April 29, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Night the Spelling Errors Died

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption Island

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - After a Ford Focus product placement reminder, we find out the teams are heading to Liechtenstein via train (and yes I had to pause to get that transcribed). There's also a Double U-Turn ahead which should be interesting since the number of teams is considerably lower. The trains stop in Austria, requiring a chaotic cab drive to the border which normally would be like BFD, but since that double U-Turn is ahead every is paranoid. Especially Gary and Mallory whose cabbie is using a GPS and they have a speed bump to complete for being last in the previous leg.

First clue is a Roadblock for one person to measure the entire length of Liechtenstein (22 kilometers) via little moped things. If the racer doesn't get the distance correct, they have to return to the beginning and measure again. They get to rock sweet helmets and goggles; they look like that Mouse on a Motorcycle book (Ralph!). Before Gary and Mallory can hop on their Solex (moped-thing), they have to gas theirs as a speed bump. Every racer has a map to follow, which leads to some wrong turns and turnarounds, Jen drops hers, and Vixen just can't understand it. Jet the Cowboy gets lost and ends up with a wrong count, getting sent back to the beginning and allowing Gary a shot to erase the speed bump delay. Zev/Justin, Jen/Kisha finish first and give Flight Time the distance, who also shares it with Gary. It's basically operation ditch the Cowboys.

The next clue sends racers back on the train to cross the Alps to Switzerland. Oh I hope there's a chocolate eating challenge! Close: the detour is to eat a big-ass pot of cheese fondue or deliver 20 pieces of luggage from the train station. Um, cheese please x1,000. It takes Jen/Kisha about 5 bites before switching; Zev encourages Justin to suck up the cheese and finish. Zev houses that cheese like nobody's biz, while Justin "pulls the trigger" to get the cheese out; it takes them about 53 minutes to eat it and lots of amazing faces (see: left). All the other teams opt for the luggage which has the pro of getting to wear delightful bellhop uniforms. It's like working for the Tower of Terror! Everyone seems to be OK until the Globetrotters are supposed to be done and apparently lost 2 of their luggage tickets. Ffffff.

The Double U-Turn is ahead at their next clue. Zev/Justin arrive first at the fountain clue and don't U-Turn anyone- boo! They instead board an electric taxi to the pit stop, check is as team #1, and win a trip to Curacao. Wait, Curacao is a place and not just an electric blue liquor?? Kisha/Jen decline to U-Turn as well and I wonder if these teams are so serious about getting rid of the Cowboys, why won't anyone step up and U-Turn them? Kent/Vyxsin already used the U-Turn, Gary/Mallory pass it up. It's a Globetrotter/Cowboy footrace to avoid the U-Turn and get to the pit stop. The Globetrotters arrive and decide they need to U-Turn the Cowboys to assure their safety, despite liking them as a team. Jet and Cord enjoy dining on their cheese and are eliminated at the pit stop.

The Biggest Loser - One hour episode, yay! Gone are the days of bungee jumping off of 11,000ft buildings in New Zealand, returning is the sweaty ranch and team-colored bedrooms. This week is being dubbed "favorites week" where they are bringing back favorite contestants- fingers crossed for crazy eyes Vicky! First introduction of favorites is Sam and Ali, season 5 and first female winner of the show. Sam is that hot piece Tongan, now a trainer at the Biggest Loser Fitness Lodge, who got engaged to a fellow contestant from his season, so sadly he's off the market. Sam's trivia bit is that when he left the show, he was already to his goal-weight on the ranch. Rulon mentions he's just 15lbs away from his goal weight. Hmmm foreshadowing. Ali and Sam train the losers and I think the show should look no further than ex-contestants becoming future trainers on this show. It makes sense because they truly understand the experience from both angles. Think about it.

After a meal tip of swapping mayonnaise from hummus (I'll stick with mustard), the losers head to a racecar track for their challenge. Some NASCAR dude named Clint who drives the Wheaties car uses racing metaphors to discuss perseverance and to watch the losers pull cars. Yes, it's that awesome challenge where they have to use their body to pull cars and they will face off the champion of that challenge (and many challenges), Tara. The prize is to be Clint's guest at some race (zzz) and get their face on a collector's box of Wheaties (awesome!), along with $5,000. Rulon wants to win so bad, but man Tara is a beast and totally keeping up with the Olympic jock, then switching up to a run. In a photo finish between Tara and Rulon (Austin pretty close but it's not him), but tis the grand champion Tara who wins again. Bitch always be winning prizes.

During the last chance workout, Rulon expresses to Cara that he'd kinda like to leave and finish his weight-loss without the competition aspect. At the weigh-in, Ali gives Rulon a chance to make his speech, which he announces is his last time on the scale. He wants to leave for personal reasons (insert a disgusted Jillian Michaels face). It definitely is a Biggest Loser first. The losers breathe a sigh of relief because they figure they're good to go, but nope, there's still a yellow line and someone is still getting voted off. One hour episode and 2 people eliminated? Wahoo!

In milestones, Irene makes it to the 100lb loss mark (101 to be exact). Kaylee continues to stun the world by gaining 2lbs and to that I say: peace out, go home. Olivia has a great week with 6lbs lost, making her total 99lbs now. Irene falls below the yellow line with Kaylee. Irene is a threat so they could eliminate her since Kaylee is a total flop. Luckily, the losers make a correct decision and finally vote Kaylee out, or like even if there's a tie she'd go home or something. Whatever, Kaylee's out but dating Vance, the kid who tried to get on the show week 13 with his mom but failed. And she wants to be an MMA fighter- awesome.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Back at camp, Steve and Phillip make shake it off; Phillip doesn't buy it. Steve just wants to move past it and hopefully avoid the false accusations of being a racist. Rob still hopes the antics continue because that will guarantee Phillip a spot in the finals with him, and clearly a win.

Not a win: Phillip walking around camp with no shorts. Luckily a vision of his Cherokee Indian great great grandfather's vision came to him and said, "Your underpants are here Phillip" (or really, look near the drinking water). Sure enough, Phillip finds the shorts hidden under a rock. Phillip says it's "frutile" to hide it from him because being a secret agent helped him find hidden swimtrunks. He can't wait to show off his shizz to Julie, now joining Matt and Mike at Redemption Island.

