March 28, 2011

Serving of the Week

3/28/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served 2 comments

Name: The Good Morning America window Chris Brown smashed
SERVED: My Twitter followers have the best SERVING ideas. This week @phil_robinson suggested either Chris Brown or the window he smashed. I can never turn down a chance to SERVE an inanimate object, so window it is!

If this is a brand new story to you, it's time to start checking into the news every once in a while. Chris Brown visited Good Morning America to promote his new album, but turned into the Incredible Hulk when he was asked about beating Rihanna up. There's no better way to prove your a changed man than to shatter a window at a television morning show. That window got SERVED! ABC clearly doesn't care about destruction of property as they've asked him to perform on Dancing with the Stars this week. Someone better protect that disco ball trophy with all their might.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Dlisted

March 25, 2011

Reality Rundown: Stealth R Us

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption IslandTop Chef All-Stars

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - The leg in China continues from last week, where Kent and Vxysin realize they left their fannypack behind (a huge mistake). They find it as soon as they return- no fun. The teams board a train back to where they started and are warned of a double U-Turn, meaning 2 teams can be U-Turned (but it doesn't take a rocket science to guess that). In no surprise, there is only one train and every single team will be on the train. In the hours to kill time, the Cowboys, Globetrotters, and Kisha/Jen play a game of hoops. Equalizers are so lame, especially when a team performs so poorly the leg before and gets another chance. Kent and Vyxsin do receive a 30 minute penalty for taking the wrong flight to China to begin with, but they'll keep in on the DL to avoid being U-Turned. When Kent and Vyxsin arrive at the airport, they're quizzed about why they weren't on the flight and if they got a penalty, so Kent/Vyxsin make up a lie about a broken down car. Everyone gets on the non-terror train, with triple bunks, and heads to the city.

The teams bolt off the train to find a flower market for their next clue, the double U-Turning looming on their minds. The teams travel with taxi the some memorial arches, aka Golden Arches (but don't get excited- it's not an international McDonald's task). But there IS a McDonald's across the street which unfortunately doesn't dupe anyone. There's a Detour there with a choice of arranging dolls based on a theater performance or offload a solar water heating system and install it. Zev/Justin complete the doll detour first, with Kisha/Jen and Ron/Christina following (the dolls were a good choice); they'll have the first show at U-Turning the other teams, forcing them to complete the other Detour task before moving on. Margie/Luke, Jaime/Cara, Cowboys finish the solar power first, while Kent/Vxysin continue to bicket and annoy this viewer.

Margie/Luke arrive to the U-Turn first, since the doll trio were driven to the wrong cultural center. They choose to not U-Turn anyone. Instead they head to the next stop, the Stone Forest. Kent and Vyxsin U-Turn Jaime and Cara, as they stand right next to them on the map. SERVED. Jaime/Cara U-Turn the Globetrotters, hoping to offset their delay since they know Flight Time and Big Easy are behind them. Neither of the detour tasks were difficutly, it's just more a time setback, especially since Jaime/Cara's cab driver stops for gas. Jaime/Cara aren't in last place though since Zev/Justin's cab driver gets lost.

The teams arrive at the Stone Forest for a Roadblock: assemble a lifesize dinosaur with some cardboard bones (it's a 20ft Dilophosaurus). The Jurassic Park lover in me cheers on the inside and then remembers Newton getting a load of venom to the face. While waiting for their teammates to complete the Roadblock, Vyxsin admits they have a time penalty, which Ron doesn't care much for. Gary and Mallory are the last team to arrive to the Roadblock and see everyone else making the dinosaur, they opt to use their Express Pass and skip the task. They head straight to the Pit Stop at Green Lake Park back in Kun Ming, but the Cowboys are right on their tail since they finish the dinosaur task first. The Cowboys are team #1 and win $5,000 cash each.

The other teams tumble around, attempting to get their dinosaur together. Kent/Vxysin know that they don't just have to finish, but have to finish 30 minutes before other teams. They arrive as #4, but have to wait their 30 minute penalty to check in; they come in as team #5. The final 2 teams with the puzzle are Zev/Justin and Jaime/Cara, who you may recall are my pick to win this season. Zev/Justin finish the task, while Jaime is physically unsure if she can handle taking apart the dinosaur again. Jaime finishes the dinosaur and they head to the Pit Stop and are eliminated from the race. Yet again I pick the wrong team to win.

The Biggest Loser - The losers enter the gym for yet another twist: gone are the 2 teams, now there are 4. Lift a weight, find your new team color. The teams are: Green (Cara) - Austin, Ken, Kaylee; Red (Brett)- Justin, Jen, Courtney; Black (Jillian) - Rulon, Hannah; Blue (Bob) - Moses, Irene, Olivia. In case you did the math, the teams aren't even. That's because god forbid this show just eliminate people and end in a timely fashion, the show maintains its usual twist of bringing back an eliminated loser. Hannah and Rulon get to select one more person to re-enter the game after being eliminated. It is a decision between Arthur and Jay, but who do they choose? Well we have to wait until a montage of Bob remembering the good ol' days at Crunch Fitness.

Hannah and Rulon get the honor of going to Jillian's house, which is a beautiful place on the beach where of course they work-out and have their emotional bonding session with Jillian. Nevermind the fun stuff. Brett makes his team run up a mountain and silently think with Mother Nature, sort of like dear old Uncle Tony. Cara takes her team boxing, of course. And Bob they never show, so let's assume they napped for an entire day.

The losers head to their challenge where we'll learn Hannah and Rulon's choice: Jay, who is Jen's dad (she is on the Red team), and he's lost 111 lbs since the first week and he's immune this week. The challenge is to hold on to a weight that is the equivalent of how much weight the team lost; let go, the weight falls and smashes a fishtank. It's empty, don't worry. The winning teams get video chats from home. Green, since their family is still on campus, drops out around 30 minutes. The Black team then drops, though it doesn't sound like they were motivated by the "our loved ones are still in the game." At the 45 minute mark they have to downgrade to one-hand only, so the real challenge begins. Red is hanging just above the tank and seem like goners, but it's blue that drops; Red wins the video chats, but gives it to the blue team instead. I then fast forward since I don't care about this stuff. Call me heartless; I call it time efficiency.

Weigh-in: all 4 teams weigh-in, team with the lowest weight loss is up for elimination, but the other 3 teams decide who goes home. Now that's a good twist. I could recap the whole weigh-in team by team, but that's boring. The big moment is that Courtney reaches a big milestone, with 200lbs lost since she began a weight-loss quest at home. Green seems like the sure shot to go home when loses no weight, but is happy to go, but Jay loses 7lbs which is enough to keep his team safe. Turns out Kaylee had a plan to get eliminated and threw it, but Jay didn't like the plan and took the game into his hands. Samantha Gene Brady gets pretty pissed at Jay for saying the only way to leave is through their votes, which she responds "this isn't a prison!" Kaylee has the choice to leave the game because no one is stopping her, but someone is still getting voted off the red team. Kaylee decides to stay in the game, pretty much sealing Justin's fate.

Justin accepts that it's his time to go, they all cry about how good he is, and Courtney tries to offer herself up instead but Justin says no. So the losers respect his wishes and send Justin home. Must suck to get eliminated the week after players return.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Krista and Matt bond at Redemption Island, especially when her luxury item of a bible arrives. The fun and prayers don't last long and the competition begins. The duel is to navigate a ball through a table maze. Krista takes an early lead with retrieving ball sacks (har har), but Matt maneuvers the puzzle to victory. Krista gives Matt her bible to give him strength.

At Zapatera, Steve is upset Stephanie voted for him and Sarita is a drama queen who got bacteria in her mouth from brushing her teeth with sticks or whatever. David is over Sarita so begins to bond with Stephanie to maybe get her into the mix. Stephanie pouts around a little to get herself to make nice with everyone, which she does by also putting the word out that she'd like Sarita gone. At Ometepe camp, Natalie and Ashley trim each other's armpit and leg hair and call it a "spa day." I call it gross. They at least do everyone else's hair, though Phillip isn't having it and wants them to check the fire. He thinks they should help, but they don't like being dictated to, they'd prefer a polite asking. It comes to a head and Phillip and Ashley argue; Rob plays peace keeper and asks Phillip to chill out.

