know everything about them since the show ended. A season 2 is definitely coming but whether it's the gang we love of a bunch of new guidos and guidettes that will likely just try to top the originals, we'll have to wait and see. Just don't bring back Angelina the Debbie Downer of the Jersey Shore.

January 25, 2010

Serving of the Week

1/25/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Name: Michelle, The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love
SERVED: Michelle has been dubbed this season's resident crazy on The Bachelor. She's a mere 25 yet desperate to be married and immediately have kids, and apparently believes Jake is the one for her. Her desperation for attention was grating to the viewers, constantly whining and crying in the most pathetic fashion.

All Michelle wanted was a kiss and then Jake would know she's the one for him: so Jake unwillingly complied and it was bad. It was awkward to watch and even Michelle knew it sucked. She complained about the kiss, comparing it to kissing his grandmother. Michelle then decided maybe she should leave, that it wasn't working out. But if Jake wanted her to stay, she totally would. As you watch her make this ultimatum, you can see in her face this confidence like, "Jake knows I'm his soulmate- he'll never let me go! He'll sweep me off my feet!" Jake's response, "I think it'd be best if you leave." SERVED!!! So awesome. For once, I liked Jake and thought he had a real backbone. Michelle gets escorted out heartbroken, but we the viewers get a good laugh in. Sorry Michelle, I hope true love finds you but until then you got SERVED by the dullest Bachelor ever.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter.

January 24, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Jane Austen's Mafia!

1/24/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Our beloved Jersey Shore ended this week, so I wanted to pick a movie that the Jersey Shore kids would fist pump to. Their shore house was covered in Scarface and Godfather posters so I had a general idea of what to pick. Those are good movies and all, but if I'm going mafia movie, I will always picked the 1998 classic, Jane Austen's Mafia!. This movie isn't on often, but when it is, sit down and prepare to laugh for a good hour and a half. If only all mob bosses were as hilarious as Lloyd Bridges and his lack of understanding of drugs.

January 22, 2010

Reality Rundown: You Know You're The Bachelor When You're Dating 25 Overdramatic Nutjobs

The BachelorThe Biggest LoserProject Runway

The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love - Jake takes Haley Duff doppelganger Vienna on a solo date. She's 23, he's 31. Why are the majority of the Bachelors such cradle-robbers? Jake asks Vienna the craziest thing she's ever done, which she answers ziplining. Yawn. I did that at summer camp when I was 10. Did he forget last week she admitted she eloped with almost a stranger? Pretty sure that's the real answer. Jake and Vienna are taken to a bridge to go bungee-jumping and he's freaking out. Jeez Jake, I thought you planned the dates- har har har! He's a pilot afraid of heights, but they got over it, jump, and kiss upside down. My guess is Jake has been dreaming of re-enacting an upside down kiss since Spiderman came out. They bond, Vienna gets a rose, and comes back bragging about the date. All the girls hate her because she is so far from Jake's type, so they call her out for being an annoying fake. She cries.

Jake takes a group of ladies to the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club where they'll each perform a standup set. Most are pretty bad, but Corrie was the best as she did impressions of all the girls and really ripped Vienna a new one. I want Corrie to be my BFF. At yet another roof-party, Tenley tells Jake about her divorce (didn't she tell him this week 1?), Jake learns of the anti-Vienna movement, and Michelle goes crazy- again. When Michelle finally gets alone time with Jake, she whines, cries, and asks for a kiss. Jake unwillingly grants her wish, and Michelle is pissed that the kiss is no good and decides maybe she should leave the show. She keeps telling if Jake asks her to stay she will, and you can see if her face that she totally thinks Jake will say, "Please Michelle, don't leave me- you complete me!" but Jake says he thinks it would be best if she left. AWESOME! Jake, I liked you for 5 whole seconds. No one on the group date gets a rose.

