January 18, 2011

Reality Rundown: Seal Really Needed a Paycheck

1/18/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , 1 comment
Brad takes Ashley S., who received the first impression rose on night 1, on a solo date. They head to the famous Capital Records recording studio to brutally record their own version of "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal. It is an abomination to all of mankind's eardrums. But if Kim Zolciak can record a single, can't anyone? God bless autotune. If you've never watched the "This season on The Bachelor" promos, you're probably like "Seal? WTF? Was Shania Twain not available? Why not something else from the Batman Forever soundtrack?" Well that's because Seal is in the studio next door coincidentally performing the song so Brad and Ashley can enjoy (oh and he performs some new stuff too). Private concert dates two weeks in a row? Need a new idea, producers. Later, Ashley and Brad share an intimate rooftop date where she reveals her father passed away and that "Kiss From a Rose" was actually a song she holds close to her heart because of him. Ashley receives a rose, a "Kiss From a Rose" reprise, and some smooching.

First Super Extreme Stunt Date!!! Brad and his harem film an action-adventure movie (plot: girls fight to save The Bachelor), complete with explosions, karate, and shovels to faces. Oh and 30 year old Michelle doesn't want to be there because she still hasn't grasped the fact that group dates are inevitable when you're in a polygamist dating setting. She then complains the entire date about everyone else getting attention, and Shawntel getting a kiss, it's so annoying. I should stop giving her any focus.

After the stunts, they retreat to, of course, a rooftop pool party. God I should tally these too. During one-on-one time, the girls express their stress with the experience of dating a guy who is dating 20 other women. Chantal feels close to Brad, eventhough they've had hardly any along time, and lets him know her dad died too and she did this show because she's tired of waiting for tomorrow. They kiss because nothing is a better turn-on than dead dad talk. Michelle is an inpatient bitch and interrupts Brad's alone time with Alli. Turns out, Michelle has a daughter and she is sad to be away from her but wants to find love. Then they make out because nothing is hotter than a really nasty bitch that the whole house hates. He gives the rose to Shawntel, the mortician. The night ends with the world premiere of the epic action-adventure film Love Hurts, but we don't get to hear any of it because Michelle won't STFU about wanting to eff Brad in Tahiti.

Emily, the NASCAR girl, receives the next solo date. After Emily tells the girls her sad story, the house wonders if Emily will tell Brad her emotional secret. Brad takes Emily on a private jet and then drives a classic car to a vineyard. NO HELICOPTER?!?!?! I'm pissed. Emily is hesitant to answer the questions about her dating past, which Brad keeps prodding her about. They eat dinner in a barn, where the romance looms between the smell of hay and horse shit. Emily acknowledges there's been an elephant in the room all day and ends up telling Brad her story about losing her NASCAR boyfriend in a plane crash and becoming pregnant days later, and is now the mother of a 5 year old girl. They bond over the rest of the date and Emily receives a rose and a kiss.

Brad's therapist in LA comes to visit because the producers have finally listened to our prayers to make this show more like The Sopranos. I bet Chris Harrison is watching this scene in envy because Brad's telling this dude about his dates, not him. This is thankfully short-lived.

At the cocktail party pre-rose ceremony, Michelle gets all pissed that Brad is talking and kissing around. Jesus, you should've been on that VH1 show with Steve the matchmaker if you wanted a man alone. During alone time with Chantal (who I am loving), Michelle interrupts... of course. Crazy Bitch says they are having their first fight because she knows he kissed Shawntel and Chantal. Brad is just seizing the moment. Meanwhile, Madison the vampire girl is pondering if she should actually be here after hearing the heaviness of Emily's story. Madison doesn't want to take away from the girls truly here for love and not sure if she should possibly leave, so Brad tells her if he offers her a rose she can reject it.

Rose ceremony: Brad begs the ladies that if they are having doubts, don't accept a rose. It's called foreshadowing. After the second rose is handed out, Madison the vampire just walks out on the ceremony and into the living room. It is so contrived and staged. Madison doesn't want to take a rose from a girl more deserving, which is fine and dandy, but why the eff couldn't she wait until Brad might've actually offered a rose? She leaves. Brad returns to the room to cut two more girls that none of us even knew existed (Kimberly, Sarah P).

Next week: HELICOPTER!!!

Season Tracking
"I'm here for the right reasons": 3
"She's NOT here for the right reasons": 1
Helicopter date count: 0
Super Extreme Stunt date count: 1

Photo Credits: ABC.com, BuddyTV.com


datehottergirls said...

ouch! that must've sucked