June 28, 2011

The Bachelorette: Hong Kong Phoney

The Bachelorette - Week 6

Ashley, her men, and her hang-up on the departed Bentley head to Hong Kong. The guys are all happy and stoked, meanwhile Ashley is moping around the Hong Kong streets whining about Bentley. Honestly Ashley, shut the fahk up. Whatever guy you are engaged to must feel like shit right now.

Chris Harrison comes to Ashley's suite to let her know that to help get closure they've flown Bentley to Hong Kong to talk to Ashley. She starts getting teary, hopefully it's because she known she's sold her soul to the TV devil. Chris ominously leaves a hotel notepad with the room number and Ashley can go bore us more when she pleases. Ashley is excited to see him and maybe, just maybe, he'll want to be in a relationship (insert us laughing at Ashley for being so dumb). She knocks on the door, kisses him- god, pathetic, but that's just because we know he sucks. Ashley spills her guts about her being hurt he left, that it's been hard for her to date, and he blabs more about that "oh if it doesn't work out here then come to Salt Lake City." She doesn't want the "dot dot dot" and I don't want to hear that phrase ever again. Bentley basically says move on and do what this show is supposed to. Ashley really needs to closure since she's been holding onto the "dot dot dot" hope, so he finally calls it a period and ends it. Thank you. Ashley wants to know why he couldn't do a phone call (free vacation!) and would've preferred that rather than the face-to-face humiliation I suppose. Now Ashley sees through him and his bullshittery. Oh man, watching the show must be a delight for her!

With the Bentley drama done, Ashley has a new joie de vivre and actually is making an effort to date here. Ashley and Lucas have a 1-on-1 date with Lucas walking to Kowloon to check out the bright lights and local traditions (dragons!). Lucas also notices Ashley's new glow which is because she actually gives a shit and is trying now. To get a better/more romantic date, they hop aboard a bot to sail, eat dinner, sip champagne, and take in the skyscrapers. Lucas opens up about his ex-wife and this candid discussion helps Ashley learn more about him. She gives him a rose and they kiss (and it's not even a good one). He requests a better one and indeed it is, so then they kiss a lot more.

The group date is for Ryan, Mickey, Constantine, Ames, Ben, and Blake and they'll get their "hearts racing." Ashley splits the men into 3 teams of 2 and they race in dragon boats with some random strangers they recruit. Awk-ward! Surprise: strangers don't want to get into boats with some weird white dudes with a camera crew. Eventually they're able to recruit people to get on their boats but I'm guessing the crew threw some Hong Kong dollars their way to help. Ben and Constantine do some chant which ends up meaning "idiot" and I applaud the person who gave them the wrong word to chant. Mickey, Ames, and their team win, though their glory is short-lived when some other people on the beach propose right by them.

They later head to a hotel bar, sans roof pool (seriously, what is wrong with this season?), for drinks and talking. Bentley drags Ashley into an elevator to take her to a new level which is to hit the 48th floor button and yank her in for a sloppy kiss. Turns out, they are not alone in this world and it stops cause some other people push the button- ha! She gets a Ben kiss later and he feels on the path to love, despite being "the biggest skeptic of them all" (PROVE IT). Ryan's enthusiasm is a topic of discussion again and everyone wants him out; he's OK in teeny tiny doses, but mostly annoying and they hope Ashley sees the real him. The real him must be somewhat appealing to her because Ashley dashes into the other room with the guys, snags the rose, and gives Ryan the rose.

JP's date card tells him "to take a peak at our future." They have a romantic dinner in the Chinese Zodiac Park wear Ashley wears another flowy white shirt. I think Ashley's Kindle is full of Babysitter Club books and she keeps dreaming of being Stacy McGill, sans diabetes. JP really does feel strongly for Ashley and thinks this is meant to be. Ashley is falling for him and feels she needs to be open and honest and spill about all the Bentley shit. Ashley really knows how to make a guy feel special by explaining that she is having feelings for JP but couldn't really focus on him because she still had Bentley "what if" feelings. JP reacts surprisingly well and is glad she got closure and always wants honesty. They escape dinner and board some train/trolley thing and make out there. They arrive at some rooftop where there's coincidentally some dude playing music below for them to snuggle and suck face to. He obviously gets a rose.

Ashley is like sooo excited for the cocktail party and wants to tell everyone about Bentley now. Smaaaaart. Ashley tells the guys how devastated she was when Bentley left, that she totally fell for him, and how he wanted to leave it open ended but she needed closure to fufill her contractual obligation for the show. She says it's over and she now knows the guys she has there are the best picks for her. Her news isn't met with cheers and smiles and slow claps, but instead a bunch of insulted guys who feel like she could give a shit about them. The guys drag her over the coals a little, which is awesome to see her multi-week whininess come back to haunt her. As we all know, Ashley doesn't have the thickest skin and heads off to cry in a corner. JP defends her, but the other guys are ticked, except Ryan who uses this as a way to worm in some alone time. Ashley suddenly realizes she was a shithead to these guys and feels remorse. Blake makes her feel like garbage for not being good to the guys. Mickey is the winner of the night because he says she wasn't honest and questions why he's even here since he doesn't have as strong of a connection as other guys. He doesn't see the Bentley hoopla and if that's her type he'd rather get sent home. He asks to be sent home, which is awesome, but she'd prefer he take the initiative to leave... and he does.

Ashley starts sobbing about how she was guilty about her feelings and was so excited to tell them about her ready for a fresh start and realizes she worded it in the most shitty way. The guys are still bitter, then more bitter when they find out JP knew in advance. Ashley has her tete-a-tete with Chris Harrison and cries more, which I fear will smear her repulsively orange spray tan. WTF did they do to her? She's not a 5 year old in a pageant getting ready for WOW wear. At the rose ceremony, Lucas, Ryan and JP have roses so 4 remain and one will go home (would've been 2 but Mickey was awesome). Ashley eliminates Blake, who gave her a [well-deserved] ration of shit earlier. He's better off.

Next week: Ashley cries in another country.

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