The other solo date is given to single mom Ella and Jake brings her to Sea World where she's surprised by her son. If you're not Reality Steve readers, then you wouldn't know this date was originally planned for Rozlyn and her son, but since she was booted last week, better get good use of the single mom date. It's a pretty awesome date of feeding sea lions, petting dolphins, and seeing penguins. And Ella's kid is cool: he actually does like flying and eats churros. Ella is so sweet and age appropriate, so I give her 2 more weeks on this show. She gets a rose.

At the cocktail hour, Jake accuses hot Elizabeth of being the "Queen of Mixed Signals" since she won't kiss him but gets all up on him asking for massages and stuff. He said he has friends who didn't kiss for religious reasons (Duggars!), but using it as a tease method is not appreciated. Elizabeth is just about to explain herself when Vienna, who already has a rose, interrupts for alone time. Bitch, you already got a rose! The girls fume even more. Jake decides to eliminate Elizabeth and some random chick who got no screen time (Valishia).

Best part of the whole episode: Jake's standup comedy routine in the end credits. He takes a page from Jeff Foxworthy with "You know you're the The Bachelor when..." routine that is so god awful, ending in the corny: "You know you're The Bachelor when you're biggest dream of finding true love is about to come true." Please, try to hold back your vomit. But I think my dad's takes the cake, "You might be the Bachelor if you're crying off the hotel balcony." Pulling a Mesnick!

The Biggest Loser - This week the pairs are broken up into teachers and students. The teachers will train with Bob and Jillian and pass that knowledge onto the student. At weigh-in, only the student's weight will count. The Pink team wins the power to choose the Teacher/Student by eating a whopping 2 M&M's. They split it pretty fairly, in my opinion, but some girl on the Green team flips out. Jillian tries to break down the emotional barriers, but instead insinuates that both members of the Green team are bad moms. Bob smooths it over, telling Jillian to act the opposite of mean. Jillian is baffled by the concept.

Gray team wins immunity in a challenge of unraveling ribbon around a playground and then retrieving it all via blindfold. I could explain more, but I fast forwarded through most of it since it was a snooze. Gray also wins the power to flip one teacher/student pairing. At the weigh-in, my TV cuts to election footage so now I am stuck re-watching the episode on Hulu reading other people's recaps. Melissa from Red, a teacher this week, only loses 1lb and claims it's not game play. Bob and Jillian call her out, and Bob gets close to his "Shut the f*** up, Noelle!" mindset. The White team are the Teacher/Student switch and fall below the yellow line. The mom, Maria, begs to leave so her 500lb son can get help, and they grant her wish (except for the Brown/Purple mash-up who think he's ungrateful or lazy or something).

Project Runway - The challenge this week is to design a cocktail party outfit for their models out of burlap potato sacks. For an extra twist, the models get to pick the designer they want to work with. Mila's model opts for the fabulous Anthony, and she takes it kinda personal. But not too personal because Mila makes this smokin' futuristic dress that I absolutely love. The winner of the challenge is Jay Nicholas who makes a black cocktail dress that you'd never know was burlap. I have to say, the dresses tonight were amazing and I definitely think this is foreshadowing a good season to come.

However, you have to weed out the duds first. Ping makes another hideous dress that accents the hips, is all basic burlap, and most important exposes her model's ass. Jesus doesn't take Tim Gunn's advice and covers up most of his burlap with pea green ribbon and makes a matronly look. But it's Pamela who is auf'd this week, with with ombre-dyed blue dress that looked more like a denim hoedown than NYC cocktail party.

January 19, 2010

Reality Rundown: I'm Not Trashy Unless I Drink Too Much

1/19/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
Jersey Shore Super Special Edition
Jersey Shore Part 1Jersey Shore Part 2

Jersey Shore Part 1 - I'm so sick of recapping Sammi & Ronnie fights. Sammi forgives Ronnie for shoving her in last week's fight. They move on to arguing with Snooki for wanting the family meeting about the duo being isolated since the other roommates don't care. Snooki just wants them to be a group since there's only 2 weeks left. More apologizing. At the club, Sammi gets separation anxiety when she can't find Ronnie. The Situation, being the nice guy he is, points Ronnie out and says he's talking to girls. Sammi and Ronnie fight again, where Ronnie reminds Sammi that Mike (Situation) can't be trusted. This is what we call "foreshadowing."