The immunity challenge is to launch balls with a slingshot and catch them in nets. Sounds boring except it's a full-on contact sport, which mostly just involves everyone falling on their own accord. The winning team will also win a picnic lunch at a scenic overlook. Mike keeps pulling at Grant's shirt, so he treats us viewers to some shirtlessness- oww oww. Natalie and Grant have excellent communication which is a large factor leading to Ometepe's victory. Their picnic is so amazing- lobster tail? For real?? Send me! While everyone is gabbing about watermelon, Rob spots the immunity clue under the lobster tails, but decides to let someone else find it. Grant gets it, hides it under the table, and sneaks off with Rob to read it. Phillip interrupts, but he's cool with it because he's named their alliance of 3 "Stealth R Us." Worst alliance name ever. In fact, that's not an alliance name, that's an Apprentice team name.

Zapatera heads back to camp to whine about losing. Sarita knows Stephanie and Dave are going to make a play for her elimination, but she refuses to beg because she's a loyal person. So the choice is Sarita's loyalty or Stephanie's strength. The strategizing lasts maybe 3 minutes and we're already at Tribal Council. Jeff of course brings up that this losing streak started when they eliminated his beloved Russell. Sarita knows she's sucky in challenges and was fine to sit out this week, which the others perceive to mean she thinks she gets a pass this week for not being the reason for losing. David is really pushing for Stephanie and urges them to put the best 6 forward, not the 6 most trustworthy. The votes are cast and STIFINIE, I mean Stephanie, is heading to Redemption Island.

Top Chef All-Stars - Wolfgang Puck joins Padma for the Quickfire, which is to assign a classic Top Chef Quickfire challenge to one of their competitors. Mike assigns Antonia the canned goods challenge. Antonia assigns Richard hot dogs. Richard assigns Mike the one pot challenge. Just as the chefs hit their groove, Padma re-enters the kitchen to tell them they get to assign a classic Top Chef twist to another competitor. One handed, no utensils, and the double-apron (like a 3 legged race). Mike gets no utensils and hand tools, Richard gets one hand, and Antonia takes the double apron with... CARLA!! OMG, be still my heart. HOOTIE HOO!! Antonia makes a curry coconut soup, Richard curry-wurst aka hot dogs with curry ketchup, and Mike pork shoulder braised to be like pork and beans. The winner is Mike. F me, f us viewers. He gets $5,000.

Wolfgang Puck, Michelle Berstein, and Iron Chef Morimoto are waiting at the beach club for the cheftestants for the Elimination challenge: prepare their last supper. One of my favorite challenges ever. Padma also teases there's a twist coming in the form of an envelope (cook paper?), but we'll learn about that later. Mike chooses to cook for Michelle, and assigns Morimoto to Antonia and Wolfgang Puck to Richard. Wow, Mike- trying hard to torture Antonia? Wolfgang Puck wants apple strudel. Michelle wants fried chicken, biscuits and gravy. Morimoto requests miso soup and some sort of sashsimi- a bento box. Antonia realizes how much Mike is f'ing her over, he claims he isn't, but he wants to go head-to-head with Richard, who he considers the best. I hope Antonia rakes them over the coals.

Antonia prepares tuna sashimi, rice, pickled daikon and mushroom, and miso soup. Antonia had to swap her fish to tuna because the other seems rancid. Mike puts a twist with fried chicken, pea puree, and an empanada with egg yolk instead of a biscuit. Richard serves up beef goulash with spaetzle and an apple struedel. Of all 3, Richard's seems to be the biggest slam dunk. But instead of going to the judges' table, the dining table is the judging table and happens right away. Mike's chicken wasn't juicy and the breading was falling off. Some thought it was a little too out of the box. Wolfgang praises Richard's flavorful goulash, but the spaetzle was tough. Morimoto thought it was different than what he expected and the miso soup was salty. Richard is given a pass right away to the finals. Antonia and Mike face judgment except it's not so easy: Padma is holding the twist envelope she mentioned during the Elimination Challenge.

In the envelope, which Antonia reads, is the announcement of one more challenge: 45 minutes to make the judges one-bite and the winner of that heads to the finale. Keep hope alive, people! Antonia makes a seared group over curried lobster brother. Mike makes a tempura lobster tail over beef tar tar. The judges are at a 4-3 split between the two distance cousins. Antonia is told to pack her knives, sending shithead Mike to the finale. I'm used to it. Contestants no one likes seem to have won the past few seasons.

Photo Credits:,,,

March 21, 2011

Serving of the Week

3/21/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Ark Music Factory
SERVED: When I asked on Twitter for Serving of the Week recommendations, I got a resounding response (2 people) suggesting Rebecca Black and her infamous "Friday" song that took YouTube by storm this week. Dubbed by many as "the worst song ever" (obviously we're forgetting "Who Let the Dogs Out" and OMD's How Bizarre" which had actual record deals), I could SERVE this teen girl for making such shit. But my blame instead goes to the producers of the video: a company known as Ark Music Factory.

Ark Music Factory lets your wildest tween superstar dreams come true by charging $2,000 to make a music video and make your a viral star. First, I don't trust any site that uses Comic Sans on it- that's a fact. Rebecca Black isn't the only kid whose dumb parents shelled out the cash to give them 15 minutes of fame. I guess those photobooth machines that superimposed you onto the cover of Sports Illustrated and People magazine aren't enough. I'm SERVING Ark Music Factory for preying on these dumb, gullible kids and parents who probably think this is one step away from their oh so talented kid landing their own Disney Channel show and selling a line of tween clothing at Walmart. And actually, a SERVING to their parents too, who should know better than to unleash their pre-teen kids on the viciousness of the internet. You're all SERVED. Try living life low key- write a blog and hate on people like I do.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: OK! Magazine

March 18, 2011

Reality Rundown: Conch'd Out

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption IslandTop Chef All Stars

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - The teams fly to Lijiang, China where they'll get a mandatory flight to China (because flights are very limited) but have to find their own transportation to Lijiang. Since the majority of the racing teams are from season 14, they all remember the nightmare of 3 back-to-back legs in China; Ron and Christina are all smiles as they've been to Lijiang. Kent and Vyxsin make a vow for "PMA" (positive mental attitude) this leg and get lost trying to find the airport, leading Vxysin to whine and cry in the car. At 6:30AM, Kent and Vxysin still haven't made it to the airport; turns out they drove in the wrong direction for hours and the flight is at 9:30. Kent/Vxysin miss the flight as the rest of the teams head off in the sky to China. They are able to get a flight in the afternoon so they're not totally stranded. The other teams, meanwhile, are in China making their decision between train or plane to get to Lijiang. Ron/Christina leave first, on a train departing at 8:50. The rest of the teams are a little too late and get on the next train. Kent/Vxysin arrive in China, but the airport is closed, so they depart for Lijiang early in the morning.

Ron/Christina arrive first and stop to get Ron's favorite breakfast food and find the clue for marked shuttles, but they don't leave until 8AM allowing ample catch-up time. Everyone arrives at Jade Dragon Mountain to retrieve their clue: saddle and ride a yak. Cross that one off the bucket list. The next clue sends the team to Spruce Meadow via a gondola, where teams are feeling the difference in altitude, panting as they walk. There's a Roadblock awaiting them to search for charms of all the Chinese zodiac. There are hundreds of charms, not to mention tourists walking through the path too, which allows the teams to poke at the locals and make animal noises and gestures. I didn't need to see the cowboy going "BOK BOK BOK!" Maybe a "Ku-ku-ka-chaaaa" would've been better. Mallory finishes first, so they jump on the marked bus to head to Old Town Lijiang and an ancient prayer wheel. What, no anchor? Everyone gets through quick, but Zev has difficulty and in a miracle, Kent and Vxysin catch up. They said they were late because of a broken down car, but there's still the possibility for a penalty. It takes Zev forever but finishes since he realizes he had 2 goats- idiot. Vxysin is tired and stressed and starts crying more. Oh and at some point, Ron and Christina don't get on the marked bus but some trolley. Ron starts screaming, Christina jumps out of a moving vehicle and falls, but Flight Time and Big Easy tell their bus driver to stop for them.

In Old Town Jiang the racers have to find their zodiac sign, write down a wish, and deposit it. What a dumb fucking "challenge" especially since everyone puts some variation of win. Then there's a Detour where they have to hammer hot candy or lead a procession with a long ceremonial horn. The pit stop is at the top of a hill and called Eternal Tower: Margie and Luke are team #1 and win a trip to Aruba. BUT, the only interesting thing that happens this episode: the leg is to be continued! Everyone groans but takes off to the next destination. Kent and Vxysin really lucked out, huh? NO, because Vxysin left her fanny pack with the passports, money, etc. on the gondola and the bus driver refuses to turn around. HAHA the Amazing Race gods really have it in for the goths this leg.