Speaking of Redemption Island, Matt is pretty downtrodden and seems a bit checked out of the game. Matt doesn't know why god still wants him still there and has "literally been carrying him the last 4 days." Someone break out your "Footsteps" poem because apparently there is only one set of footprints in the sand since Matt is piggy-backing on god. Well, let's see god's lifting in acting: truel time! The game is shuffleboard; first two to get all of their pucks in the end zone stay in the game. Everybody knows god LOVES shuffleboard so it makes total sense that Matt wins again. Also staying in the game: Mike. This means Julie is gone. Call it swimtrunk karma.

Post-truel, Andrea is starting to feel the guilt for being a shitty friend to Matt. Grant and Rob take a private walk and decide that when the time comes Andrea should definitely get the ax first since she's not dumb like the other two girls and don't like that she sympathizes with Matt.

The immunity challenge is right away and returns to the Fabio pee pool yet again. It's a head-to-head log roll balance competition. There is also a reward of a chocolate cake and milk. Holy shit, I'd be trying so hard right now. After a few rounds, the final match-up is between Grant and Ralph. Grant wins immunity and chocolate cake while Ralph leaves with a wet sweater, I mean chest. Grant gets to share his cake with two people, so he selects Rob (his BFF) and Andrea (to make her feel like she's tight with them, but she's not). Before the two minute cake binge, Probst tosses a wrapped mystery box to bring along unopened to Tribal. It's actually Probst's secret diary of Russell love.

Murlonio speculates what could be in that mystery clue, though Steve and Ralph sort of stay on the sidelines. Steve is pretty ready to go, but Ralph is a competitor, so Rob informs his tribemates to vote off Ralph. If a second person has to get voted out, it's Andrea. Steve approaches Natalie and Ashley to try to vote off Rob, but they're so cultish that they brush it off and immediately tell Rob. Now Rob is threatened so Steve goes back on his radar and Andrea drops down.

At Tribal Council, Zapatera believes Ralph will get eliminated for being a stronger competitor, but Ometepe doesn't necessarily believe Steve is a quitter. Andrea also feels Ometepe is a strong 6. Steve urges the others to remember that Rob will cut anyone's throat to get to the end, ala Lex in the original All Star season to save Amber. The Ometepe 6 have only hydrated themselves with Boston Rob Kool Aid and vote off Ralph. But alas, it's twist time! They are competing in the next immunity challenge right now, then voting someone out right away.

The immunity challenge is a repeat the symbol pattern thingy. Rob ends up winning immunity, of course, giving Jeff the chance to swoon, "Nice job, Mariano." In the least shocking, most boring vote ever, Steve is eliminated, keeping it to the Ometepe 6. At least the game will get interesting when everyone starts backstabbing and hopefully something interesting happens on Redemption Island.

Photo Credits: Best Week Ever, CBS.com, Survivor.com

April 25, 2011

Serving of the Week

4/25/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment

Name: Antoine Dodson
SERVED: Antoine Dodson became an overnight cultural phenomenon after his larger than life personality shone through on a news piece about his sister being attacked in her apartment. The clip was viral, his face on t-shirts, a #1 Halloween costume, and Autotune the News turned his interview into a #1 single, garnering him enough to buy a home for his family. This week dear Antoine is getting SERVED for being pulled over by the police and being charged with speeding, failing to appear on a previous traffic charge, failing to have insurance and marijuana possession. Wait, you've made all this money and still don't have car insurance? SERVED. Just because you're a minor internet sensation doesn't mean you're above the law. As Antoine would say, "you are dumb. for real." Hide yo kids, hide yo wife cause I'm SERVIN' errbody up in herr.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: TMZ

April 22, 2011

Reality Rundown: White Rice is Racist

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption Island

The Amazing Race - The teams head to Vienna, Austria to drive some product placement Fords. Because if there's any place to drive a Ford Focus, it's Austria. A lot of time focuses on the travel agents, where everyone's flight arrive at 5:35AM, except the Cowboys who arrive at 6:00AM. Inside the Ford Focus is a more egregious product placement, including the video screen, back-up camera, etc. Dear god, it's worse than the Snapple. The backup cam reveals their clue, spelt as they drive, which is some long word castle that I'm not in the mood to type. In a goal to make a tired me more sleepy, more time is spent showing the teams buying maps and asking for directions. Snooze!

Zev and Justin are first to arrive to the castle, which sends them to a library via a chick in a wizard's costume or something. In the library, the teams encounter a detour of either carrying a couch from the Sigmund Freud museum to a school he studied at or eat two local means and eat on a dining cart within a 12 minute ferris wheel rotation. I love food, but that spinning would give me the pukes, but I would definitely house that chocolate cake. The quantity of the food is more of a speed bump than the time element. Once Jen and Kisha realize if you fail you have to eat it all again, they peace out for the couches. The others all follow suit after one try.

Teams then drive to Salzburg where their next clue will be at a restaurant. If I see more binge eating, I might hurl. Other things making me hurl: Kent and Vyxsin fighting through another leg. Thankfully, the clue isn't about food, rather it's a Road Block to chimney sweep. Well hellooooo Bert Hoover! Flight Time and Big Easy maintain their lead at the Road Block and head to the Villa Trapp, which was home of the real life Von Trapp family!!! I am dying. I almost said this leg of the race was severely lacking in Von Trapps, but this changed that statement. This is the pit stop, but the Globetrotters get lost, allowing Zev and Justin to sneak into team #1 status and they win Ford Focuses. Gary and Mallory are the last team to check in, but it's yet another non-elimination so they survive another week with merely a lame speed bump ahead.

The Biggest Loser - The losers head to Queenstown AKA Mordor (or just Lord of the Rings but whaevs). No 11,000ft skyscrapers here. Jillian is there to inform the losers teams are over and it's time for singles. Help is coming from all angles, including the sky, which contains a parachuting Brett. I'd like to think he wasn't invited back and instead stalked his way there and is literally crashing down on them to steal his job. He may have taken speed, or at least about 6 extra Dramamine pills, talking a mile a minute in unfinished catchphrases.

Cara takes Hannah and Kaylee cliff jumping because an "11,000ft" skyscraper wasn't enough. I don't know if the mic is distorted, by Cara sounds like she's being sent to the slaughter. The fun is short-edited-in because it's time for workouts AKA when I fast forward because c'mon, 2 hours. I gots 16 and Pregnant to watch. There's also some trainer/loser talks that are pseudo-therapy sessions, obviously leading into the fact that Kaylee and Hannah are probably near the end of the road.

