January 25, 2011

Reality Rundown: Two (2!) Helicopter Dates!

1/25/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Crazy Michelle wakes up in the morning with a black-eye and no idea where it came from. It's probably the angels kicking her in the face for being a bitch. Michelle makes sure to let Brad know this as soon as he comes in the room. All the girls wish they were the cause of that shiner. Including me.

Chantal receives the 1-on-1 date and it features my most favorite Bachelor element ever: THE HELICOPTER RIDE!!! The helicopter picks Brad and Chantal up at the mansion and brings them to Catalina. Holy shit, are they going to a wine mixer?? Oh and we learn Chantal was divorced, which is dropped pretty nonchalantly to us viewers, but I guess Brad knew? Maybe she said this before and I didn't listen? Anyways, their date isn't a mere romantic boatride: they walk the seafloor. Of course they "kiss" underwater by bumping helmets. Good thing I'm not wearing a helmet, because it would've filled with vomit. They later share a romantic date on the beach, sipping wine on a big-ass chaise, talking and smooching. Meanwhile, Crazy Michelle and her black-eye are crying about Chantal and how she doesn't like her, that they're nothing alike, blah blah. Well Michelle's dream of Chantal not receiving a rose is moot: of course she gets a rose, Brad's totally smitten and they snuggle all night long. Oww oww!

Date #2 is a group date with 9 ladies being guests on Dr. Drew's radio show, Loveline. Brad thinks this will be just like his therapy, except you know, broadcast to a live audience. Good news is, these girls now have one foot in the door for being cast on Celebrity Rehab. We get 2 "for the right reasons" so this is my only reason for watching this date. Basically, Brad wants them to be open as this time he is going to open himself up too. Oh and some girl, whose name turns out to be Britt, worries that since they have so little time that she has to plan the perfect 10 minutes to keep his interest. It's a snoozefest, so they head to a hot tub at a house (not a hotel rooftop- sad face!)

At the house party, ladies fight for alone time. Alli knows she needs time alone but gets immediately interrupted by that chick who sucks at singing Seal songs. It starts a chain-reaction of interruptions, which Brad enjoys. Other Ashley (H), the dentist, goes haywire about having to share, fight for time, and not be the center of attention. Downing wine doesn't help either. As Brad gets his mack-on with Britt and just as he finishes, Ashley H cuts in and then whines about him being attracted to other people and how she hasn't felt like this. Someone give her some potato chips and a glass of water. Sober up, stupid. Brad joins the ladies at the hot tub with the rose and after whiny loudmouth Ashley H makes a rude comment, he takes Britt to the side and gives her the rose. Ashley H knows she done fucked up.

Date #3, the other 1-on-1 date, goes to crazy ass Michelle and her shiner. Chantal kinda stirs the pot by mentioning Michelle's date card doesn't include the word "love" at all- it's great. Michelle shalacks the concealer onto her under-eye, while Brad takes Ashley H aside to talk about last night, driving Michelle insane. As Brad and Ashley H make amends, Chantal and Michelle argue because Michelle pulls the same attention-whore "look at me" schemes that Ashley does. Michelle drags Brad out of the mansion, they hop into his rented convertible that they pretend is really his, and head to their date.

First stop, Brad's [rented] house- you know, the same house every former Bachelor has lived in. They get picked up by a... HELICOPTER!!! OMG, i'm swooning- I feel like this was planned just for me. The helicopter flies over downtown LA and lands on-top of a building. They are rappelling down the side of the building to... a rooftop pool for dinner! Another rooftop party. The Bachelor really treats me right. Michelle panics, or fake-panics for attention, but Brad's deep intense therapy has allowed him to face his fears and encourage Michelle to face hers. And of course, they make out mid-rappelling. No, don't focus at all on completing the task or taking this stunt seriously. They arrive at the pool, dive in with their clothes on, and then Michelle demands Brad never rappel down a building with any other girl again. Somewhere in the background, a producer is going out of their way to make sure another girl gets to rappel next week. Later, they dine, discuss her kid, divorce, and Brad wants to meet her kid. Back in the pool (I hope they waited 30 minutes after dinner), Brad gives Michelle a rose.

Brad throws on a pair of bermuda shorts to visit his therapist and hash out his dates. Again, Chris Harrison must be livid to lose one of his very limited duties on this show. His therapist encourages him to let go and sounds like he gives the OK to kiss all the women and maybe bang around a little. Hey, you've gotta explore.

Cocktail party: another shot for alone time with Brad, who thankfully changed out of the bermudas and into a suit. When he takes Emily aside for alone time, he brings along a picnic basket of pillows, blankets, candles and wine for alone time in the driveway, which sort of stuns and saddens the girls. But Brad, I thought I was special? Emily proves she's like the nicest person ever, leaving a gift-a-day behind for her daughter while she's gone. Seriously, I think her heart is actually a giant Valentine's candy heart. Chantal starts crying inside, worried that maybe Brad doesn't like her as much anymore or something, or likes other girls more. Brad assures Chantal he's wildy attracted to her and that she is independent and not needy (like say Ashley H or Michelle- implied by me, of course).

Chris Harrison does the first of the 3 duties he has left to do and clinks a glass to signal rose ceremony time. Chris then makes some lame speech about how it's all changing because of feelings or something. I don't know as I was making my lunch for tomorrow and I don't care what Chris says. The roses are handed out and the 3 left roseless are, obviously, the ladies we barely know: Meghan, Lindsay, and Stacey. Yeah seriously, who?

Season Tracking
"Here/not here for the right reasons": 6
Helicopter date count: 2
Super Extreme Stunt date count: 2

Photo Credit: BuddyTV