August 28, 2011

Reality Rundown: Double Eviction Delight

8/28/2011 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Big Brother 13 - Week 7

The sudsy HOH competition begins week 7, with the houseguests carrying liquid soap back across a slippery platform to deliver it to a big ol' orb. Everyone wants to win this HOH, or so they tell us. I guarantee Adam could give a shit about really winning. There's some good falls (Porsche, Adam) and maybe a drowning (Jordan in the foam in that humilitard). Jeff is the steady leader with Porsche and Rachel trailing. It is like this for an incredibly long, boring time with extremely rehearsed sounding diary rooms ("Isn't there a pause button? How do I stop the Jeff machine?") Jeff becomes the first guy all season to win HOH and this now becomes the most obvious nomination week ever. Dani gives Jeff a victory high five inside and despite that final 3-ish discussion last week, Jeff still might get Daniele out of the house this week. Dani really hopes they'll keep up that deal (the won't).

Rachel ass-kisses in case Jeff/Jordan are still annoyed with her. While maybe JeJo are OK with her, the others aren't- especially Shelly? The hate feelings are reciprocated as Rachel is over Shelly. When Jeff gets his HOH room, Rachel lurks around after and everyone knows it's her same old move of buttering up the HOH. Shelly heads back upstairs to confront Rachel and tells Rachel to stop giving her dirty looks and rolling her eyes. Shelly wants to get it all out in the open because she's tired of hearing about what Rachel's said about her from other people, especially since they're all in an alliance together. Big Jeff instructs everyone to bite their tongues and move forward.

There's a lot of food topics tonight. Jordan ravages Jeff's box of Lucky Charms. Shelly eats like an eight year old and has never heard of hummus, avocado, "guac-a-mole," or coconut water. The Have Nots get to chase their slop with jalapenos and hard boiled eggs (mmm hard boiled eggs!) Big Jeff gets the power to select the three Have Nots and makes the most obvious choices again: Porsche and Daniele (who haven't been Have Nots) and Kalia. Gee, the three not in your alliance- shocking, Jeff! Some birthday gift, huh Dani?!

Kalia is well-aware that she'll be on the block this week so tries to make a move to help her odds. Kalia thinks Jeff should nominate Rachel because she was quick to throw him and Jordan under the bus the past 3 weeks. Jeff's not surprised and almost annoyed by this, but his nominating Kalia is sort of pay-back for the stupid move she made weeks ago. Later, Jeff tells Dani that she's good and brings up what happens if she wins the veto. Dani says she'll throw the veto because if not, she'd be expected to take Kalia or Porsche off the block, but is very aware Jeff may backdoor her. Porsche makes her mediocre plea to stick around which is to win one competition and she offers Jeff safety next week if exchange for hers. FYI, this is day 49 and she's never talked game to Jeff before. Desperation in the air!

Jeff and Jordan wonder if Dani would throw the veto (doubt it), but wonder if perhaps this could be the week to get rid of her. It would be a huge move in the game to take out the biggest gameplayer in the house. To keep Daniele at ease and to make her think different, Big Jeff nominates Kalia and Porsche for elimination. Jeff wants those to two to step up to the plate and if they do, well then the opportunity could arise to backdoor Dani.

With Kalia and Porsche on the block, one of them could be going home or Dani could get sent home in a via backdooring. Kalia makes a good point which is that if Dani wins the veto she'd be safe and could take Kalia off the block. Could be huge for their alliance. Adam is just surprised Jeff didn't nominate Dani, but Jeff makes some cryptic comments about having plans. Rachel, looking particularly hideous this week, starts badgering Daniele about turning 25. Rachel keeps pestering Dani, who keeps dodging her to avoid the annoyance. Don't worry, you won't have to be around Rachel much longer, Dani!

Dani has the veto ticket so she automatically gets to play veto along with 6 others (only person not playing: Rachel). BUT FIRST, Jordan strips out of her unitard all the way to see her... in a sports bra yoga top, and yoga pants. SCANDALOUS!!