The losers meet Alison again, who's at the top of a bridge with, surprise surprise, a bungee cord strapped to her ankles. This show is single-handedly keeping the bungee industry in New Zealand alive. Sort of like The Bachelor franchise and helicopters. Oh phew, no more bungee: "riverboard" down some rapid river. The winner gets an adventure to Milford Sound via helicopter!! Oh and immunity, but BFD when a helicopter ride is at stake. Alison does in fact bungee with the most beautiful swan dive down. Apparently a riverboard is a kick board, like what you give a 5 year old at the Y. The river is a total bitch, sending them left and right and through rapids. No one cracks a skull. 11,000ft Olivia wins the challenge and takes her sister Hannah onto the helicopter (!!) to that stupid world wonder. More helicopter, please!! They see glaciers, waterfalls, mountains- it's beautiful. I'd go there for sure. I am also pretty sure they stop and chat at the river where Gollum catches fish for Frodo and Sam. Jealz!

After eating some Subway, because they traveled to the other side of the world for $5 footlongs, Brett takes Jay and Austin rock climbing on a mountain with some sweet goats. They get to the top and high five, bro style. Bob, Rulon, and Irene meet at the bridge Alison bungee jumped off of and they too will bungee there. Cha-ching, says the New Zealand bungee industry. Sorry Hannah and Ken, no stunts for you. Probably because Ken is boring and I forgot he was still on this show.

The weigh-in happens outside under the bright sunshine, a change of pace from the dark gloomy night votes. Everyone hopes to stay safe this week especially because makeovers have got to be soon and if they're not, my mom is going to be really annoyed. Ken and Hannah fall below the yellow line when Kaylee shocks the world by losing 5lbs. Ken is eliminated from the game because even if a tie was forced, he'd still go home for lowest weight loss.

Survivor: Redemption Island - The Zapatera three know they're screwed and while annoyed by Phil, there's slight admiration that such a nut is lasting in the game. Heaven's Gate, I mean Ometepe, turning on that nut is Zapatera's only hope of 3 more days. Phillip the nut? Rocking his headdress, meditating on a cliff in the ocean, making Buddist noises that sound like a great impression of a didgeridoo. Phillip has also became the Rice Nazi after noticing Julie overindulging in their food. He starts hoarding and hiding rice from Zapatera.

Matt and Mike are surprised when Dave arrives at Redemption Island because this duel became a threesome, which I am calling a truel (but I guess they thought of that too- damn, I thought I invented it). The are brought to the arena for their challenge: stacking a deck of "cards" into a tower (they're clearly wood blocks). The first two to reach 8ft stay alive in the game, the loser becomes the first jury member. Mike is the first to the top, but has trouble with his little itty last piece; he succeeds and wins. Matt is the next to complete the challenge, meaning David is the first member of this season's jury.

The rice war continues at camp, as Ometepe decides to eat as much rice as they can so Zapatera can't have any. The rice is full of maggots, so they clean the maggots out and still eat it- logically. Gross. There's accusations of rice sabotage, not sharing, and tribal rivalry. Sleep and food deprived people argue about the stupidest shit. Lisa from Top Chef might not be the biggest sore loser in a rice argument anymore. At some point, Phillip turns it into a race issue after Steve calls Phillip crazy- I'm so confused. Someone give him an eagle weather to chill out. Phillip brings out the n-word and I mean, it's chaos. Steve lets it be known Zapatera's votes will definitely be for Phillip come tomorrow. Did I forget to mention Phillip has tucked his buff into the front of his tightie reddies to make a cod piece?

The immunity challenge this week is, of course, a puzzle in the form of two rounds puzzle wheels. ENOUGH DAMN PUZZLES. Rob finishes the puzzle seconds before Steve, so Rob gets immunity and Ometepe reigns the dominant force. Steve knows their only shot is to convince 2 Ometepes to turn on crazy Phillip.

Murlonio returns to camp to hate-eat their rice. Julie then wins most-awesomesomest-woman ever by hiding Phillip's swim trunks in the dirt; tightie reddies forever! Phillip threatens Zapatera to get his trunks back or he'll go off, and by off I mean, rock his Survivor buff codpiece and feather headdress.

Tribal Council includes more Phillip tantrums. Jeff asks questions sort of like when Howard Stern talks to one of the Wack Pack morons, baiting Phillip into the crazy answers. It's wonderful. Phillip thinks when Steve calls him "crazy" he instead means the n-word. Toooootally logical... Phillip then asks if Jeff knows what it's like to be a woman, to be black, and tells an anecdote. Dear god, make it stop. It's just so uncomfortable to watch. Get out the parchment, let's see Ralph's terrible spelling, and vote someone out. Jeff steps in to really mediate and explain that there was an argument, both are telling the truth, and maybe it's being misconstrued. Oh and Julie admits she stole and hid the swim trunks. Therapy is over, just fucking vote. Julie is voted off, meaning Phillip will be hunting for those things harder than a hidden immunity idol.

Photo Credits: CBS.com, NBC.com

April 19, 2011

Charity of the Month for April 2011: ShelterBox

4/19/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served
The day I posted my Charity of the Month for March 2011, a devastating earthquake hit Japan, affecting millions. It was so awful and tragic, and our help was needed. I checked out CNN which had a list of charities to donate to and got to donating. Because I'm an animal lover, I gave to the American Humane Society. But I also saw a charity I hadn't hear of and found to be a great organization when horrible things happen.

ShelterBox provides emergency shelter and lifesaving supplies for families around the world who are affected by disasters when they truly need it. The big green shelter boxes are tailored to the disaster, but contains things like tents, blankets, water storage and purification equipment, cooking utensils, and more. What I love to is that ShelterBox sends you a tracking number so you can see which ShelterBox your donation has gone to. ShelterBox's goal is to help 500,000 people this year and are somewhere in the 100,000 range now. So do just a little bit of help with a small donation to help some family have some shelter when they can't control the disasters of our world.

