February 1, 2011

Reality Rundown: Thunderdome Date: Ashley vs. Ashley Edition

2/01/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
The girls escape the dreaded mansion and hop on a flight to Las Vegas with about 30 suitcases between 11 women. There will be a 1-on-1, a group date, and the best ever 2-on-1 Thunderdome date, all while staying at a bigass suite in the new Aria hotel.

1-on-1 date: Shawntel the embalmer gets to "end the night with a bang." Bad news: no sexin', it's just a shopping spree at a mall. More bad news: the shopping spree is NOT at the M&M store. Basically this date is like what you do when you're 14 and can't go anywhere else, but with Fendi, Prada and an unlimited budget. Shawntel returns to the suite with all her shopping bags, sending the ladies into a fit of jealous rage. Shawntel then gets primped up in the dress she and Brad picked and head to a romantic dinner on the roof of the Aria hotel. It's just like The Hangover but no Jager shots or roofies. At dinner, they discuss Shawntel's job stuffing dead people, which is the ideal conversation to have while shoving down 5-star cuisine. She receives a rose and they smooch under a firework show.

The group date card says "let's go speed dating" and it doesn't involve popping pills and going crazy. Instead, the ladies leave the big city and meet Brad at a NASCAR track for the Cole Trickle kind of speed. Can this show think of one fucking date that isn't recycled from every other season? The ladies race each other, with no stakes even mentioned, so who cares? While everyone is having good times, Emily's kind of depressed looking because her ex-fiance was a NASCAR driver, so this reminds her of him. God, the producers of this show are lappin' it up on this. They can claim this wasn't at all staged and pure coincidence. Brad wasn't aware of this, so Emily opens up to him with the rest of her story: her fiance was a driver-turned-owner and his driving career ended at this very track because of a crash. Emily overcomes the odds, and Ricky memories, to drive around the track. She also gets the Bachelor love/hero music, which I guess is supposed to imply Emily really has moved on. Oh, editing!

The after-party is at, of course, a private pool (sans-rooftop). Brad pulls Emily aside for 1-on-1 time first and finally the girls snap on the nice girl behind her back. Alli gets pissed that the girl "with the worst story means they get the most attention." Brad just wants Emily to get her guard down and see his open arms and not be thinking about the fiance, but she assures him she's here for love for realsies. Alli then cries to Brad because she doesn't feel special and it would be so awesome for someone to interrupt her again. Chantal then cries. Too many tears, not enough shots! Michelle sees how burnt out Brad is getting by the crybabies and makes an excellent point that there are a lot of little girls here. That's what happens when you cast mostly 24 year olds for a 38 year old guy! Instead of talking, they make out and Brad likes it a lot. Brad takes Emily aside again and gives her the group date rose.

2-on-1 date: Ashley S vs. Ashley H! When they learn it's them, when the group date card arrives, they both starting crying cause they're house BFFs. The trio go to see Viva Elvis Cirque du Soleil for a complete replicate of last season's Lion King musical date. Again, no fucking original ideas for a date. They do a "chemistry test" by practicing dance moves, flying on high wires, and ultimately Brad's wire dance and dinner decides who stays and performs with him that night and leaves. In the shortest dinner ever, Brad dumps Ashley S and keeps Ashley H the crazy dentist. As Ashley S bawls in her exit interview, Brad and Ashley the dentist perform in the Elvis show that none of us give two turds about.

Brad calls his therapist the next day to talk about how all these bitches be cryin' a lot. The therapist tells him to be strong, trust himself, and open up. Blah, I wasn't listening because if I wanted to watch a dull therapy scene I'd rent The Sopranos.

Cocktail party: Brad asks Chantal to stop giving him crap, Brad realizes he gives Emily too much attention, and Alli gets some special attention with champagne and a dessert. Michelle gets her alone time, slams the door shut, sits on Brad's lap, bosses him around, and kisses him. Good thing Brad was wearing a black suit that made some shadows or I bet we would've heard a boner alert alarm. Chris Harrison pops out of nowhere to ring the glass for the rose ceremony and I'd like to think he's had his own Hangover experience these past few days and was locked on the top of Caesar's Palace, hanging on death's door. In yet another non-surprise, Brad eliminates 2 women whose names we don't even know: Marissa and Lisa. Again, who??

Season Tracking
"Here/not here for the right reasons": 6
Helicopter date count: 2
Super Extreme Stunt date count: 2

Photo Credit: ABC.com