May 31, 2010

Serving of the Week

5/31/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment

Name: Sex and the City 2
SERVED: Many moons ago when I was a college student, I enjoyed Sex and the City. It was short lived (I think I watched 2 seasons) but I could see why many loved it. I must be the antithesis of most women on earth because I just can't love this show the way the rest of them do. The show ended and it seemed like the era of fashionista Carrie Bradshaw was over. Then they made a movie and it made a lot of money. You know what movies that make a lot mean? An unnecessary sequel in hopes of milking its devoted fans of more money.

I have not seen Sex and the City 2 but I can tell you I sure as hell won't be after the scathing reviews. SATC2 got completely SERVED in the review department, allowing every movie critic in America to let their creative juices flow and write the most amusing reviews I've ever read. Movieline even compiled a list of the 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses to the movie. Personally, I SERVE any movie that still uses the line, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore!" in a non-ironic way. To top off the terrible reviews, it didn't make even close to the original SATC movie opening weekend money and came in 2nd place to Shrek Forever. Shrek Forever which also received horrible reviews and already would have suffered from the word of mouth reviews from suckers who saw it last weekend. The fabulous ladies lost to an unfunny, ugly ogre. Perhaps SATC2 can take this SERVING, pack up its $600 shoes, Samantha's annoying sexual innuendos, Charlotte and Miranda's "woe is me life is so hard eventhough a nanny raises my kid" shtick, and retire.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.


Original photo credit: The Atlantic

May 30, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

5/30/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
Since I was in high school I always said my dream was to turn my favorite childhood book, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs into a screenplay and a movie. Someone beat me to it. I then started my blog Mel Got Served, and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs used "SERVED" in their tagline. I felt like it was haunting me. Taunting me, even. "We got to it first, slowpoke!" I did not see the movie eventhough I thought this was something the 3D treatment could be awesome for.

So I finally watched it (thanks Starz!) and it was delightful. I went into this with kinda low expectations like a few laughs but I'd probably be happy for it to end. Not at all. What a hilarious movie. Now I will spend the rest of my days dreaming of have an ice cream snowball fight, pancakes crashing on schools, and riding on a sailboat made of PB&J sandwiches with swiss chess sails.


May 28, 2010

Reality Rundown: Your American Idol Is... Wait, Does Anyone Still Care?

New! The BacheloretteFinale! Dancing with the Stars
Finale! The Biggest LoserFinale! American Idol

New! The Bachelorette - It's a new season of manufactured love and this season we'll be following All-American, butter-yellow loving Ali Fedotowsky, who famously chose her job at Facebook over a relationship with boring-ass Bachelor Jake. Ali puts on dozens of different outfits and some new hair extensions to pout around in an endless montage that tries to make Ali look lonely but changing and ready for the journey of a lifetime. Bring on the duds dudes.

We meet a variety of guys that likely don't have issues finding love and more likely have issues fulfilling their need for attention. Case in point: Justin aka Rated R. He's an "entertainment wrestler" in Canada and on crutches. I'd point and laugh if it wasn't so obvious he's going to be around forever to torture viewers. We also have Chris L, a good looking guy from the Cape, Frank, an aspiring screenwriter with glasses and kinda funny, a Texas weatherman named Jonathan, and a gentleman by the name of Shooter who reveals to Ali it's because he had issues being "premature." Shooter, you win the official TMI award. Those are the guys I remember but there is also a guy who backflips out of the limo, a guy named Kasey with a weird voice that sounds like a puppet, and a guy who looks like Steven Webber from Wings. The first impression rose goes to Roberto, who salsas with Ali and from the looks of it is an immediate top contender (even if he kinda reminds me of Baba Booey).

In typical first episode fashion, Chris Harrison brings out a ballot box for the guys to write in who they think isn't here for the right reasons. This phrase is maybe the most commonly uttered thing on the show besides, "I think I'm falling for her!" so I am going to keep a running list (this week: 9 times). In what is completely non-shocking, Rated R Justin gets the most votes, perhaps because he keeps talking about his career and is wearing his Rated R shirt under his suit. Ali is given a chance to speak to him alone and decide whether or not to send him home. The obvious choice is to send him home; every season there is someone the house hates and there's usually a good reason. Hell, Ali said the same things about Vienna last season, so she'll obviously use good judgment, right? No, Justin stays. I really hope the producers gave her an extra $10k in her salary to keep this tool around.

So Ali cuts the suitor pool down to 17 from the initial 25 and there are actually a few surprise guys that stay and by that I mean uggos. Looks like this season we're in for a global seduction including volcanoes, guys with girlfriends back home (quelle surprise), and that lispy Kasey being considered a weirdo among the guys. Eventhough I read Reality Steve's season spoilers so I know the final 2, I'm anticipating the bumpy ride of faux-drama to get there.