April 18, 2011

Serving of the Week

4/18/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments

Name: Brian Frons, President of ABC Daytime Television
SERVED: This week marked the end of an era, as it was announced All My Children and One Life to Live would air their final episodes in September and January, after 40+ years on air. We can thank the murder of a genre on the president at the helm, Brian Frons, who has spent years trying to eliminate the soaps. Instead of daytime dramas, we'll be forced to endure two more View clones focusing on food and health/wellness. I'm here to SERVE Brian Frons for ruining a legacy. I'm a business person, so I understand money and profits, but cancelling two soaps in one day (one of which that operates under budget, is cold-blooded). Was there ever even a consideration to do 4 episodes a week to cut costs, or how about 30 minutes instead of an hour? That's right- you didn't want to try. I'd like to know what "younger viewers" are going to tune into talk shows about food or wellness; I'd guess no. Brian Frons, you are the murderer of a legacy passed down over generations and I hope your talk shows fail and you end up unemployed. SERVED.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: IMDB

April 15, 2011

Reality Rundown: Put On Your Feather Headdress- It's Double Tribal Council Time!

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption Island

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - The teams fly to Varanasi, India where everyone gets on a 10:45AM arrival flight, except the Cowboys who end up on an 11:45AM arrival because they just take what travel agents say at face value because travel agents never lie. Smaaaart! So as they wait at the airport, the other teams get into cabs in seriously the longest cab montage ever. The next clue is at long last found and it's a Roadblock to "find the meaning of life" and find six holy men to get clues, put those paper word clues together, and get their next clue. Apparently the meaning of life is "Once you're over the hill pick up speed." Kent promises Gary to stick with him til the end but ditches him. People never learn about karma in this race, especially in the land OF karma. Ron gets so lost, I mean he's nowhere near the crowded market for the task, that the Cowboys catch up and pass them.

The next clue sends them to sort sort of wrestling place to find the "strong man." The clue is a detour to either to make fuel patties out of buffalo manure and then set it on fire (Billy Madison style) or cross the Ganges, get a bale of hay, then drop it off at a milk farm. Finding out "fuel" was buffalo shit was priceless, making Jen and Kisha gag. Mallory is even wearing the same outfit as the last race when she was in a pile of crap. Stronger teams opt for the hay cause who honestly wants to make cow patties? No one really.

Ramnagar Fort is the next pit stop and the race is on between Zev/Justin and Flight Time/Big Easy for first place. Flight Time and Big Easy are team #1, after being last in the previous leg, and win a trip to Hawaii. Kent and Vyxsin get a shitty water taxi, so shitty that Vyxsin jumps into the Ganges to get out of the boat. They ditch the water taxi for a regular old land taxi, kicking some poor blurred face local out of the cab. Kent and Vyxsin check in as team #6, with Ron and Christina checking in last. They're eliminated from the race but if there's a buffet in sequester I'm sure Ron will be OK.

The Biggest Loser - Bob, Jillian and Cara are the only trainers left since Brett has no team. And the unemployment rate goes back up to 9%, am I right? But the sadness is short lived because these motherfuckers be going to Mordor!!! Ok, New Zealand AKA home of Lord of the Rings. The show spares no expense by making everyone take the flight in economy (coach), but the person who answers a trivia question gets to sit in "premium economy" which is a nice-ass seat, bigger TV, and whatever you want to eat. After some extremely unrealistic guesses of how high the Sky Tower is (11,000ft, Olivia? TWO MILES IN THE SKY?), Austin wins his nice premium seat when he guesses around 1,000ft. In case you were wondering, this was all just airline product placement and we know this show reigns supreme in product placement land.

The losers meet Alison at a scenic view in Auckland, New Zealand for some chit chat before sending them to the not 11,000ft Sky Tower. Cara awkwardly introduces them to the tower and suddenly has this accent to tell them to take the 1,027 steps up to the top with a "GET TA STEPPIN." At the top of the steps and the observatory at the top, Bob is waiting for them to inform them there's two ways to get back down: take the stairs again or some bungee drop thing, which Jillian demonstrates while whooshing past them to her unlikely death. Ok, she lives, but that'd be a better story for why she left the show. Moses and Rulon can't take the fun way down because they're still too fat, and Jay can't since he has a heart condition. Enjoy the stairs, gents. Ken is afraid of heights and doesn't want to do it. Bob, also afraid of heights, agrees to do it if Ken does; he accepts, much to Bob's chagrin who was hoping for an elevator down (No stairs? Et tu, Bob?) Face your fears and go for it. Bob does it, awkwardly moaning the whole way down, with Ken following with no moaning but an awkward "yeah, baby" in a soft voice. But his fear was faced so it's a big step for him.

After a boat ride/quasi-workout, the losers head to some open green for time with their trainers. As the other teams get into the groove, Cara feels like something is up. Ken has a problem: he wants more guidance on what he should be doing, especially since he has injuries. Cara's offended since she's been working with him since day one and last week he lost the most on his team. Ken feels like Bob and Jillian have more expertise than Cara since they've been doing the game forever. Cara, tearing up, tells him to jump ship, offended that she's put all this effort into his weight-loss and he doesn't seem to appreciate or acknowledge it. Kaylee and Austin work with Bob and Jillian, while Cara focuses on Ken by making him do a lot more and trying to yell more.

Decked out in a fedora and golf shirt on a cliff, Alison lets the losers know they're competing in a 5k with a twist: it's New Zealand style. They have to run down the beach, through creeks, up a sand dune- sounds... horrible! The catch is that they have to run this race as a team and stick together. The winning team gets a helicopter ride (!!!) to Waikiki Island (not in Hawaii) for a scenic lunch. The blue team (Moses, Olivia, Irene) come in first place and Moses thinks of his dad, whose family sent him to New Zealand from Tonga to get an education. This is tonight's sob story which is referenced at least 3 times. But Irene and Olivia give up their reward so Kaylee can go along with her dad and have the day together in a location so important to their family.

Night falls and the losers meet along the waterfront and glimmering Auckland skyline for their weigh-in. Now that the show is comparing before and now shots, the weight-loss is astonishing. The ladies are lookin' smokin' and the guys are all thin and still old and probably won't get uber hot. No eye candy for the ladies :( Travel is always a bitch of a week, definitely showing when top loser Moses doesn't lose any weight. Jay gains 2lbs, so he won't make excuses but Jillian isn't pleased since he's been floundering since getting a second chance at the game. Because Rulon forgot to put nachos into his carry-on, he loses 7lbs. The ladies rock is on-the-road, losing more weight than they expected in such a male-dominated game, oh except Kaylee who gains 4lbs. Must've gotten helicopter bloat. Lucky for her, Ken and Austin drop big numbers to save her ass, making Cara feel happy.

