Top Chef: Just Desserts • Finale! Project Runway
The others team head straight to the next clue at a bridge, except Nick and Vikki who are dumb enough to be in like 5th place and think they stood a shot. They also don't understand that the "Fast Forward Taken" sign means someone claimed it. DUMB. That's dumber than a vegetarian eating a sheep's head. At the Sky-something bridge, the teams encounter a Roadblock: rapell off a bridge to the water below to collect the next clue, then ascend back to the top. Now that is tiring for me to watch- I mean, for them to complete. It's even more tiring to listen to home shopping Claire fake-cry and moan the whole way up. The teams then drive to an abandoned field in Harvika for their Detour: ride bikes to find and memorize a combination to their bike lock or direct a boat captain a location and deliver fish and a chainsaw.
Thomas and his lack-of-college-education girlfriend Jill are almost team #2 but can't read maps, which allow father/daughter Gary and Mallory to check in 2nd. What Thomas, did you not learn map-reading in your fancy college? The volleyball girls are so far behind that they think seeing a lost Jill/Thomas means they're still in the race. They aren't at all and as everyone is practically done with the Detour, they're just arriving there. Jill/Thomas come in 3rd, Michael/Kevin 4th, and Brooke/Claire 5th with Claire slamming her eye on the truck, giving her a gash. This race is full of goddamn idiots. Nick and Vicki are 6th and dead-serious think they could be 2nd? YOU ARE F'ING STUPID. Some editing makes it seem like a super-close race, which it obviously isn't, and Chad/Stephanie and safe and the volleyball girls are eliminated from the race. And so it is with sad news to me that my pick to win The Amazing Race 17 has been eliminated. I still stand by the fact that 2 women could win the race, but I am pretty sure that fate lies in the hands of Nat and Kate. Hey, at least I made it past my week 3 curse.
The Biggest Loser - Twist alert: right after elimination, Alison brings the Blue Team into the elimination room too and announces that this week only one person's weight will count for each team. The opposite team gets to decide who that player is and the other catch is they won't know who was selected until the weigh-in. While some people work hard, others are babies (Frado, who is loud and obnoxious when he works out and falls off the treadmill). Jill thinks he would never pull this crap with Bob, so pulls him aside for training and one of her usual emotional talks.
Chefs Curtis Stone and Lorena Garcia are brought on to teach the losers how to cook and considering the reviews I read of last week's 100 calorie cupcake, may god have mercy on their chubby souls. This is a challenge and both teams will cook for each other and select the best dish, team with the most good dishes wins a mysterious "10 seconds." The Blue team wins based on a calorie counting tie-breaker and gets there "10 seconds" which is later revealed to be a 10 second head start in a challenge to paddle dragon boats. The Blue Team wins again and also wins the chance to block the other teams's 1st pick for the weigh-in. Elizabeth tries to play the "at least we're in sync!" card, but Jillian tells her she's weak, doesn't try hard enough, and will get picked to weigh in. They train together, do a little sobbing- again, I fast forwarded because I reeeeeally wanted to get to The Good Wife. Are you watching that show? So good. Way better than this show.
For weigh-ins that count, the Blue Team picks Elizabeth and the Black Team picks Jessica; Blue chooses to not block the pick and has faith in Jessica carrying the weight for the team. Elizabeth and Jessica? It's a Sweet Valley High match-up! Everyone else weighs and who cares because it doesn't matter. Elizabeth loses 5lbs, while Jessica loses 4lbs and the Blue Team loses the weigh-in. Yeah, should've used the block since everyone else on Blue had a great week. The Blue teams gets an hour to write a name on the note card under the silver platter and the game players come out: it's a tie between Adam, who still is holding that accruing weight advantage, and Jessica. It's another tie, so the Black Team gets to make the final elimination decision. Shit's about to get ca-raaaazy and by ca-raaaazy I mean sobfest. The Black Team, always playing the game, sends home the biggest threat : Adam.
Survivor: Nicaragua - Espada pow-wows after Tribal and decides Danny has no pull at a merge so their next target is Alina. Espada then wins a reward in some challenge about shooting balls into a goal; they get a "Nicaraguan farm" experience with a big breakfast and horseback ride. My dog started barking at the horses, so I had to fastforward; I bet they were majestic. They eat their feast as a tribe and then cry about it; yeah, I don't know either. Perhaps fueled by fresh milk, watermelon, and other breakfast food, Espada goes on to win immunity in a challenge that requires using some contraption to shoot balls and smash plates.
At La Flor, Marty pats himself on the back for having the balls to not play the idol and still last, but also upset Jane turned on him. Um, you kind of turned on her too even if you're going with the majority. They chat and Marty pleads his case that he didn't target Jane, but is confident she voted for him; she laughs. Jane wants to stay in the good graces of her tribe which involves her doing lots of labor around camp while everyone else naps and takes advantage. When Jane catches a fish she says screw these kids and cooks it alone in the woods, like Gollum.
After losing immunity, the young'ns decide to try to flush out the idol (again) but vote out Jill. Sash comes up with this insane plan to give Marty a head's up and get Marty to either play the idol or give Sash the idol, convince Marty he's safe, and then boot him. Marty is torn and desperate: he gives Sash the idol. Oh brother, plus Sash thinks he's some Russell-clone now citing being handed idols. STFU- your name is a woman's accessory. There's no hiding the division in the tribe, Marty admits he gave Sash the idol, and Sash Freudian slips that he might lose trust in his alliance, rather than his alliance losing trust in him. It would be so awesome to really blindside Sash, but unfortunately they don't: Jill is voted off La Flor.