Finale! Dancing with the Stars - This show is finally ending with a finale of ringers: Erin Andrews of ESPN (though she's not as much a ringer), Olympic gold medalist figure skater Evan Lysacek, and Pussycat Doll (and always and forever former member of Eden's Crush) Nicole Scherzinger. Night 1 has each pair doing two dances, one of which is a free dance. For a finale, the dancing was kinda sub-par for these normally excellent dancers.

Due to a full night of TV I barely watched the results show, which I'm sure was the 2nd coming of the Lost finale (by that I mean, Kate Gosselin danced as well as John Locke pre-Oceanic 815 crash). Erin Andrews is eliminated in the 1st hour (complete guess but likely what happened eventhough I didn't watch), leaving Evan and Nicole up for the prize and they do one more dance and get scored. After long drawn out pauses, Tom Bergeron announces Nicole Scherzinger is the winner of DWTS. Now Nicole can hold her head high. Sure the solo music career didn't work out, but now she has a disco ball trophy! See kids, being a professional dancer in a girl group can get you a DWTS victory.

Finale! The Biggest Loser - The show cuts right to the chase and announces the results of America's vote for who will be part of the final 3: Daris or Koli. Duh, it's Daris since Koli's looked kinda like a dick the past few episodes. Koli goes on to win the Biggest Loser At Home prize of $100,000 losing 53% of his bodyweight. He seems stoked at first, but I think you can actually see in his eyes the devastation because that 53% would have won him the whole show. But everyone else weighs in as well and some of them are smokin' (I'm looking at you season bitch Melissa and pink team Sherry). I will say I was a bit underwhelmed with how many people looked at the finale. I guess it may stem from the show casting far heavier contestants, but a lot of people were still far above what their goal weight could be and, quite frankly, I think they even gained some of it back.

The final 3 (Daris, Ashley, Michael) come on stage and look phenomenal. Daris was able to stop his night binging and got himself a girlfriend. Ashley's in a pink dress and looking happier than ever. Michael- HOLY CRAP! I fell to the floor when he came out. This guy started on the show at 529lbs and is now in tight jeans and looking good. Michael steps on the scale and needs to lose a pretty huge number to beat Ashley for the prize. He steps on the scale and has lost 264lbs: 50% of his body weight. Amazing! While Koli would've won the prize had he moved on, it's great to see Michael become the big success of the season.

Finale! American Idol - Final performance night: Crystal brings it, Lee doesn't. In fact, I find Lee's performances extremely dull and bad song choices. Crystal is a powerhouse singer, but she's so uncomfortable to watch perform. When singing "Black Velvet" (producer's choice) she couldn't walk in the heels and while I hate heels too, at this point a real Idol contender would work that stage. Based solely on this week, I'd pick Crystal to win, but I think the girls will still keep their votes in Lee's camp.

You're not going to believe what I am about to write, but I enjoyed the results show. Maybe this is my sideways universe where I make peace with Idol results show and then I can move on. A large portion of the episode is a tribute to Simon Cowell, as he is leaving the show to start another talent competition about amateurs singing. Paula returns for a weird speech, all the previous winners (sans David Cook) return to sing, and we get a retrospective of great Simon moments. He also gives a nice speech, but I only half paid attention. Hey, I enjoyed the results show for once but I do have my time limits.

For the singing stuff, the idols get to perform duets with famous musicians like Michael McDonald, Alanis Morrissette, Janet Jackson (who lip-synched so she could dance, but had no dancing skills), Chicago (snooze), Crystal Aguilera and oh yeah, Hall and f'ing Oates. Sadly they do not perform "Private Eyes" or "Rich Girl," but we at least get the dudes of Idol singing "I Can't Go For That" and "Maneater" and H&0 do "You Make My Dreams Come True." I am 98% sure that this is the first musical number I've watched from beginning to end on Idol for years. But the big surprise came when Casey and his beautiful hair were joined onstage by someone else with famous hair (and bandana): Bret Michaels. Pretty awesome. Lee and Crystal also perform one last duet together with the help of their new friend Joe Cocker who forgets the words to The Wonder Years theme song.

Onto the results. The votes are in. It looks like mothers and daughers bonded with their telephones last night as Lee Dewyze wins American Idol 2010, despite his terrible performance this week. Whatevs. Does it really matter? Nah. Let's be honest folks, this was a crop of duds this season and sure there were great voices, but these kids are not going to sell albums. Mean, yes, but I'm being honest. See, I'd be a perfect replacement for Simon. Write me in!