The Biggest Loser - There is no red vs. black this week as they are combined into the blue team. Everyone will be safe this week if they lose 65lbs on the scale. The exciting momentum continues with medical consults with Dr. Huizenga and everyone improves, or so I assume because I fast forward through it. But the good news is, Moses death date has been postponed so good news! Then they pair up for a pop challenge to cook the best meal they can that tastes good and is good for them. The prize is not an arranged marriage with Curtis, but a Biggest Loser meal plan to help them stay healthy at home until the finale airs. Chef Curtis Stone and Lorena something choose Moses and Olivia to win with their baked cod.

Since it's one big group, the trainers all work together to achieve this week's goal. Kara even gets to work with the girls, a nice change of pace from all the jockish men. The women also get a sense of some new training and experience the Kara boxing magic. The red team finally get to training of Bob and Jillian, the trainers you'd assume you'd have coming on the show. Brett gets the honors of product placement with the ladies.

There's another challenge which is to follow a yellow rope to the finish line, except it's all underground and also has trivia questions to lead them in the right direction and bring more pairs in. It's confusing to type but know that if they finish in less than 90 minutes they will receive a 5lb advantage; go over the hour and a half, 5lb disadvantage. After a lot of tugging, and a lot of fast forwarding on my behalf, the blue team gets the rope across the line with only 6 seconds left. This group really needed this bonding session because the divide is very apparent this season.

At the weigh-in, Samantha Gene Brady looks slammin' in red as she reiterates the rules of the week for the zillionth time. The ladies losses are a little low. Olivia only loses 3lbs but hey, if she loses she's got feel meals til the finale. The guys follow suit and it's mediocre weight-loss on their behalf too, until Ken and his son Austin gets some decent numbers. There's a chance to catch up, but Irene clunks it up with only 2lbs, but Brett pep talks her up to know any loss is a good one. Marci is a clunker and loses no weight this week, but last week she lost a buttload of weight so it kind of makes sense. Young Kaylee has to lose 9lbs to keep everyone safe, but there's 20 minutes left so that's obviously not happening. Kaylee then one-ups Marci's clunker and gains 2lbs. Since there's an elimination, there's a yellow line with Marci and Kaylee below it. Marci volunteers herself to be eliminated because she feels her time is up and Kaylee needs to stay. Marci is one classy lady. Eventhough her team doesn't want to vote her off, she is eliminated per her wishes and promise to watch out for Courtney for her.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Phillip is annoying the hell out of his tribe which Rob realizes might be the perfect reason for Phillip to stay. That and he loves red undies. Zapatera, meanwhile, is in good spirits - except for Russell's henchladies, though Steve wants to bring them into the fold to make them feel like part of the family. The question is, do they want to be part of the group?

The henchladies Stephanie and Krista draw the lucky numbers to go see the redemption duel live and decide they want to inform Ometepe (repped by Rob and Grant) that they'll flip to their side in a heartbeat come merge. The duel is to collect big ass, heavy puzzle pieces to make a cube. My uncle made these once out of wood and I'd play with it for ages- love it. I'd ace it- well, hopefully. As Matt puts together the pieces, he also rants about Rob being responsible for his ouster and it wasn't needed. Kristina has a second wind, but it suddenly snaps for Matt and his puzzle just floats together and it's a third redemption win for him. While Matt tries to make a point that Ometepe sucks, Stephanie doesn't care and lets them know Ometepe could have the numbers with them on their side post-merge. Kristina's redemption is over and she tosses her buff into the urn.

While Rob and Grant are at the duel, the young ladies converse and Phillip sits on the sidelines as the odd man out. But he does compare the women to crabs and how they scatter away from him. The ladies fake it to make Phillip happy, but Andrea is tired of Stephanie and Ashley doing nothing around camp and their 24/7 girl talk. She'd rather dump them and bring Phillip into the mix but worries about the social game. They have a private discussion where Phillip talks about being an outsider and doesn't strategize with him. BUT Phillip thinks if Matt comes back it would be good to have an alliance between him, Andrea, and Matt and take out Rob the betrayer. Phillip may want to learn how to pronounce Andrea's name to get in her good graces though because no one wants to have their name pronounced like the nerd on 90210.

Stephanie returns to camp exhilarated about what could happen in the future, but that future is many weeks away. Krista is about excited as she can be- seriously, she's duller than Emily on The Bachelor. Zapatera isn't concern about the wavering henchladies and instead prefers to relax and bask in their confidence. Julie senses the overconfidence is bad karma; I call that foreshadowing!

The immunity challenge is the blindfolded maze to collect puzzle pieces, led only by their caller. Winning team gets immunity and a basket of breakfast pastries and all the fixins for a delicious cup of coffee. Sounds great in theory but I can only imagine how fast everyone will crap after eating and drinking a cup of joe. Stephanie is the Zapatera caller and Rob is Ometepe's caller, which is a smart move since he's good at puzzles. Stephanie has to step up too because if she's a crap leader, she'll be first on the chopping block and her dream mutiny will never happen. Ralph is too dumb to know his left from right, making it trickier to get his bag. Ometepe finishes first so Rob rushes to his word puzzle, with Stephanie following but gaining a lead on Rob while opening the puzzle bags. Rob gets a brain boost and solves the puzzle: "The smell and taste of victory." Zapatera realizes not making David the caller/puzzle solver was a bad move. Ya think?

Ometepe gorges themselves on what look like the greatest donuts ever. I am so hungry now. Grant goes to smell the coffee and sees the immunity idol clue in the tin, so he shares it with Rob. Using teamwork, Grant distracts the tribe while Rob sneaks off with the clue to hide this newest clue and instead leave the first clue around camp. Oh Grant? He has no idea Rob even had a clue before, so now they have this absurd clue with no real good hints on it. Rob plays it up for Grant and he searches, digs, and burrows all over.

With a strong group of 6, it's obvious either Stephanie or Krista will be making the trek to Redemption "Island" that night. The main 6 have a post-challenge session and Sarita tries to justify why she nominated Stephanie as caller, saying David gets a little pissy and stressed out. He responds by getting really angry and pissy. Julie and Sarita feel like they can work on Stephanie, which is so dumb since she's so fiesty, but know Krista needs to go now. You know, because she's such a vibrant personality. Stephanie feels Steve is the weakest and doesn't contribute at camp or challenges, but Krista kind of accepts her fate and thinks none of her tribemates will make it to the end.

At tribal council, Krista talks about being on the outs, lets them know she's "not here to make friends," and that she wants to play. Her tribemates point out she's done no gaming or made an attempt to besides teaming with Ressell and Stephanie. Krista makes a point that her and Stephanie could be good additions to their pairs, or at least for Dave who seems to be solo in the 6. Mike, my pick to win, lets Krista know that there has in fact been lots of strategy talk- she's just not part of it. Stephanie just knows the two of them need to keep the faith because there's always Redemption Island. In a 6-2 vote, Krista (or as one illiterate ballot says KRASTA) is sent to duel Matt at Redemption Island.

Top Chef All-Stars - Breathe in, Melissa. Time to enter a Carla-free world.

The cheftestants head to the Atlantis Kitchen and chef Lorena Garcia is standing with Padma, mainly to pimp America's Next Great Restaurant. The Quickfire is to pair up and make 100 identical dishes in 1 hour- consistency, yo! The pairs are Richard and Mike (who make pork bologenese) and Antonia and Tiffany (who make seared beef tenderloin salad). My dog made me take him out to pee during the Quickfire, but thanks to @bforte for letting me know the women won and Mike/Richard were shitty losers.

The Elimination Challenge is to cater a lunch celebrating the 80th anniversary of the Nassau Yacht Club. Put on some Christopher Cross, it's time for some yacht rock! The theme is deserted island, so Padma appropriately greats them in a bikini with a Sammy Hagar doppelganger who will bring them to the island. WE HAVE TO GO BACK! The rule of the day is you have to use conch and Richard and Mike talk about how much they practiced, but reading the Cliff's Note for Lord of the Flies doesn't count. The deserted island has lots of grub in crates: lobster, grouper, snapper... but no conch. Oh that's because they have to snorkel and get it themselves. What is this, a date on The Bachelor? So the chefs go out and struggle in like 5-6 feet of water and struggle to swim. Take a swim class, bums. Then it's cooking time the old-fashioned way: no liquid nitrogen, can openers, ovens, anything. Au naturale, baby. The main struggle is busting open the conch, though I'd imagine a bigger struggle is hygienic cooking when you're in bathing suits- grossout. Thankfully for us (and I'm sure because producers were tired of Mike Isabella's moobs in a wet white tee) they are given chef jackets.

