February 22, 2011

Reality Rundown: Brought To You By the Phrase "Whole New Level"

2/22/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , 1 comment
To kick off hometown visits, the show decides to show a preview of all the dates and an 8 minute season recap. Fast forward!

Brad's first visit is with Chantal in Seattle. Brad learns Chantal is a package deal: if he picks her, he also gets her cats and her Pomeranian who is no way as delightful as Giggy from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. They leave Chantal's house to visit her parents and they live in one big fucking mansion with maaaaahble coluuuumns. Brad shares how they met (slap in the face) and her family laughs and laughs, because the moment was so staged by producers. Chantal has alone time with her dad and really hopes Brad will get the seal of approval from her family. Brad and Chantal's dad bond over their shared past of families with masons, estranged dads, and statues of dudes carving themselves out of marble, but kinda looks like a weiner grab at the right angle. In the end, Brad gets the marriage blessing if the time arises, which is possible because Brad tells us he sees a real future with her.

Brad heads up and over to Maine, right on the US/Canada border, to visit Ashley the dentist and her family. They go to Lakeview Restaurant, where Ashley had her first job and where Reality Steve accurately reported they had a date, and share a dish of Canadian national treasure: poutine. You thought I was going to say Degrassi, huh? Brad and Ashley arrive at her family's house, where all of them cram on a couch and floor together like it's Christmas Day and presents are being opened. Weird! But I do like Ashley because she's kooky. They also have lobster dinner, making me very hungry. While I think they have a fun report, it seems like the two of them don't know a lot about each other or future goals, so it's obvious Brad isn't that into her. I mean, shouldn't Brad ask Ashley if she wants kids, not her dad?

Brad's third stop is in Chico, California for time with Shawntel where he gets a quick reality check via a tour of Shawntel's workplace: a funeral home. While Brad thinks Chico is a nice town, the mausoleum is not his scene. Shawntel shows off the crematorium, always an aphrodisiac, and Brad comes to the realization that you talk to your spouse about work and dead people doesn't jive well. This is the most awkward date ever, and one time we saw a guy left alone on a glacier or thrown off a train like a hobo stowaway. Brad comes clean and tells Shawntel he doesn't handle death well, though she explains her situation and how much love comes in and out of there, even in sad circumstances. Over dinner with her family, her dad discusses how Shawntel would/could take over the family business for him, the issue being that if Brad picked her, she'd have to move to Austin. Dad really doesn't want Shawntel to go as she's part of a community that wants her there. Shawntel really wants a future with Brad though and will make it work. Ominous foreshadowing!

Emily reunites with her daughter Ricki in Charlotte, North Carolina, only to have it shortly interrupted by Brad the dunce. Emily explains Ricki has never met a single one of her boyfriends. Emily is a sweet girl, but I think the show is telling a story. I also think they have zero chemistry; sure she's a nice person, but besides that, do you really want this girl stuck with sack of potatoes Brad? By the way, he is THIRTEEN YEARS older than her. The kid is initially terrified of Brad, as I would be, but she takes the present he brought her which is of course a kite, so they can get some picturesque scene of them flying it together like a family. They play in Emily's daughter's massive playroom and it goes well. Emily tells Brad she could see herself with him. Again, I'm not buying it. Brad wants to kiss her but is sticking to hugs because there's a kid upstairs, but she's not into that. Guess what? The kid is always upstairs so man up. She insists he kiss her before he leaves which he does and of course it happens in the open doorway, with a camera in the front yard catching this magical moment from far away like a movie. Gross. Fake. Staged.

Newwww York City. Brad and Chris Harrison have one-on-one time, only adding fuel to my fire that Chris Harrison murdered the therapist. All the ladies have been shipped to New York for the rose ceremony where we all have to ponder who is going home. Hmmm, I wonder (not really, it's obvious). Brad gives his roses to Ashley, Emily and Chantal. He cuts Shawntel, perhaps so she can run the family business or maybe because talking about dead folks. Brad lets Shawntel know that he couldn't reciprocate saying he loved her back. He walks her down to the lobby and her towncar for her solo sobfest back to her hotel. Brad heads up to his final 3 to bring good news: they're going to South Africa and there are helicopters!!


Pat Flaherty said...

I was trying to figure out who was hotter - Chantal O or her mom. Only one of their foreheads moved though.