Photo Credits: ABC.com, America's Favorite Country, BuddyTV.com, Examiner.com, NYDailyNews.com, People.com, Today.MSNBC.com

May 25, 2010

The Bachelorette "Not Here For the Right Reason" Season Count

5/25/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
If you're a sucker and can't seem to pull yourself away from watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, you know there's always someone on the show that season that may have ulterior motives. Maybe there's a career to promote, maybe they have a girlfriend back home, or maybe they're just faking the funk for a free trip. If you're not one of these individuals, you take it upon yourself to be the hero, to tell the Bachelor/Bachelorette that someone is a wrong pick and doesn't deserve the love and affection, that someone is "not here for the right reasons." This season, I plan to track the Bachelorette's version of "I'm not here to make friends" and keep you posted on it's season-long usage. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce: The Bachelorette "Not Here For the Right Reason" Season Count.


Now the big question for you readers is, how many times will the "not here for the right reasons" catchphrase be said? Vote now in the comments! Winner will be announced at the end of the season.

Small Servings

5/25/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments

May 24, 2010

Serving of the Week

5/24/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment

Name: Ashlee Lineberger, victim of the DMV
SERVED: There's just about no place in the world worse than the DMV. It's crowded, loud, slow, and always feel of creepers. Most likely you're at the DMV to renew your license, so they sit you in front of a camera and take that one crappy shot of you grimacing like "I guess I could smile on my license?" and send you on your way.

Ashlee, well, not so lucky. Ashlee actually got an amazing picture, but I guess a good picture must be marred so for some reason the DMV put "EAT ASS" as her address on her license. SERVED! Man, the DMV have a weird sense of humor (ok, I'm still laughing). And what's better is when she confronted them and requested a new license, they told her she'll have to pay again. SERVED again! If the DMV told me I'd have to pay for another license for them being a-holes I'd tell them to kiss my ass. SERVED!

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.


Original photo credit: Dlisted

May 23, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Wayne's World

5/23/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , 1 comment
MacGruber, based on the SNL skit about the worst bomb de-detonator, opens this weekend and has a fairly decent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Whenever a new SNL-inspired movie comes out though, the inevitable list of successes vs. bombs come out. The best movies that came out of SNL sketches are obviously Wayne's World and its sequel. Such hilarity from beginning to end, they parody popular movies, TV shows, and in one of my favorite sequences, product placement and commercials.


May 20, 2010

Reality Rundown: Hallelujiah! These Shows Are Almost Over!

Dancing with the StarsThe Biggest LoserAmerican Idol

Dancing with the Stars - You know what I realized this week? Recapping this show is kinda hard because how do you really explain all this dancing stuff? It's hard to explain and I hate listening to these annoying judges. Anyways, the final 4 dance two routines each, one of which has to contain a solo by the "star." There's also a lot of Prince music which is pretty sweet, but besides that, I'm bored as usual. Nicole the Pussycat Doll is by far the best, with Evan Lysacek and Erin Andrews right behind her, so it could be a close finale. While I love me some Ochocinco, he's clearly the weakest of the bunch, so his elimination is not much of a surprise and kind of timely since he's the 8th voted off (The Ocho week- get it?!)

The Biggest Loser - The final 4 head back to their hometowns to get on the scale again and show them how much they have changed since week 1. The happiness is kind of short lived because now the 4 have to adjust to losing and maintaining their new weight loss in the real world. Daris struggles most, binging late at night. On the up side, the binging kind of looked like bran cereal and turkey breast. Koli opts to spend his month at home in Las Vegas with a mixed martial arts trainer because he's more focused on the final prize rather than adjusting to real life.

All 4 losers run the pre-requisite season ending marathon with visits from previous losers. Daris breaks the time record, finishing the marathon in 4 hours and 2 minutes. Bad news is at the final weigh-in, Daris gains 2lbs. Lucky for him, there's no vote by the contestants; America chooses who will be the 3rd person in the finals. Right now, Ashley and Michael are the official finalists, so will the 3rd spot go to shy guy Daris or recent braggart Koli? I don't know who you're voting for, but chances are my mom is clicking Daris 100 times on NBC.com.

American Idol - The final 3 get to perform 2 songs to torture our ears. The 1st song is selected by the contestants and only Lee Dewyze came out to win tonight. Is it just me or does Crystal seem to be intentionally trying to lose? The judges get to pick the 2nd song and, what a surprise, these song choices are far better picks than their own selections. I know a few weeks back I declared a moratorium on Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujiah" on this show, but Simon picks this song for Lee and it's so good. Not that I even care who wins this show, but Lee seems to be the be the best pick because: 1. he actually wants to win, 2. he could actually be marketed and played on the radio, and 3. teen girls and their moms love him.