In smushing news, everyone gets their hook-up on at Karma. Snooki makes out with a country-voiced guy and likes him a lot; she says she'll save herself on the shore for the Cowboy. Pauly D meets an Israeli girl Danielle, gives her his business card, talk about their future life together, and their religious differences. She won't sleep with him right away, so Pauly accepts this as a summer challenge- not that physical challenge. Vinny is still seeing Tanya the boss' ex and brings her home to lay on the hammock, but he's not the only one of the roof deck. The Situation's latest conquest is a girl named Paula and they basically get it on in the hot tub, but there's Snookus interruptus and the smushing ends (and Paula falls down the stairs). The next morning, Paula's friend drags her home because her family is terrified because she didn't come home and missed her first day at work. Talk about a sticky situation!

Vinny (and everyone else) thinks The Situation is a skeeze and declares that when he's 27 he doesn't want to be like The Situation. He responds Vinny has no game, to which Vinny responds, "That's not what your sister thinks." SERVED! The Situation's sister Melissa (hereby known as "The Lady Situation") returns again with her Vinny crush and the two hook up after somehow Vinny chooses The Lady Situation over Tanya. Vinny is loving to stick it to The Situation (and to The Lady Situation).

Looking for a change of scenery and places to start fights, the hang heads to Atlantic City for the night. Everyone gets dressed to the 9's for the dinner shitshow which starts with some fun ribbings and ends up with a sad Snooki. After The Situation thinks Snooki is gone, she snaps on him and says everyone hates him. She attempts to change the subject and asks for a roll, and The Situation tells her, "Don't worry, you got a couple." Snooki leaves crying because 1. that's low and 2. she used to have an eating disorder. The Situation eventually apologizes, but the damage is done. He's a plague on this house.

Post-dinner apologies, everyone gets their drink and dance on at the club. Snooki falls off a couch, Vinny bags a hot girl, goes to the bathroom, and The Situation gets his sloppy seconds which he refers to as a "robbery." JWoww gets really drunk and pukes in the bathroom. She returns to the club and asks The Situation, currently attempting to (shocking!) hook-up, to help her back to the room. He refuses, so JWoww threatens to beat-up the girl on his lap to get them both kicked out. Instead, JWoww slaps him in the head and is escorted out. She vows to punch him right in the face when he gets back to the room. As the night ends and the guys return to the room, Vinny asks how he spit tastes from the sloppy seconds, and JWoww suddenly enters the room and punches The Situation (something we've all wanted to do for about 3 weeks). TO BE CONTINUED...

...RIGHT NOW!

Jersey Shore Part 2 -After reliving JWoww's amazing punch, some "Private Protective Services" guys pull her away. Vinny loves that of all the people that could've socked The Situation, it was a girl. JWoww considers leaving even with less than a week less, but Snooki threatens to shove tampons up her nose. After a lousy talk with her boyfriend, and a productive talk between her and The Situation, it looks like all is well with JWoww and she'll finish up the summer.

Vinny and Pauly D meet up with 3 girls they met while previously creepin and have a fun time on the boardwalk, except for Pauly's newfound stalker. Danielle the Israeli girl is following him all over the boardwalk, popping up out of nowhere like Spaghett. She even makes him an "I heart Jewish Girls" shirt. Pauly doesn't like the stalking so tells her he'll call her when he gets home, except she doesn't get the message. She keeps calling the duck phone and the house is loving it. Pauly finally answers the phone and tells her she's a stalker, to which she denies. But they run into each other at a club and leave together after talking. Could it be love? Doubtful for Pauly!

No household is complete without pranks. The Situation and Pauly decide to hide Snooki's favorite treat, pickles, under her bed. They figure she'll like it; and she isn't mad when she finds it. She's more upset that they wasted pickles. The Situation continues his pranking on his new nemesis, Vinny, who has been talking smack about him. He mixes pickle juice, mayo, Caesar dressing, and cheese in a bowl and stashes it under the bed. Vinny notices the stench but it takes 2 days and Sammi telling him to figure it out. This leads to the guy's calling out The Situation for his embarrassing, man-whorish ways but The Situation seems to brush it off.