The blue team loses the weigh-in, with Irene immune from the voting since she was the biggest loser on the team. It's between Olivia and Moses and considering they've spent the whole episode hyping Moses family history and sad story, I knew from the first voiceover he'd be out. Olivia and Moses give speeches to the losers and Moses admits his time is up, especially knowing Olivia has goals of starting a family. The losers respect his wishes and vote Moses off the game, leaving his daughter Haylee to fend for herself but knows she can do it solo. Post-cast-off, Moses returns to New Zealand with his dad, visits the school his dad went to, and more importantly, bungee jumps off the Auckland bridge.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Matt heads back to his second home at Redemption Island, full of shame and SERVING. But him and his main man G-O-D converse and Matt believes what's meant to be will be or something like that. Meanwhile, Murlonio is stunned at Rob's play, comparing it to a mob movie hit. Mike even tells Rob to his face it was a brilliant move. It's painfully obvious Ometepe's bond isn't breaking, but a few people make some efforts. Rob encourages a buddy system to make sure Zapatera doesn't break them down. Natalie lets Rob know immediately that Ralph approached Ashley to promise a vote to her in the end, so Rob decides she's on his shit list to.

Phillip shows up at the immunity challenge rocking a headdress made of a single feather which fell from the sky. The man is pure gold. The challenge is sort of a tiered elimination with tile breaking, submerging heads into water and spitting, and of course a puzzle because every challenge has to have a goddamn puzzles. Balls last week, swallow and spit this week? These challenge makers are pervs. Grant, Mike, David are the final 3 to take on the puzzle, a mini pyramid, and it's Grant and those dreadlocks that gets the immunity necklace. The immunity idol is still not as sassy as Phillip's headdress.

Back at camp, Zapatera's heads are down because their 5 will be broken up unless a Hail Mary happens, which means searching like crazy for a hidden immunity idol. Ometepe sees them digging by the flag, so they race back only to have Zapatera claim they were digging for rocks. Phillip calls them "all you can eat rocks" which is yet another gem for a crazy. Rob's paranoia sets in that maybe there is another idol out there. Ometepe has to make a gambling vote, factoring in potential immunity idols, who can beat Matt at Redemption Island, and overall gameplay.

Tribal Council contains more Phillip gold (his Cherokee Indian uncle anecdote) and Zapatera implicates Phillip at being low man on the totem pole. Phillip doesn't care- he likes being on the bottom. God this is a sexy Survivor season. Ralph mentions maybe tomorrow he'll get a feather, angering Phillip who will not share feather headdress glory. Phillip (PHILITE, if you're Ralph) receives 5 votes, but it's not enough for the power voting of Ometepe's 6 and they eliminate Mike AKA my pick to win. Nooooo! But wait, this is the shortest episode ever- Tribal Council at the 28 minute mark? Oh we're not over friends, someone else is getting eliminated tonight.

After Tribal Council, Rob sees Phillip's undying loyalty to him and plans to reward that loyalty. Afterall, who would vote for such a crazy dude in the finale? No one. Rob wants to take Natalie and Phillip to final 2. Ralph is ready to make moves and approach Ometepe, but David encourages him to only approach one member rather than the entire tribe. They choose to approach Phillip and Andrea, who aren't interested and instead feel intruded upon.

The immunity challenge also offers the chance for a cheeseburger feast (even though I see no cheese on them): compete or eat. Hang on some monkey bars over the infamous Fabio pee pool for a long time. Obviously, Zapatera is going to play because if not, they're definitely out of the game. So Phillip and Steve decide to eat. Seriously Steve? GTFO you idiot. Once they have to hang upside on the bars, the blood starts flowing to the brain and folks start dropping. David lasts the longest for Zapatera, but falls so it's between the Omepete ladies (Natalie, Andrea, Ashley). They agree to give Ashley and her jelly legs immunity. The twist is that the next person voted off will face off against Matt and Mike at Redemption Island. Threesome!

Another kick in the balls for Zapatera, but at least Ralph found tons of fish in their net. Dead fish. Zapatera will still eat it, but Ometepe will not indulge per Rob's instructions/dictatorship/cult-leadership. Grant doesn't take orders from Rob and has some fish. Rob is wavering between voting off strategic David or dying dinosaur Steve.

Yet another Tribal Council of Phillip's insanity, explaining his Stealth 'R Us alliance, where he is the specialist, Rob the mentalist, Grant the assassin (the destroyer of aspirations), and the ladies are the 3 degrees. As my roommate so astutely pointed out, it sounds like a Wu Tang song. Julie points out how Rob makes every decision for them- it's more like a cult than an alliance. During voting, David writes Rob's name down 4 times on his parchment, hoping it could save them- pretty funny. Zapatera votes for Rob to leave the game, but obviously it's Ometepe's votes that matter: they send David to Redemption Island for a threesome with Matt and Mike to stay in the game.

Photo Credits: CBS.com, NBC.com

April 11, 2011

Serving of the Week

4/11/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served 1 comment

Name: Jill Zarin
SERVED: I don't watch The Real Housewives of New York, but my Twitter timeline tells me she's a real asshole. I'm SERVING her because I saw the tail-end of Andy Cohen's crunkfest/chat show Watch What Happens Live and I couldn't believe the outfit on her. WTF what this bish wearin?? Jill Zarin looks about one water bottle away from Madonna in 1994. A harsh black and white corset? Creepy long ponytail. Bitch, you are 47 years old. Dress like it. SERVED for a nasty-ass fashion violation.

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: Bravo

April 8, 2011

Reality Rundown: Don't Stop Redeemin'

The Biggest LoserSurvivor: Redemption Island

The Biggest Loser - Brett's sole mission this week is to keep Courtney on the ranch because if she gets eliminated, he's unemployed. The other losers also want her still here to better herself and keep losing weight. They have a pow wow together to address why Courtney's weight isn't dropping as much anymore and reassessing her training.

The losers get up bright and early and head to a windy valley for their next challenge: estimate how far a mile is with their team flag marker. The winning team gets a night of luxury "Hollywood style," which I think might be Red Bull Vodkas, a speedball, and a Pink's hot dog. The losers get to clean the entire campus, including the scummy gym. Everyone walks and counts to the number they've estimated to be their one-mile walking amount and I really wish there was someone who didn't care and would just yell random numbers. The black team wins the night out in Hollywood, so someone better hide Rulon from the nacho carts. Blue lost by a mere 4ft and gets to get scrubbin' with the red and green team.