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Quickfire: the mise en place relay race, pastry edition. Heather, Yigit and Zac, aka Team Go Diva, are on the red team, while Morgan, Danielle, and Eric are the black team. They'll have to mold PERFECT tart crusts, pipe buttercream roses, separate and whip egg whites, and finally stretch strudel dough the length of the table and make it into a strudel. The lead goes back and forth with Team Diva winning in the end and they each receive $3k.
Elimination Challenge: a "sweet spin" on the infamous Restaurant Wars. It's Dessert Wars and in their teams they will create the "ultimate dessert shop experience." They must each make 3 items each and include 1 bread item. The winning team wins $30k and I'm shocked Gail doesn't mention Dawn hand soap. Team Go Diva goes for an adult candy shop, which the Black team goes comfort treats. Morgan gets a little pissy about lemons, forming all the soft pretzels, and doing pie crusts. Waaah. Once the war truly begins, everything is up for judging. Team Go Diva is praised for their decorations and Yigit's charm, but frown upon their mostly empty display case and their thick dough. Heather gets her pissy on while running the kitchen, telling Zac to shut up so he gives the 'tude right back. Over on the Black team, aka Whisk Me Away, their display case is full and has cars stuffed with cookies, but Danielle's a front-of-the-house downer.
Judges' Table time! Eric made a banana sour cream loaf that didn't rise properly. Morgan's mousse stuffed with creme brulee receives high marks. Danielle's coffee dessert didn't even taste like coffee. Team Go Diva, aka Pastry Land (lame), gets chastised for their bare display case but take it as a team. Zac's jelly filled donuts had the perfect consistency, but his milkshake wasn't great. He also nailed the savory brioche. Heather's frozen key lime bar showed finger prints, which they didn't love, and the lime taste was weak. Yigit's dark chocolate peanut bar had a really thick shell, and Heather admits she made the dough. Whisk Me Away wins Dessert Wars, shocking an overly confident Pastry Land. The 3 chefs on the Red team are some of the best there, so this will be a tough decision; it stinks cause Danielle's a total clunker. Heather's crap pastry shells gets her eliminated, taking out what was many of us considered an early front-runner.
Finale! Project Runway - Oh you are f'ing kidding me. This show tricked me into a reunion before the finale and in all honestly, I started this show SUPER late. Sorry, but I don't cover reunion specials (except Bachelor/ette Tell Alls) so I'm skipping this. Feel free to talk about it in the comments but I don't care at all.
Back to the real stuff: since the designers created an 11th look, 1 look has to be removed with only 10 being presented in their show. Tim does some mentoring, chatting about the judges feedback and helping to fine-tune their collections. They spend the day before their show working with L'Oreal on hair and make-up, as well as dealing with the models; Mondo gets stressed. They have a bonding moment entering the runway tent and seeing the bright white runway and an empty room; in mere hours, the tent will be packed and the world will see their (and 7 other contestants) fashions.
Fashion show time. Heidi comes out in an all red outfit and looks like Ronald McDonald's sister and introduces the judges including guest judge/blimp Jessica Simpson. She looks TERRIBLE (this outfit isn't meant for chubbies) and had the audacity to wear a Michael Kors outfit sitting 2 seats away from him. To the clothes! Gretchen presents first, with a lot of greens/grays/browns - it's very Urban Outfitters/Anthropologie to me. Also, I think they played a Pure Moods CD during the show and now I'm tired. Andy's collection comes next: inspired by his heritage, there's some baggy pants, blurred out nips, mostly grays and silver with a few pops of lime green, and spacey headpieces. I can easily say this isn't a winning collection. Mondo is last and is in true funky Mondo form: mixed patterns, splashes of color, plaid/houndstooth- c'mon this wins no need to drag it out. Yes, drag it out because it's at this moment I realize the finale is TW0 hours. What are they going to show us the 7 decoys now too? Ay-yi-yi.
Final judging. Andy is praised for making a collection personal to him and not getting into costume territory. Nina uses the word "oriental-ism" which I am pretty sure is made up. Gretchen called her collection "Running Through Thunder" which sounds like the title theme in an 80's sports movie. Her collection is ready-to-wear and complete, though a little "monotone." Her jewelry designs are cool and given praise; oh god, I gave Gretchen a compliment. Mondo tapped into his Mexican roots and symbolism, and his collection was cohesive, had fun prints, but maybe a little over-styled. Heidi and Jessica both love the polka dot dress and want to wear it together to a party, so I hold back my laughter. The judges deliberate and, as predicted by Mel Got Served-stradamus, Andy is easily out. The judges debate Gretchen and Mondo, wearability, fashion-forward, etc. Michael Kors puts Jessica Simpson in her place a few times, which is delightful ("Read a magazine!!!"). Clearly, Nina and Michael prefer Gretche, Heidi and Jess want Mondo. Michael is on fire with his criticisms and rage- I love it. The bickering ends and the judges make the big announcement: the winner is.... GRETCHEN. Since I could care less who won this season, I'm not bitching. Let's be honest, I liked to look at Mondo's stuff but I'd never wear it. Gretchen's runway show was very ready-to-wear and could be flattering to a lot of body types. So, this show FINALLY ends and saves me 90 minutes a week. I can go to bed at a reasonable hour... starting next week!
Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, MyLifetime.com, NBC.com, Survivor.com