The results show is so much filler that I am able to watch the whole show in 6 minutes. We endure an outbreak of Bieber Fever, a terrible singer discovered by Perez Hilton, oh and Casey James and his beautiful mane of hair are sent home. Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze are the final 2 and next week, this season of torture ends. Hooray!



Photo Credit:
ABC.com, KansasCity.com, NBC.com

May 18, 2010

Small Servings

5/18/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments



Photo Credit: The Village Voice

May 17, 2010

Reality Rundown: Survivor: Heroes vs Villains Super Special Finale Edition

5/17/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Survivor: Heroes vs Villains Super Special Finale Edition

It's nearly the end of the road, but that doesn't mean Russell can't throw another hissy fit. His latest fit is that Sandra was dumb to play the hidden immunity idol when it wasn't needed, but more importantly, it was dumb that she didn't tell him she had it. That's right: the guy who had never told Sandra in this game he ever had idols demands Sandra tell him. Eat shizz, Russell. Parvati, who has increasingly become a bigger threat, wins immunity which helps the Villains keep their plan of voting off Colby. Colby makes another surrender speech, which he famously did earlier in the season against James, but pleads that Russell consider his options and keep Colby in the game. No such luck and at long last, the entire Hero tribe is eliminated from the game.

It's go-time on operation get-rid-of-Parvati, but first we must endure the stupid montage of remembering all the eliminated survivors. Faaast forward! The final immunity challenge is a to collect various necklaces and escape a giant maze... blindfolded! I did a corn maze this past fall, walked around for an hour with my eyes totally open, and finally escaped the maze through the entrance so this must be hellish. It's all so close and I'm yelling, "Anyone but Russell!" Jerri, Parvati, and Russell all escape the maze at the same time and are so close to grabbing the immunity necklace, but the troll grabs it. Ugh. Russell is guaranteed to be at the final Tribal Council for $1 million.

Sandra and Russell convene and he guarantees he won't vote her out because he is 100% sure he will beat her for the prize. What a douche. Sandra says she's fine with 2nd place, but she knows she still has a chance. So the choice is Jerri or Parvati, with the obvious choice to vote out Parvati who has won challenges, befriended the jury, and has been crazy strategic. Russell also sees the benefit of voting off Jerri because he's totally sure that if Jerri's in the jury she'd vote for him to win.

At Tribal Council, Parvati's argument to keep her in the game is her loyalty to Russell, citing how they've protected each other the whole game. Russell disagrees and claims he's the only one who's done the protecting. This man enrages me. Anyway, the votes come out of the jug and it's Jerri who has been sent to the jury. Aw, Jerri. I had such high hopes for you. But I'll say you might not have won the $1 million, but you've won over a lot of fans. Awwww.

The next morning, the Final 3 share the final day brunch feast and then Sandra burns Russell's hat in the fire when he leaves so everyone can see his bald spot (luckily, we are saved by his buff covering his head). Jeff brings in the jury and asks for opening statements. Sandra argues that she got through this game without a true solid alliance, and that she tried many times to eliminate Russell but the Heroes would never bite. Russell's statement is full of BS and is unapologetic about the way he played and believes he deserves to win. Parvati explains that she was a target from day 1 and had to fight every day to survive. It's so obvious that the jury is casting 0 votes in Russell's direction, citing his horrible behavior and lack of remorse. Parvati is praised for her strength, some key strategic moves, and for doing whatever it took to make it to the end. Rupert apologizes for turning a deaf ear to Sandra when she approached him for strategic reasons, and is able to defend her "coat-tailing" strategy.

By the time Tribal Council is over, it's clear this is going to be a close vote. On screen we see Jerri, Danielle, and Coach vote for Parvati to win (Coach praises Parv as a warrior, then does some weird "King Arthur, out!" salute. Sandra receives votes from Rupert, Candice, and Courtney. But that's all we're getting until the reunion. The reunion opens with our Final 3 looking clean, and Jeff reads the votes. The winner of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains is...

SANDRA!


I think Candice's speech when voting for Sandra summed up why Sandra won: she blurred the line between villain and hero. I definitely respect Sandra's game and her strategy, vote for anyone but me, led her to victory twice now, the 1st 2-time winner of Survivor ever. I won't say I 100% wanted Sandra to win (personally, I think Parvati played a spectacular game), but I'm glad it was anyone but Russell. He needed to be taken down a peg... again.