The judges and yacht club yuppies arrive for the deserted island dinner wearing all white. Because nothing says roughing it on a deserted island like crisp white linens. Richard makes a Hamptons-inspired dish instead of Bahamas, which is always a wise choice. He makes sweet potato linguine with conch, and that pasta is just sweet potato ribboned up. Antonia serves seared snapper with conch tar tar and it's very spicy, but in a good way. Yuppies love tar tars. Tiffany's dish is a coconut chowder with snapper and conch, along with a conch ceviche. Piggy from Lord of the Flies, I mean Mike, makes a banana leaf steamed grouper with warm conch vinaigrette.

Judges' Table. Antonia's dish had a nice balance between sweet and spicy, but Tom wishes the conch was bigger. That's what she said! Richard wants to show uniqueness (shocker). The pasta was definitely unique and fooled many into thinking it was really pasta. Gail points out it wasn't necessarily using Bahamian ingredients. The judges think the dishes were cooked perfectly, except that Tiffany's chowder was cold, which is the total opposite of what chowder should be. Gail loved the savory pinenapple, which is sacrilegious to me. Tom didn't like the use of butter so let's hope he doesn't take a vacation to the Bahamas with Paula Deen. The winner of the challenge is Mike and I want to slam my laptop. Seriously, if he wins this season he might go down as worst winner ever. The chefs finally send Tiffany home and while I like her, she has been bottom of the barrel for weeks now.

Photo Credits:,,,

March 15, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Finale Where Brad Actually Chooses Someone

3/15/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Finale - The end is finally here! Brad deeply stares out at Capetown, South Africa (as he keeps saying it over and over) waiting for his family to arrive. He pulls the opposite of a Mesnick by getting excited on a balcony railing instead of weeping like a baby. But Brad does weep when he sees his family, including his twin brother who fashioned a shirt out of a picnic cloth. Brad tells his family 100% he'll be proposing to one of the women at the end of this journey and their opinions will validate his decision. Right. Like he'd really propose to 2nd choice because his family's like "mehhh we don't love her."

Chantal meets the family first and is given a crash course in Womack 101. Chantal regales them with the story of their love affair, omitting her producer-staged first night slap though. Brad's brothers interrogate her, hoping that Brad won't have the same problems as before. Chantal explains her divorce, but knows Brad is what she's looking for. In a brotherly chat, Brad's twin and other random brother know Chantal is in love with him and they hope Brad isn't just proposing to not be America's asshole again. Chantal also gets to chattin' with his mom and seems to impress her and calls her "Precious." Aw, weight jokes from Brad's mom. Brad does some voiceover saying like if it works out, he will marry her. Cue everyone on Twitter swooning over Brad popping the question to Chantal.

Emily and that giant grin of hers meet the family second and she is nervous. Brad explains that he didn't meet her family per say, rather he met Emily's daughter. Brad's brother brings up would Ricki's father be OK with the move to Austin- awk-waaaaaard! So Emily immediately has to open up about the plane crash and becoming a single mother, making for a misty eye at the dinner table. Emily tells Brad's brothers she'd 100% accept a proposal and has no doubt about moving to Austin; if she wasn't into him she would've left weeks ago. Brad's brothers really hope Brad understands the responsibility of being a father figure and that he can't do whatever, whenever: family time, yo. Brad gets "the warmest feeling you can't describe" when he thinks of being a dad, which is a very creepy statement. His brothers see that Brad isn't ready to just be a husband, but a dad too. Emily talks to Brad's mom and opens up about how she's fallen in love, how great he was with the kid, she's grateful for meeting him, and Brad's her "angel" which gives his mom a major case of the waterworks. When Brad discusses the 2 girls with his family, there's an overwhelming vote for Emily to be the future Mrs. Brad Womack. Cue Emily lovers on Twitter saying Brad is totally picking Emily.

Is it a rule to begin every date with a jog and a jump into the Bachelor's arms? Brad says his family thinks Emily's the one, but he wants Chantal to show him why she's the one (read: BJs). They get on a yacht and watch the seals frolic until a shark interrupts them and almost eats the seal. Brad lets Chantal know this date is about to get more interesting: they are swimming with the sharks. Chantal is shocked but I think the shark diving cage should've been a dead giveaway. Chantal gets into her wetsuit and opts to come out with her cleavage front and center- I hope sharks aren't attracted to breast implants. She zips up and he's into the cage with Brad where, surprise, they both survive. Just being in a cage near Chantal answers so many questions for Brad (really?) and he loves their chemistry and potential life full of excitement (and unzipped wetsuits). They later have one last night together which is never dinner and bone zone, but time for the girl to give the Bachelor some sort of awkward craft project as a token of their love. Her craft project gift is a message in a bottle, which is a map of the world showing where they visited and probably stars for where they fooled around. It also includes a deep love letter expressing how her world changed since meeting him, loves him, and can't wait to do everything in life with him. He gives a hug and has a huge guilt face. You're getting dumped.

Emily "enthusiastically" greets Brad by making the slowest walk ever to him, not jumping, and just hugging. God, they are so dull together. Brad takes Emily... ON A HELICOPTER!! Emily says she's the happiest girl in the world, but clearly I am for getting one last helicopter date this season. This has to be close to the 10th date- I totally forgot to keep track (update: I went back into the recaps and did some counting- looks like 6 helicopter dates this season). They land at Cape Hope for another picnic, which I'm sure will be thrilled with exciting conversation and passion. Or complete boredom. Emily wants to know if Brad's really truly thought about being a dad because he can't be "cool uncle Brad" anymore and it's not all fun and games. She's very in love but insecure and overanalyzing. Later at the hotel, Emily lets Brad know she had fun today, which is hard to believe considering how dull the date was. Brad lets Emily know that he wants the chance to be an actual father, not a stepfather, to Ricki and love both of them more than she can imagine. Man, if you still think he's picking Chantal at this moment, you're dumb. Emily is pushing back to make sure Brad's ready, really getting defensive, which seems to insult Brad eventhough it's more like "I don't want a bum in my kid's life." Emily feels she screwed herself and I say you bet you did: where is your damn craft project gift? Shame!! Brad feels defeated and is "questioning everything." Dun dun duuuuuun.

After Brad and his ladies ponder their relationships over video package montages, jeweler Neil Laneshows up at Brad's house with his briefcase of rings to give some woman a really expensive freebie. But when this relationship ends in 2 months the show will get the ring back so that's a downer. Brad can't wait to give the gorgeous ring to the woman that makes him so happy. I mean, the ring is gorgeous. Brad has good taste in free stuff. Brad become the Bachelor again to find the feeling he has found here (well, you became The Bachelor again because Chris Lambton shot them down). Brad puts on his suit, while Emily and Chantal put on their prom dresses, and heads to a scenic overlook to propose to his newfound soulmate... oh and crush another. Based solely on Chantal's hideous feather dress, I'd dump her for that.

Chris Harrison escorts the occupant of the first woman to Brad's proposal platform: Chantal. She makes her walk down and Brad gives her a smile and a "you look beautiful" compliment. This will make it sting even more. Brad gives a speech about all the things he's looked for and how Chantal is that and how his family saw what he fell for.... buuuuut he "has strongest feelings for someone else." WHO BRAD?? We can't guess. Chantal cries, Brad keeps blabbing, and she sobs that Emily is very lucky. Brad walks her out and I wish the awkwardness would end because this is always uncomfortable. Then Chantal feels stupid and cries in a limo alone. Well maybe not alone- there is a dead bird on her shoulder.

Brad can't wait to see Emily's beautiful smile and stutter and stammer his proposal to her. Emily shows up in pale pink and looking perfect because she is America's sweetheart. Brad's in awe of her and obviously more handsy than with Chantal. Holding her hands, Brad explains that he knew when the time was right he'd find the right woman (her). He calls Emily his "once in a lifetime" and wants her "forever." He wants to be her BFF and protector and is truly in love with her. He gets down on one knee and pops out that fantastic ring of his, and slips it on her finger (but not before we get a blatant NEIL LANE product placement shot). Brad has loved her for so long (which we kinda knew when he told her like 3 episodes ago) and she's really really happy, or so we're supposed to believe since Emily is kind of emotionless.

After the Final Rose - Following "one of the most emotional finales in Bachelor history" (Chris' words, not mine), is the After the Final Rose reunion special. Before we can find out if Brad and Emily are happily engaged or living a shame of a relationship, we talk to Chantal. Chantal was in love with Brad, thought he was in love with her, thought she would be proposed to, but she doesn't have regrets. Brad comes out to be "confronted" and Chantal's only question is when did Brad know it wasn't going to be her. Brad doesn't want to hurt her but knew very early on he had feelings for Emily, but also felt something for her and didn't want to give up. She doesn't get him saying "she deserved to be at the end," which sounds dumb if he wasn't considering ever picking her. The man wanted to bang around- plain and simple. Chantal's moved on with a new fella, but isn't going to discount what they had together and Brad insists he isn't either.