The gang heads to Karma, so you can easily guess what I'm about to recap. It begins as a fun night of beating the beat up, doing the Ronnie dance, and accidentally kissing guy's with girlfriends (Snooki). It ends in exactly what you think.

While walking home, some blurred face girl starts yelling for the group to get out of Seaside heights, that Snooki is dressed like a tramp in a Halloween costume (it's a corset, bitch!) Another guy with those girls suddenly gets in everyone's face but security holds him back. All is well until the guy gets away from security and Ronnie has had it. He turns around, runs up to the guy and cold cocks him. Knocks the guy to the ground in one punch! Sirens start roaring and Ronnie encourages everyone to keep walking, but no luck. While the guy may have attempted to punch Ronnie, he knocked him out and it's aggravated assault- Ronnie's off to the slammer! Prepare for another Sammi and Ronnie whine-a-thon next week.

January 18, 2010

Serving of the Week

1/18/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments


Name: Jay Leno
SERVED: Five years ago, Jay Leno announced that in 2009 he would be step down as the host of The Tonight Show and would have Conan O'Brien fill his shoes. He called Conan a gentlemen and didn't want Conan to leave the NBC family, so he said let Conan take the reigns of The Tonight Show. He didn't want to have any animosity or damage to this show and any relationships.

I could now wax on about the history of what occurred the past 2 weeks, but there's no need because you all know. NBC decided to cancel Jay Leno's 10PM show, move him back to 11:30 for a half hour, and push Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show to 12:05 (which is not tonight, but tomorrow). Conan released an amazing statement saying NO WAY. The world then responded and we all said, "TEAM CONAN!" Everyone bashed him, from Howard Stern, to local radio, to Conan's writing staff. But no one SERVED Jay Leno quite like Jimmy Kimmel.

Jimmy Kimmel responded to this debacle by hosting an entire episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live, his late-night show, dressed as Jay Leno and doing the corny, unfunny gags Jay does. It was a site to see and had the country laughing. It was such a spot on impression and Jay got totally SERVED. But I guess Jay Leno is a glutton for punishment. The Jay Leno show invited Jimmy Kimmel to appear via satellite interview on their show and I don't know what they were thinking. What occurred was the best SERVING of a total late-night prick. Jimmy calls out Jay's vindictive ways and what a traitor he is, how he has no life, and cites the worst prank he ever played as convincing a guy to take over his show and then steal it back 5 years later. Or my favorite, when asked if he'd ever ordered anything off the TV, Jimmy responds, "Like how NBC ordered your show off the TV?" SERVED!!!! Jay gets completely SERVED in the following clip and it's so great to see such a jerk get put in his place. While the country keeps SERVING Jay Leno over and over, nothing felt quite as great and someone saying it to his big-chinned face.


Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter.

January 15, 2010

Reality Rundown: Boy, These Pilot Puns Never Get Old...

The BachelorThe Biggest LoserNew! Project Runway

The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love - Let the dating begin! The 1st group date brings a bunch of ladies along with Jake (who underbuttons his shirt a little before picking the girls up) for a photoshoot by InStyle magazine - cue girls saying, "InStyle is my bible!" Christina, who is already head over heels in love, is nervous and awkward, so she whines. She also gets a little too tipsy at a on-the-roof pool party later, turning Jake off. Rozlyn the hot one plants a big smooch on Jake and gets a rose. While the 1st date is happening, a date card arrives at the house with a diamond necklace. Crazy Michelle begs to put it on, thinking the person who wears the necklace first gets the date. Pathetic. The date is for Ali, the cute girl afraid of flying. So Jake takes her... flying! Nice producers, make her puke on camera! Sadly, she doesn't and after Jake puts Ali "literally on Cloud 9" (yes he's a "literally" abuser) they fly to Palm Springs while they cheesily play "On the Wings of Love," drive an old car, and have a private concert by the band Chicago (they must have time traveled to a decade where Chicago is still relevant). Ali gets a rose; I expect her to last a long time.