Speaking of Russell, he won't STFU at the reunion. He belittles Sandra (who isn't taking his crap), claims America should have a say in the final vote, and says he's the best Survivor since he made JT look like a loser and that America likes him. Jeff keeps saying fans are calling this the best season ever, but I disagree. For me, Russell hindered much of my enjoyment of the season towards the end, hogging all the air time, relying mostly on immunity idols for survival, and being a nasty person. But that's me because the viewing public voted Russell the player of the season. Anyways, Russell hogs the 1st half hour of the reunion, while we get to hear from other castoffs. JT's letter/immunity idol handoff is voted the worst move in Survivor history, and I think James' likability factor is blinding them from his stupidity. He had TWO idols and got voted off!

Overall, it's a usual reunion with nothing that awesome but Probst officially announced that the next season will be in Nicaragua. See you in the fall Survivor fans!



Photo Credit: Survivor.com

Serving of the Week

5/17/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Name: Russell Hantz, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains
SERVED: It was barely a year ago when Russell's arrogance lost him the title of sole Survivor and the million dollar prize on Survivor: Samoa. So desperate to be a winner, be tried to pay-off the actual winner for the title "sole Survivor." Well the Survivor circle of life has repeated itself. At the Heroes vs. Villains finale, Russell again thought he had the win in the bag. He figured Sandra was an easy win, and that even though he aligned with Parvati he could argue why he was better than her. Too bad Russell just doesn't get people.

Instead of getting legit questions to defend his decisions, the jury berated his gameplay and proved that being a total asshole isn't strategy. Russell got ZERO votes, and man did I laugh. You got SERVED- hard! Not only did you get SERVED again in the finale, but this time it was against some of the best players ever. Russell hogged the Survivor screentime for 2 seasons in a row, and I'll be glad to have a break from his arrogance. Russell, you may not believe luck was a factor in your victory, but it was. You're lucky people had enough faith to know that keeping you around until the finals would give them a guaranteed million bucks.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Original photo credit: Zap2It

May 14, 2010

Reality Rundown: We Won a Million Dollars, Bro

Finale! The Amazing RaceDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
American IdolSurvivor: Heroes vs. Villains

Finale! The Amazing Race - In the last leg of the race, the final 3 hop on the next flight (which means a very long wait at the airport) to San Francisco. The Bros decide to play a little dirty which includes cutting in line and requesting mid-flight to sit in 1st class and get off the plane quicker. Good move, bros!

The cab drivers really make or break you on the race, and Brent and Caitie get screwed by theirs, who gets lost many times. Tasks this leg include climbing Coit Tower, participating in a virtual reality game at LucasFilms (and it was just like Nick Arcade), and carrying a trunk around San Francisco. The Bros catch an early lead after learning the trick to solving a spinning Star Wars-eqsue clue, with the Cowboys right behind them. Brent and Caitie catch up to the Cowboys, but then lose time after forgetting their money pack.

The final task is a memory challenge with psychedelic concert posters of eliminated teams, and since Jordan has watched 15 seasons of the show, he knew to take note of all the eliminations, challenges, etc. They breeze right through it, but so do the Cowboys. After an intense cab ride edit, the Brothers win The Amazing Race. After speeches about brothers being brought close together, we get one last moment where Brandi tells off Miss Teen USA one last time. Way to ruin the moment, ladies!

Dancing with the Stars - Each pair has to 2 routines this week, and they have to be inspired by an era, which they draw from a hat. Nicole is bummed she has to do a 50's Paso Doble but it's pretty awesome; if only Derek wasn't such a tool. Evan and Erin also do well, channeling the future and the 80's, but it's Ochocino and Niecy at the bottom of the pack. After a results show full of Niecy Nash fat jokes (ex. "I'm picking who's hungriest for the win, and thats' Niecy!"), a mock-Sports Center piece, and Jerry Rice wearing a Let Us Play With Your Look wig, Niecy gets eliminated.

The Biggest Loser - It's the last week on campus and Alison drops a bomb on the contestants: no vote this week, just a single red line. Basically, if you lose the least you go home. Koli and Sunshine are especially happy since they are big losers, and also bitter than Ashley and Darris sent home Sam. We get special guest appearances from 2 former TBL winners: Helen, a now skinny 48 year old, and some dude who proceeded to gain allll his weight back post-show. They give advice, but I think RuPaul's standard "Don't f*ck it up" would be a simpler and more direct approach. The losers also get to meet Dallas Cowboys' star Tony Romo in a Walmart, which is basically the Texan dream. He's also there to talk about fatties, since he dumped one. Kidding- they just exercise together while I exercise my fast forward button.

Michael has a whole bunch of breakdowns this episode since he's still so far from his goal compared to the others. It's pretty hard to watch. Luckily, he's able to stay above the red line. Tis' young Sunshine who falls below the red line with only 2lbs lost but she gets to throw the first pitch at a Minnesota Twins game so that's almost as good as $250,000.

