March 15, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Finale Where Brad Actually Chooses Someone

3/15/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Finale - The end is finally here! Brad deeply stares out at Capetown, South Africa (as he keeps saying it over and over) waiting for his family to arrive. He pulls the opposite of a Mesnick by getting excited on a balcony railing instead of weeping like a baby. But Brad does weep when he sees his family, including his twin brother who fashioned a shirt out of a picnic cloth. Brad tells his family 100% he'll be proposing to one of the women at the end of this journey and their opinions will validate his decision. Right. Like he'd really propose to 2nd choice because his family's like "mehhh we don't love her."

Chantal meets the family first and is given a crash course in Womack 101. Chantal regales them with the story of their love affair, omitting her producer-staged first night slap though. Brad's brothers interrogate her, hoping that Brad won't have the same problems as before. Chantal explains her divorce, but knows Brad is what she's looking for. In a brotherly chat, Brad's twin and other random brother know Chantal is in love with him and they hope Brad isn't just proposing to not be America's asshole again. Chantal also gets to chattin' with his mom and seems to impress her and calls her "Precious." Aw, weight jokes from Brad's mom. Brad does some voiceover saying like if it works out, he will marry her. Cue everyone on Twitter swooning over Brad popping the question to Chantal.

Emily and that giant grin of hers meet the family second and she is nervous. Brad explains that he didn't meet her family per say, rather he met Emily's daughter. Brad's brother brings up would Ricki's father be OK with the move to Austin- awk-waaaaaard! So Emily immediately has to open up about the plane crash and becoming a single mother, making for a misty eye at the dinner table. Emily tells Brad's brothers she'd 100% accept a proposal and has no doubt about moving to Austin; if she wasn't into him she would've left weeks ago. Brad's brothers really hope Brad understands the responsibility of being a father figure and that he can't do whatever, whenever: family time, yo. Brad gets "the warmest feeling you can't describe" when he thinks of being a dad, which is a very creepy statement. His brothers see that Brad isn't ready to just be a husband, but a dad too. Emily talks to Brad's mom and opens up about how she's fallen in love, how great he was with the kid, she's grateful for meeting him, and Brad's her "angel" which gives his mom a major case of the waterworks. When Brad discusses the 2 girls with his family, there's an overwhelming vote for Emily to be the future Mrs. Brad Womack. Cue Emily lovers on Twitter saying Brad is totally picking Emily.

Is it a rule to begin every date with a jog and a jump into the Bachelor's arms? Brad says his family thinks Emily's the one, but he wants Chantal to show him why she's the one (read: BJs). They get on a yacht and watch the seals frolic until a shark interrupts them and almost eats the seal. Brad lets Chantal know this date is about to get more interesting: they are swimming with the sharks. Chantal is shocked but I think the shark diving cage should've been a dead giveaway. Chantal gets into her wetsuit and opts to come out with her cleavage front and center- I hope sharks aren't attracted to breast implants. She zips up and he's into the cage with Brad where, surprise, they both survive. Just being in a cage near Chantal answers so many questions for Brad (really?) and he loves their chemistry and potential life full of excitement (and unzipped wetsuits). They later have one last night together which is never dinner and bone zone, but time for the girl to give the Bachelor some sort of awkward craft project as a token of their love. Her craft project gift is a message in a bottle, which is a map of the world showing where they visited and probably stars for where they fooled around. It also includes a deep love letter expressing how her world changed since meeting him, loves him, and can't wait to do everything in life with him. He gives a hug and has a huge guilt face. You're getting dumped.

Emily "enthusiastically" greets Brad by making the slowest walk ever to him, not jumping, and just hugging. God, they are so dull together. Brad takes Emily... ON A HELICOPTER!! Emily says she's the happiest girl in the world, but clearly I am for getting one last helicopter date this season. This has to be close to the 10th date- I totally forgot to keep track (update: I went back into the recaps and did some counting- looks like 6 helicopter dates this season). They land at Cape Hope for another picnic, which I'm sure will be thrilled with exciting conversation and passion. Or complete boredom. Emily wants to know if Brad's really truly thought about being a dad because he can't be "cool uncle Brad" anymore and it's not all fun and games. She's very in love but insecure and overanalyzing. Later at the hotel, Emily lets Brad know she had fun today, which is hard to believe considering how dull the date was. Brad lets Emily know that he wants the chance to be an actual father, not a stepfather, to Ricki and love both of them more than she can imagine. Man, if you still think he's picking Chantal at this moment, you're dumb. Emily is pushing back to make sure Brad's ready, really getting defensive, which seems to insult Brad eventhough it's more like "I don't want a bum in my kid's life." Emily feels she screwed herself and I say you bet you did: where is your damn craft project gift? Shame!! Brad feels defeated and is "questioning everything." Dun dun duuuuuun.