3rd date doesn't include Crazy Michelle, who decides she should pack up and leave since Jake didn't pick her for dates (of course she doesn't leave). This girl doesn't get reality TV: Jake doesn't plan the dates sweetie, producers do and they didn't pick you because they knew you'd go beserk. The 3rd date is a group date at Six Flags. Jake really hits it off with also too-hot-for-him Elizabeth, who reads him a note she wrote to him saying she won't kiss him until he plans to kiss no one else. Jake likes her old-fashioned values; I think she loves her Duggar courting rituals. Vienna (who looks like Hayley Duff) confides that she was once engaged, that ended, and then she rebounded by eloping with a stranger and divorcing 4 months later. Classy!

The cocktail party begins normally, with girls fighting for alone time. Michelle, dateless this week, tells Jake about her bag-packing drama and that she'll always be honest, but what she means is, "I'll always be psychotically clingy." Chris the host enters the party to bring Rozlyn outside. He tells her she entered into an inappropriate relationship with a member of the crew and that crew member is gone. For the integrity of the show and fairness to "poor Jake," Rozlyn has to leave as well. The show spends another 20 minutes telling this same story 2 more times. Jake is upset but takes it as blandly as you'd expect and the girls start crying because how could someone be so horrible! Well she wasn't horrible: if you want to know the truth visit Reality Steve (Warning! Major spoilers- read cautiously), because I think this news shows how skeezy this show can be.

Jake asks if he can has his rose back (yeah like producers didn't tell him to say that) and in the end cuts Christina and some Pittsburgh flight attendant. Crazy Michelle stays to torture another week!

The Biggest Loser - Bob and Jillian become partners in crime to push the losers this week, since week 2 is notoriously bad. Dr. Huizenga visits to bring letters to the losers to show how unhealthy they are, which includes telling their families how sick they are and making Jillian look at a disgusting meal and actually eating it. He also does their medical check-ups to again remind them how being that fat means they are knocking on death's door. This was all such a time waster that I fast forwarded through most of it.

The challenge is to traverse a balance beam across a pool carrying beach balls; first time to finish gets immunity, last gets a 2lb disadvantage at the weigh-in. The Red team wins immunity. The mom on the white team is afraid of water and lets her fear get to her; she falls off the beam before she's even near the water, hits concrete, and is bleeding. It's gross! Her 500lb son demands going to the hospital and since he really needs to be on campus, this could be a bad move. At the weigh-in, Red team's wife plays strategy and gains a pound, while White shocks me and loses 21lbs together. Purple, the mother/daughter team, is below the yellow line and Patti the mom goes home.

New! Project Runway - Ok, Runway- last chance season! Either I'm in or I'm out! This season is back in NYC and in high def! 3 minutes into the episode, one girl is crying in her confessional- oy-vey! But overall, I'm liking these designers much more than last season- good personalities with a pleasing design aesthetic... except Ping. Oh lord, Ping is going to torture me this season, I know it. After a champagne toast with Tim and a pregnant-again Heidi, the designers are taken to the park to retrieve random fabric which they will use to construct a garment representative of their design style.

The crying girl (Janeane) weeps 2 more times in the episode and even has to re-make her dress since the first is a bore. She's safe and I know her crying will make for good blog rants in the future. Ping makes what I think is an abomination, yet the judges (including guest judge Nicole Ritchie) love it. My personal favorite goes to challenge-winner Emilio, in this fun asymmetrical purple patterned dress. I also love flamboyant Anthony, though his floral dress is a mismatch of style. Jesus, who designed an evening gown that should be sold at Wilson Leather, is in the bottom 2 but safe. The 1st one auf'ed is Christiane, who was of course the person giving "I'm going to win this challenge!" voiceovers all episode. Her mixture of royal blue with a pattern was poorly constructed, and I didn't care for the abruptly stopped back. Auf wiedersehen!

