June 21, 2011

The Bachelorette: Please Excuse Me I Don't Mean to Be Rude But Tonight I'm Mind Kissing You

The Bachelorette - Week 5

Ashley and her men move along the Thailand love trail to Chiang Mai. There's tons of monks and temples which spells sexy, for sure. Chris Harrison greets the guys at their hotel to yet again explain how dates happen. Really? They still have to be reminded. The only news that counts this week is that there is a dreaded 2-on-1 Thunderdome date, my favorite.

Ashley's solo date of the week is with Ben F, the mop-topped winery owner that's pretty fug. Really, besides JP, they all are. What an ugly bunch. They hop in a tuk tuk to a local marketplace to shop. Another shopping date? They even paint huge as versions of drink umbrellas (ok, they are probably paper parasols but that's less fun). Ashley and Ben fight the urge to make out in front of the temple so as not to be offensive Americans with little respect for culture. They save the mackin' for their nighttime dinner in this ornate flower pattern thing. They eat, talk about Ben's winery, and discuss his dad dead. Lots of bonding time, so Ashley gives Ben a rose and in comes entertainment with a live band and some Thai dancers with candles. Aaand they finally kiss.

Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan, JP, and Mickey are the group date dudes (I originally typed "duds" which is true as well). The date is what any group of guys courting a woman would do: Muay Thai Boxing. But Ashley has pink boxing gloves on, guys!! It's cute!! There are several guys that it would be really entertaining to see knocked out or at least get clocked in the face. It's like the Top Gun volleyball scene in the gym: sweaty dudes exercising and laughing a lot. Ashley isn't the only one with a fun outfit: all the guys get bright colored outfits too. Ames is too timid to jump in and grab the color he wants so ends up with pink. Twinsies with Ashley! After watching two Thai guys beat the shit out of each other (and take an elbow to the face), the guys take the ring to battle each other. BTW, Ashley is sooo turned on by this, well except Ames getting humiliated by Ryan in the ring. Ames is woozy from getting the crap kicked out of him and everyone is staring at him gawking from the abuse. The medics take Ames aside and drive him to the hospital to get checked out. Did the show really think you could have a Muay Thai boxing match and not send someone to the hospital?

At their nighttime date, Ashley can't get her mind off Ames getting his ass kicked. He in fact survives and shows up in his Dockers and a blazer. Can't keep a prep down. Ames said the doctor blamed it on love- har har! Nope, it was a concussion. The rest is same old Bachelorette shit, different foreign location. Lucas teaches Ashley to golf then brings up the Bentley bomb. She ends up giving Blake the rose for I don't remember why cause I was tweeting. Maybe their passion for dentistry?

Ben C the flashdancer and William the roastmaster are the victims of the Thunderdome date (William even calls it that- it's not just me!!). The guys paddle Ashley on a raft down the river to I guess earn their keep. William says game on and tells Ashley Ben can't wait to go home and clean up on the dating sites. Without even giving Ben C alone time, Ashley says she wants to end the date and kicks Ben C off right away. Ben C tries to defend himself and explain it was a joke, but Ashley don't curr and is happy with her choice. When Ben C's luggage is retrieved, the guys are shocked he is the one gone. Worst part: he missed out on elephant rides! Booo! Later, William and Ashley have dinner where he has to admit that he was a dick and surprised he's still around. Ashley doesn't like the 30 year old boy anymore (she's lost that lovin' feeling!), and does not give him a rose. Double dump! Ashley escorts William out and then drops the rose in the fire. Dun-dun-dunnnn!

Ashley, in a black minidress, has a cocktail party with her remaining guys and urges them to "be true to yourself." Ashley wants honesty and understands maybe not everyone is going to fall in love with her. Dayum, she is insecure. I personally love the extremely loud bird or creature that is disrupting all deep conversations being had. Constantine admits right now him and Ashley are mostly just friends and he does have a stronger bond with the guys than her. Constantine even tells the guys he's not sure if he could make that decision right now, especially the idea of bringing her home to his parents. Dayum, again! Ashley wants love to be a two-way street: enter dreamy and charming JP who actually digs her. Ashley is just sooo hung up on needing Bentley closure that she can't completely move on. GAG.

In her Chris Harrison therapy, Ashley brings up Bentley again and wants to close that chapter. Chris is giving her looks like "gurl, you don't know half the shit he said about you" but also points out that she's kind of being unfair to the guys there fighting for her. Ashley feels like she's a guilty cheater; oh this storyline is so contrived. Chris vows to make something happen for her regarding this [scripted] matter. Ashley stares at her picture frames of dudes and then heads out to hand out roses. She eliminates some dude Nick whose had some screentime but not enough for anyone to care.

Next week: Hong Kong and more fucking Bentley.

Photo Credits: ABC.com