Chris has a solo chat with Brad to find out where his head and heart is at, and Brad says he's more in love with Emily than ever before. Emily makes every cliche in the book happen to him. Brad lets us know he even tried to marry her during the show and was going to marry her on the AFTR special. But life has been a rollercoaster thanks to the tabloids and exaggerated lies, which has created friction. Chris Harrison reveals that Brad and Emily did in fact break up once, shocking the older ladies in the crowd. Brad says when this works out, they'll know they made it through, but doesn't like when Emily says she just can't do it. Man, sounds like heaven in this relationship! Brad does say in his mind they are still engaged and he's not letting her go. Maybe Emily thinks differently.

Out comes Emily to discuss this up and down relationship, who has added some highlights and lowlights to her hair which looks a lot better. Emily is so excited to see him and by golly, has a personality for once! She also considers them an engaged couple, taking away the aura of that mystery. When asked if a wedding was coming soon, she's not ready and wants to put it off, again blowing the minds of the audience of old ladies. Emily feels there are things that still need to be worked out, like communication, so she's not ready to up and move to Austin. The audience gasps in rage! Emily acknowledges that even when she watches her dates she thinks she's boring and wouldn't pick her. +10 in my book for self awareness. Emily, like every other girl there, puts up guards to avoid more heartbreak but Brad isn't giving up. To get through their obstacles, Brad has to overcome his temper (yikes- not a good sign), which his family even knew about (strike 2). Emily questions why if he was in love early then why didn't he save some things for her, you know like sexy times. Brad has no regrets and insists that proposal was the most special day of his life and his first proposal, regardless of what tabloids say. Emily says she does see them getting married after what seemed like a major question dodge.

The show decides to do some couples pep talks, or intervention, in the form of their only successful relationships: Trista and Ryan, Jason and Molly, and Ali and Roberto. Jason and Molly are the closest to Brad and Emily's story, which tabloid terror and also having a child in the mix. Molly says what bloggers say doesn't matter and just worry about their families: so that means I can still be an asshole, right? To sum it up: you met on reality TV, but you live in the real world and need to learn to be a couple in normal circumstances. It's hard to watch the show, but it's a show and you need to deal with it cause you're the chosen one. To close off the show, Chris shows Brad and Emily's engagement to them, since it's a whole new experience to see it on TV. Emily, who has been ringless, gets her ring back and it's sized correctly. It gives them the smiles and maybe a second wind to the relationship. Or they'll still break up in 2 months.

March 14, 2011

Serving of the Week

3/14/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Name: Richard Hatch
SERVED: Richard Hatch was the original winner of Survivor and the example for all future reality show winners to pay your taxes. After not paying taxes on his million dollar winnings, Hatch was sentenced to prison for tax evasion. He was out of prison on supervised release, and starting last week began to air on this season's Celebrity Apprentice (which was filmed last fall). After being the first project manager, and kicking Keith Patridge's ass, it is Richard who got his ass handed to him: back to the slammer he goes! Hatch was sentenced to another 9 months in the chokey for violating his probation, meaning he'll miss the Celebrity Apprentice finale. SERVED! He also has to pay back taxes in the form of 25% of his gross income for the next 26 months. SERVED again! Oh Richard- crime doesn't pay, but it looks like you'll have to do the next 2 years.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Fancast

March 11, 2011

Charity of the Month for March 2011: Operation Smile - Mikey Smiles

3/11/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served
For my 2011 New Year's resolution, something I never do, I decided that each month of the year I will donate to a different charity. It's the first resolution I've ever kept and each month so far I've posted about the charity on my Tumblr, but I know many people don't follow my Tumblr so I feel like my main blog is a good place to share. At the bottom of this post, I've included links to my January and February charities so you can read about their stories.

This month, my charity to donate to is Operation Smile and towards one specific smile: Mikey Smiles. Mikey is the son of one of my closest college friend's Mike and his wife, Jamie. Mikey was born with a cleft lip and deformed nose, and since then has undergone reconstructive surgery to repair his lip and nose. According to Operation Smile it costs as little as $240 and takes only 45 minutes to make a difference with this cleft palette procedure. With just a small donation to Operation Smile, you can help. Operation Smile helps families that can't afford the surgery get this procedure done free all around the world and bring a smile to every child's face. Click the image below to donate to Operation Smile in honor of my little buddy Mikey and for all future smiles in need of a little repair.

March 10, 2011

Reality Rundown: Survivor Giveth, Top Chef Taketh

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption IslandTop Chef All-Stars

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - The teams fly 5,000 to Tokyo, Japan and head to one badass parking garage where the cars spin around like a Ferris Wheel. The dilemma is a choice between a nonstop flight (Qantas) or a flight that gets in 15 minutes earlier with a connection in Hong Kong (Cathay Pacific). There's some apprehension, but most teams take the Cathay Pacific, though Zev/Justin are able to connect through a different city instead of Hong Kong. Sure enough, the Cathay Pacific flight has a delay, making the Qantas flight the first to arrive. ALWAYS go direct when you can.

When the teams get to the sweet garage and fetch their car, they drive to a dojo which allows me to do my Dirk Diggler "Wanna see my dojo?!" impression to my dog. He's impressed. The dojo is a Roadblock to perform a Yabusame ritual of shooting a bow and arrow off a spinning wooden horse, but they also have to "train" before with stretching and stuff. The Qantas teams lead the pack, while the Cathay Pacific group are having a hell of a time navigating the Tokyo streets (except Zev/Justin who are surprisingly good this season). Worst navigators: Jamie and Cara who accidentally sideswipe a car. The offer the guy money but he'd rather have the police come. And suddenly my pick to win falls to the bottom.

The next clue brings the teams to a railway station where there's a station of a kid riding a bear (always a safe message to send). The clue is a Detour: take place in a Shinto cleansing ritual and stand under a waterfall or stripe into their skivvies and get pelted in mud, searching for a frog. The mud looks more fun only due to the Japanese guys belly flopping to splash them. Zev/Justin are the first team to complete the Detour and receive the clue to drive the the Pit Stop at Commodore Perry's Landing. Another anchor monument? Is there a theme this season? Over at the purity ritual, Flight Time/Big Easy accidentally grab Ron/Christina's fanny pack thinking it was theirs; they leave it back in the changing room for them to find it.

Zev/Justin are team #1 (again) and this leg win a trip to Costa Rica. The rest of the teams are still searching in the mud for frogs as the night gets progressively colder. Mike wants to quit the mud, while Mel doesn't want to stop, but after urging Mike and Mel warm up in an ambulance at the task. Jaime/Cara arrive at the task during this time and find a frog pretty quickly, though they had no idea Mike/Mel were in the ambulance. Jaime/Cara are team #9 and I did NOT predict the week 3 elimination! Mike and Mel are eliminated and while I love them, I was getting tired of Mike crying over thinking Mel was going to keel over and die somewhere random in the world. He chose his dad's health over the race and that is a nice story. And my pick to win is still in it. Win/win. I'm selfish.

The Biggest Loser - Each team has to pick a team captain to lead them, plus they will have to make decisions on behalf of their team and some of them all alone. Red team picks Justin (the dude with the scraggly beard) and the black team picks Marci (the last mom standing). They also get new hoodies with captain C's on them, just like Charlie Conway ("Good work, Captain Duck"). First order of business: only one person is allowed in the kitchen and the leader must choose the person. Marci selects Olivia for the black team and everyone is pleased. The other twist is that day only 2 people could work out with the trainers: Hannah and Sarah are picked because Marci felt their life stories could relate together, which Hannah isn't a fan of. The red team is given the same orders and Kaylee and Ken (who is also deemed team chef) are given the training in Justin's team goal of healing. The rest of the teammates all find ways to work out on their own, while the the losers with trainers drop a few pounds courtesy of tears.

The teams meet up in the darkness of the cold night in a muddy field. They have to cross 100 yards through an obstacle course but never touch the ground; winning team gets $6,000. Huh? They have to make these red pad/disk things across while crossing. The team captain also determines where everyone starts in the race- some the entire time, some later. The black team is able to win the challenge, especially since red hits the ground a few times and has to back peddle. Girl power!

Weigh-in time and I'm finally noticing how thin many losers are looking. Team captain Justin starts the red team off nicely with 8lbs lost. His team soon follows suit with solid weight loss this week. Even Kaylee, who lost 1lb last week over 14 days, loses 5lbs. The red team loses 44lbs (2.61%), meaning the black team has to lose more than 35lbs, or 5lbs per person. Marci shows her team how it's done with a 5lb loss- she's down to 162lbs now which is pretty damn impressive. As more players weigh in with 5lbs, it looks like the ladies could triumph again. The bad news is when Olivia only loses 2lbs, throwing off the momentum towards 35lbs, citing that she spent too much time in the kitchen this week. Hannah then loses 2lbs too, meaning Jen has a 12lb deficit to make up (doubtful- she loses 1lb).

