American Idol • Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains
The Amazing Race - The teams hop on the next flight to China, where Miss Teen USA gets 
really excited recapping to the other teams her yielding of Carol and Brandy. The brothers point out that this was purely a social move and not yielding the stronger Cowboys was a dumb move (for proof see the end of this episode). The Roadblock makes is to hand make noodles while being stared at by the world's smallest man who keeps putting a cigarette in his mouth (RIP Pingping). The Brothers and Detectives have crappy cabs which put them behind, and then Brother Jordan can't do the noodles right and cries.
Post-noodles, the teams have to head to a fashion house and search racks of clothing to emulate a sketch of a look. The Cowboys, in the lead as usual, are hilarious and get this done better than expected, and the Brothers and Detectives tie-up again and have to make their models switch pantyhose. The final task on this leg is another Roadblock (a twist, indeed!) with a giant
puzzle that when held us by fans will lead them to a seat in a giant football stadium with a clue. The Cowboys and Brent of Miss Teen USA take the lead, but the wind gets the best of them and Brent pitches a fit. The Cowboys take first place, yet again, and it's kind of like give them the million bucks already. The Detectives are last to check in, but Phil informs them they aren't eliminated and since I doubt anyone likes this team, it kinda proves the theory that non-eliminations are pre-planned and not based on likability.
Dancing with the Stars - The couples are each assigned either an Argentinian Tango or Samba and it turns out, these are pretty much everyone's weak points. Especially if you ask Len, who gives shit scores to everyone for god knows why. The only exciting moment of the episode is when Evan Lysacek's partner drops him on his neck and it made me think, wouldn't it be the worst thing in the world to have your whole career ruined by an injury you got from being on Dancing with the Stars? Ochocinco, I'm looking at you.
Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls is amazing of course, but the rest stink. Erin Andrews, the
ESPN chick who got videotaped naked, had the 2nd highest score but all I can tell you is she murdered a Muppet to get her costume. After their dance, all the contestants dress up moronically and have a swing dance marathon that lasts about 5 minutes. Exhausting! Nicole and Derek Hough win (shocker) and they get 10 extra points, while the rest get less depending on their lasting time. Jake the Bachelor gets eliminated this week and uses his final moments to thank his partner for being nice to his fiancee Vienna. Ugh, gross.
The Biggest Loser - I'm not even kidding you when I tell you I watched this 2 hour episode in 15 minutes. This show needs to be an hour because it's so not as interesting as it used to be. Anyways, all the losers are sent to Texas to get all the fatties there to wake up and drop the pounds.
They run a 5k, work out at the gym, run up the hotel staircases, and Jillian speaks at a high school. Koli wins immunity by wrangling the most calves, and that's a good thing since he only lost 1lb. Sunshine and O'Neal, who were absent for much of the week since they attended O'Neal's brother's funeral, both fall below the yellow line. In no surprise whatsoever, O'Neal requests to be voted off unanimously so Sunshine can stay. O'Neal is voted off but now he can go home and put his own shoes on and tie 'em (which I'm sure his wife is psyched to hear).
American Idol - Instead of just plain country week, the idols have to sing Shania Twain songs because 1998 really wanted to come back into relevance this week. Yeah why not Shania Twain who was big for a couple crossover hits and not say,
Reba McIntyre who has had a bajillion megahits? Dammit, I just want someone to sing "Fancy"!!! The judges seemed to like everyone, but as usual I hated them all. The high point of the night were Ellen's "twain" puns to replace the word "train." And when that is the high point, well, you know the show sucks.
Siobhan Magnus ends up getting the boot, after a tedious country filled results show that I fast forwarded through. It's a bummer cause Siobhan was good, but she's been struggling the past couple of weeks. Now I just fear Boston.com will have no news to cover since this is about their main focus of existence.
Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - Colby, Danielle, and Amanda win the shuffleboard reward challenge and get to sleep together like Charlie
Bucket's grandparents and watch the black and white version of Treasure Island at Robert Louis Stevenson's Samoan abode. Amanda is hellbent on finding the latest Hidden Immunity Idol clue during a house tour, but it's Danielle who finds the clue in the bowl of popcorn which is slightly less alarming than finding something else that could be hidden in a bucket of popcorn. Danielle quickly stashes the clue on the floor, but Amanda the whiner gets suspicious and they literally brawl for the clue and I worry for everyone's safety because I fear Danielle's massive breast impacts might explode in a true fight.
Danielle is the victor and shows the clue to her alliance upon returning to camp. Russell, being the teammate that he is, offers to help Danielle find the idol. Instead, Russell finds the idol when Danielle has his back to him, stashes it in his pocket, and let's her keep looking. He claims he's keeping this a secret because Parvati and Danielle didn't tell him about the last idol, but really it's because he's a dick.
In strategy land, Russell approaches Candice to bring her aboard the Villains alliance, bringing their numbers to 6 vs. 4. Or is there 6? Sandra is ready to jump ship immediately since she's on the bottom of the totem pole; she wants to take Russell or Parvati out and the Heroes are all down with it. Candice, still playing both sides, immediately blabs to Russell that the Heroes are going to write his name down. Sandra gets pissed, Candice is torn, and Jerri wins immunity.
At Tribal Council, Russell finally feels vulnerable and plays his latest idol. Unfortunately for him, the Heroes expected Russell to play the idol (thinking Danielle gave it to him). The Heroes instead cast their votes for Parvati, who is pretty surprised. Luckily, Sandra and Candice chose to vote with the Villains and Amanda gets voted off. While I really want to see Russell taken down in a humiliating fashion, I'm also glad to see Amanda go. The only downside is I won't be able to have the immense laughter I was hoping for when Amanda made it to the final 2 for a 3rd time and lost again. C'mon, you'd laugh too.
Photo Credits: ABC.com, CBS.com, NBC.com, NJ.com, Survivor.com
really excited recapping to the other teams her yielding of Carol and Brandy. The brothers point out that this was purely a social move and not yielding the stronger Cowboys was a dumb move (for proof see the end of this episode). The Roadblock makes is to hand make noodles while being stared at by the world's smallest man who keeps putting a cigarette in his mouth (RIP Pingping). The Brothers and Detectives have crappy cabs which put them behind, and then Brother Jordan can't do the noodles right and cries.Post-noodles, the teams have to head to a fashion house and search racks of clothing to emulate a sketch of a look. The Cowboys, in the lead as usual, are hilarious and get this done better than expected, and the Brothers and Detectives tie-up again and have to make their models switch pantyhose. The final task on this leg is another Roadblock (a twist, indeed!) with a giant
puzzle that when held us by fans will lead them to a seat in a giant football stadium with a clue. The Cowboys and Brent of Miss Teen USA take the lead, but the wind gets the best of them and Brent pitches a fit. The Cowboys take first place, yet again, and it's kind of like give them the million bucks already. The Detectives are last to check in, but Phil informs them they aren't eliminated and since I doubt anyone likes this team, it kinda proves the theory that non-eliminations are pre-planned and not based on likability.Dancing with the Stars - The couples are each assigned either an Argentinian Tango or Samba and it turns out, these are pretty much everyone's weak points. Especially if you ask Len, who gives shit scores to everyone for god knows why. The only exciting moment of the episode is when Evan Lysacek's partner drops him on his neck and it made me think, wouldn't it be the worst thing in the world to have your whole career ruined by an injury you got from being on Dancing with the Stars? Ochocinco, I'm looking at you.
Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls is amazing of course, but the rest stink. Erin Andrews, the
ESPN chick who got videotaped naked, had the 2nd highest score but all I can tell you is she murdered a Muppet to get her costume. After their dance, all the contestants dress up moronically and have a swing dance marathon that lasts about 5 minutes. Exhausting! Nicole and Derek Hough win (shocker) and they get 10 extra points, while the rest get less depending on their lasting time. Jake the Bachelor gets eliminated this week and uses his final moments to thank his partner for being nice to his fiancee Vienna. Ugh, gross.The Biggest Loser - I'm not even kidding you when I tell you I watched this 2 hour episode in 15 minutes. This show needs to be an hour because it's so not as interesting as it used to be. Anyways, all the losers are sent to Texas to get all the fatties there to wake up and drop the pounds.
They run a 5k, work out at the gym, run up the hotel staircases, and Jillian speaks at a high school. Koli wins immunity by wrangling the most calves, and that's a good thing since he only lost 1lb. Sunshine and O'Neal, who were absent for much of the week since they attended O'Neal's brother's funeral, both fall below the yellow line. In no surprise whatsoever, O'Neal requests to be voted off unanimously so Sunshine can stay. O'Neal is voted off but now he can go home and put his own shoes on and tie 'em (which I'm sure his wife is psyched to hear).American Idol - Instead of just plain country week, the idols have to sing Shania Twain songs because 1998 really wanted to come back into relevance this week. Yeah why not Shania Twain who was big for a couple crossover hits and not say,
Reba McIntyre who has had a bajillion megahits? Dammit, I just want someone to sing "Fancy"!!! The judges seemed to like everyone, but as usual I hated them all. The high point of the night were Ellen's "twain" puns to replace the word "train." And when that is the high point, well, you know the show sucks.Siobhan Magnus ends up getting the boot, after a tedious country filled results show that I fast forwarded through. It's a bummer cause Siobhan was good, but she's been struggling the past couple of weeks. Now I just fear Boston.com will have no news to cover since this is about their main focus of existence.
Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - Colby, Danielle, and Amanda win the shuffleboard reward challenge and get to sleep together like Charlie
Bucket's grandparents and watch the black and white version of Treasure Island at Robert Louis Stevenson's Samoan abode. Amanda is hellbent on finding the latest Hidden Immunity Idol clue during a house tour, but it's Danielle who finds the clue in the bowl of popcorn which is slightly less alarming than finding something else that could be hidden in a bucket of popcorn. Danielle quickly stashes the clue on the floor, but Amanda the whiner gets suspicious and they literally brawl for the clue and I worry for everyone's safety because I fear Danielle's massive breast impacts might explode in a true fight.Danielle is the victor and shows the clue to her alliance upon returning to camp. Russell, being the teammate that he is, offers to help Danielle find the idol. Instead, Russell finds the idol when Danielle has his back to him, stashes it in his pocket, and let's her keep looking. He claims he's keeping this a secret because Parvati and Danielle didn't tell him about the last idol, but really it's because he's a dick.
In strategy land, Russell approaches Candice to bring her aboard the Villains alliance, bringing their numbers to 6 vs. 4. Or is there 6? Sandra is ready to jump ship immediately since she's on the bottom of the totem pole; she wants to take Russell or Parvati out and the Heroes are all down with it. Candice, still playing both sides, immediately blabs to Russell that the Heroes are going to write his name down. Sandra gets pissed, Candice is torn, and Jerri wins immunity.At Tribal Council, Russell finally feels vulnerable and plays his latest idol. Unfortunately for him, the Heroes expected Russell to play the idol (thinking Danielle gave it to him). The Heroes instead cast their votes for Parvati, who is pretty surprised. Luckily, Sandra and Candice chose to vote with the Villains and Amanda gets voted off. While I really want to see Russell taken down in a humiliating fashion, I'm also glad to see Amanda go. The only downside is I won't be able to have the immense laughter I was hoping for when Amanda made it to the final 2 for a 3rd time and lost again. C'mon, you'd laugh too.Photo Credits: ABC.com, CBS.com, NBC.com, NJ.com, Survivor.com
, "With each viewing, 
(while you're at it, buy me a copy too!) You surely won't regret it as you will cry laughing at the unintended comedic cult hit.
