February 4, 2011

Reality Rundown: Risott-oh No You Didn't!

2/04/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
The Biggest LoserTop Chef All-Stars

The Biggest Loser - There's a last chance workout since last week was to be continued. The Red team dude from the unknowns got pissed about something. Sorry I missed it because I was too exhausted from a long drive in the snow. Anyways, the ranchers head to the weigh-in and are re-joined by the Green team. The Blue team sucks again because while a super heavy dude loses a lot, he can't drop the dead weight of his poor-performing dad. Since Don "didn't throw the weigh-in" last week we expected big numbers, but Don and his partner (Irene the orange team girl) throw the weigh-in again so Don can go home. There's no vote needed, no silver platters, and the other fat twin cop goes home.

Now that a month has lapsed, it's time for the unknowns and their trainers to join the game. Like a Noah's Ark of fat people, the unknowns enter two by two, wowing the ranchers with their weight loss. Ali lets us know there are 2 challenges (ughhh) and the ranchers get a chance to win immunity by losing more than they did last week. The Unknowns, or I guess the returns now, will finally eliminate someone. The new trainers finally enter the Biggest Loser gym and start their training on new turf while the ranchers gawk at them, particularly that Olympian dude who breaks 2 treadmills being a badass.

The first challenge is for the ranchers only and they have to put weights on a scale to knock the other teams out. Red gets knocked out first and knows the game has definitely changed from the happy smiley let's-all-be-friends off-ranch times. It comes down to Yellow and Gray and better strategizing of which weights to use gives the Yellow team a victory and immunity.

At the weigh-in, where Alison Sweeney rocks a jacket stolen straight from the Neverland Ranch, the ranchers meet their 48lb goal so all teams are immune. The returns now must weigh-in and finally vote off a team. The returns smoke the ranchers by a landslide. Seriously, are they doping because their numbers are amazing while the ranchers are meh. The Red team falls below the yellow line, even with a percentage as high as 3.59%. Q tells his team that his wife, Larialmy, that they agree she should go home, but the team seems to disagree because Q is lazy. The teams honor the Red team's wishes and send Larialmy home. Good, because I can't spell that name and have to keep copy and pasting.

Top Chef All-Stars - Quickfire: Padma and designer/The Fashion Showhost Isaac Mizrahi are in the kitchen whoring out HSN producers and calling them "inspiration" for food. The challenge is to make a dish that will be judged solely based on aesthetic, no tasting. Food art!! Worst: Dale's attempt at graffiti with nasty foods, Tre's over simplified abstract art, and Angelo for his lousy attempt at crocodile skin (which included writing "CROCODILE" in serial killer handwriting on the table). Best: Fabio who wrote some quote, Carla's for a beatiful hand-crafted piece, and Richard's shattered black ice cream (aka Dippin' Dots). Richard wins the challenge with his jagged Dippin' Dots.

Elimination challenge: create a dish inspired by the Rao family. Who? Famous Italians who run some restaurants. Fabio just pissed himself in glee. In 3 teams of 3, each team will be responsible for a different portion of the meal: antipasti, pasta, and main dish. As the teams speak to their team mentor from the Rao family, Fabio won't let his team get a word in because he's too busy out-Italianing them. We get it.

At the dining table the judges are joined by the Raos, a man with the jazziest vest ever, and Lorraine Bracco. Dr. Melfi is fucking haunting me. Antipasti: Carla makes minestrone soup, Antonia does mussels and white wine, Tiffany makes warm polenta terraine. Prima: Tre makes risotto (WHO BURNED MY RICE? I miss you Lisa), Mike makes a "rustic peasant dish" with freshly made rigatoni and calamari because he's sooo Italian too, and Dale has brussell sprouts and pasta. Segunde (?) aka meat course: super Italian Fabio makes chicken cacciatore, Angelo sauteed pork, and Richard a fresh pancetta cutlet.

Judge's table. Antonia, Carla, Fabio and Tiffany are called in first: they are the top dishes. HOOTIE HOO! Antonia's dish was perfect and not over thought. Carla's minestrone incorporated parmesan well. Fabio had well-cooked chicken and amazing polenta. Tiffany has sausage, which is "enough said" for them. The winner is Antonia- an Italian wins, but Fabio is sour grapes and says Antonia's dish was a French dish. Bottom group: Mike, Dale and Tre (all the second course guys). Mike would've been better off using boxed pasta, as his "fresh" pasta was undercooked and oversauced. Dale's pasta crumbled and lacked sauce. It was more like he cooked everything separate and then combined it. Tre was hellbent on making risotto, but he didn't cook the rice right. It was too firm and should've spread out on the plate. Tre is sent packing and we're stuck with Mike yet another week.