American Idol - Movie theme week and yet again, no Grease 2. Jamie "Blame it on the Alcohol" Foxx is the mentor and after evaluating them gives them a T-shirt: artist or contestant. Big Mike gets contestant, so let's use that as foreshadowing.

The song choices are just plain odd. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Kenny Loggins, but the theme from Caddyshack? Really, Crystal? Casey uses a tiny guitar to sing "Mrs. Robinson", thus ensuring the mom vote across America, and Lee sings "Kiss From A Rose" because who doesn't love Seal and Batman? I think my favorite pick, for sheer laughter, is Big Mike who picks Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There?" from Free Willy. Random! Also random, I totally owned this soundtrack as a kid and it was fantastic because it also had SWV and I loved them and owned their cassette singles. Hello 90s! I think all 4 pretty much suck except for the duets they have to perform. Crystal and Lee sing the song from that movie Once and it's very nice, while Big Mike and Casey sound pretty great on "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?"

The results show brings us the musical styling of formal Idols Fantasia (or Fan-tase-ee-ah, if you're Simon) and Chris Daughtry, as well as a performance by old people Bon Jovi. The obvious lesson that you should never attempt a Michael Jackson song on Idol bites Big Mike in the ass, and he is eliminated. So to conclude with a horrible music pun, Hey Big Mike, "Will You Be There" for the Final 3? No, no you will not.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - A Sprint product placement arrives this week to also bring the good news that their families have come for a visit. Jerri wins the reward challenge to bring her sister to "The Blowholes" and gets to bring along 2 other people, so she brings Parvati/her dad and Sandra/her uncle. This infuriates Russell who goes back to camp like a spoiled 5 year old, complaining about Jerri betraying him and this is a million dollar mistake. Russell proposes to Rupert and Colby a men's final 3 alliance and they're down for it, especially Rupert who thinks that bringing the best villain with him to the finals would for sure give him the million. The plan: pull Jerri in for this week's vote and take out Parvati.

Too bad for big baby Russell, Parvati gets immunity. Russell immediately jumps ship to take out Rupert, but Sandra also approaches Rupert to take out Russell. Blabbermouth Rupert tells Russell who again goes on a tirade and only Sandra has the balls to point out everyone is keeping Russell in the game for a guaranteed win and that she's also against him. Big baby Russell fumes more and proposes taking out Sandra in his fit of rage.

Going into Tribal Council, Sandra felt really secure with her position until the Q&A so Sandra decides to play her hidden immunity idol, as this is the final Tribal for idols. Votes cast for Sandra are null and til the jolly hippie Rupert leaving the game (well, he would've been out even if Sandra kept her idol because it was 4-2). Sunday: FINALE! Stay tuned for a super special edition of the Reality Rundown for the Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains FINALE!



Photo Credits: ABC.com, BuddyTV, RealityWanted, Survivor.com, Unreality Shout

May 11, 2010

Small Servings

5/11/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , , , 1 comment

May 10, 2010

Old Logo, you just got SERVED!

5/10/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served 2 comments
When I started this blog, I knew I needed a logo so I slapped together one in a Photoshop 30 day demo, and while I liked my original stab at it, I always knew I wanted an upgrade. Then came a certain reader/design angel named Maribeth Foley of MBee's Design Studio. I've known Maribeth since high school and she volunteered to help upgrade the Mel Got Served logo and it looks SAAAA-WEET! The old logo gets totally SERVED by this upgrade.

Old Logo


New Logo


Thanks so much Maribeth! If anyone is in need of design work, such as a snazzy new blog logo, other identity materials, or even sketches, check out my girl Maribeth at MBee's Design Studio!

Serving of the Week

5/10/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Kendra Wilkinson
SERVED: This past week it came out that a company got ahold of a sex tape starring Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson, ex-Hugh Hefner "lover", and star of The Girls Next Door and her own spin-off Kendra. Like all of the "celebrities" in these situations, she immediately protested its possible release, distraught that this sex tape would see the light of day and it was supposed to be privated.

Well look who got caught! Radar has all the deets, but Kendra actually tried to hock this sex tape herself a few years back (that way she could control the final edit), likely as a way to get herself more attention like another E! famewhore (but I'm hoping Kendra at least avoided getting a golden shower). What's best is that it's not just heresay that Kendra did try to sell this tape previously: there's paperwork and document! Man girl, you just got SERVED by your own stupidity! Anyone who is who desperate for attention like this is just deservin' of a SERVIN'.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo credit: Dlisted

May 9, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Mommy Dearest

5/09/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments
For Mother's Day it seemed only appropriate to pick the most legendary movie mother ever (though not for the right reasons). I don't even need to set up this clip because it is so epic, so legendary, so intense and violent and cringe-inducing, and one of the most quoted lines in the history of cinema. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Joan Crawford and Mommy Dearest.

