March 8, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Rule of Skank

3/08/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
It's the Women Tell All which is pretty much a bore to recap, but because I'm going on vacation for a week in May and may miss recapping other shows, I'm here for you now. Unfortunately my vacation does not include a helicopter ride- damn!

To start the episode, Chris Harrison wraps Brad's therapist up in duct tape for a man-to-man chat with Brad about the experience thus far. From "the slap heard around the world" (Stephen and Irene on Real World: Seattle??), his carnival date with Ashley, that vampire chick and more. Brad explains he liked Shawntel and tried to be a good sport, but his hometown experience on a gurney was awkward. I don't really care, did you?

Segment 2 should be called "Bachelor Pad 2 Casting Session" as hundreds of ex-contestants meet up to get sloppy drunk in front of the cameras, then bang each other when the cameras aren't around. It starts as a cocktail hour but leads to a... ROOFTOP POOL PARTY!! Rozlyn, who allegedly hate an "inappropriate relationship" with a member of the staff, has got to be a shoo-in for the show. Vienna finally cut off her nasty weave and looks better; also, she had sex with Wes behind Gia's back, eventhough they were BFFs. Gia says friends don't do that but in "the rule of skank" you can do it. BEST. PHRASE. EVER.

The Women Tell All portion at long last begins as they introduce each girl, though you probably don't remember 90% of them. Also, recently dumped Ashley H is now a brunette with lots of weave and a fake tan. They discuss how tempers flared quickly and recapped all the dates, like when that weirdo Melissa interrupted the movie scene date to make out with Brad and then fighting with Raichel. Michelle's a focus too because her sarcastic comments are viewed more as bitchy; some random chick tries to defend her, but the others are dorks. The girls forget it's a TV show where entertainment is needed, but Michelle starts to cry when the girls pick on her. My guess: these nobodies are trying really hard to be seen to get their 15 minutes of fame extended with Bachelor Pad. A few girls though are on Team Michelle and appreciate that she came onto the show for the right reasons and admittedly didn't want to make friends.

The show tackles the Melissa/Raichel battle. You remember the epic fight? Oh wait, hardly, because they were eliminated the 2nd episode and no one cared. The only reason I remember is because my roommate is named Rachel so we felt like this was our story played out on TV, minus the hating each other. Raichel puts a large portion of her elimination blame on Melissa, saying she and Brad had a connection. Melissa insists she has no bad feelings and they just don't get along.

Michelle is brought up to the hot seat. I wish I remember to keep the "here for the right reasons" tally cause it's on fire tonight! Being a single mother, Michelle felt like she needed to fight for Brad because she didn't like leaving her daughter for no reason. The girls all snicker while Michelle cries, but she's not surprised the women hate her. She keeps crying and then girls whose names we don't know tear into her, with one loudmouth (Stacy) essentially calling her a bad mother (though Stacy tries to say that's not what she meant. Chris Harrison even yells, "REALLY?!" Jackie calls her shady and I'm wondering if Jackie spoke this much ever since she lasted to like final 6 and I barely knew her name. Michelle didn't necessarily want to talk shit, it's just what the show aired. Chris Harrison, who might have also stolen the therapist's identity, finally puts together than Jackie is more pissed that Brad liked Michelle more than her. Suck it, dullard! Michelle thinks Emily will be the best pick for Brad.

Ashley S, who was dumped on the Vegas date for her house BFF Ashley H, is next on the hot seat. She also was the first impression rose girl, which in many past seasons was the predictor of who would win in the end. Watching herself get dumped again gets her verklempt, which is kind of funny to watch. Like watching yourself cry makes you cry. Ashley felt really optimistic about the experience and her relationship with Brad, but it didn't work and she mostly didn't like when he said she wouldn't be a good wife for him. She knows the perfect guy is out there for her and I hope he, too, likes Silly Bands.

Ashley H and her new fake hair joins Chris Harrison. I think Ashley was OK with it all until Brad suddenly interviewed to the camera that not only did he expect Ashley in the final 2, but he at some points though he would've picked her in the end. Ashley's need for reassurance, though, didn't help and pushed him away. Brad feels sad for her and Ashley realizes she needs to just "be" and not push up so many layers of defense. It's hard for Ashley to admit she loved Brad, especially since she never said it back then. There's regret but "Brad primed me for what has yet to come"- hmmmmmm. So Brad primed her for a really intense weave? Or something bigger? Hmmmm.

I literally yawned when Chris Harrison announced Brad was coming out to talk to the ladies. He apologizes for crushing Ashley S, who gets teary bringing up being called a bad wife for him. Brad gets that Michelle is funny and sarcastic and not a nasty bitch. Ashley H apologizes for being so insecure with him, but Brad also says maybe he wasn't the guy that would make her feel secure like she needed. They hug. I'm bored. We then learn Brad volunteered at a school in South Africa while down there for his dates. They donated solar power to give the school warm water. Brad teases that the woman he picked, he's deeply in love with and has loved her a long time. The hours drags on another 10 minutes with recaps of his final 2 and next week, after a dragged out 2 hour finale, we'll see who Brad picks and who he loooooves so much.