April 29, 2011

Reality Rundown: The Night the Spelling Errors Died

The Amazing Race: Unfinished BusinessThe Biggest Loser
Survivor: Redemption Island

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business - After a Ford Focus product placement reminder, we find out the teams are heading to Liechtenstein via train (and yes I had to pause to get that transcribed). There's also a Double U-Turn ahead which should be interesting since the number of teams is considerably lower. The trains stop in Austria, requiring a chaotic cab drive to the border which normally would be like BFD, but since that double U-Turn is ahead every is paranoid. Especially Gary and Mallory whose cabbie is using a GPS and they have a speed bump to complete for being last in the previous leg.

First clue is a Roadblock for one person to measure the entire length of Liechtenstein (22 kilometers) via little moped things. If the racer doesn't get the distance correct, they have to return to the beginning and measure again. They get to rock sweet helmets and goggles; they look like that Mouse on a Motorcycle book (Ralph!). Before Gary and Mallory can hop on their Solex (moped-thing), they have to gas theirs as a speed bump. Every racer has a map to follow, which leads to some wrong turns and turnarounds, Jen drops hers, and Vixen just can't understand it. Jet the Cowboy gets lost and ends up with a wrong count, getting sent back to the beginning and allowing Gary a shot to erase the speed bump delay. Zev/Justin, Jen/Kisha finish first and give Flight Time the distance, who also shares it with Gary. It's basically operation ditch the Cowboys.

The next clue sends racers back on the train to cross the Alps to Switzerland. Oh I hope there's a chocolate eating challenge! Close: the detour is to eat a big-ass pot of cheese fondue or deliver 20 pieces of luggage from the train station. Um, cheese please x1,000. It takes Jen/Kisha about 5 bites before switching; Zev encourages Justin to suck up the cheese and finish. Zev houses that cheese like nobody's biz, while Justin "pulls the trigger" to get the cheese out; it takes them about 53 minutes to eat it and lots of amazing faces (see: left). All the other teams opt for the luggage which has the pro of getting to wear delightful bellhop uniforms. It's like working for the Tower of Terror! Everyone seems to be OK until the Globetrotters are supposed to be done and apparently lost 2 of their luggage tickets. Ffffff.

The Double U-Turn is ahead at their next clue. Zev/Justin arrive first at the fountain clue and don't U-Turn anyone- boo! They instead board an electric taxi to the pit stop, check is as team #1, and win a trip to Curacao. Wait, Curacao is a place and not just an electric blue liquor?? Kisha/Jen decline to U-Turn as well and I wonder if these teams are so serious about getting rid of the Cowboys, why won't anyone step up and U-Turn them? Kent/Vyxsin already used the U-Turn, Gary/Mallory pass it up. It's a Globetrotter/Cowboy footrace to avoid the U-Turn and get to the pit stop. The Globetrotters arrive and decide they need to U-Turn the Cowboys to assure their safety, despite liking them as a team. Jet and Cord enjoy dining on their cheese and are eliminated at the pit stop.

The Biggest Loser - One hour episode, yay! Gone are the days of bungee jumping off of 11,000ft buildings in New Zealand, returning is the sweaty ranch and team-colored bedrooms. This week is being dubbed "favorites week" where they are bringing back favorite contestants- fingers crossed for crazy eyes Vicky! First introduction of favorites is Sam and Ali, season 5 and first female winner of the show. Sam is that hot piece Tongan, now a trainer at the Biggest Loser Fitness Lodge, who got engaged to a fellow contestant from his season, so sadly he's off the market. Sam's trivia bit is that when he left the show, he was already to his goal-weight on the ranch. Rulon mentions he's just 15lbs away from his goal weight. Hmmm foreshadowing. Ali and Sam train the losers and I think the show should look no further than ex-contestants becoming future trainers on this show. It makes sense because they truly understand the experience from both angles. Think about it.

After a meal tip of swapping mayonnaise from hummus (I'll stick with mustard), the losers head to a racecar track for their challenge. Some NASCAR dude named Clint who drives the Wheaties car uses racing metaphors to discuss perseverance and to watch the losers pull cars. Yes, it's that awesome challenge where they have to use their body to pull cars and they will face off the champion of that challenge (and many challenges), Tara. The prize is to be Clint's guest at some race (zzz) and get their face on a collector's box of Wheaties (awesome!), along with $5,000. Rulon wants to win so bad, but man Tara is a beast and totally keeping up with the Olympic jock, then switching up to a run. In a photo finish between Tara and Rulon (Austin pretty close but it's not him), but tis the grand champion Tara who wins again. Bitch always be winning prizes.