May 7, 2010

Reality Rundown: Not A Good Week for Silicone Boobs

The Amazing RaceDancing with the StarsThe Biggest Loser
American IdolSurvivor: Heroes vs. Villains

The Amazing Race - The teams continue the race in China, where the language barrier becomes a significant hindrance in getting around. The Brothers get so stressed and confused that they wait 2 hours until the Detectives are ably to race, knowing that at least if they tie-up the Detectives still have to do a Speed Bump (tossing coins into an incense thingie). The Brothers proceed to have an in-cab flip-out because their driver doesn't understand "follow that green cab." I can't blame them because if I were in a race for $1 million and some cabbie was doing a crap job, I'd be livid.

Miss Teen USA and the Cowboys are pretty much tied the whole leg. The Roadblock is to count golden statues and it takes Caitie a while and I'm kinda convinced that after her 3rd or 4th try that she looked at whatever answer the Cowboys wrote down. The Detour is to navigate busy streets with dumplings or search for a stamp with their name on it. Um, definitely the stamps. Miss Teen USA spends the whole leg telling us viewers she's not dumb (while Brent begs to take a pee), and I say, put it on a T-shirt and shut up. You might be able to read a subway map but you're still loud and rude; also, they are team #1 (and now get to meet one of the world's tallest men). Through what I will assume is clever editing to make us second guess who makes it to the finals, the Brothers are team #3 and the Detectives are eliminated. High point of the episode: getting to ride in a sidecar motorcycle. Of all the fun stuff they get to do, this would've been my favorite thing ever.

Dancing with the Stars - Evan Lysacek scores the first perfect 30 of the season, eventhough Kari Ann declared Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls as the best dancer they've ever had. The group dance put 3 pairs together to do a routine to either Lady Gaga or Madonna. The Gaga group was what I'd call the "sexy" team: Nicole, Ochocinco, and Pam Anderson. They were pretty great, though I think Pam was dead weight. The Madonna team (Erin, Niecy, Evan) was meh, with Niecy being their weak link (but she is my favorite so I hope she lasts a while longer). The bottom 2 ends up being Pam Anderson and Erin Andrews the ESPN girl, with Pamela getting her dancing shoes revoked in the end.

The Biggest Loser - This is the week my mom, I mean everyone, has been waiting for: makeovers! They're pretty underwhelming considering they just said "here's $1,000 bucks from Multi-Grain Cheerios" and dropped them off at what appeared to be Fashion Bug and then Shear Genius judge/ex-Blowout star Jonathan Antin does their hair. Michael makes me sad because he still has to shop at a plus-size store because, despite losing close to 200lbs, he's still 300+ lbs. Darris gets the biggest makeover, hacking off that crazy afro of curls and greasing (sans product it's still kind wacky). The losers marvel at themselves in a 2-way mirror and are reunited with family for an exclusive concert with Ashanti. Wow, she's even less current than Shania Twain (callback to last week!)

At the weigh-in, skinny Sam and big Michael fall below the yellow line and now the game comes into play. If you keep Sam around, he's easy to beat in the finals. Michael needs to be on campus, but still has like another 150lbs to lose. Koli and Sunshine vote off Michael, while Ashley and Darris (who made an alliance with Michael) vote off Sam. In the case of a tie, the loser with the lowest percentage of weight-loss goes home, and that's Sam. But Sam's living the high life post-TBL: he lost his goal weight on campus (a TBL first), moved to LA, and found love with ex-purple team member Stephanie (that's the daughter, not her mom).

American Idol - In season 9's grand tradition of decimating great music classics, the Idols take on Frank Sinatra this week with the help of Harry Connick, Jr. who does all the musical arrangements. In positives, we don't have to suffer through the contestants playing guitar. In negatives, we still have to suffer through their terrible singing. The judges like Big Mike and Lee best, but America really has it in for Big Mike and sends him to the bottom 2 again. It's wee little Aaron Kelley who gets the boot after the most insane, bizarre Lady Gaga live performance ever. Seriously, it'll give you bizarre dreams.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - Rupert and Russell get into it at camp and it's pretty awesome, with Russell calling Rupert the second coming of Christ. I can't believe I'm saying since because you all know I was anti-Rupert when the cast was announced, but I am loving that Rupert ain't takin' Russell's shit. Anyways, Parvati wins individual immunity, the others get some nutrition, and Jeff reads a clue to yet another Hidden Immunity Idol to everyone. Sandra is the one who finds the idol and stashes it. Rupert decides to play the game and puts a rock in his cargo shorts, giving the impression of an idol. Russell sees this and instructs the villains to split the votes between Rupert and Colby to flush out the idol. However, the villain women are kind of ready to get rid of Candice, which Colby picks up on. They play off of this and at Tribal Council, Candice becomes the next member of the jury.

