April 8, 2011

Reality Rundown: Don't Stop Redeemin'

The Biggest LoserSurvivor: Redemption Island

The Biggest Loser - Brett's sole mission this week is to keep Courtney on the ranch because if she gets eliminated, he's unemployed. The other losers also want her still here to better herself and keep losing weight. They have a pow wow together to address why Courtney's weight isn't dropping as much anymore and reassessing her training.

The losers get up bright and early and head to a windy valley for their next challenge: estimate how far a mile is with their team flag marker. The winning team gets a night of luxury "Hollywood style," which I think might be Red Bull Vodkas, a speedball, and a Pink's hot dog. The losers get to clean the entire campus, including the scummy gym. Everyone walks and counts to the number they've estimated to be their one-mile walking amount and I really wish there was someone who didn't care and would just yell random numbers. The black team wins the night out in Hollywood, so someone better hide Rulon from the nacho carts. Blue lost by a mere 4ft and gets to get scrubbin' with the red and green team.

Bob's blue team work out with the black team, sans Rulon. Sans Rulon because Jillian confronts him at the dorms for his hidden binge eating. He hides food in his room like Claudia Kishi. Jillian wants to know if he needs help and Rulon thinks he should be able to have a treat after a hard workout. I like treats too, but even I know you can't house a bag of Tostitos. Jillian wants him to find other coping mechanisms besides junk food and wants to not shame him. Boo, that's boring TV! Jillian is really screwed once she finds out her team's reward, which she sees as a detriment at this point.

The loser losers start cleaning, and there are giant bugs around a filthy kitchen. You're not going to put the banana peels in the trash? Fat slobs. The black team, meanwhile, gets to put on some new duds for their slimmer figures, a definite self esteem booster. Dressed to the nines, they hop in a limo with some Pink bumpin', and then just walk around in slo-mo. And yes, they do put their hands down at Grauman's Chinese Theater. They end up at Geisha House (sadly, no Mike Boogie cameo) for dinner but there's a cloud over their head that they still have to eat healthy. Sauce on side! Some random guy comes up a toasts them for being on the show, clearly as a ploy to hit on Hannah who is lookin' hot. She's initially hesitant, but she chats with him, or moreso gets interrogated. Seriously, was he a plant? Hannah is just happy she's changing and making a future for herself.

After the last chance work-out and a guacamole product placement, disguised as Bob showing how unhealthy their old favorite meals were, it's time for the weigh-in. Much to our chagrin and delight at another Jillian flip-out, Rulon loses 7lbs - leading to 2.20% loss for the black team. The blue team has a great week, thanks to Irene losing 6lbs, for a total of 2.35% (safe). Kaylee continues to be a weight-loss clunker, but she is under 170 now which is really impressive, but it's Austin's 2lb loss that puts the green team on the losing team radar (1.01%).

Courtney loses only 1lb, sending the entire room into rage and tears. Since she's the only one on her team, she is eliminated. Boo! The only contestant I was routing for is gone! And poor Brett is unemployed. The room is pissed and doesn't want to go, with Olivia going so far as to wanting to trade places with her. Aw. But she's lost 204lbs in her weight-loss journey and has many more go. I hope she wins the at-home prize. But OMG OMG OMG, on Twitter I said "BOOOOOOOOOOO this was the only contestant I was routing for #BL11" and ALISON SWEENEY TWEETED ME. I DIE.




Survivor: Redemption Island - Sarita greets Matt at Redemption Island, and he's relieved to see her since she's kind of weak but also because she gives him lots of pointers (align with Mike). Both tribes will attend the duel because the merge is a-comin'. Matt's nervous about the duel now because he cut his food pretty gnarly and wouldn't you know, it's an endurance challenge involving feet. Hold the weight on your arms while your feet are on little bitty foot poles. The time easily passes by as Phillip tells stories of samurai history; a brilliant piece of editing. Sarita drops first and Matt wins the duel and re-enters the game. Now the question is, whose side will he take?

The newly merged tribe throws of their new black buffs and heads to a whole new beach. The big twist is that starting next at the next Tribal Council Redemption Island starts again- twiiiiist! Matt might be able to keep that hut warm again. The new beach has a feast, of course, and 40s! The tribe names it's stuff Murlonio, because Rob claims it means something about the sea but it's really a joke between him and his Survivor winner wife. A bunch of fucking dopes.

Matt chats with Grant, but also takes Sarita's advice and has some alone time with Mike. Mike proposes aligning with Matt and Andrea, whittling down his old tribe in the process. Matt informs Andrea what he wants to do: get rid of Steve, then Phillip, then blindside Rob. Andrea gasps: it's a great idea, but she's worried about trying to swap sides. Because 5th place is always a great position to be in. Matt is morally conflicted cause he said God wants him to play Survivor loyal and not with moves that win the game. Matt and Mike bond over the bible, setting off a red flag with Rob: pairs have gotta go and Matt should know that far too well.

The first individual immunity challenge: balance on a log, while balancing balls on a tray. It's like an Olive Garden waiter challenge. Besides the obvious ball jokes, it's a snooze to watch. It come down to Ometepe's Natalie and Zapatera's Mike ("it's like his balls are glued to his disc"- you slay me, Probst). Mike steps down and Natalie, whose name I hardly even remember, wins immunity.

The strategy is on: Mike suggests they aim for Rob's right hand man, Grant, and sway Matt to their side. Matt, meanwhile, tells Rob everything that went down with Mike, particularly the info that Mike has access with an idol, but plans to remain Ometepe loyal. Rob thinks this is dumb and wants to send Matt back to his home at Redemption Island. Seriously Matt, dumbest move ever. Mike, still trying to get the numbers, writes Matt a note telling him to vote off Grant and he'll take him to the final 3.

Tribal Council is jam-packed now that everybody is there. There's merged tribe division since Ometepe slept under a tarp while Zapatera got soaked under the palm fronds. Phillip has some crazy tirade about stenches, honestly I don't know but he's a dee-light. This is going to be an exciting vote, and not just because we're all eagerly anticipating how awful Ralph will spell Grant's name. When Jeff asks about the immunity idol, Ralph hobbles up and says he wants to give his idol for any votes cast against Mike. The votes come flooding in for Grant, then one for Steve, and suddenly the rest come pouring in for Matt. Yes, Ometepe sends Matt back to Redemption Island and it. is. awesome. Zapatera's mind is blown, acknowledging that the move was genius.


Photo Credits: NBC.com, Survivor.com

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