After Brad and his ladies ponder their relationships over video package montages, jeweler Neil Laneshows up at Brad's house with his briefcase of rings to give some woman a really expensive freebie. But when this relationship ends in 2 months the show will get the ring back so that's a downer. Brad can't wait to give the gorgeous ring to the woman that makes him so happy. I mean, the ring is gorgeous. Brad has good taste in free stuff. Brad become the Bachelor again to find the feeling he has found here (well, you became The Bachelor again because Chris Lambton shot them down). Brad puts on his suit, while Emily and Chantal put on their prom dresses, and heads to a scenic overlook to propose to his newfound soulmate... oh and crush another. Based solely on Chantal's hideous feather dress, I'd dump her for that.

Chris Harrison escorts the occupant of the first woman to Brad's proposal platform: Chantal. She makes her walk down and Brad gives her a smile and a "you look beautiful" compliment. This will make it sting even more. Brad gives a speech about all the things he's looked for and how Chantal is that and how his family saw what he fell for.... buuuuut he "has strongest feelings for someone else." WHO BRAD?? We can't guess. Chantal cries, Brad keeps blabbing, and she sobs that Emily is very lucky. Brad walks her out and I wish the awkwardness would end because this is always uncomfortable. Then Chantal feels stupid and cries in a limo alone. Well maybe not alone- there is a dead bird on her shoulder.

Brad can't wait to see Emily's beautiful smile and stutter and stammer his proposal to her. Emily shows up in pale pink and looking perfect because she is America's sweetheart. Brad's in awe of her and obviously more handsy than with Chantal. Holding her hands, Brad explains that he knew when the time was right he'd find the right woman (her). He calls Emily his "once in a lifetime" and wants her "forever." He wants to be her BFF and protector and is truly in love with her. He gets down on one knee and pops out that fantastic ring of his, and slips it on her finger (but not before we get a blatant NEIL LANE product placement shot). Brad has loved her for so long (which we kinda knew when he told her like 3 episodes ago) and she's really really happy, or so we're supposed to believe since Emily is kind of emotionless.

After the Final Rose - Following "one of the most emotional finales in Bachelor history" (Chris' words, not mine), is the After the Final Rose reunion special. Before we can find out if Brad and Emily are happily engaged or living a shame of a relationship, we talk to Chantal. Chantal was in love with Brad, thought he was in love with her, thought she would be proposed to, but she doesn't have regrets. Brad comes out to be "confronted" and Chantal's only question is when did Brad know it wasn't going to be her. Brad doesn't want to hurt her but knew very early on he had feelings for Emily, but also felt something for her and didn't want to give up. She doesn't get him saying "she deserved to be at the end," which sounds dumb if he wasn't considering ever picking her. The man wanted to bang around- plain and simple. Chantal's moved on with a new fella, but isn't going to discount what they had together and Brad insists he isn't either.

Chris has a solo chat with Brad to find out where his head and heart is at, and Brad says he's more in love with Emily than ever before. Emily makes every cliche in the book happen to him. Brad lets us know he even tried to marry her during the show and was going to marry her on the AFTR special. But life has been a rollercoaster thanks to the tabloids and exaggerated lies, which has created friction. Chris Harrison reveals that Brad and Emily did in fact break up once, shocking the older ladies in the crowd. Brad says when this works out, they'll know they made it through, but doesn't like when Emily says she just can't do it. Man, sounds like heaven in this relationship! Brad does say in his mind they are still engaged and he's not letting her go. Maybe Emily thinks differently.

Out comes Emily to discuss this up and down relationship, who has added some highlights and lowlights to her hair which looks a lot better. Emily is so excited to see him and by golly, has a personality for once! She also considers them an engaged couple, taking away the aura of that mystery. When asked if a wedding was coming soon, she's not ready and wants to put it off, again blowing the minds of the audience of old ladies. Emily feels there are things that still need to be worked out, like communication, so she's not ready to up and move to Austin. The audience gasps in rage! Emily acknowledges that even when she watches her dates she thinks she's boring and wouldn't pick her. +10 in my book for self awareness. Emily, like every other girl there, puts up guards to avoid more heartbreak but Brad isn't giving up. To get through their obstacles, Brad has to overcome his temper (yikes- not a good sign), which his family even knew about (strike 2). Emily questions why if he was in love early then why didn't he save some things for her, you know like sexy times. Brad has no regrets and insists that proposal was the most special day of his life and his first proposal, regardless of what tabloids say. Emily says she does see them getting married after what seemed like a major question dodge.

The show decides to do some couples pep talks, or intervention, in the form of their only successful relationships: Trista and Ryan, Jason and Molly, and Ali and Roberto. Jason and Molly are the closest to Brad and Emily's story, which tabloid terror and also having a child in the mix. Molly says what bloggers say doesn't matter and just worry about their families: so that means I can still be an asshole, right? To sum it up: you met on reality TV, but you live in the real world and need to learn to be a couple in normal circumstances. It's hard to watch the show, but it's a show and you need to deal with it cause you're the chosen one. To close off the show, Chris shows Brad and Emily's engagement to them, since it's a whole new experience to see it on TV. Emily, who has been ringless, gets her ring back and it's sized correctly. It gives them the smiles and maybe a second wind to the relationship. Or they'll still break up in 2 months.