BUT THEN, out from the Diary Room comes my favorite houseguest ever: ZINGBOT 3000. Adam wonders what dirt he has on him and I hope it's that Adam is a dull fucking houseguest. Highlights of my showmance the Zingbot:
  • "Hey Jeff, 1995 called- they want their soul patch back. Ziiiiiiing!"
  • "Porsche, shouldn't you be named after a car with a roomier trunk? Ziiiiiiing!" (haha fatass joke!)
  • "Rachel, everyone other word out of your mouth is the 'f' word- fiance, fiance. Z-z-z-z-Ziiiiiiing!"
  • "Daniele, do you own a car? Or do you still prefer to just ride your daddy's coattails? Ziiiiiiing! DOUBLE ZZZZZZING"
  • "Adam, good job shaving your beard. I don't think your girlfriend realized she was dating Uncle Fester. Ziiiiiiing!"
  • "Shelly, what do you call someone who likes to smoke, hunt, and a fish? A DUDE. Ziiiiiiing!"
  • "Kalia, you write a sex blog but you seem to be an expert on the thing done after sex- like sleeping. Ziiiiiiing!"
  • "Hey Jordan! The only reason Jeff hasn't proposed yet is because he knows you're terrible at answering questions. Ziiiiiiing!" (FYI, she doesn't understand)

The Zingbot related veto competition is to assemble a puzzle to create Zingbot a lady friend to verbally abuse. No surprise, Adam throws the competition. Jeff wants to win the veto so this week is completely in his hands. Then in the Diary Room all the houseguests make the worst attempts at Zingbot jokes ever (like Adam referring to Kalia's vibrator- ew). What a miserable group. Jeff is the first to construct Zingbot's bride and wins the veto. Jeff quotes Spiderman to explain the power he now holds this week. Oy.

Kalia is sure she's the target and worries Jeff's next move is to take Porsche off the block and nominate Daniele. Jeff's lips are sealed regarding his plans so no one can get into his head, spread it around, etc. Dani mopes over her slop that she didn't win the veto, might go home- waaaah. Porsche approaches Jeff to strike up some sort of deal, making it the second time she's ever talked game to Jeff. Kalia kisses more ass and does that same schpiel about during her HOH reign she knew Jeff would win veto- gahh. Kalia assures Jeff she will always keep her word to Jordan not to nominate her but doesn't want to go out of the game before people who have done nothing. Dani and Jeff talk and Dani thinks Jeff should get rid of Porsche and then Dani/Jeff/Jordan could make a final 3 deal and she tries to remind him she's kept her word to him twice previously and gives Jeff her word.

Big Jeff is going to make some "big moves" to "rock the house." Jeff chooses to use the power of veto to take Porsche off the block in a strategic move. Big Jeff's replacement nominee is Daniele, showing that Jeff is ready to take out a snake in the house. Happy Birthday Daniele!!

Double eviction night! BUT FIRST, we have to watch what transpired in the house since Daniele's nomination. Dani is going to campaign to stay and Big Jeff hopes none of his alliances flips on him. With Porsche a sure-fire vote to keep her, Dani works on the rest of the house. Dani makes a good point to Shelly which is that Jeff/Jordan/Rachel are pretty much a guaranteed final 3 together and makes a bold declaration to Shelly: she will never nominate her on her grandmother's life. Yowzer! Shelly loves Jeff/Jordan, but also wants to win the game. Shelly tries to sway Adam's vote to keep Daniele but he's not as receptive, since he's a veteran ass-kisser. Knowing that Adam is a lost cause, Shelly really gets desperate: she approaches Rachel. Shelly tells Rachel that Jeff threw the cornhole HOH, which led to Brendon's eviction. Rachel and Dani meet in the Have Not room and Rachel seems receptive to the idea of teaming with Dani and Porsche while still keeping Dani around as a target for Jeff. Holy moly, shit be goin' downnn in the Big Brother house.

Julie, back to her sleeveless self, and announces that not one but two people will join Brendon in the jury. She also told use beforehand that the reason Jeff is super pissed is because Shelly flipped sides. Dani's speech is a tirade that points out everyone is just sitting around this summer to give Jeff and Jordan paychecks which is kinda true. Unfortunately, all that lead up is for nothing: Rachel does not swap sides and Daniele is evicted in a 3-2 vote. Dani doesn't regret her dumb moves and said she came to play a game and the others didn't. Rachel gives Dani a scathing goodbye message video calling her a bitch and saying she's not half the player her dad was. ZIIIIIING.

The winner of the HOH competition has to immediately nominate two players for eviction. The competition is a before/after trivia competition. The new HOH is.... Kalia! Oh how the tides have turned! Kalia, Shelly, and Porsche quickly convene to make their decision of who to nominate. Since Kalia has spent all season babbling about how she'd never nominate Jordan, it's not surprising that her nominees for eviction are Jeff and Rachel. Porsche wins the veto competition which is to search through a ballpit for giant yellow clownshoes. Porsche leaves the nominations as-is so the night moves on. Shelly and Porsche vote to evict Jeff, Jordan and Adam vote to evict Rachel. Because there's a tie, HOH Kalia must make the big decision of who is eliminated. Kalia casts her vote and evicts Jeff. Holy shit- the game is on!