Bob's blue team work out with the black team, sans Rulon. Sans Rulon because Jillian confronts him at the dorms for his hidden binge eating. He hides food in his room like Claudia Kishi. Jillian wants to know if he needs help and Rulon thinks he should be able to have a treat after a hard workout. I like treats too, but even I know you can't house a bag of Tostitos. Jillian wants him to find other coping mechanisms besides junk food and wants to not shame him. Boo, that's boring TV! Jillian is really screwed once she finds out her team's reward, which she sees as a detriment at this point.

The loser losers start cleaning, and there are giant bugs around a filthy kitchen. You're not going to put the banana peels in the trash? Fat slobs. The black team, meanwhile, gets to put on some new duds for their slimmer figures, a definite self esteem booster. Dressed to the nines, they hop in a limo with some Pink bumpin', and then just walk around in slo-mo. And yes, they do put their hands down at Grauman's Chinese Theater. They end up at Geisha House (sadly, no Mike Boogie cameo) for dinner but there's a cloud over their head that they still have to eat healthy. Sauce on side! Some random guy comes up a toasts them for being on the show, clearly as a ploy to hit on Hannah who is lookin' hot. She's initially hesitant, but she chats with him, or moreso gets interrogated. Seriously, was he a plant? Hannah is just happy she's changing and making a future for herself.

After the last chance work-out and a guacamole product placement, disguised as Bob showing how unhealthy their old favorite meals were, it's time for the weigh-in. Much to our chagrin and delight at another Jillian flip-out, Rulon loses 7lbs - leading to 2.20% loss for the black team. The blue team has a great week, thanks to Irene losing 6lbs, for a total of 2.35% (safe). Kaylee continues to be a weight-loss clunker, but she is under 170 now which is really impressive, but it's Austin's 2lb loss that puts the green team on the losing team radar (1.01%).

Courtney loses only 1lb, sending the entire room into rage and tears. Since she's the only one on her team, she is eliminated. Boo! The only contestant I was routing for is gone! And poor Brett is unemployed. The room is pissed and doesn't want to go, with Olivia going so far as to wanting to trade places with her. Aw. But she's lost 204lbs in her weight-loss journey and has many more go. I hope she wins the at-home prize. But OMG OMG OMG, on Twitter I said "BOOOOOOOOOOO this was the only contestant I was routing for #BL11" and ALISON SWEENEY TWEETED ME. I DIE.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Sarita greets Matt at Redemption Island, and he's relieved to see her since she's kind of weak but also because she gives him lots of pointers (align with Mike). Both tribes will attend the duel because the merge is a-comin'. Matt's nervous about the duel now because he cut his food pretty gnarly and wouldn't you know, it's an endurance challenge involving feet. Hold the weight on your arms while your feet are on little bitty foot poles. The time easily passes by as Phillip tells stories of samurai history; a brilliant piece of editing. Sarita drops first and Matt wins the duel and re-enters the game. Now the question is, whose side will he take?

The newly merged tribe throws of their new black buffs and heads to a whole new beach. The big twist is that starting next at the next Tribal Council Redemption Island starts again- twiiiiist! Matt might be able to keep that hut warm again. The new beach has a feast, of course, and 40s! The tribe names it's stuff Murlonio, because Rob claims it means something about the sea but it's really a joke between him and his Survivor winner wife. A bunch of fucking dopes.

Matt chats with Grant, but also takes Sarita's advice and has some alone time with Mike. Mike proposes aligning with Matt and Andrea, whittling down his old tribe in the process. Matt informs Andrea what he wants to do: get rid of Steve, then Phillip, then blindside Rob. Andrea gasps: it's a great idea, but she's worried about trying to swap sides. Because 5th place is always a great position to be in. Matt is morally conflicted cause he said God wants him to play Survivor loyal and not with moves that win the game. Matt and Mike bond over the bible, setting off a red flag with Rob: pairs have gotta go and Matt should know that far too well.

The first individual immunity challenge: balance on a log, while balancing balls on a tray. It's like an Olive Garden waiter challenge. Besides the obvious ball jokes, it's a snooze to watch. It come down to Ometepe's Natalie and Zapatera's Mike ("it's like his balls are glued to his disc"- you slay me, Probst). Mike steps down and Natalie, whose name I hardly even remember, wins immunity.

The strategy is on: Mike suggests they aim for Rob's right hand man, Grant, and sway Matt to their side. Matt, meanwhile, tells Rob everything that went down with Mike, particularly the info that Mike has access with an idol, but plans to remain Ometepe loyal. Rob thinks this is dumb and wants to send Matt back to his home at Redemption Island. Seriously Matt, dumbest move ever. Mike, still trying to get the numbers, writes Matt a note telling him to vote off Grant and he'll take him to the final 3.

Tribal Council is jam-packed now that everybody is there. There's merged tribe division since Ometepe slept under a tarp while Zapatera got soaked under the palm fronds. Phillip has some crazy tirade about stenches, honestly I don't know but he's a dee-light. This is going to be an exciting vote, and not just because we're all eagerly anticipating how awful Ralph will spell Grant's name. When Jeff asks about the immunity idol, Ralph hobbles up and says he wants to give his idol for any votes cast against Mike. The votes come flooding in for Grant, then one for Steve, and suddenly the rest come pouring in for Matt. Yes, Ometepe sends Matt back to Redemption Island and it. is. awesome. Zapatera's mind is blown, acknowledging that the move was genius.

Photo Credits: NBC.com, Survivor.com

April 4, 2011

Serving of the Week

4/04/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served 2 comments

Name: Mother Nature
SERVED: I woke up at 6am on April 1, put on my coat and Uggs, put the leash on my dog and walked outside only to come out to an inch of snow. SERVED! Worst April Fool's Day prank ever, Mother Nature. It's April and that damn groundhog claimed spring would come early. Why must you torture us? We want sun! Nice days! Flowers! No more snow! Stop SERVING us!

Think someone should get SERVED? Leave your ideas in the comments section, email me, or hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo Credit: CBS Boston

April 1, 2011

Reality Rundown: I Want The Crispy

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption IslandFinale! Top Chef All-Stars

The Amazing Race - The teams make their way to a tea shop for a tea tasting (papaya mango tea, to be specific), which will prove to be significant later in the leg. My first reaction is: "yum, tea!" and "another leg in China- really??" The racers have the same sentiments but are happy to see their post-tea clue to get on a flight to Kolkata, India. The India airport is crowded upon arrival and everyone rushes to get cabs, but the Town Hall isn't open until 10AM. Outdoor slumber party! It's just like when you wait outside of a newly opening Chick-Fil-A and the first 50 people get a year's worth of chicken sandwiches. Except this a race for a million dollars, which I guess trumps chicken sandwiches. Or does it?