Marci, who was willing to sacrifice herself for the girls, is the biggest loser on her team so she is immune. Much like last week, that original trainer bond keeps them together (except Marci who votes for Olivia) and Sarah is voted out of the game. Though for the fun of it, Sarah's vote is for Jen because she believes if there's the return to the game challenge there always is, Jen would make it back.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Pre-Redemption Island stuff. No surprise: Phillip is annoying his camp, sweeping around camp while tribemates try to sleep. They also are tired of seeing his saggy pink underwear. Phillip realizes he's an outsider, but acknowledges he's older, but also knows he's needs to be "in" to stay in the game. Phillip finds the tree mail about the 2 Redemption Island viewers. Russell's lackeys are missing him back at camp and swear he will dominate on Redemption Island. Ralph decides to let his alliance of 6 know that he is in possession of the immunity idol and they jump for joy (one person literally).

Russell meets Matt at Redemption Island, but RESSELL thought Francesca was there so he realizes he's been lied to the whole time. Sarita and Ralph from Zapatera and Phillip and Kristina from Ometepe are this week's witnesesses. The challenge is to arrange blocks like dominoes and set it off at the end to release a ball. Matt takes a lead and makes a move to try: it doesn't work! So he has to reset the first half, giving Russell a chance, but he also falls short. Suspense! It's quick working but Matt resets and tips the blocks and WINS! Matt wins Redemption Island and stays in the game. Russell? CRYING. Keels over and cries. Russell of course wipes up the tears to shit all over his old tribemates and their choice to get rid of him. Ralph isn't taking it and informs Russell that he has the idol and found it 15 seconds in; he's about to show it, but Sarita makes him stop. But Russell knows he's lying, Phillip is such a pro at reading people he knows it's a lie too. So now Ometepe knows about the idol and the alliances at Zapatera which is great except it won't matter until a merge. FINALLY, Survivor is Russell free and it feels AMAZING.

Rob uses the Kristina/Phillip-less time to try and find the immunity idol, so he invents some game to distract his tribemates. He then claims he's gotta take a dump for privacy and peaces out to search. The clue basically says it's anyway on the island, so Rob starts digging, tossing rocks, climbing- it's a fun montage, even if I want him gone too. Rob finds the immunity idol in a tree and feels like he's going to win with it. When Phillip and Kristina return, Phillip wants to use the immunity idol knowledge to bond with Rob, but also kinda blackmail Rob to keep him around to learn alliance member names. Phillip wants to keep him and Kristina safe and informs him Ralph has an idol and the tall woman with the hat is running the show (who?). The immediate reaction: you can't trust Phillip.

The immunity challenge is to make good use of their product placement tool kit (Craftsmen!) It's an obstacle course using the tools basically; it's like a very special episode of Tool Time. The winning tribe will also get a barbeque set from Sears including steak, vegetables, and more food. OMG I got hungry again. Zapatera takes a huge lead early on, in part to Ometepe's poor sawing skills, though Ometepe gets a chance to catch up. Stephanie, Russell's #1 Kool Aid drinker, easily gets the knots apart and Zapatera wins award and immunity. Moods are high at their camp as they feast on various grilled meats. Again, I'm hungry.

Ometepe returns a Phillip gives one of his terrible pep talks again, leaving the camp in crickets. The tribe is so over Phillip, so Kristina feels a little safer but also thinks she'd be better if she had the idol. Upon bringing up the idol, the tribemates worry maybe she has it (she doesn't). Rob knows Kristina is a far more dangerous player than Phillip, so they decide to split the votes and then Kristina would be out. The rest of the tribe, especially Grant, isn't as keen on the idea because they just can't tolerate Phillip.

At Tribal Council, Rob brings up Kristina was an outsider who pretty much just joined the tribe. Kristina believes the person to vote off should be the "weakest" and "most destructive," which she reveals to be Phillip (duh). Of course Jeff starts digging for more Phillip nonsense, where he announces he's a "doer," "a shepherd stamp," and some stuff about an honorable discharge from the military. God, I don't know- I lost track and he just keeps yapping. Kristina pleads her case and asks for the opportunity to prove that's she worthy of being trusted. Jeff retrieves the ol' jug of votes as it begins to downpour: in a 4-3 vote, Kristina is heading off the Redemption Island. Kristina is fiesty though and I think maybe she can take out Matt in the Redemption challenge.

Top Chef All-Stars - The chefs arrive in the Bahamas after a break, meaning new hair cuts and colors (OK, just Richard and his new goatee). Walking up to see Padma, Tom, and Eric Bernadin they are startled to see previous winners of Top Chef. The Quickfire is to go head-to-head against the person that won their season. The dish has to highlight an ingredient assigned to them by Tom and each winner of the head-to-head receives $10k. Tiffany makes a pork stew against Kevin's BBQ pork; Tiffany wins, which is a good moment because Kevin was the worst winner ever. Dullsville. Hosea makes a braised leg of lamb and Carla makes jollof rice, but her kitchen mistakes with the rice gives Hosea the win. Stephanie makes veal scallopini and Antonia makes roasted veal; Stephanie wins in a better of two crappy dishes. Stephanie then goes up against Richard, since he was on the same season as Antonia, and his braised veal, so duh, Richard wins since Stephanie's stunk. Michael Voltaggio does duck leg with bacon and crappy Mike makes cashew dusted duck breast; Mike wins for "handling the duck better." UGH. Go away Mike Isabella and your new moobs.

Elimination challenge: create a dish for Bahamian royalty. The judges urge them to not embarass them, but I think a RuPaul's "...and don't fuck it up" would be a better way of stressing the urgency. But screw the challenge, though, cause they're staying at Atlantis! Do the water slide through the shark tank!! Wait, no shark tank clips? Booo. They just go to their rooms and prepare for tomorrow's royal meal. Boring! Carla is still sad she did so poorly in the Quickfire and hopes this sense of being the underdog will give her the push she needs to succeed. Then Mike Isabella has the nerve to claim the women played it safe to make it to the finale and that pisses him off. Yeah I guess "playing it safe" means winning 3 challenges apiece (except Tiffany- she kinda is a clunker this season).

The chefs are picked up and escorted to their dinner where they see some awesome performers in their giant feathered costumes and horn music. Tom meets them outside and it turns out these jazzy dancers ARE the Bahamian royalty: they are the king of Junkanoo, a Mardi Gras festival. Ahhh so much for the snobbish royal dishes. Oh and then while frantically preparing, the deep fryer overheats and catches fire. Everyone is more concerned about their dishes than their lives, but production urges them out. The fire department has to be called to put it out since it's some hotass oil. The deep fryer fire, and the desire to change her dish, is causing Antonia to stress out badly. Tom delivers the bad news that all the food has chemicals on it so they have to start over from scratch; the kitchen is being scrubbed down and they'll cook later. Time for a major re-do! Now the cheftestants have a chance to re-strategize their dishes, making Antonia very happy and Richard ready to challenge himself again with a new idea.

Outdoor judges' table. Carla's dish was too sweet and Gail's pork was unevenly cooked AKA raw. Antonia re-conceived her dish to be less "stuffy" and really less her. The shrimp was overcooked and the pork shoulder looked like school lunch mystery meal, according to Gail. Tom calls it odd. Tiffany made a safe dish that wasn't very complex. While the flavors mention curry, there's hardly a curry burst of flavor. Mike's sauce was the star of his roasted chicken/lobster dish. Richard, who hates anything he does and has no confidence, cooked his lamb well but it was missing something overall to tie it together better. The winner of the challenge is Moobs- I mean, Mike. The chefs leave the table and ponder who will go home while the judges do the same deliberation. And the judges decide Carla has to pack her knives and go. If you can hear it, that is the sound of my heart breaking and me gargling on my own tears. One last Hootie Hoo for the road.... TOP SADNESS.

Photo Credits:,,

March 8, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Rule of Skank

3/08/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
It's the Women Tell All which is pretty much a bore to recap, but because I'm going on vacation for a week in May and may miss recapping other shows, I'm here for you now. Unfortunately my vacation does not include a helicopter ride- damn!

To start the episode, Chris Harrison wraps Brad's therapist up in duct tape for a man-to-man chat with Brad about the experience thus far. From "the slap heard around the world" (Stephen and Irene on Real World: Seattle??), his carnival date with Ashley, that vampire chick and more. Brad explains he liked Shawntel and tried to be a good sport, but his hometown experience on a gurney was awkward. I don't really care, did you?