Thus far, I'm liking this season. I will say, however, that HD is a blessing and a curse. The colors and fabrics are so vibrant, but you really see the flaws in a dress AKA how poorly everyone sews. The hems- oh lordy! Is it sad though that I was kind of hoping the Dsquared twins from Launch My Line would show up?

January 14, 2010

Battle of the American Idol Original Song

1/14/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment
Every season, some people decide that another artist's music can't express their true musicality and decides to audition with their own original piece. Most are horrible, but sometimes a catchy gem slips through. Perhaps it's because these original pieces are written by people way over the age cutoff for Idol; though good songwriting surely comes with age.

Last night in the Atlanta auditions for season 9 of American Idol, 62 year old Larry Pratt became an instant sensation with his song, "Pants on the Ground." I love this catchy song, yet it brings me back to fond memories of Renaldo Lapuz's "I Am Your Brother" from season 7 (also way over the age limit). I am now posing to you, my blogging public, one of the greatest questions of all time: which song is better? Below, videoclips for you to regale. Vote now in the comments!

"Pants on the Ground" by Larry Pratt


"I Am Your Brother" by Renaldo Lapuz

January 11, 2010

Serving of the Week

1/11/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Kate Gosselin
SERVED: With the new year beginning, it's time for new beginnings. People head to the gym, cut back on cupcakes, or put down the cigarettes. If you're Kate Gosselin, you go out of your way to announce you're starting over by getting on the cover of People magazine. I'm sure America saw the "I'm starting over!" cover and said, "Who gives a rat's ass?"

But I guess "starting over" simply means getting rid of your hideous hairstyle, which as ugly as it is, is basically her brand. It's iconic! That's the "Kate Gosselin." Kate has traded in the reverse mullet for long, fake extensions. I don't want to be ageist, but this is a hairstyle for a 25 year old, not a 35 year old. You're just asking for those kids to yank on your hair. Of course in true Kate Gosselin fashion, she didn't pay for them; she got them for free. Kate, you're such a famewhore that's desperate for attention from anyone else but your family. For that you are SERVED.


Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter.

January 10, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Boogie Nights

1/10/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
I've done a Boogie Nights scene in the past that was tense, but now let me share with you some joy: the Boogie Nights pool party. If you want to know a scene I quote all the time and dream of re-enacting, look no further than the introduction of Eddie Adams (soon to be Dirk Diggler) to Reid Rothchild. I once received a voicemail with a college friend just reciting this whole scene as a message and it was the best message I've ever received. And I think it's a bonding experience for me to share it with you. Now after you watch the clip, let's answer at the same time how much we bench. 1-2-3... you didn't say!

Make sure you stick around til the end for Reid's amazing bee poem and the official naming of Dirk Diggler.

Warning: Contains nudity and sexual content!


January 8, 2010

Reality Rundown: Don't Joke About My Fred Flintstone Toe

New! The BachelorNew! The Biggest LoserJersey Shore

New! The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love - Remember Jake the desperate to be in love pilot from last season of The Bachelorette who so nobly flew back to Canada after being eliminated to tell Jillian the truth about evil Wes? Well he's back with a ridiculously titled season and wants someone to cuddle in bed with on rainy days (um, how about a dog?) He is so dedicated to finding a wife that he'd give up his career as a pilot if she had a fear of flying because, "Love is more powerful than flying." If your future wife hates flying, why would you have to quit your job as a pilot? It just means less vacations, moron. The majority of the first hour is gratuitous shots of a shirtless Jake doing yard work and riding a motorcycle (I expected a Vespa scooter).

As usual, the women are wack jobs. The big news is that one girl has an inappropriate relation with a producer in the house, and I say it's gotta be Rozlyn who looks like she'd rather be anywhere but this show (Reality Steve has an amazing post reporting it's all a concocted storyline). The show isn't even subtle in this, showing clip after clip of "she's not here for the right reasons." Channy introduces herself with a Cambodian phrase, which she later reveals to Jake means, "You can land your plane on my landing strip any time." While the episode is full of a lot of horrible pilot/flying puns, this wins most scandalous. One girl's career is a homemaker and last time I checked, homemaker is the more PC term for "housewife"; if you're single and a "homemaker," what you really mean is you're unemployed. Another girl dresses as a pilot to score points, while the others participate in a pickup game of blonds vs. brunettes football to pretend they like sports to get a rose.