At 10AM the gates open, so the racers push through it like a mob of course. The clue is a Roadblock to taste tea and then find papaya mango tea on a table with hundreds of tea cups. That has gotta be so cold, nasty, stale tea. Ron finishes so quickly I didn't even realize the task had started. The next clue is on the lid of an iced tea bottle sending them to the Tiwari Tea Stall. Based on it's design and obvious Snapple Fact top; Jen and Kisha misinterpret this to mean go to the Snapple factory, which is all sorts of hilarious. What I don't get is if Snapple is a sponsor of the episode, why would they rip the label off all the bottles? Most teams decide to not taste the tea and instead grab random cups or, if you're the Cowboys, shove your nose in every cup. Mallory is gagging, Luke is crying and stressed, and Zev breaks cups. It's amusing, until Luke turns into a complete mess when he can't complete the task- it takes ages and a breakdown for him to move on.

Kent and Vyxsin arrive at the tea stall first to start their Detour: paint, dress and adorn a statue of Ganesha or deliver stacks of children's books via a school bus rickshaw to a school. Kent and Vyxsin, who were on my shitlist for a terrible leg last week, win my affections again with the sheer glee they have as they decorate their statue. "Time to Accessorize!" Afterwards, the teams have to go to the Fountain of Joy, this leg's Pit Stop. Gary and Mallory, who delivered the books, complete the Detour first and head to the Pit Stop. They check in as team #1 and win a prize of tasting two new Snapple flavors. Um, thanks? They also win an Indian feast, a Bollywood feast, and a million rupees (which is like $20,000)- awesome prize. As Mallory tastes the tea it's the greatest face ever and by that I mean, maaaaybe this might not be the tastiest?

The other teams make their way to the Pit Stop, with the Cowboys, Ron/Christina and Zev/Justin checking in simultaneously. Kent and Vyxsin check in just as they are cracking open their product placement samples. The only teams remaining are the Globetrotters and Margie/Luke, both of which are painting the statue. The Globetrotters finish before them, but stop to hug Luke knowing what shit he went through with the tea- sweet guys. Margie and Luke are the last team to check in and are eliminated from the race, sending Luke into tears on the ground. He felt like he let his mom down again, but she's proud.

The Biggest Loser - Kaylee apologizes for getting Justin sent home by trying to throw the weigh-in. Moses defends his daughter, explaining that she was over the bullshit of the game. So just quit then. Jeez.

The next morning Samantha Gene Brady is in the gym with a big ol' scale and regales them with their journey via video recap. Fast forward! Alison asks the losers to remember the 12th team, the teams that were close and didn't make it. Twist alert: a new pair is brought onto the ranch, a mother/son team. God forbid this show just use the losers normal and let it play out. This new team, rocking white shirts and pretty fat (which seems pretty unfair because they'll be able to drop huge numbers, while many losers are at their end goal), are Vance and Leann. But apparently they were told they had to work out at home to get onto the ranch and they have to beat Kaylee's weight-loss percentage to make it. Vance loses 30lbs, far away from the 95 he needs, so yup twist out the door, Vance doesn't get on the ranch. Leann has to drop more than 79lbs to stay and she loses 45. So while it's sad to see some people not get the chance at being on the show, part of me is relieved because enough teams already.

The white team are a blip in the radar, as it's time for a pop challenge: 2 members of each team will balance balls on a board and drop them into baskets. So thrilling! The interesting part is that the last place team will spend the week off campus, while the first place team will win a 1 minute advantage at this week's challenge. The green team wins the pop challenge and the red team loses. Courtney and Jen received $1,000 and a menu which lets them select what they'll have off campus. They choose to from things like gym membership, training, private chefs, food, etc. The girls decide to shop for their own groceries and cook, a gym membership, phone calls home, massages, and a night out at a restaurant. They have chosen to not see their trainer Brett this week, though it's Jen saying that they need to survive without a trainer at some point while Courtney actually wanted Brett's help. Brett comes to see the girls in their room and gets the news that they'd rather get strangers hands on them and eat at TGIFriday's or whatever instead of him. Brett thinks it's a bad decision, probably humiliated. At least their home-away-from-ranch is a sweet ass house. As Courtney and Jen get pampered in their new home and stay on their weight plan (no thank you, free bread!), Rulon does a handstand. Hey, I can't do it and I took 2 years of gymnastics so good for him.

Courtney and Jen return for the challenge which is an obnoxious product placement for the movie Hop. It's a massive easter egg hunt all over a hillside and they must collect their team-colored eggs- all 600 of them (400 for red since there's only 2 people). And the prize is soooo awesome: the winning team gets to attend the world premiere. But don't cry everyone else: as long as you complete the challenge, you get to see a sneak preview and then fake tell us how much you love it! Doesn't that sound awesome?! Ok, it is when James Marsden is there to greet them- swooooooooon! The green team wins again, but Olivia finds the golden egg and "wins" the only vote this week.

Weigh-in. The blue teams loses 14lbs, thanks to Moses' 7lbs; as long as they don't lose the weigh in, Olivia will cast the only vote this week. The green team beats blue with 18lbs. The black team weighs in, and the pressure is on since Olivia would never vote for her sister Hannah. Jay loses 6lbs and Rulon loses just 5lbs. But it seems Jillian has some knowledge that might provide insight: hidden cameras caught him eating a bag of chips late at night (where did the chips come from?). Playing the game, since she knew she'd be safe, Hannah loses no weight this week. Olivia will have the only vote now unless red loses the weigh-in. Since there's only 2 players, one would be safe, the other would go home- no voting necessary. Courtney, who regrets letting Jen talk her out of a trainer this week, loses only 2lbs. Jen loses no weight, making red the losing team, and automatically eliminating Jen for having the lowest weight loss of the week. I hope that was the best massage she's ever had.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Zapatera has the 6 they wanted, but the tribe is a little shaken by Dave's actions. Dave has no regrets voting for Sarita and accepts that this could seal his fate, but he doesn't care.