Segment 2 should be called "Bachelor Pad 2 Casting Session" as hundreds of ex-contestants meet up to get sloppy drunk in front of the cameras, then bang each other when the cameras aren't around. It starts as a cocktail hour but leads to a... ROOFTOP POOL PARTY!! Rozlyn, who allegedly hate an "inappropriate relationship" with a member of the staff, has got to be a shoo-in for the show. Vienna finally cut off her nasty weave and looks better; also, she had sex with Wes behind Gia's back, eventhough they were BFFs. Gia says friends don't do that but in "the rule of skank" you can do it. BEST. PHRASE. EVER.

The Women Tell All portion at long last begins as they introduce each girl, though you probably don't remember 90% of them. Also, recently dumped Ashley H is now a brunette with lots of weave and a fake tan. They discuss how tempers flared quickly and recapped all the dates, like when that weirdo Melissa interrupted the movie scene date to make out with Brad and then fighting with Raichel. Michelle's a focus too because her sarcastic comments are viewed more as bitchy; some random chick tries to defend her, but the others are dorks. The girls forget it's a TV show where entertainment is needed, but Michelle starts to cry when the girls pick on her. My guess: these nobodies are trying really hard to be seen to get their 15 minutes of fame extended with Bachelor Pad. A few girls though are on Team Michelle and appreciate that she came onto the show for the right reasons and admittedly didn't want to make friends.

The show tackles the Melissa/Raichel battle. You remember the epic fight? Oh wait, hardly, because they were eliminated the 2nd episode and no one cared. The only reason I remember is because my roommate is named Rachel so we felt like this was our story played out on TV, minus the hating each other. Raichel puts a large portion of her elimination blame on Melissa, saying she and Brad had a connection. Melissa insists she has no bad feelings and they just don't get along.

Michelle is brought up to the hot seat. I wish I remember to keep the "here for the right reasons" tally cause it's on fire tonight! Being a single mother, Michelle felt like she needed to fight for Brad because she didn't like leaving her daughter for no reason. The girls all snicker while Michelle cries, but she's not surprised the women hate her. She keeps crying and then girls whose names we don't know tear into her, with one loudmouth (Stacy) essentially calling her a bad mother (though Stacy tries to say that's not what she meant. Chris Harrison even yells, "REALLY?!" Jackie calls her shady and I'm wondering if Jackie spoke this much ever since she lasted to like final 6 and I barely knew her name. Michelle didn't necessarily want to talk shit, it's just what the show aired. Chris Harrison, who might have also stolen the therapist's identity, finally puts together than Jackie is more pissed that Brad liked Michelle more than her. Suck it, dullard! Michelle thinks Emily will be the best pick for Brad.

Ashley S, who was dumped on the Vegas date for her house BFF Ashley H, is next on the hot seat. She also was the first impression rose girl, which in many past seasons was the predictor of who would win in the end. Watching herself get dumped again gets her verklempt, which is kind of funny to watch. Like watching yourself cry makes you cry. Ashley felt really optimistic about the experience and her relationship with Brad, but it didn't work and she mostly didn't like when he said she wouldn't be a good wife for him. She knows the perfect guy is out there for her and I hope he, too, likes Silly Bands.

Ashley H and her new fake hair joins Chris Harrison. I think Ashley was OK with it all until Brad suddenly interviewed to the camera that not only did he expect Ashley in the final 2, but he at some points though he would've picked her in the end. Ashley's need for reassurance, though, didn't help and pushed him away. Brad feels sad for her and Ashley realizes she needs to just "be" and not push up so many layers of defense. It's hard for Ashley to admit she loved Brad, especially since she never said it back then. There's regret but "Brad primed me for what has yet to come"- hmmmmmm. So Brad primed her for a really intense weave? Or something bigger? Hmmmm.

I literally yawned when Chris Harrison announced Brad was coming out to talk to the ladies. He apologizes for crushing Ashley S, who gets teary bringing up being called a bad wife for him. Brad gets that Michelle is funny and sarcastic and not a nasty bitch. Ashley H apologizes for being so insecure with him, but Brad also says maybe he wasn't the guy that would make her feel secure like she needed. They hug. I'm bored. We then learn Brad volunteered at a school in South Africa while down there for his dates. They donated solar power to give the school warm water. Brad teases that the woman he picked, he's deeply in love with and has loved her a long time. The hours drags on another 10 minutes with recaps of his final 2 and next week, after a dragged out 2 hour finale, we'll see who Brad picks and who he loooooves so much.

March 7, 2011

Serving of the Week

3/07/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served No comments

Name: Christina Aguilera
SERVED: Christina Aguilera and her current man piece were arrested this week: her for public intoxication and him for a DUI. Public intoxication? I thought only college kids got that when they fall down on the street by a bar or pee on a Dairy Queen? Talk about a humiliating arrest. She wasn't charged but she'll be forever SERVED for having such a stupid crime linked to her. And a hideous mugshot. SERVED even more.

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Photo Credit: E! News

March 3, 2011

Reality Rundown: More Like Russell CANTZ

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption IslandTop Chef All-Stars

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - Picking up where we left off last week, the 1st leg of the race is still on its way. All the teams are well on their way to the next clue (a giant anchor which has a sign-up sheet for chartered flights), except the Cowboys who can't figure out the flag decoding. Mike and Mel are lagging a little, mainly because Mel is kinda old and his body isn't into this race. On the ferry back to land, Mel is exhausted and sickly and Mike cries. 1st flight: Kisha/Jen, Zev/Justin, Jaime/Cara, Margie/Luke, Mel/Mike and Kent/Vyxsin. 2nd flight: the Globetrotters, Amanda/Kris, Ron/Christina, and Gary/Mallory and the Cowboys (which editing made us believe they'd miss it).

The racers arrive at Broken Hill Airport to drive to the Living Desert for the Detour. They can choose between creating a ground mosaic and dancing on it or create aboriginal territorial markers by spitting the paint into stencils. No one wants to really be humiliated by watching them spit on TV, so everything opts for the mosaics, making it pretty chaotic. Kris and Amanda can't choose since they have the U-Turn, which forces them to complete both tasks. Highlight of the episode is Kent nonstop saying "I need you to get me some children!" for their dance (the kids were unnecessary). Zev/Justin are the first to finish, getting a clue to find the home of the Magpies (a football club and hopefully where Tanya Turner is hiding out).

While teams anticipate a soccer, I mean football task, instead they have to dress as kangaroos, hopping through a mining town, finding streets named after periodic table of elements. So while opting out of spitting humiliation is an another, hopping around in a kangaroo suit in unavoidable. Zev and Justin check in as team #1, the 2nd week in a row where I'm surprised who is in the lead. But unfinished business remains as-is for Amanda and Kris who, thanks to their U-Turn much like their first go-round, are eliminated from the race.

The Biggest Loser - As the black team lets it sink in that 2 players are gone, Alison brings the red team in for an announcement: they're going home for two weeks. Everyone is excited because I guess they forget most people tank the first time home. Also, they will all compete in a 5k when they return to the ranch, so let's hope they don't screw around too much.

Everyone returns home to cheers and tears. The magic is short-lived as some go back to work (Courtney at her "family ice cream shop" AKA Dairy Queen) and others get mentally psyched out by delicious foods. Arthur and his recently eliminated dad keep on training, and discuss dad's substance abuse problems of the past. Austin's 21st birthday is while he's home and he doesn't want to be a party pooper at the bowling alley. Talk about will power: he resists the beer, french fries, and all the junk even though his friends are kinda like "have one!" Shitty friends torturing him with delicious cheesecake. Working out at home proves troublesome for some, like Hannah who lives in the boroughs on New York City, having to take the train into town to get a good distance going. No one seems to really falter and realizes the new life on their hands as they get skinnier and healthier.

Two weeks apparently flies by and the losers are back on the ranch and ready for their 5k (on treadmills). Each loser will run 5k all alone and they will pick trainers again in order of how they finish the challenge. Uhhh why? Everyone will pick the same, right? 7 to Bob/Jillian, 7 to Cara/Brett (I honestly forgot his name). Basically the only wild card is Jen, who was traded to red by Arthur and hellbent on getting Bob/Jillian back; if she can get them back, the teams could definitely get shaken up. Jen does in fact finish in the top 7, so someone from the original red team will soon be rockin' a black shirt. Sarah, whose mom went home last week, puts little effort and leaves the game in everyone else's hands, which is pathetic. Eventually Sarah takes the game into her hands and actually tries, though it's probably easy to beat Arthur. We aren't getting the verdict on the teams until the weigh-in. Aw boo-urns waiting.