Wait kids, there's more! Double Tribal night! The villains vow to stay 5 strong and Russell wins immunity and I'm pissed. Can't we get rid of this troll? Russell realizes that Parvati and Danielle are tight so tries to play them against each other and fails miserably. The girls want to stick to the plan to axe Rupert, while Russell approaches Rupert and Colby to take out Danielle. At Tribal Council it looks like the women will stick together until Danielle opens her big mouth and spills that her and Parvati are closer than Russell knows. This infuriates Russell, who then looks to Jerri and mouths, "Danielle." The votes are cast and Jerri's vote will seal her fate: she votes off Danielle and her terrifying fake boobs. At this point, as long as Jerri is still in this game all is right in my world. Jerri FTW!



Photo Credits: ABC.com, BuddyTV, CBS.com, Daemon's TV, NBC.com, TVGrapevine

May 4, 2010

How To Make Your Home Smell Like a Fast Food Dumpster

5/04/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , 2 comments


In college after watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, my roommates and I all considered driving to the closest White Castle (which was in either Ohio or New Jersey) at 2am just to taste these burgers so desired in the movie. Post-college, I helped move my brother out of his apartment and then we roadtripped from Arizona back to Massachusetts and intended to try all the cheesy things along America's highways, and that included fast food rarities. Just outside of St. Louis we were finally going to try White Castle. We ordered our sliders, ordered the fries, piled into the car, and ripped open the bag to finally try this legend. Spoiler alert: they are horrible. Reeking of onions with the texture of rubber, it was the biggest waste of $15 ever. Needless to say we did not finish the meal and, being the crazy kids we were, the sliders were then thrown at said White Castle and we drove up the street and ate at Burger King.

I like to get all my hot headlines in the morning and almost puked in my mouth when I read this gem: White Castle is putting out a candle for charity. Yes, a White Castle scented candle to fill your home with the aroma of ground beef and onions. I think I puked a little bit in my mouth just writing that. I can't imagine who wants this smell permeating their house on a constant basis. The only thing you should be happy about is that it only smells of the burgers and not the nasty chlorine covered floors which they have to clean constantly because I bet it's covered in slider vomit.

Seriously folks, would you rather sit in a home smelling of cinnamon apples, vanilla, or White Castle sliders? Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick again. Well folks, if you have a charitable heart and a strong stomach, keep an eye out for this candle. Me? I think I'll just stick to your basic sugar cookie or perhaps peach cobbler candle.

(via The Consumerist and The Daily What)

Photo Credit: The Consumerist

Small Servings

5/04/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served , , , No comments



Image Credit: fuckyeah21jumpstreet

May 3, 2010

Serving of the Week

5/03/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Furry Vengeance
SERVED: The other night I received my weekly Rotten Tomatoes newsletter in my inbox to see what the critics are saying about the latest films opening. But as I read something I never have seen before: a 0% rating. You see on Rotten Tomatoes, they amass all the reviews and create a percentage rating and deem it fresh or rotten. I've seen low scores before and had a good laugh, but I don't recall seeing a 0%. I'm sure many films have had it before (if you Google the subject matter, Disaster Movie also got a 0% originally but a random critic from Australia gave it a good review), but this is just hilarious to me. A movie so bad every single critic hated it.

I checked back in on the site and 1 reviewer from the St. Paul Pioneer Press actually gave a positive review thus moving Furry Vengeance to a 2% positive and ruining all the fun. Judging by his review, I guess what he looks for in a movie with animals is their lack of human voices, so I guarantee this man wrote a good review to one day get his review put on DVD packaging. I am SERVING Furry Vengeance for being a total bomb. Basically unanimously panned by critics and a dismal box office ($6.5) million, this goes to show kids aren't as dumb as studios think and can spot crappy movies from a mile away. SERVED!


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Photo credit: RealMovieNews.com

May 2, 2010

Movie Scene Sunday: Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

5/02/2010 Posted by Mel Got Served 2 comments
When I saw that Movieoftheday was going to cover one of my favorite cult classics, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, I was ecstatic. Written by Roger Ebert (yes, that Ebert), the movie is full of sex, drugs, rock & rock, and an epic transgender reveal. This movie is pretty intense, over the top and deserves to be watched once just so you can say at the end, "What the eff did I just watch?"

You may recognize some moments from this scene taking place at an industry party. Obviously Austin Powers learned a few things from how Ronnie "Z-Man" Barcell and the The Carrie Nations party. "This is my happening and it freaks me out!"