To get help, the producers Jake invites successful couple Jillian & Ed to help him get a feel on the ladies. My brother said that if he ever was the Bachelor his one request would be to get help from Sister Patterson. While I originally groaned at Ed & Jillian, they basically laughed in the girls faces for being so insane that I love them now. My mom's original favorite, Michelle, turns out to be a complete basketcase; a 25 year old who has no others options in life but to be a wife and mother. She cries, gets jealous... and gets a rose eventually. Thanks producers! Tenley, a divorcee who has only had sex with her ex, drops her morals to give Jake a peck, and he gives her the 1st impression rose. She was that desperate to make an impact. I'd say who Jake gave roses to but, really, who can tell them apart? (Special thanks to Sister Patterson's Myspace for the original image I've customized)

New! The Biggest Loser - Season 9 is bigger than ever: half ton twins and the heaviest contestant ever: 526lbs. So what better way to humiliate them as obese people one last time than have their first weigh-in be in front of their friends, family, and hometown? 11 teams of families arrive at the ranch and are greeted by Alison Sweeney and a totally empty gym: until the curtain opens. The losers have to ride 26.2 miles on bicycles and, in a crushing blow, only 9 teams will remain on the ranch and the last 2 to finish will leave the ranch. In the end, the Yellow father/daughter and blue Mother/Daughter teams leave crying in limos, thinking their journey is over and they'll never lose the weight. Bob and Jillian jump in front of the limos to give the good news: they aren't done yet. In 30 days they will return to the ranch in a Yellow vs Blue battle; the team with the highest percentage of weight-loss will return to the game. Since I really liked the Yellow and Blue teams, I say hooray!

The remaining time is spent watching arduous workouts, Brita and Wal-Mart product placement, and some tears. The weigh-in has to be the best 1st week ever, setting records left and right. The 526lb guy on the White team lost 30lbs and is already in the 400s. This week, only one team will fall below the yellow line and one teammate will be sent home. The half ton twins lose the same amount of weight (23lbs) but their percentage is too low. The house has to decide whether to send home the injured one or the strong one who has to return to work if he leaves. The losers decide to send home James, the injured brother. Man, I was really looking forward to typing half ton twins each week. I even had an abbreviation: HTT!

Jersey Shore - Last week ended with Vinny fearing eviction for taking home the boss' girl; Danny messes with him but doesn't care. Though he does threaten to next time bring a girl with herpes. Vinny continues having a storyline by crushing via phone on The Situation's sister, Melissa (name twins!) She comes to visit for the night and it's just like that Saved by the Bell episode where Zach falls for a girl via the Teen Help Line (also named Melissa- insane!) and when he sees her in person in a wheelchair he gets initially weirded out. Vinny is kinda freaked that Melissa looks like The Situation in a wig, but realizes she has a great personality so who cares. And the Vinny grand finale, his ridiculously large family comes to visit. Seriously, is Vinny a Duggar? His mom brings a traditional Italian dinner, white tanks, and socks.

While out clubbing, Snooki tries to hookup with her friend, but he opts to pick up more girls at Karma with The Situation. Snooki threatens to go lesbian; Pauly sympathizes and explains that's why he dates girls. Pauly D, you so funny! At Karma, The Situation hooks up with Alex from a few weeks ago. You might recall her friend more: THE GRENADE! Alex meets The Situation at the house and brings 2 friends: the grenade and a big girl who Snooki accurately calls a "hippo." Snooki offers to get rid of the "creatures," so she asks them to leave. The Grenade and Hippo respond by throwing a drink and more punches at Snooki. In amazing timing, a garbage truck pulls up to the house as the girls get dragged away. Get it? White trash!