Wait, weigh-in is a mere second away! Samantha Jean Brady informs the trainers of this week's twist. The teams are basically the same before, except for the obvious swap of Jen back to Bob/Jillian and therefore a person from black going to red. That unlucky person is Arthur, after Sarah chose to stay with Bob and Jillian, and now he is a dead man walking should red team lose the weigh-in. Arthur comes out in his new red shirt sobbing, which is such a downer, and Bob/Jillian assure him it'll be fine. Arthur doesn't feel the same.

The black team, all dominated by independent women, have a great week on the scale with every member of the team having double digit losses. Though if they were home for 2 weeks I guess this would make sense at about 5-ish lbs a week so it's actually normal to see big numbers. After the amazing 5.62% loss of the black team, the red team has to lose over 120lbs to win the weigh-in. Things start greating when Rulon loses 17lbs but when Ken and Moses only lose 5lbs, well that's a big clunker. Then Moses' daughter Kaylee loses 1lb. Arthur is the last to weigh-in and has a good shot at immunity on his team if he can lose 18lbs, if not, the red team will definitely vote him off. Beep beep beep beep, Arthur loses 16lbs and the tears start but are quickly halted because 16lbs is still good considering he used to be 600lbs. Jillian screams at Arthur to fight, fight to stay here because they've all been fighting for him to stick around. Bob implores the losers to forget about the game and remember this is someone's life, that alliances could dictate this man's chance at being healthy.

In the elimination room, despite the pleas to keep Arthur around that he needs it most, they still vote Arthur off.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Matt arrives at Redemption Island, surprising Francesqua who assumed it would be Phillip. They receive a clue the next morning to meet at an arena for their duel. But it won't be to blind eyes: each team will send 2 people (chosen by stone draw) to go to Redemption Island who will serve as witnesses. Ometepe has Andrea and Ashley going, while Zapatera is Steve and David. I won't lie, I didn't love this twist: I prefer the idea that no one still in the game would have an idea about what happened at Redemption Island. The challenge is to use long self-constructed sticks to retrieve keys to undo padlocks: winner stays on Redemption Island, loser is out of the game for good. Francesca takes an early lead, but around key 3 her stick isn't working out so great. Matt spends more time focusing on the stick and begins to catch up. Ah, tense! It's head-to-head, so tense, and Matt retrieves his third key and begins to open his locks. Matt wins the first duel and Francesca aka Franquesca is eliminated for good, tossing her buff into the fire.

Ometepe is so excited the plan went through at Tribal council to blindside Matt and flush out Christina's idol. An alliance is made between Rob, Phillip, Grant, Natalie and Ashley. Upon learning that Matt is pissed about being voted off, Rob approaches Andrea to make some amends, or really save face, though Andrea doesn't really buy it.

At Zapatera, the witness twist actually matters, as Steve and David tell Russell that Francesca won the duel and sent Matt home. The plan is to make Russell feel like he'll run Redemption Island too, but get a reality check when someone who could actually beat him is still there. Troll man still continues his quest for the immunity idol. Stephanie points out that if they can't find a real idol, make everyone believe there's a fake one by being protective of her bag. Craft project! Russell's horrible inside begins to come to the outside, as his underarms grow these weird puss lesion thingies. It's gross. His tribe is tired of him and his "harem" and know it's goal #1 to eliminate Russell. Steve suggests throwing the challenge and which is a tough call, so they made a signal: thumbs up means "let's throw this shit and drown the troll in the river."

The immunity challenge is the return of the awesome water wheel where 3 contestants are strapped and spun around through water, having to swallow it up and spit it out into a bucket to drop a ball into a slide puzzle. Reward is also on the line too with comfort items like chairs, pillows, tarp and a lantern. Zapatera makes the choice to throw it, which is not something older lady Julie is happy about. Rob rocks the puzzle, while David does an obvious job of throwing it. Ometepe wins their first challenge and finally gets a night off from Tribal Council. Now comes the big thing: can Zapatera get rid of the plague that is Russell Hantz?

Back at the winning camp, everyone begins to frantically search for the newest hidden immunity idol. Rob finds the clue in the fabric of the chair Phillip is sitting in, so moves him away and retrieves the clue. The hunt is on, but Rob is keeping his clue a secret.

Zapatera is ready for their plan to split the votes between Russell and Stephanie in case either has the idol. Russell is pissed that the challenge was thrown and strategizes with Stephanie to pull another person to their side: enter Julie aka Shambo 2, sans mullet, or "old lady" as Russell calls her. Stephanie pulls Julie aside, tells her she has the idol, and Julie likes her chances since Russell has been to the end before. Stephanie calls this the "biggest blindside ever" because she is dumb and clearly has never seen true epic blindsides that this show has produced. But if Russell stays, it would be a huge sign of, what's the word? Um.. apocalypse.

At Tribal Council, shocker, everything is about Russell. The players worry he is playing the same game as he always does. While I hate anyone aligned with Russell, Stephanie does understand it's important to win, have numbers, and eventually they will all stab each other in the back. The tribe insists they didn't throw the challenge. Stephanie, who I want to like cause she's smart, won't shut up defending Russell. The votes are cast and it becomes a tie-race between Russell (or RESSELL as one person writes who is beyond amazing) and Ralph, until more votes for Stephanie pop up: three way tie! So Stephanie, Russell and Ralph can't vote and everyone else re-votes. The re-vote makes my night when Russell is voted out of the game, but now he stands one last chance with Redemption Island. Let's hope the challenge is related to being nice for a long amount of time.

Top Chef All-Stars - Padma surprises the cheftestants in their home and she immediately can't tolerate being in this shithole and asks them to meet her on the roof. On the roof, the chefs have the Quickfire which is to head on over to Ellis Island and they will cook on the boat using the food available there, like chips, nachos, ramen, etc and only the time of the ride to prepare. Richard apparently has military MREs with him so opts to finally use that. Useful packing I guess? Richard makes a banh mi sandwich (nom nom nom). Tiffany makes nachos and popcorn with pineapples and mangos and Mike makes bread soup with hot dog buns but tries to make it sound awesome. Carla makes an orange and papaya salad, while Antonia makes a grilled cheese with apples and raisins. The winner of the Quickfire is Carla (yesssss- hootie hoo)!

The Elimination Challenge, inspired by Ellis Island, is to create a perfect dish representing their ancestry. A genealogist pulled together their family trees to give each chef an idea of their family history and then some special guests to help them with the genealogy report: their family! The cheftestants read their family trees and talk what food to make. Eventhough Tom Coliccio hates okra, Tiffany is going for it. Carla is going for Southern food again, despite her previous misfire, and Mike and Antonia are long-distance relatives. Oh god, emancipate yourself. Kisses, hugs, and lots of love later, the chefs head home. The next morning the chefs get into a Toyota Highlander, which they learn is the prize for the challenge winner. It'll probably get recalled in a week.

It's the final dinner in New York before the final 4 travel to wherever. The table is full of judges and their loved ones, and they discuss the cheftestants growing up but do not show Mike Isabella's humiliating childhood/teen photos. Mike makes potato gnocchi with a pork ragu, a staple of his grandmother. Antonia's dish is braised veal over risotto, a dish she imagines she would cook for her husband back in old Italian days. Tiffany has braised short ribs with mustard greens with pig feet and okra and it makes her mom very happy, but also is okra that satisfies an okra-hating Tom. Richard's meal, a mix of his Irish/British culture, is potatoes, corn, pickled glass warts, short ribs, and bone marrow. Sorry, was he planning to give the dog something to munch on? Carla is last to serve her food and presents the table with braised pork shoulder with grits and cheddar biscuits.

The cheftestants cheer in the stew room before being called in to the judges' table for the toughest decision yet. Carla's biscuits were beautiful and the broth has a "roundness" to it. Carla even used liquid nitrogen to make her grits, showing some range and willingness to experiment. Richard's puree of corn was reminiscent of mashed potatoes and all the flavors blended well together. Antonia is given kudos for the risotto and the veal shank was perfect. Tiffany converted Tom to an okra fan, with a rich slime rather than a slimey slime. Mike made great gnocchi with a rich but not overpowering flavor; his mom's advice paid off and she said the gnocchi was just like the ones his grandmother made. The winner of the challenge is Antonia and she is on a potential steady track to victory... in the Bahamas! Mike is next selected to head to the final 4, and then Padma totally psychs out Richard to make him think he's out (he's not, he's in). Despite an amazing meal, someone has to pack their knives and that someone is... no one. PSYCH OUT. They're both in, it was too tough. You sonsofbitches had me terrified.

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