Remember when Matt and Krista bonded at Redemption Island about their faith? Well Stephanie won't stop talking about all the food she's going to eat, which I have to admit, sounds delicious. Phillip and Rob attend the duel for Ometepe, mainly because Rob knows Phillip needs a chaperone and a shirt; Ralph and Dave attend from Zapatera. This week's duel is memory. It's just like my vintage Sweet Valley High boardgame but instead of prom items and spring break trip supplies, it's skulls and stuff. And yes, please be jealous that I own a vintage SVH boardgame. Matt takes an early lead as Stephanie begins to catch up. It's just so exciting to watch- you know, people flipping tiles over to make matches. Matt yet again wins the duel- 5 ALIVE! CINQ ALIVE! Stephanie cries a little, but then tells Ralph that he has to take out Sarita if he wants to stay around and that Rob should watch out as he's Zapatera's merge target. Phillip comes Matt to a samurai warrior, which is tame considering what he usually rambles, but Rob isn't amused and knows that he's a target in Phillip's mind now.

Phillip doesn't want to tell the tribe what happened at Redemption Island, so Rob decides to use this as ammunition to throw Phillip under the bus. Rob airs it all immediately and informs his tribe that next loss, they send Phillip to Redemption Island. Phillip gets pissed because the girls won't let him have any of the crispy rice, which they are saving for Rob. "It's Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob!" Phillip is such a Jan Brady. At least we finally know who burned Lisa's rice all those years ago on Top Chef: Boston Rob. He loves crispy rice. Phillip says he's sick of being the red headed child and they are the ones who put him on the outskirts.

Ralph and Dave decide to not tell Zapatera that Stephanie pointed Sarita out as a target, though Ralph does tell them he sees Dave as a floater who would flip. Zapatera is over Dave's 'tude, so he's their target.

The immunity challenge is an obstacle course to collect balls and sink them into a basket. Besides immunity, the winning tribe will leave via helicopter (!!!) and get tons of goodies, like cookie and booze. The obstacle course is pure muddy chaos and we get to hear Probst say "Rob still struggling with those balls!" so I get a good laugh there. So many ball puns I can't keep up. Thanks to Grant's hot bod and basketball skillz, Ometepe wins immunity and reward. The helicopter lands at the challenge site to take Ometepe on the most amazing date of all time. Sorry, wrong show. They land on an active volcano (wait, so this is a Bachelor date?), shout Ometepe into the big crater, and dive into their picnic basket. Rob is on hidden immunity clue lookout, which he finds in a jar of those yummy spiral cookies. He then throws the clue into the volcano. AWESOME.

Zapatera gets back to camp and Sarita starts gaming. While Dave is on the social outs, she also knows she's the weakest link physically and Dave rocked at the challenge. The guys finally notice Sarita is weak as hell as that it might be time to boot her, despite her loyalty. At Tribal Council, Jef of course brings up the tribe losing since throwing a challenge to vote off his man crush Russell. It's Sarita vs. David, and obviously minds are made up from before so the tribal Q&A is useless to recap. Finally the tribe makes a wise decision and votes off Sarita, though I still don't know if Ralph voted for "SIRITA" or "DAVIE." This will go down as the all-time greatest mystery of Survivor.

Finale! Top Chef All-Stars - So it's kinda fan-favorite Richard vs. no one ever's favorite Mike Isabella in the finale. Wow, this is going to be an hour I can't wait to watch. Womp womp. Team Carla forever! This finale is the biggest asshole egofest ever.

They meet Tom and Padma for their final challenge: create the restaurant of your dreams. They have to create a 4 course tasting menu to show that they deserve to win Top Chef All-Stars. They get a staff made up of the rejected cheftestants and I truly hope everyone there wants to ruin any of Mike Isabella's chances. The cheftestants have to make an amuse bouche for the a-holes to taste and judge them by. The catch is it's a BLIND taste test, so they won't know who made the dish; they'll get chefs based on taste. Please tell me Jamie made scallop soup. Richard's tasting ends up selecting Spike(who had jet skiing reservations that now have to be cancelled), Angelo, and Antonia (who might still be dejected). Mike selects the dishes of Tiffani, Jamie, and Carla, who he calls his angels (or as I recall, he called all the women weak chefs in prior weeks). Everyone else gets to go jet ski and enjoy crunkfest in the Bahamas.

Richard's restaurant is called Tongue & Cheek. Richard starts by serving an oyster. The first course is raw hamachi with crispy sweet bread (isn't that stomach?). Second course is pork belly, black cod and bone marrow, because dogs are eating it? I hear bone marrow is allegedly good, but I decline anything my dog gnaws on. Third course is a braised beef short rib, which is executed well but not considered too creative. Richard's dessert is swapped from Cap'n Crunch ice cream to fois gras ice cream served with corn bread, which sounds crappy and pretentious- like Richard's faux hawk. Padma and a bunch of foodies whose names I can't spell dine their first and enjoy their meal, but also found some flaws, especially with that dumb ice cream. Richard's well aware of this, especially since Spike snoops around the dining room to hear what diners are saying. The second judges enjoy Richard's meal as well and he's able to fix his shitty pretentious ice cream.

Mike Isabella's restaurant is Restaurant IZ. What a name? Cause his nickname is Izzy, I guess. The first course is a spiced beet salad with a chocolate vinaigrette. Second course is a steamed halibut with kumquat marmalade and the fish is cooked perfectly. Third course is braised pork shoulder with pepperoni sauce. His final dish, dessert, is a rosemary caramel custard. The first set of judges (Tom, Gale, Curtis Stone, Art Smith) love their meal. The second set of judges (Padma et al) enjoy the finesse of the food.

One last judges' table. Mike felt his fish dish was his best, and even though it was steamed, it was perfect. The pepperoni sauce was risky, but paid off big time. Though the custard was cooked too high, too fast. Richard is praised for extraordinary flavor course after course, but also clean. Padma thought the black cod was flawless, though Tom said the beef dish was safe. Both Richard and Mike ramble about why they deserve to win, none of which is interesting, though Richard calls it the biggest professional moment of his career and gets verklempt. While waiting on deliberations, the two finalists banter about who will win and then their families come out to greet them. Richard wins first 2 courses, Mike wins second 2 courses- so who wins?

Richard and Mike return to the judges' table, surrounded by their families and cheftestant peers for the verdict. One of these former losers will now be able to call themselves a Top Chef. Richard is named Top Chef and if you hear that sound, it's everyone in America breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Photo Credits: BravoTV.com, CBS.com, NBC.com, and a HUGE shout to Heck Yeah Survivor for the GIF which definitely tops my screenshot