June 14, 2011

The Bachelorette: Bentley Is Gone So Shut the Phuket Up

The Bachelorette - Week 4

Chris Harrison has no date cards on-hand because those date cards have been postmarked for Phuket, Thailand! F-you skeezy house- we're taking this voyage of love around the world. Poor Bentley quit before a free trip to Thailand.

In Thailand, Ashley walks down the beach pondering a life post-Bentley and she wishes he was here. Oh if only she knew he despised her. Ashley then visits a "navigator" aka concierge to allegedly plan her own dates with 12 guys. If any viewers think she plans these elaborate dates, they are dumb.

Constantine is the first 1-on-1 date; he has gross greasy-looking hair. Their date is a boat ride to a private beach, but a local Taiwanese man informs them they can't go out due to bad weather. A rain never hurts a Bachelorette's day (actually, it's Sullivan's day and that's my dad's catchphrase so you can't have it), and Ashley and Constantine head to the local markets to shop. They converse with some local old man about love via translator and he says love is not winning. It's like he knows this is a gameshow! They pound some beers and talk and joke, and Ashley hopes she can start to give her heart away after falling in love with Bentley after like 7 hours. At dinner under a beach cabana, Ashley even feels like maybe she should tell Constantine about how much she liked Bentley. Cause she is dumb. Constantine lets her know he's enjoyed their date, feels a connection, and doesn't want her to be insecure. Constantine makes Ashley happy again and she gives him a rose. They then frolick in the water with their clothes on.

The group date is to "make the world a better place" but I am assuming getting this show cancelled is not this date's intent. The date is actually wonderful: helping to paint and decorate an orphanage for kids of the tsunami. Aww, I love it. Everybody just focuses on helping out and not shoving themselves in Ashley's face. Ryan becomes the irritating bossypants of the group. The guys aren't on Team Ryan this week. Ben F (the winery guy, not the flash mobber) even paints an elephant mural on the wall, which is cute even if his art skills are mediocre. The kids come dashing out and are so grateful, though they may be high on the fresh paint fumes.

But orphanages aren't sexy, so everyone cleans up for a nighttime date at some glowing bar. Ashley was impressed by Ben F and his mural today, chit chat, and kissing time. His says "rut roh" at some point which would get an immediate NEXT! from me. The guys are all hatin' on Ryan, mainly because they think he's a shoo-in for final 4. Ryan, meanwhile, has his alone time with Ashley and they continue to hit it off. JP is still so smitten with Ashley and he calls their pajama house date "the perfect date." That's because you haven't been on a helicopter ride!! They make out under his umbrella, ditch the umbrella, and he carries her back in the rain. Cue jealous guys. Just as Ashley is about to give out her group date rose, Ryan pulls her aside. The guys think this is a douche move, so they chant "Goober!" as he walks away. There was no reason to pull her aside and it did nothing. Ashley gives the group date rose to Ben F. With the tension gone, everyone strips down for a pool party- yaaaay!

The other 1-on-1 date is with fisheye Ames, where they take a boat out for a romantic day. Ames runs down the dock to meet her and did he forget to wear shoes? What a shocker, this yuppie has been to Thailand multiple times before, but alone and now he can be with a pretty girl. Yes, he traveled to Thailand to climb a mountain and then attend a cooking school he found on the interwebs. They hop onto an inflatable kayak that's about 5 more puffs of air away from being one of those spring break banana boats that gets dragged behind a jet ski. They paddle through some gorgeous caves, though Ames uses caves as a metaphor for relationships and ruins it. They paddle to a beach, share some snacks, share some stories. Same ol' shit as any date. Honestly, where are the helicopters?? They spend the night in a romantic little dinner under a hut or something, where Ashley reminds us for the 90th time that she had blinders on to all these awesome guys because of Beeeentley. They have some good, deep convos and Ashley gives him a rose. They don't kiss though but Bentley doesn't care cause they talked sooo good.

Ashley kicks off the cocktail party with an inadvertent Bentley statement and it's like, bitch SHUT UP. Seriously. Ashley worries the guy with the dead wife not be ready yet. Then she asks Lucas about his ex or something, I didn't pay attention cause he's clearly a goner. One dude decides to tell Ryan that the other guys get annoyed by his constant optimism and always being "on" for Ashley. Ashley even asks if he's always so positive and he says he is with that huge grin; Ashley likes his constant state of cheer. In his Chris Harrison therapy, Ashley of course babbles on about Bentley and she feels there wasn't real closure and she'll know what could've been. Oh you are in for a rude awakening watching this show.

Ashley wants to break the rules tonight and only cut 1 guy instead of 2, so Chris Harrison scrambles to find a PA to cut another rose. Now that Ashley has her head out of Bentley's ass, mostly, she is able to see that light and that people she would've cut (like Ames) are actually not that bad. Ashley eliminates West the dead wife guy, but he's had little screentime so it's no surprise.

Next week: no seriously, where are the GD helicopters???

Photo Credit: ABC.com


MK said...

I love how you legit found the most unflattering picture of Ashley in the one with JP. Amazing.