During the last chance workout, Rulon expresses to Cara that he'd kinda like to leave and finish his weight-loss without the competition aspect. At the weigh-in, Ali gives Rulon a chance to make his speech, which he announces is his last time on the scale. He wants to leave for personal reasons (insert a disgusted Jillian Michaels face). It definitely is a Biggest Loser first. The losers breathe a sigh of relief because they figure they're good to go, but nope, there's still a yellow line and someone is still getting voted off. One hour episode and 2 people eliminated? Wahoo!

In milestones, Irene makes it to the 100lb loss mark (101 to be exact). Kaylee continues to stun the world by gaining 2lbs and to that I say: peace out, go home. Olivia has a great week with 6lbs lost, making her total 99lbs now. Irene falls below the yellow line with Kaylee. Irene is a threat so they could eliminate her since Kaylee is a total flop. Luckily, the losers make a correct decision and finally vote Kaylee out, or like even if there's a tie she'd go home or something. Whatever, Kaylee's out but dating Vance, the kid who tried to get on the show week 13 with his mom but failed. And she wants to be an MMA fighter- awesome.

Survivor: Redemption Island - Back at camp, Steve and Phillip make shake it off; Phillip doesn't buy it. Steve just wants to move past it and hopefully avoid the false accusations of being a racist. Rob still hopes the antics continue because that will guarantee Phillip a spot in the finals with him, and clearly a win.

Not a win: Phillip walking around camp with no shorts. Luckily a vision of his Cherokee Indian great great grandfather's vision came to him and said, "Your underpants are here Phillip" (or really, look near the drinking water). Sure enough, Phillip finds the shorts hidden under a rock. Phillip says it's "frutile" to hide it from him because being a secret agent helped him find hidden swimtrunks. He can't wait to show off his shizz to Julie, now joining Matt and Mike at Redemption Island.

Speaking of Redemption Island, Matt is pretty downtrodden and seems a bit checked out of the game. Matt doesn't know why god still wants him still there and has "literally been carrying him the last 4 days." Someone break out your "Footsteps" poem because apparently there is only one set of footprints in the sand since Matt is piggy-backing on god. Well, let's see god's lifting in acting: truel time! The game is shuffleboard; first two to get all of their pucks in the end zone stay in the game. Everybody knows god LOVES shuffleboard so it makes total sense that Matt wins again. Also staying in the game: Mike. This means Julie is gone. Call it swimtrunk karma.

Post-truel, Andrea is starting to feel the guilt for being a shitty friend to Matt. Grant and Rob take a private walk and decide that when the time comes Andrea should definitely get the ax first since she's not dumb like the other two girls and don't like that she sympathizes with Matt.

The immunity challenge is right away and returns to the Fabio pee pool yet again. It's a head-to-head log roll balance competition. There is also a reward of a chocolate cake and milk. Holy shit, I'd be trying so hard right now. After a few rounds, the final match-up is between Grant and Ralph. Grant wins immunity and chocolate cake while Ralph leaves with a wet sweater, I mean chest. Grant gets to share his cake with two people, so he selects Rob (his BFF) and Andrea (to make her feel like she's tight with them, but she's not). Before the two minute cake binge, Probst tosses a wrapped mystery box to bring along unopened to Tribal. It's actually Probst's secret diary of Russell love.

Murlonio speculates what could be in that mystery clue, though Steve and Ralph sort of stay on the sidelines. Steve is pretty ready to go, but Ralph is a competitor, so Rob informs his tribemates to vote off Ralph. If a second person has to get voted out, it's Andrea. Steve approaches Natalie and Ashley to try to vote off Rob, but they're so cultish that they brush it off and immediately tell Rob. Now Rob is threatened so Steve goes back on his radar and Andrea drops down.

At Tribal Council, Zapatera believes Ralph will get eliminated for being a stronger competitor, but Ometepe doesn't necessarily believe Steve is a quitter. Andrea also feels Ometepe is a strong 6. Steve urges the others to remember that Rob will cut anyone's throat to get to the end, ala Lex in the original All Star season to save Amber. The Ometepe 6 have only hydrated themselves with Boston Rob Kool Aid and vote off Ralph. But alas, it's twist time! They are competing in the next immunity challenge right now, then voting someone out right away.

The immunity challenge is a repeat the symbol pattern thingy. Rob ends up winning immunity, of course, giving Jeff the chance to swoon, "Nice job, Mariano." In the least shocking, most boring vote ever, Steve is eliminated, keeping it to the Ometepe 6. At least the game will get interesting when everyone starts backstabbing and hopefully something interesting happens on Redemption Island.

Photo Credits: Best Week Ever, CBS.com, Survivor.com