This week though, Ronnie and Sammi "Sweetheart" and all their couple fights take over the drama. Sammi the lightweight gets drunk on her Boone's Farm or whatever, talks to a chair, and Ronnie makes fun of her "Fred Flintstone toe." She gets pissy, whines, Ronnie considers "creeping" to get even but has second thoughts, and they make up. Next dramatic night: The gang heads to Beachcombers again for boozing, despite the fact that last time they were there Snooki got punched in the face. A bald guy keeps bugging the crew, but Pauly D encourages ignoring him. Snooki confronts Sammi and Ronnie for isolating themselves from the group; they get pissy and leave early again. The bald asshole from the bar follows Sammi and Ronnie, harassing them. Sammi keeps taunting back, angering Ronnie and he pushes her loud mouth away. Then shit goes down.

Bald asshole and his girlfriend get in Ronnie's face. The girls starts trying to scratch Ronnie, so Ronnie keeps backing away. Finally, it's the last straw and Ronnie straight pummels the dude. Awesome! The Situation and Pauly D get a call on the duck phone about the fight and they quickly run to the boardwalk. The cops come and break up the fight and Ronnie walks away fast. He's pissed at Sammi for antagonizing the guy and she's pissed at him for being pushed. Sammi seriously has to make everything about herself; hello, you don't think the cops are just going to let him off the hook, do you? The episode ends with Sammi and Ronnie making up... again. Oh, lovers quarrels!

Most importantly, this week we learned what it takes to make a guido and essentially be a complete success at life: GTL. Gym, tanning, laundry.

January 7, 2010

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Cast Announced

1/07/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
While the nation sat glued to the their TVs for the People's Choice Awards last night, Survivor showed a clip from the much-anticipated new season, Heroes vs. Villains. It's a third all-star season, following the original Survivor: All-Stars and Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites. Below is a recap of the two tribes (photos from CBS.com). After the cast, read on for my thoughts on the castmembers including who I can't wait to see again and who is joining the ranks of Real World Road Rules Challenge GO AWAY caliber.

Thanks also to my favorite reality site, Reality Blurred, for more details on the cast.

Heroes



Amanda
China, Fans vs. Faves

Candace
Cook Islands

Cirie
Panama, Fans vs. Faves

Colby
Australia, All-Stars

James
China, Fans vs. Faves

JT
Tocatins (Winner)

Rupert
Pearl Islands, All-Stars

Stephenie
Palau, Guatemala

Sugar
Gabon

Tom
Palau (Winner)

Villains



Coach
Tocatins

Courtney
China

Danielle
Panama

Jerri
Australia, All-Stars


Parvati
Cook Islands, Fans vs. Faves (Winner)

Randy
Gabon

Rob
Marquesas, All-Stars

Russell
Samoa

Sandra
Pearl Islands (Winner)


Tyson
Tocatins


My thoughts:
  • Sugar and Tyson are two of my favorites from the past few seasons, so I can't wait for them to play again. Sugar deserved the win but lost because she was hated, sort of like Russell. These 2 could make a powerful alliance.
  • Other players I'm excited to see (for strategic and dramatic purposes): JT, Randy, Coach.
  • 9 of the 20 contestants are playing for a 3rd time. Surely there could have been other castmembers to invite to play again?
  • Talk about a rehash of Fans vs. Favorites. Amanda, James, Cirie, and Parvati again? Too soon.
  • Stephenie, Tom, and Danielle are all unknown to me as those are the seasons I missed in college, so their gameplay will be new and interesting to me. Unless they're annoying.
  • Ugh- Rupert again? Did we bring him back just to give him a 3rd fan favorite/viewer's choice prize?
  • Jerri, GO AWAY. Talk about a person living their life solely based on Survivor. Jerri is the equivalent of any Real World/Road Rule castmember who anticipates the moment Survivor calls for her again. But no wonder: her acting career sucks. I saw Komodo vs. Cobra and it was terrible.
  • My hope for the season: the newbies to All-Stars immediately vote out the 3 times, specificially Amanda and Parvati.
  • Overall, while I'm not completely ecstatic about the cast, I'm alway excited for a new season of Survivor. You never know how the game will play out, good or bad. And hey, at least there's no Johnny Fairplay.